Spader Fetish

James Spader is such an interesting actor. By no means have I done a deep dive into his filmography, but it's generally known that he is attracted to dark and/or sexual roles. And, you know, Boston Legal. He's a weird guy and that's why we love him. I recently had the opportunity to watch a sexy Spader movie I hadn't seen before (Sex, Lies, and Videotape), and a..."sexy" (????) Spader movie I have seen before and wiped from my memory (David Cronenberg's Crash), so I thought I would review the two films and round them out with one of my all-time faves, which is also a sexy Spader movie, Secretary.

***

Sex, Lies, and Videotape

Directed by Steven Soderbergh, Sex, Lies, and Videotape is a film that dips its toe in the waters of sexual liberation but ultimately pulls back and reinforces the value of "normalcy".

The film follows four people: married couple Ann Mullany (Andie MacDowell) and John Mullany (Peter Gallagher...oddly enough looking a lot like comedian John Mulaney and basically sharing the same name), Ann's sister Cynthia (Laura San Giacomo), and John's old friend from college, Graham (Spader).

Ann confesses to her therapist that she doesn't really like sex and thinks that masturbation is "a dumb thing to do". In 2024, we'd probably call her asexual, demisexual, or gray ace. But in 1989, when the movie was made, she just comes off as a prudish wife. John is sleeping with Ann's sister, Cynthia, who is just a terrible person. John is also a terrible person (total finance bro type). His college friend Graham comes back into town and when John finds out that Graham is weirder and quieter than he used to be, John basically writes him off. However, Ann takes a liking to Graham. She inadvertently finds out Graham's unusual hobby: he films women talking about sex. He interviews them and lets them talk for as long as they like about anything they want related to their sex lives. Sometimes they do more than talk, only not with Graham, who is impotent.

Ann is is freaked out and disgusted by Graham's voyeuristic proclivities. But she eventually comes back around to liking him when she discovers her sister and husband's betrayal. She even asks to be interviewed, and ends up turning the camera on Graham.

Sex, Lies, and Videotape is very character-driven movie and even though I didn't particularly like any of the characters, I found myself drawn in. The acting is very strong, especially MacDowell, who, despite her judgmental attitudes about sex, is a compelling and sympathetic protagonist. 

The film approaches voyeurism with ambivalence. On the one hand, Graham's hobby, which really is the way he experiences his own sexuality, is treated as a deviancy and a personal defect. At the same time, the scene where Graham interviews Cynthia is easily the sexiest scene in the movie. In fact, the very idea of a man asking *me* questions about my sexuality and then listening is mind-blowingly hot. But also, I'm a big talker. 

As I say above, Soderbergh plays with the idea that sexual "deviancy" can actually be normal and even healthy for some people while stopping short of celebrating and affirming unique expressions of (consensual, adult) sexuality. But for the time period, I can see why this movie was considered cutting edge. 

Grade: B+

***

Crash (1996)

Not to be confused with Paul Haggis' extremely stupid 2004 movie, David Cronenberg's 1996 film Crash, based on the novel by J.G. Ballard, is truly transgressive. In short, the film is about car crash fetishists. People who get sexually aroused by being in and by watching car crashes. 

Crash is one of the most sexually explicit non-pornographic films I've ever seen (undoubtedly, it is considered porn by some, but not by me). This100 minute movie contains 8 or 9 full-on sex scenes. There are scenes with women and men, two men, and two women. Can I say it any more clearly? This movie has a lot, and I mean A LOT of fucking in it. Yet...my god, is this movie not erotic at all. 

Well, maybe it's erotic if you're into car accidents. Or wounds created by car accidents. But it's not just the whole car crash fetish aspect that makes the film un-erotic, it's the robotic affect of many of the film's characters. The main couple, James (Spader) and his wife Catherine (Deborah Kara Unger), have an open marriage where they frequently have sex with other people and then share their experiences with one another...but they seem to achieve no satisfaction or joy from these encounters. They seem frigid. Even dead inside.

