Blue Moon
Whenever I'm asked who my favorite directors are, Richard Linklater is never top of mind. However, if I look at all the movies he's made, there are SO MANY that I adore (Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, Bernie, School of Rock, Dazed and Confused, Everybody Wants Some!!!). He's the king of "hang-out movies" where people just hang out and shoot the shit. And his explorations of friendships and relationships are just delightful to watch. His movies always have a good heart.
Blue Moon is another winner from Linklater. Filmed like a stage play, it focuses on one night in the life of lyricist Lorenz Hart (Ethan Hawke). You've heard of Rodgers and Hammerstein? Well, it used to be Rodgers and Hart. And then Rodgers started working with Hammerstein, and Hart, well, died. If you've heard the songs "My Funny Valentine", "The Lady is a Tramp", and the titular "Blue Moon", then you are familiar with Hart's lyrics.
Blue Moon is set on March 31st, 1943--the opening night of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Oklahoma! Hart, resentful of being kicked to the curb (and least, that's how he sees it) by Richard Rodgers (Andrew Scott), slips out of the show and heads to a bar, Sardi's, where he is a regular. He proceeds to talk the ear off of the bartender, Eddie (Bobby Cannavale), the piano player, Morty (Jonah Lees), writer E.B. White (Patrick Kennedy), who just so happens to be drinking at Sardi's that night, and others. He is waiting for Elizabeth (Margaret Qualley) to show up--Elizabeth is a 20-year-old college girl and the daughter of a Broadway donor. Even though Hart is very much into men, he's also in love with Elizabeth. And it's a love he knows will always be unrequited.
Ethan Hawke is the master at keeping his characters right on the line between "charming" and "creepy". Hart is a sad, pathetic man with a severe drinking problem that will eventually lead to his death, but he's also funny, intelligent, and very talented. In the hands of a lesser actor, Hart would come off as incredibly annoying and desperate. Hawke reveals how all of Hart's irritating characteristics hide the deep loneliness of a queer romantic underneath. It's not so much that you come away from Blue Moon charmed by Hart, but rather with a sad smile and the thought, "there, but for the grace of God, go any of us". Anyone who has been addicted to, well, anything really, will empathize with the painful pull certain substances have on intelligent people with big feelings.
I think a lot of folks may find Blue Moon cringy and annoying, as it really is just Ethan Hawke spouting one-liners and talking a mile a minute to anyone with ears, but I found it captivating, hilarious, sad, and sweet.
Grade: A
***
28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
(spoiler warning...hard to review this movie without describing the plot)
Nia DaCosta's The Bone Temple is a hard film to pin down. It's the middle film in a trilogy that is also a sequel, which means that it has the burden of tying up loose strings from last year's 28 Years Later (which was excellent) and also setting the stage for the final film in the trilogy, which doesn't have a title or release date yet.
This means that The Bone Temple is a bit chaotic and directionless. It's still very entertaining and the funniest film in the "28 _ Later" series, but it didn't really move me the way 28 Days Later or 28 Years Later did (and the other film, 28 Weeks Later, is straight up garbage).
The film picks up where the last one left off: Spike (Alfie Williams) has a run in with a gang called "The Fingers", overseen by Jimmy Crystal (Jack O'Connell) who styles himself after Jimmy Savile. If you're not British, you might not even know who Savile is. He's basically a famous British guy who sexually abused like...hundreds of people. You don't need to know anything about Savile to understand the movie. But like Savile, Jimmy Crystal is a very terrifying and horrible person. He forces Spike to fight one member of the Fingers to the death and when Spike is successful, he gets to join the gang, where he's forced to wear a blonde wig and go by the name "Jimmy" (as all the Fingers do) and go around torturing and killing people. Yay?
Meanwhile, Dr. Ian Kelson (Ralph Fiennes) is still building his ossuary (the "Bone Temple" of the title) and also hanging out with Samson (Chi Lewis-Parry), the alpha male zombie from 28 Years Later that you may remember for having an enormous penis. Kelson uses a blowdart to shoot morphine-tipped darts into Samson to keep him docile, but then Samson becomes addicted to the morphine and just starts showing up to get blow-darted. Eventually, Kelson starts shooting up alongside Samson and the two just vibe and hang out.
