Neighborly

Movies: Won't You Be My Neighbor?

There's a lot to unpack regarding my deep, deep feelings about the Fred Rogers documentary Won't You Be My Neighbor?

My parents tell a story about how when I was a little girl, I once called Mr. Rogers a "screwball". Very cute, but obviously 5-year-old Jenny couldn't possibly know what "screwball" meant so I clearly picked it up from an adult or adults in my life. If I can lovingly and gently throw my parents under the bus for a minute, what I think I picked up on was the fact that Mr. Rogers was very pro-feelings and I was raised in about a 50-60% pro-feelings household. Meaning, I was allowed to feel feelings, but I was encouraged to go to my room to cry.

This isn't to criticize my parents or how they raised me because I think they did a pretty good job, and I have the money to pay for a therapist to sort out the stuff they goofed on. But I do think that I was a sensitive child and I now wish I could have heard Fred Rogers' message a little more clearly because I think it would have helped me. As a 32 year old adult, I'm not ashamed to say that I need to feel special and I need to feel loved. I have the strength to reach out and ask for these things from the people who are able to give them to me: family, friends, and even strangers I pay. I get monthly massages because I want to be touched. I meet with a therapist because I need to be heard. I'm often single, so I can't always rely on a partner for touch and for an ear to listen, so I cultivate many, many friends whom I also try to give affection and love to since these things work better as a two-way street. I've grown, I think, into a woman who loves deeply, despite my feelings of anger and fear at the world and what this country has become.


To admit that we need love, we need validation, we need to feel special is to admit that we are human. And yet, think about how hard it is for many of us to admit these things. Think of all the ways feelings have been beaten out of us as we've grown older. This is especially true for men, I believe, but it's true for women as well. Women are constantly encouraged to not be honest about our feelings and needs in order to take up less space and time.

Fred Rogers, as Won't You Be My Neighbor? reveals, understood children in a way very few people were and are able to: he could get down to their level but never lose respect for them. The doc shows that Rogers addressed racism, assassination (specifically Bobby Kennedy's assassination), divorce, tragedy (the Challenger explosion, 9/11, etc) and perhaps the scariest issue of all: one's own personal feelings of inadequacy.

In a scene so deeply touching that I wept into my popcorn, Betty Aberlin (known as Lady Aberlin on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood) sings a duet with Daniel Striped Tiger.

Daniel sings:
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a mistake
I'm not like anyone else I know
When I'm asleep or even awake
Sometimes I get to dreaming that I'm just a fake
I'm not like anyone else

And Lady Aberlin sings:
I think you are just fine as you are
I really must tell you
I do like the person you are becoming
When you are sleeping
When you are waking
You're not a fake
You're no mistake
You are my friend

Think about that song: it addresses the deepest fear everyone has--that we are not enough. All the evils in the world can be traced back to this fear. That we're not worthy of love. And Fred Rogers, a man people mocked and called "gay" and "feminine" and other supposed insults (because being feminine or gay are so terrible, right?) had the guts to address it on camera.

At one point in the doc, one of Rogers' sons mentions it was hard growing up with a man some people believed was "the second Christ" and, I have to admit, it does seem like Fred Rogers was almost supernatural in his kindness and his gentle strength. But the film reveals that even Rogers struggled with feelings of inadequacy and--perhaps especially in his final years--the question of did it really make a difference? Honestly, I'm glad he passed away before he saw the current state our country is in.

That said, here's how I see it: events on a national and international scale, such as racial animosity, natural disasters, terrorism, political oppression, etc have always been part of life and always will be. Likewise, hardships on a personal level, such as imposter syndrome, addiction, and abuse will always be part of life. As "Christlike" as Fred Rogers was, he was not, in fact, Christ and he couldn't stop these things from happening. But what he could do is help children understand and cope with these hardships and painful feelings and experiences. So he did make a difference. He made an enormous difference.

A friend once told me that the work of activism is ongoing. Activism, in whatever form it takes is by nature never complete because the world will never be perfect and safe for everyone. To choose to do activism is to choose to do what you can knowing that the goal isn't perfection. The goal is to make life more bearable for both others and yourself. This is what Fred Rogers did and what he inspired in so many others.

I beg you--please see this movie and let it make you cry. As a kid I cried a lot and sometimes had to go to my room to do it, but as an adult I cried in public watching this movie. Tears are the natural response to the exhaustion of being a kind person in a world that wants to hurt the most vulnerable. Let Won't You Be My Neighbor? inspire you to keep working. Don't give up hope. Things are scary and infuriating right now, but this is actually not new--the problem of power and violence and hate has been around since people have been around and it will never go away. But instead of letting that thought break you, let it encourage you not to try to change the entire world, but to make all the difference in the world to the people you are closest too--tell a friend you love them. Offer a hug. Pay for someone's coffee. Tell a child that they are special and loved and respected. We owe Fred Rogers that much, considering how much he gave us.

Grade: A+