After James gets into a near-fatal car accident, he gets pulled into the world of car crash re-enactors and fetishists, led by Robert Vaughn (Elias Koteas, the best thing about this movie). Vaughn and his crew re-enact famous car crashes, such as the one that killed James Dean. Vaughn brings danger and passion into James and Catherine's lives, but also the very real possibility of dismemberment and death. I LOVED Elias Koteas in this role. In a movie positively dripping with sex, Vaughn is one of maybe two characters (the other being Rosanna Arquette as Gabrielle, another car crash fanatic) who actually seems horny. Vaughn is also a violent, unstable nutcase, but I guess you take the good with the bad.

So, what does this film mean?? Well, it's a Cronenberg film and much of his oeuvre deals with the intersections of man and machine and how technology affects humanity. Or maybe it's about America's love affair with cars? I don't know man, but I have to give Crash a rating in the "A" range because even though it's a deeply unpleasant and off-putting movie, it is really, really transgressive and just swings for the fences in a way so few movies have the balls to do. There is something really admirable about that. 

Grade: A-

***

Secretary

You gotta be living under a rock if you haven't heard about Secretary. Directed by Steven Shainberg, Secretary is about a meek woman, Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) who is released from a stay at a mental hospital for self-harm. Seeking work, she finds an ad for a secretarial position to lawyer E. Edward Grey (Spader). Mr. Grey is an odd, exacting boss who chastises Lee for small mistakes. But Lee rises to the occasion and becomes a very, very good secretary. 

The two weirdos fall into a Dominant/submissive relationship that they keep at work. It involves Lee being spanked for typos, crawling on the floor to deliver letters to Mr. Grey, and being put in bondage. Lee absolutely flourishes as a woman and as a human being in these conditions. Her sexuality is awakened. Her need to self-harm evaporates (more on this below). She is happy, beautiful, and glowing under the care and discipline of Mr. Grey. 

Lee realizes that she wants more from Mr. Grey. She wants them to do their thing 24/7 and, you know, be together as a couple. Grey pulls away. It turns out that he is very ashamed of his desires. There's a scene where Lee listens to an audiobook titled "Coming Out as Dominant/submissive" while at the same time Grey is writing her letter that starts with "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm like this." I love this scene because it demonstrates that the roles people play in BDSM don't really say much about who they are as people outside those roles. In other words, sexually submissive Lee has the confidence and curiosity to learn about and embrace her desires while dominant Mr. Grey is beating up on himself (pun fully intended) and is too scared to be his authentic sexual self. So it is up to Lee to prove her worthiness to Mr. Grey and also to prove that they are worthy and deserving of the kind of love that feels right to them.

Secretary is a feminist film with a strong, smart, courageous heroine who isn't perfect and has a lot of growing to do, but learns to stand up for herself and for her man. All while getting spanked over a desk. Secretary is also one of the few movies about BDSM that seems to actually "get" that BDSM is a lot more complex than whips, chains, and leather. To be clear, people live and express BDSM in a million different ways, not just in the way that Lee and Grey do, but Secretary gets that this way of expressing love, power, and sexuality is generally pretty integral to people who are wired for it and that you can't just "be normal" if you're built different. And also that BDSM is not something to be ashamed of. Unlike Sex, Lies, and Videotape, Secretary *affirms* so-called "deviant" sexuality, it doesn't just gawk at it.

That said, the film still has its flaws, the biggest of which is that Lee stops self-harming because Grey tells her she doesn't need to anymore. That's not the way that works. BDSM is not therapy, though it can be therapeutic. And mental illness doesn't go away because a Dom tells you that you're better. However, I'm inclined to let that issue slide because Secretary presents a fantasy. After all, Grey positions Lee over a desk one day and spanks her...and she likes it. In real life: don't do this. It's a romance. Much like Bridgerton, it ain't real life. In addition to being a fantasy, Secretary is also a comedy and the humor is pretty dark and wry at times. This is a special movie and not everyone is going to be on its wavelength. But those who get it and like it really like it, and I'm one of them. 

 

Grade: A+

Furiosa

Mad Max: Fury Road was one of the best surprises I've experienced at the movies. Having never watched the original trilogy (given my disdain for Mel Gibson, I probably never will) and also not really being into action movies, I had no plans to see Fury Road. But then the reviews started rolling in saying that it was an eye-popping spectacle and one of the best movies of the year. I saw it with some friends and was blown away by the film. Visually, it's stunning. The action sequences are entertaining and wild. The world-building, right down to the slang the characters use ("I shall ride eternal shiny and chrome!"), is fascinating. Overall, I had an intensely positive experience seeing Mad Max: Fury Road and it was one of my favorite movies of 2015.