Are you following? It's ok if you're not. The Bone Temple is really more of a vibes movie than anything else. Eventually, the Fingers meet Kelson, and assume that Kelson is Satan because his skin is stained red with iodine and he hangs out in a friggin' bone temple. Jimmy Crystal is invested in propping up this belief that Kelson is Satan in order to exert more control over his little cult, so he forces Kelson to play along with the charade. And boy, does Kelson lean into it. When Ralph Fiennes is wearing black eyeliner and rocking out to Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast" while a bunch of kids in blonde wigs watch him while under the influence of hallucinogens, you know you're watching one weird fuckin' movie.
And although the scene with Kelson pretending to be "Old Nick" himself rocks hard, The Bone Temple as a whole was just ok. I think DaCosta is a great director (she directed 2021's Candyman, which I really liked) and made a great film from a wildly chaotic and weird script, but overall I'm going to say that this one was just ok.
Grade: B
***
If I Had Legs I'd Kick You
Mary Bronstein's If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is one of the most unpleasant film-watching experiences I've had. I've watched a lot of nasty films, including movies that are often considered deeply disturbing (Gaspar Noe's Irreversible, Pasolini's Salo, or the 120 of Sodom; and Gregg Araki's Mysterious Skin among others)...but, damn. This one got me.
There's something about movies like If I Had Legs I'd Kick You that make me want to crawl out of my skin. The movie is about a woman, Linda (Rose Byrne), whose life is falling apart around her and no one is willing to help. Her husband is a cruise boat captain, so he's away for work (and an uncaring jerk to her on the phone). She is the sole caregiver for a child with a condition (likely AFRID) that requires constant tube-feeding, therapy, and care. She's a therapist whose own therapist (played brilliantly by Conan O'Brien) is a total asshole. And the cherry on top of the shit cake is that her ceiling caves in due to water damage, so she has to move with her daughter to a motel.
The film, which let me be clear is excellent, by the way, is shot almost entirely in claustrophobic close-ups. Rose Byrne delivers an Oscar-worthy performance as Linda, a woman stretched to her absolute limit and far, far beyond. I appreciated that Linda looks like shit. Byrne is, of course, a gorgeous woman. But we see a mess of dark under-eye circles, unwashed hair, and wrinkles from god knows how many years of stress.
Aren't you just SO ready to watch this movie?? I'm serious, it's a fucking nightmare. We never see a full shot of the daughter in the movie, but we hear her and the child actress who plays her (Delaney Quinn) deserves an award for "child you most want to strangle" because this kid is something else. Remember the kid in The Babadook? This kid is worse. I loved how If I Had Legs I'd Kick You isn't afraid to make a child with a very serious illness unlikeable.
If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is anxiety-inducing and incredibly dread-inducing. It's also really funny and the acting is top-notch. I appreciate it as a feminist work of art about how impossibly draining and identity-obliterating motherhood can be, especially for parents of sick children and ESPECIALLY for single parents with sick children. If you're someone who is upset at the idea that motherhood isn't all rainbows and unicorns all the time, you'll hate this movie. If you're someone who sympathizes with mothers (and parents) because you know, either from experience or from having empathy, it can be so hard, you'll probably still hate the movie but at least you'll appreciate it. It's definitely a film to appreciate rather than enjoy.
Grade: A-
***
Materialists
Directed by Celine Song, Materialists is a pretty movie with pretty actors and a clever script that left me feeling empty, hollow, and kind of mad. It cemented for me the sad fact that Dakota Johnson is just not a very good actor. This is a meaty role for her and while I don't think she's "bad" in it, she just comes off as flat, even when the role calls for emotion.
Johnson plays Lucy Mason, a matchmaker for rich people in New York City (at one point, Lucy reveals how much she makes: 80 grand...which is NOTHING in New York City. Especially since she has to wear nice clothes and maintain her appearance as part of her job. I couldn't believe it). Lucy believes that the dating market is indeed a market--everyone has a specific value based on money, looks, and education. If the math don't add up, you'll never make it as a couple. She previously dated John Pitts (Chris Evans), a broke caterer trying to make it as an actor, but she couldn't be with a poor man. She meets the very wealthy and very handsome Harry Castillo (Pedro Pascal) at the wedding of the woman she matched with Harry's brother. Harry is taken with Lucy and Lucy spends a significant chunk of the movie trying to convince Harry that "the math" between them will never work.
