Because I watch so many movies throughout the month of December, I'm splitting my movie review round up into two parts!
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Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair
As much as it embarrasses me to say, Quentin Tarantino is one of my favorite--if not my favorite, full stop--directors. The man is problematic on so many levels and basically plagiarizes other films. But GODDAMN are his films fun (and well-written and well-shot). I'd be a liar if I pretended not to like his work. Inglourious Basterds is one of my favorite movies, and Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill are all up there as well.
I watched both Kill Bill vol. 1 and Kill Bill vol. 2 in the theatres in high school. They were among the first R-rated films I could go and see by myself or with a group of friends. I loved Kill Bill vol. 1 and I...liked Kill Bill vol. 2. My issue with part 2 was that I don't like Bill. The character of Bill is the worst thing about Kill Bill. He just sucks all the energy out of the room. The man put a bullet in a pregnant woman's head and he's treated like a sympathetic guy in the second movie. Not a good guy, but a man worth hearing out. And I do not want to hear what this man has to say.
In any case, Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair is parts 1 and 2 together, making it a 4.5 hour long film. And I watched that film in the front row at my local theatre because the rest of the theatre was sold out. But it was worth it. Kill Bill is a masterpiece. This film is as balanced and sharp as a Hattori Hanzo blade. There are so many different stylistic and storytelling elements that could have made the film a mess, but in fact make it a true work of art: the out of order storytelling, the animated sequences, the violence and humor, the music, the emotional weight. Nearly everything is perfect.
The only thing keeping it from an "A+" is that in this version the fight with the Crazy 88s is in color (it's much better in black and white) and also...I'm sorry, but Bill still fucking sucks. His death is very poetic and it's satisfying to watch him die because his lover and protege, The Bride, learned a technique from a kung-fu master who was famous for NEVER teaching anyone that technique. Which means that Bill died knowing his own kung-fu master, Pai Mei, had more respect for The Bride than for Bill. I can only imagine that Bill died with pride and jealousy warring within his mind.
Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair may not by my favorite of Tarantino's films, but it's probably his magnum opus and absolutely worth investing the time in.
Grade: A
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First Cow
Directed by Kelly Reichardt, First Cow is a simple and beautiful film. Taking place in the 1820s in Oregon County, the film follows Otis "Cookie" Figowitz (John Magaro), a chef hired to cook for fur trappers who are pissed at him for not finding enough food out in the wild. Cookie runs into a Chinese man, King-Lu (Orion Lee), who is hiding from men trying to kill him. Cookie helps King-Lu escape.
Later, the two men run into each other at a fort and begin living together in King-Lu's modest shack. They hear that the richest man in the area, Chief Factor (Toby Jones) has paid for a cow to be brought to his property--the "first cow" in this part of the territories--because, being an Englishman, Factor takes milk in his tea.
Cookie is a baker by trade and is frustrated that without milk, his biscuits are dry and hard. King-Lu suggests they start milking Chief Factor's cow at night and using the milk to make better biscuits, which they then sell at the fort. Eventually, Chief Factor gets wind of these supposedly amazing biscuits and asks Cookie to make a clafoutis for him to serve to an English friend. Little does he know that his own supply of milk is going into these baked goods.
Cookie and King-Lu are playing a dangerous game and if they are caught, they will absolutely be hunted down. Can they make enough money to move to San Francisco and open a hotel together? You'll have to watch to find out!
First Cow is a very lovely, simple film about male friendship. There's nothing to suggest that Cookie and King-Lu are lovers, but it is also made very clear that they do love each other. And in Oregon County in 1820, love is hard to come by. The film is also a critique of capitalism and hoarding resources. That message doesn't need to be spelled out or spoon-fed...it's just obvious. Why hoard the only cow in the area when you could share the milk with many...and be all the more beloved for it?
Grade: A-
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Star Trek: The Voyage Home
My partner and I have been watching the Star Trek movies every time he visits and I'll admit I've been skeptical. But The Voyage Home is an absolute delight! Directed by Leonard Nimoy, it revolves around a "save the whales" message (Nimoy was really into whales). The crew of the USS Enterprise must time-travel back to 1986 San Francisco to bring two whales back to 2286 so they can respond to a distress call being made by other whales (it somehow all makes sense in the movie).
Of course, this leads to classic hijinks, such as Kirk trying to fuck the attractive whale scientist, Dr. Gillian Taylor (Catherine Hicks), Pavel Chekov being interrogated because the government thinks he's a Soviet spy, and Spock showing amusement at the "colorful metaphors" (such as "dumbass") that the primitive humans of 1986 are so fond of using.
Very much a fish-out-of-water (or whale-out-of-water...HAHA) type movie and a whole lot of fun. I enjoyed this one even more than The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock.
Grade: B
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Death Becomes Her
Death Becomes Her is another classic comedy of the 1990s that I had never seen until my dear friend made me watch it. And it was a hoot! I went in basically knowing nothing and was pleasantly surprised at how dark and fucked up it was, especially for a Robert Zemeckis film!