When discussing the sequel/prequel, Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, which tells us the origin story of Imperator Furiosa, played by Charlize Theron in Fury Road, people want to compare the two movies and, from what I've read and heard, Furiosa seems to always come up short. In other words, people *like* Furiosa, but they *love* Fury Road. 

I understand that...and I don't. To me, Furiosa is just more of a wonderful thing.

Furiosa is longer than Fury Road by a full 30 minutes and while there are some parts that could have been slimmed down, that extra time is mostly spent developing the characters and fleshing out Furiosa's story. The movie is divided into 5 chapters and the first focuses on Furiosa's childhood in the matriarchal Green Place: an oasis of vegetation in the Wasteland. When raiders discover the Green Place, they kidnap Furiosa (who is around 8 or 9 when this happens, played by excellent child actor Alyla Browne) and bring her to Dementus (Chris Hemsworth, the true MVP of the film), the cult-like leader of the Biker Horde.

After a failed attempt to overthrow the Citadel, Dementus ends up trading Furiosa to Immortan Joe, who sees her as a potential future wife. But young Furiosa cuts her hair short and pretends to be a boy, working on war rigs with other men. She finds a mentor in Praetorian Jack (Tom Burke), who teaches her how to drive war rigs. At this point in the movie, Furiosa is played by Anya Taylor-Joy. Taylor-Joy is very good in this role, though I admit I wasn't completely blown away by her. As mentioned above, the actor who impressed me the most was Hemsworth as the charismatic Dementus. 

Throughout her years of work and training at the Citadel, Furiosa never forgets Dementus and never forgives him for kidnapping her from the Green Place and murdering her mother. By the end of the film, she has a chance to confront Dementus about these crimes. The exact way she gets her revenge is *chef's kiss*. I won't spoil what happens, but gasped when it was revealed. 

Furiosa is a highly enjoyable movie. I think when Fury Road came out, there was an element of surprise. I know that I had never seen a movie quite like it and it left a huge impression on me. With Furiosa, I knew what I was getting. I think this may be one reason why the general consensus is that Furiosa is not quite as good or impressive as Fury Road: simply, the element of surprise is gone. However, in some ways I think Furiosa is the superior film. The characters are more fleshed out and three-dimensional. The main villain is more interesting and complex. The movie is more emotional. 

All this is to say, I love both movies and if you liked Fury Road there's a good chance you'll enjoy Furiosa as well. 

Grade: A-

Stuff I watched in...May, 2024

The Birdcage

Somehow I made it to ripe old age of 38 without seeing this genius film in its entirety. Sure, I saw the "Fosse Fosse Fosse!" scene and the "men smear" scene...but for whatever reason I hadn't sat my ass down and just watched the entire movie. And boy am I glad I finally did. Directed by Mike Nichols and starring the late, great Robin Williams as well as Nathan Lane, Hank Azaria, Gene Hackman, Dianne Wiest, and Calista Flockhart, The Birdcage is unbelievably funny. I haven't laughed this loud at a movie in a long time. 

The movie is a bunch of gay jokes, including numerous uses of the f-slur, but the gays are in on the joke. Which means that I feel comfortable laughing when Hank Azaria's flamboyant Agador bristles at the idea of wearing a butler's uniform, saying, "No! I'm gonna look like a fag!" (I had to pause the movie because I was laughing so hard at that line). I can't even comprehend how hilarious this movie is. Everyone is bringing their A-game. 

In case you also live under a rock, The Birdcage (based on the 1973 play La Cage aux Folles) is about a gay couple (Williams and Lane) whose son is getting engaged to a woman with conservative parents. So when the parents come to visit, they have to play straight. Or rather, Williams plays straight and Lane dresses in drag, pretending to be the wife. Much hilarity ensues. 

At the center of the movie is a message about accepting the people you love just as they are and how life is more vibrant and joyful when people are allowed to be themselves. It's interesting to me that for a film that features quite a few objectively awful people (Hackman's conservative Senator Keeley, Christine Baranski playing Val's absent mother, and Dan Futterman playing Val, the son who is getting married and selfishly pushes for his dad(s) to pretend to be straight) the movie doesn't dwell on any negative emotions. The result is a pro-social film that encourages acceptance without feeling preachy or "politically correct". Given all the horror and intense dramas I tend to be attracted to, a movie as funny, colorful, and joyful as The Birdcage is a breath of fresh air.

