In No Strings Attached two pretty people decide to have sex with each other but not fall in love. We, the audience, know that this arrangement is doomed to failure since Adam (Ashton Kutcher) has been and is still enamored by Emma (Natalie Portman). We know that he is only agreeing to this supremely silly arrangement because there is a chance he might win Emma's heart, in addition to her Lady Palace. Adam does not attempt to hide his feelings for Emma, and his method of wooing her is hardly subtle. When he finds out that she and her roommates are "on the same cycle", he comes over with cupcakes and a "period mix" CD. In the real world, this act of chivalry would come off as bizarre at best and stalkerish at worst (*how*, exactly, does he know the details of Emma and her roommates' reproductive cycles?) In the world of No Strings Attached, it is a signal to the audience that Adam likes Emma for more than sex! He is happy to cuddle and bring her tea when she's on her period! Awww! But...we don't need this signal because we already know that Adam likes Emma as more than a sex friend. We already know the outcome, so why are we watching this?
It's not for the acting--that's for sure. I've seen Ashton Kutcher in That 70's Show and a few light-hearted comedies, such as Just Married, and I admit that the guy can be funny in a zany, exasperated way. But his performance in this film is completely lacking in anything that might resemble a human emotion. He kind of acts like he's on a low dose of Xanax throughout the film. And Natalie Portman is really out of her element here. Her performance in Black Swan was riveting and intense, and she was one of the few good things about Closer. But romantic comedies seem to really not be her thing. No Strings Attached is miscast. I think the movie would have been much better if the leads were played by, say, John Krasinski and Isla Fisher--two actors who are genuinely funny in addition to being attractive.
I also think No Strings Attached would have been funnier if it had been a little zanier--a little more screwball. If there had been more wacky misunderstandings or witty banter. This is supposed to be a romantic comedy where attractive young people bang just for funsies...yet, there is something so sterile and unfunny about the whole situation. Where is the joy? Where is the eroticism? This film makes sex look horrendously boring. In fact, I would say that this film makes *life* look horrendously boring.
Luckily, No Strings Attached may get a do-over of sorts. On July 22nd, the movie Friends with Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis is coming out. It sounds like it has nearly the same plot as No Strings Attached. Except it has genuinely funny and attractive actors (at least, I think so). In response to a bad kiss in No Strings Attached Adam shrugs and says "mulligans". Hopefully Friends with Benefits will serve as mulligans for its successor.
2 out of 5 stars
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