I probably don't need to explain the plot since everyone on the planet saw this movie before I did, but it involves two frenemies, actress Madeline Ashton (Meryl Streep) and writer Helen Sharp (Goldie Hawn), who compete for decades over who is the most talented and most beautiful. Madeline has a habit of stealing Helen's boyfriends and eventually she steals Helen's fiance, Dr. Ernest Menville (Bruce Willis), a celebrated plastic surgeon.
Despite having a...er...low point (there's a fat suit involved), Helen comes roaring back with massive success for her novels. When Madeline sees how slender and preternaturally youthful Helen looks, she begs for more plastic surgery and is referred to a woman named Lisle von Rhuman (Isabella Rossellini, absolutely serving cunt). tldr: Lisle has a potion that if you drink it, you'll be beautiful and youthful forever, but you can't die...which we all know by this point is a curse, yeah?
So, like...when Madeline is pushed down the stairs by Ernest after she makes fun of his erectile dysfunction, her neck twists all the way around. And the special effects are genuinely disturbing. This movie is fucked up, y'all--there's domestic violence, fat-shaming, Meryl Streep looking like a damn cryptid. I love it! Really glad I finally got around to watching this classic.
Grade: B
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The Night Before
The Night Before is peak millennial humor and vibes, but not in a way that makes me feel nostalgic. More in a way that makes me cringe. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Ethan, who, as a young adult, loses his parents right before Christmas. His friends, Isaac (Seth Rogen) and Chris (Anthony Mackie), make a pact to spend every Christmas Eve with Ethan, getting drunk, going to karaoke, eating Chinese food, etc.
Well, 15 years later it's not cute anymore. Isaac is married and has a baby on the way and Chris is a famous football star. Only Ethan can't seems to move on and grow up. But the friends decide to do one last epic Christmas Eve together and it culminates in Ethan getting tickets (by way of stealing them) for a super secretive and exclusive underground Christmas party.
The Night Before has some very strong charms, such as Nathan Fielder playing the Red Bull branded limo driver and Michael Shannon playing the mysterious Mr. Green, a pot dealer the boys have gotten their supply from since high school. The movie is filled to the brim with beloved comedians and actors.
Where the movie fails is the romantic subplot involving Ethan desperately trying to get back with his ex, Diana (Lizzy Kaplan). It's egregious how gross this entire plot line is, with Ethan proposing to her in front of hundreds of people (she says "yes" out of pressure), getting rejected in private, and then showing up at her parents' house on Christmas, where they reconcile. Ugh, no. You in danger, girl!
If you're looking for a light Christmas comedy, you could do worse. But it's not gonna be a classic for a reason.
Grade: B-
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The Blackening
The Blackening is a horror comedy by Tim Story about a group of Black college friends who gather for a Juneteenth reunion in an AirBnb in the woods...only to be lured into a racist game of life or death. It's a solid film, but it wasn't as clever or sharp as I hoped.
The cast is filled with Black comedians, such as Melvin Gregg, Jermaine Fowler, Dewayne Perkins, X Mayo, and many more. This means that the jokes are fast and furious and the editing is chaotic and choppy since the camera is constantly cutting to a different actor saying a funny line. That said, there are some really solid gags here, such as when the group is forced to vote on the "blackest" person in the room to sacrifice (one character says, "I can't be the blackest...I'm gay!")
Horror comedies are hard to do, with really excellent ones few and far between (in my humble opinion). I think The Blackening does a decent job even though it feels uneven at times. It builds to a genuinely surprising ending I did not see coming. And the cast is incredibly charming. It's worth checking out.
Grade: B-
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Relay
Relay is a thriller with a very interesting hook: an intermediary between whistleblowers and corporations uses a relay service for the deaf and hard of hearing to anonymously communicate and negotiate deals with both parties. Because all communications that go through the relay service are confidential (and the records are destroyed), this protects the anonymity of all parties.
Despite this unique central concept, Relay is just filled with plot holes and contrivances. Ash (Riz Ahmed) is the intermediary who works with, shall we say, regretful whistleblowers. These are people who come across information that could get a company in trouble. Perhaps they bring it to their senior leaders and are fired, or maybe they threaten to go public and then face a campaign of harassment. By the time they are put in touch with Ash (usually through a lawyer), they just want to return the information to end the harassment. Ash keeps a safety copy of the damning information in a secure location and negotiates a deal where the company pays off the employee and promises to leave them alone in return for the information being given back.
Is any of this...actually possible? Probably not. And I just had so many questions that it was hard to suspend disbelief and enjoy the film. It gets even more confusing at the story nears the climax. I feel like Relay would have been an interesting Black Mirror episode...like, keep it to an hour and keep it about the unique use of technology.
Directed by David Mackenzie, Relay is an ok film that I enjoyed well enough, but I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in theatres.
Grade: B-
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