Grade: A+

***

Everybody Wants Some!!

If you love the movie Dazed and Confused and wish there was a sequel, Everybody Wants Some!! is about as close as you're going to get. This 2016 film is directed by Richard Linklater (who also directed Dazed and Confused) and follows the members of a college baseball team during the weekend before classes begin in August of 1980. Freshmen pitcher Jake Bradford (Blake Jenner) shows up at one of the designated off-campus "baseball houses" where the team will live together and is immediately thrown into the frat boy-esque chaos of a bunch of horny, beer-swilling, competitive guys living together. 

Over the course of the weekend, the fellas bond over parties, beer, "college pussy", games (ranging from pinball to ping-pong), massive bong rips, and, of course, baseball. A few of the older guys give Bradford and the fellow freshmen shit, but a couple others take them under their wings and give them advice about how to "piss with the big-dick dogs". It's honestly a really sweet movie, despite absolutely dripping with testosterone. Just as with Dazed and Confused, Linklater captures the poetic philosophy hiding underneath the hormonal hijinks of a bunch of young people. Few directors understand the contradictions of youth so well. Young people are immature, impulsive, petty, and shallow--sure. But they're also brutally honest, insightful, and can be very friendly when they want to be. Linklater captures all of it and delivers a really fun and often deeper than expected film.

Also starring Glen Powell as charming ladies man Finn, Tyler Hoechlin as the alpha male star hitter McReynolds, and Zoey Deutch as theatre nerd and potential love interest Beverly, Everybody Wants Some!! is a delightful comedy that is both horny and heartfelt. 

Grade: A-

***

Anyone But You

So after seeing Glen Powell in Everybody Wants Some!!, I became intrigued by (i.e. crushing on) the up-and-coming movie star. He recently starred opposite Sydney Sweeney in this romantic comedy, based loosely on the Shakespeare comedy Much Ado About Nothing. Even though I famously hate romantic comedies, I figured I'd give it a watch.

It was...ok. Powell is really good in it because he radiates a mixture of charm, smarm, and overall good-guy decency. I can see why he is climbing the ranks of Hollywood right now. He's a classic Hollywood leading man. Sweeney isn't bad--she holds her own against Powell and the two have really excellent chemistry. The initial meet-cute between Ben and Bea and their first conflict is actually pretty believable: she runs into a coffee shop asking to use the bathroom and they refuse to give her the bathroom key until she buys something...but the checkout line is 20 people deep. Ben sees her distress and asks for a peppermint tea for "my wife" indicating Bea, allowing her to grab the key and run to the bathroom. 

Bea and Ben have immediate chemistry and spend the day hanging out together and fall asleep together while talking. But Bea makes the strange decision to leave before Ben wakes up. Upon waking, Ben is distressed and feels used. When his friend Pete shows up, he tells him he couldn't wait to get Bea to leave--that she's "a disaster" and "she's nothing"....little does he know that Bea realized the mistake she made, returned to say goodbye, and overheard everything. 

Months later, the two meet again when Bea's sister Halle begins dating friend Pete's sister Claudia. And then a year or so after that, Bea and Ben find themselves on a plane to Australia to participate in Claudia and Halle's wedding. After their pushy parents and friends keep trying to interfere, Bea and Ben begrudgingly decide to pretend to be a couple to shut everyone up and keep the brides-to-be happy and calm.

Anyone But You is contrived, ridiculous, not funny (or only funny in a "sensible chuckle" sort of way), and everyone's problems could be solved with a single, honest conversation...in other words, it's a typical romantic comedy! The film is held aloft on the strength of the chemistry of its leads. The rest of the cast is mediocre at best and the worst thing about the movie is its goddamn RELENTLESS soundtrack. Basically every scene in the movie is paired with a not-good pop song, which is distracting and irritating. 

Fans of romcoms will likely enjoy Anyone But You. Hell, I didn't hate it. If it had better music and funnier jokes, I probably would have really liked it. 

