Sunday, April 9, 2017

In Space, No One Can Hear You DIE

Movies: Life, Pet

Here are two horror movies, one good, one kinda stupid, that both use claustrophobic situations and gruesome AF deaths to heighten tension. Also, animals die in both, so if you're not into that, don't watch.

Life

I went to see the film Life on a whim--seemed like a good popcorn flick about aliens fucking shit up and also my bae Jake Gyllenhaal is in it. While not exactly the most original movie, Life did not disappoint.

The film is about a crew of astronauts on the International Space Station who are responsible for some samples taken from Mars. They are specifically looking for evidence of life of Mars and they find it. A single-cell organism is discovered in one of the samples and is nursed by biologist Hugh (Ariyon Bakare) who develops a bit of a parental relationship with the seemingly harmless little bugger, named "Calvin" by a group of school kids on earth.

By feeding Calvin glucose, the little alien starts growing larger and larger. The turning point comes when Hugh tries to stimulate Calvin with a mild electric shock and the alien grabs onto Hugh's arm and refuses to let go. Yup. This alien isn't the cute little Martian everyone thought it was. Calvin is a killer.

Let me warn any sensitive viewers: Life is gruesome as hell. The way Calvin survives and grows is by feeding on other organisms and it ain't pretty. There is a lab rat in the space station and, oh god, when Calvin gets to it--I almost wanted to throw up.


Life is incredibly effective at tapping into a variety of natural, human fears. There's the claustrophobia angle--with the six astronauts being trapped with this monster in a space station where you can't see around corners or get away very quickly. It's similar to the spelunking horror movie The Descent in that way.

Also, Calvin himself (itself?) is a deeply, deeply unsettling creature. He basically looks like a space octopus, with tentacles that can crush bones and a body that can swim easily in zero gravity. The way the alien moves taps into an animal part of the brain that screams PREDATOR.

Additionally, the way the characters die in the movie--and they all get to die in super gross and terrifying and creative ways--will haunt you. Two deaths in particular let camera linger on the actors' faces in their final moments, making the film have an almost "snuff" feel to it. Lovely.

As I said, Life isn't super original. It borrows heavily from films like Alien (duh) and (likely, unintentionally) Titanic, when two crew members are plotting their final escape while shivering in the cold space station and saying things like "Tell me you trust me." "I trust you". I mean, they basically ripped off Jack and Rose's final scenes together.

Still, if it borrows, Life borrows from the best. And while it takes a while to get going, once Life's on a roll it is a gory, freaky roller coaster ride to the very end.

If you can stomach the violence and enjoy scary movies, I heartily recommend Life. Be warned: it is almost entirely guaranteed to give you nightmares.

Grade: A-

***

Pet

And now something from the "stream, but don't pay money to watch" pile, Pet. A psychological thriller starring Dominic Monaghan (Merry Brandybuck, nooooooo) as Seth, an awkward, "Nice Guy" type dude who runs into an old classmate of his, Holly (Ksenia Solo), and promptly becomes obsessed with her and trying to talk to her and ask her out. Holly is not interested, but Seth persists, stalking her and even stealing and reading her diary to get more insight into Holly's mind.

Seth also works as a security guard to an animal shelter (sorry folks, it's not a "no kill" shelter and the dog dies. I repeat: A DOG DIES). So Seth has access to things like cages and water bowls and sedatives. Can you see where all this is headed?

Now here's the thing: Pet has about 14 plot twists to it. It's obviously from the fucking movie poster that Seth kidnaps Holly and locks her in a cage. But the reasons he does this are not what they seem from the get go. When Holly asks him why he's doing this, he says he wants to try and "save" her. You see, it turns out that Holly isn't exactly an innocent person after all. In fact, she's...

(Spoiler!!)




(Big Spoiler!!)


...a serial killer. Which she writes about in the diary Seth finds. Which is unlikely, but you have to suspend your disbelief a bit here. Seth confirms Holly's violent tendencies by following her around and watching her violently kill a bunch of randos. First of all, Seth happened upon literally the one female serial killer who violently kills strangers (female serial killers are incredibly rare, and the women who do kill multiple people tend to prey on vulnerable individuals, like the elderly and children, not adult men they meet on the street) and he decides not to call the police, but to "save" Holly. Fucking LOL. This guy deserves whatever's coming to him for his stupidity alone.

Once he has Holly in that cage, she uses the one tool she has to get out: manipulation. And because she's a SERIAL KILLER, she's really fucking good at it. And because Seth is a stupid Nice Guy, he falls for it in like two seconds. This guy really needs to read more true crime books before he attempts to redeem a psychotic killer.

Anyway, I'll stop there and let readers find out what happens if they so choose. Pet isn't that great of a film, but it does have some elements of novelty, such as the fact that it's a movie about a woman in a cage and 1) it's not sexualized, 2) there's no sexual violence or rape, and 3) she's actually not the victim. HE is. So, Pet has some qualities that make it worth streaming on a boring afternoon.

But the dog dies, so don't see it if you don't like that.

Grade: C+