If you're asking yourself, "Why should I watch this movie about a shallow character who hates herself?", my answer is: beats me. Materialists is a fucking bummer. Materialists is a movie about how wealth makes you mentally ill. Whether it's owning the riches yourself, being in close proximity to rich people, or desiring riches, too much money fucks with your mind and steals your soul. It makes you start to see everything as a commodity: happiness, hobbies, and even people. Lucy Mason's job and proximity to wealth has tricked her into buying into the belief that people don't have innate worth because they're people. Their worth comes from money they were likely born into and looks they were also born into (and maintain with the help of said money they were born into).
During the many conversations Lucy has with her clients, things like sense of humor or similar interests never come up. It's always "I want a man who is over 6 feet tall and makes over 500k" and "I want a woman who is a size 2 and 20 year younger than me." Some people say that these are simply "harsh truths", but I see ugly-ass, broke-ass people in love all the time...and beautiful, rich people who seem so alone and unhappy. Is "sexual market value" a "harsh truth", or is it a story people tell themselves to feel a sense of control (or to have something to blame) when it comes to love?
I couldn't put my finger on whether or not Celine Song actually believes in this kind of thing or not. On the one hand, the ending of the movie suggests that "love, not money, wins" (Lucy ends up with John, an ending that feels phony and un-earned). But the conversations the characters have about "value" in relationships just feel too sincere to me to believe that the director rejects the concept of "sexual market value". And it's just so weird to me because her last movie, Past Lives, was such a beautiful and complex exploration of love. If I hadn't seen Past Lives, I don't think I would be as disappointed in Materialists. Hopefully Song's next film rings more true.
Grade: C+
***
The End of the Affair
Directed by Neil Jordan and based on the novel by Graham Greene, I was extremely into The End of the Affair as a young teenager. The film strikes the perfect balance of being deeply romantic and explicitly sexual, which was exactly to kind of media I sought out as a curious 14 year old. It taught me that the best kind of men are the ones who are passionate lovers who will chase you through the rain, yelling your name, and who also have the butt of a Greek sculpture (young Ralph Fiennes can get it).
I watched this movie a lot back in the early aughts and I loved the soundtrack, which I have on CD! But years went by and I didn't rewatch it for a long time. I saw that it was on the Criterion Channel and gave it a watch and was delighted to find that it really holds up. Even with maturity and certain level of jadedness, The End of the Affair still has the ability to produce butterflies and goosebumps, as well as tears. The story of Maurice Bendrix (Fiennes) and Sarah Miles (Julianne Moore) is a doomed one. After all, the title is "The End of the Affair", not "The Continuation of the Affair".
Sarah is married to colossal bore Henry (Stephen Rea, almost too good as the passionless husband) and begins an affair almost immediately with Maurice, a writer who moves down the street from Henry and Sarah in 1939. The film takes place in Britain during the Blitz, so Maurice and Sarah are literally fucking with bombs dropping around them. The war seems to turn the temperature up on their desire, as life and death situations often do, and the fact that Sarah's husband is a civil servant means that he's never home. After a bout of afternoon lovemaking, a bomb goes off that destroys part of Maurice's house and sends him crashing down some stairs. When he doesn't wake up, Sarah prays desperately to God and vows to stop seeing Maurice if God will let him live. She is astonished when he walks up the stairs not one minute later, perfectly fine except for a few cuts and bruises.
Faith and fate are a big part of this film. Although Sarah never believed in God, the moment she sees her lover miraculously rise from death, she "catches belief". She also knows that she'll be held to a promise she won't be able to keep. She says "you were alive, but that meant that I was now dead", which has a double meaning. Sarah can't bear to live without Maurice, and she also knows that she'll pay the price when she eventually breaks her promise...and she does.
The End of the Affair has this really classic feel. The story is simple and the emotions are huge. Julianne Moore and Ralph Fiennes have incredible chemistry, which keeps the movie from being overly cheesy or sentimental--you really believe in their love and you believe they would give up everything to be together. Young Jenny had great taste and I'm glad I got to experience this wonderful film through both the eyes of a girl and the eyes of a woman.
Grade: A
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