Grade: B-

***

The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed

For a movie with such a long title, Joanna Arnow's The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed is a wisp of a film. The movie is so low-key that it barely even exists. And, strangely enough, I saw it by myself in a completely empty movie theatre (though I've gotten close, I've never managed to be the only person in a movie theatre for the entirety of a movie until this one). It felt oddly appropriate.

The movie follows Ann (played by Arnow), an unremarkable thirty-something woman who lives a very mundane life. She works a corporate job, has dinner with her aging parents, and has a very low-commitment, low-energy Dom/sub relationship with an older guy named Allen. She also dates a few other guys and eventually meets Chris, with whom she has a genuine connection. 

Each individual scene in this movie is about the length of a Mitch Hedberg joke. I don't think a single scene lasted more than 3 minutes and most were about 30 seconds long. It's like a series of one-liners. The movie is, frankly, very boring. There is no plot, little to no character development, no climax to the film. There are a few scenes that are more satisfying that others: for example, a scene where Ann's dad sings a pro-union song while her mom bangs on a pot and Ann leaves the room in annoyance. I liked that scene because it was genuinely funny and goofy. There's also a scene where Ann coaches Chris on how to dominate her and treat her like a sex object (which is what she likes). That scene had a real sweetness to it. But these moments are few and far between. 

Sex and BDSM play a significant role in the film and I appreciated the depiction of "deviant" sexuality as boring and silly. Not because I believe BDSM actually is boring and silly, but because it demystifies the whole thing and shows people who like a little power exchange in their romantic lives and sex lives to be the same old regular people as anyone else. There's a power in taking something taboo and making it mundane. 

I didn't hate this movie, but I can't recommend it. People who are into low-key "hangout" type films might dig it, but the majority of viewers will find it to be a snoozefest.

Grade: C+ 

***

The Coffee Table

This Spanish film, which came out a couple years ago, is making its rounds on TikTok as the disturbing movie du jour, so of course I had to check it out. All I knew was that it was about a couple that buys a coffee table and it ruins their lives. And if you want to check it out, you should probably go in knowing as little as possible--that's if you enjoy upsetting movies that make you feel upsetting things. If you don't like upsetting movies, then The Coffee Table certainly isn't the one to start with. And if you suspect you might be triggered by this one...eh, just stay away. That's my fair warning. 

**slight spoilers ahead**

The thing is, the couple that buys the table have a newborn baby. The salesperson keeps emphasizing the "unbreakable glass" of the table. I mean you pretty much know EXACTLY what's going to happen before it happens. I will say that the scene in which the obvious thing happens is deeply, deeply tense in a palpable way. I was holding my breath waiting for the thing I knew was going to happen to happen. Then it did. And the rest of the movie is the fallout from that event. 

The Coffee Table doesn't pull any punches. It's a mean movie with a fucked up sense of humor. I didn't love it, but it definitely made me feel things and left an impression. Probably one I'm never going to watch again. 

Grade: B

***

Bull Durham

After seeing Challengers, I was in the mood for another sexually-charged sports movie with a love triangle. Well, Bull Durham is good but it's no Challengers. Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon) is a "baseball groupie" who picks one player on the Durham Bulls per year to sleep with and also mentor (by coaching them on how to improve their skills, since she actually does know a lot about baseball, but also by reading them the poetry of Walt Whitman). This year, she has two prospects: rookie pitcher "Nuke" Laloosh (Tim Robbins), who has a powerful arm but no discipline and veteran player "Crash" Davis (Kevin Costner), who is called in by the Bulls' coach to help whip Laloosh into shape. 

Even though Annie picks Laloosh (and has a commitment to remain faithful for the duration of the season), she and Davis grow closer together. Similarly, Laloosh begins to trust Davis and allows Davis to actually coach him and teach him "not to think" so that he pitches with more intuition and less anxiety. 

My issue with Bull Durham is that there is too much baseball. And I don't like baseball. I have a personal boundary around attending baseball games (which means: I don't). Sports in general don't interest me, but baseball is particularly boring. No shade to baseball fans! It's just not for me. The thing about Challengers is that even though it's about tennis, it's not really about tennis...it's about relationships. And I guess Bull Durham is also about relationships, but actual discussion of baseball as a sport takes up WAY too much time in the movie. So, sadly, this classic comedy just wasn't my bag. I'm glad I gave it a watch though!

Grade: B-

***

A League of Their Own

Well, now, hold on just a darn minute. Here's a baseball movie I actually like! And it even has actual baseball in it! But we all know that A League of Their Own is about WAY more than sports. It's about feminism, sisterhood, teamwork, and Tom Hanks playing the crass Jimmy "no crying in baseball" Dugan. 

This was not my first time watching A League of Their Own, but it had been a while and I'm so glad I returned to it. It's such a fulfilling movie. It's got such a good heart. The year is 1943 and since all the young, athletic men are at war, Chicago Cubs owner Walter Harvey wants to put a league of girl baseball players together. Sisters Dottie Hinson (Geena Davis) and Kit Keller (Lori Petty) are recruited...but it's more like Dottie is recruited for both her hitting skills and extremely beautiful looks and she'll only participate if kid sister Kit (a skilled pitcher in her own right) is also recruited. Thus we see the dynamic that has been thrust upon the sisters: Dottie is the beautiful, tall, talented sister and Kit is shorter, less polished runt who lives in Dottie's shadow, much to her chagrin. 

The sisters find themselves on the Rockford Peaches team along with tomboy Doris Murphy (Rosie O'Donnell), sexpot Mae (Madonna), and a host of other interesting and talented women. Their manager is the once very impressive, now very drunk Jimmy Dugan (Tom Hanks), who is more interested in scratching his balls than coaching. So Dottie basically has to lead the team, creating lineups and giving signals to the players. 

I'm not going to go into the entire plot because you've probably already seen it. In order to be taken seriously, the Peaches have to *both* be excellent players *and* exploit their looks and femininity. What I really love about A League of Their Own is that there the characters represent a range of ways to be a woman and although there are some unfortunate "she ugly" jokes aimed at poor Marla Hooch (Megan Cavanagh), the gals themselves don't put down or judge one another for the ways they choose to present themselves. And Marla Hooch falls in love and gets married, so ha! 

A League of Their Own is a wonderful film about what can be accomplished when women lift up, support, and encourage other women. Definitely one to show your daughters--and your sons!

Grade: A-

***

The Green Mile

I was 11 years old when Stephen King's The Green Mile was released in six installments. My mom purchased each of the six slim paperbacks and would leave them on her bedside table. I would sneak into her room and read them. I recall quite vividly feeling ill after reading about "The Bad Death of Eduard Delacroix" (iykyk). I don't remember if I read the entire book when I was 11. Probably not. I probably got a copy when I was a bit older, maybe 12 or 13, and read the entire thing. And it left quite an impression on me because I recently listened to the book on audio while traveling and could recall specific jokes or turns of phrase that had cracked me up as an impressionable tween. 

King's The Green Mile is an A+ book. Although it is a classic example of the offensive "magical negro" trope, where a Black person exists mostly to teach white people a lesson, I can't deny the power of this book. It's funny, it's sad, it's horrific at times and tender at other time. I would highly recommend reading it!

The movie, on the other hand, is Oscar bait. Directed by Frank Darabont and starring Tom Hanks, David Morse, and the late Michael Clarke Duncan, The Green Mile is often groan-worthy. King's book has a certain dark sense of humor that balances out the heartstring-tugging aspects of the story. The movie is overly sincere and, frankly, not dark enough or raw enough. Like I said, it's Oscar bait...specifically, 1990s Oscar bait, which means that it's a serious film that you can take your grandma to. 

Is it a horrible movie? No. It's fine. There are a few very emotional scenes, in particular the death of John Coffey, the large Black man with magical healing hands. Michael Clarke Duncan takes a character that could easily be a one-dimensional stereotype and infuses him with humanity and grace. Tom Hanks is Tom Hanks. It's not his best role. He's here to contribute to the Oscar campaign for the film. The real MVP of the movie, in my opinion, is Michael Jeter playing the aforementioned Eduard Delacroix, a prisoner on the Green Mile who is relentlessly bullied by one of the guards. Now there's a guy who can tug at your heartstrings, even while playing a rapist and murderer! 

tl;dr: you do not need to see this movie. The book is much better. But if grandma wants to watch it, you can feel pretty assured that she won't be too offended by it. 

Grade: B-

***