Dollface

Movies: M3GAN

I'm not really sure I can add much to the M3GAN discourse that's been going on since the trailer dropped months ago. When I saw the trailer for "M'threegan" back in the fall, I was like "ok, this movie looks hella entertaining". But I did not expect the movie to be sitting at a damn 94% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! Go, M'threegan, go! SLAY QUEEN. 

So, I saw the movie and it is indeed as campy, self-aware, and hilarious as everyone is saying. Is this going to be a favorite horror movie of mine that I return to time and time again? No. Was it super fun to watch in a crowded theatre with a huge bucket of popcorn? Absolutely.

If you're somehow living under a rock and don't know the plot of M3GAN, it starts out with 8 year old Cady (Violet McGraw) losing both of her parents in a car accident. Cady's aunt, Gemma (Allison Williams), becomes her guardian. But Gemma is not really prepared to become the guardian to an 8 year old. She's a brilliant engineer who works for a toy company and doesn't really "get" kids (IRONY!).

Gemma is working on a top-secret project: an android doll named "M3GAN" (Model 3 Generative Android) that is designed to be a kid's companion. This doll will be able to play with kids, remind them to brush their teeth, read them stories, and basically do...all the shit that parents are supposed to do. It's really more like a nanny than a toy. Gemma has the amazing and definitely not bad idea of testing M3GAN out on Cady. Not only will this give Gemma the data she needs to impress her boss, Cady will benefit from having a friend during this difficult time. Win-win!

But since this is a horror movie about AI, we all know what's going to happen. M3GAN is specifically designed to improve and have better responses based on AI learning. Her primary directive is to protect Cady. So, when a neighbor's dog attacks Cady and bites her...well, I think you can imagine M3GAN's response (don't worry, you never see the, uh, results of M3GAN's intervention). Later, when a boy bullies Cady, M3GAN goes medieval on the little fucker's ass. 

Any attempts to shut down M3GAN result in her coming back stronger and angrier. I think it also helps that the doll has a titanium core, because she's strong as fuck and basically indestructible. Uh, except for this weird part where Gemma throws a glass of water in M3GAN's face and it actually short-circuits her, which, um, plot hole? Why would you create an advanced, indestructible piece of technology and not make it waterproof? 

Directed by Gerald Johnstone, who also directed the excellent horror-comedy Housebound, M3GAN is campy fun where a doll dressed better than me does TikTok dances before murdering grown men. If you're a person who likes horror, but doesn't like a ton of gore or jump scares, M3GAN will probably work for you. It's a fun, entertaining movie that may well be a cult classic someday. 

Grade: B+

Night Terrors

Movies: Skinamarink

The shoestring budget horror film Skinamarink, directed by Kyle Edward Ball, is having a moment. Last year the film got leaked online and then EVERYONE started talking about how it's "the scariest movie of all time". This particular review, in which the author writes that Skinamarink "taps into something deep, long thought buried, primordial..." is what put the film on my radar. 

But as scary as Skinamarink sounded, it also sounded incredibly boring. The "plot", if it can be called that, is paper thin: two kids, Kevin (age 4) and Kaylee (probably about 7), wake up to find their dad missing. As they begin wandering around the house, they notice that the windows, doors, and even toilet start disappearing. They are alone, trapped, and confused. They can't even tell what time of day it is.

The scares truly begin when an incredibly unnerving, disembodied voice begins to talk to them, beckoning them to "come upstairs" or "go to the basement". This voice seems to be the source of all the terror the children endure. The entity is able to stick toys on the ceiling, remove the children's eyes and mouths, make the power go out (except for the TV, which plays a constant loop of public domain cartoons), and basically keep Kevin and Kaylee in a hell on earth in the place that is supposed to be safest for them: their own home.

Skinamarink, which was filmed on the unbelievable budget of $15,000 (for reference, Paranormal Activity was also filmed on a budget of $15,000, but that was over 15 years ago), is really more of an experimental film than anything else. Nothing happens for probably 60 minutes of the 100 minute run time. There are endless shots of ceiling lights, toys, doorways, and hallways. The movie is one big evil vibe. There are numerous jump scares, which are mostly sound-based. Like, the camera is fixed on a doorway leading to darkness for 45 seconds and then we hear a screech. It is definitely nerve-jangling, though not exactly innovative. What IS innovative is how well Skinamarink seems to perfectly capture the fears of children that stick with us into adulthood. 

I want to take a minute to explain that I did not watch Skinamarink the way it was intended to be watched: either in a theatre or with headphones on a laptop in a dark room. I watched it without headphones on a laptop in the middle of the day. I knew that the headphones-in-a-dark-room would, frankly, be unpleasantly scary for me. But I was curious and wanted to see what the fuss was about. So, I cheated. I also cheated Kyle Edward Ball out of some money since I watched the movie for free online. But, eh, the movie has already made $890,000 at the box office, so it's going to be fine.

Would I recommend Skinamarink? Yes, but specifically for horror fans who enjoy experimental, slow burns. If you hate being scared by movies, this one is very much not for you. I know some folks are willing to be a little scared in order to watch a good or culturally important film, but this movie will absolutely cause nightmares for a lot of people. Also, if you can't stand extremely slow movies (and I can only just barely stand them), you will probably be bored out of your skull with this one. I've heard it described as "David Lynch at his most inaccessible" or "like the last shot of The Blair Witch Project but for 100 minutes". So, based on those descriptions, go forth and make good choices.

Overall, I have to give Skinamarink a solid "B" since Ball truly tries (and succeeds) at capturing a particular kind of terror that will resonate with many viewers. However, it's not rewatchable (it's barely "watchable" in the first place) and it simply doesn't have enough plot to feel "great". 

Grade: B

The Lost Week

Here are the movies I watched during the week between Christmas and New Years, aka "The Lost Week". I chose some really good movies to end 2022 on! 

***

Singin' in the Rain

It's kind of wild that I had not only not watched Singin' in the Rain, considered one of the greatest films of all time, until now...but that I didn't even know what it was about until now. Singin' in the Rain, a musical comedy starring Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds, is about the transition from silent films to talkies and how that affected actors and film crews. What a cool time period and cool concept! 

Kelly plans Don Lockwood, an actor who appears in many silent films with Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen). The duo star together so often that they are collectively referred to as "Lockwood & Lamont" and there are constant rumors of romance between the two (even though Don pretty much loathes Lina). But when the duo are required to make a "talkie" to keep up with the rest of Hollywood, their secret will be revealed: Lina Lamont has an absolutely awful voice. 

Enter Kathy Selden (Reynolds), a young dancer with a beautiful voice. When the latest Lockwood & Lamont picture is revamped to be a musical, a plan is hatched for Kathy to voice Lina's lines and sing for her. But then Don and Kathy start falling for each other and jealous Lina schemes to ruin Kathy's career.

With classic songs such as "Singin' in the Rain", "Good Morning", and Moses Supposes", Singin' in the Rain is a delightful, colorful, film that lives up to its reputation as one of the GOATs.

Grade: A

***

Red Rocket 

Sean Baker, director of Tangerine and The Florida Project, loves to make "slice of life" films about Americans living on the edge of poverty and society. His latest, Red Rocket, follows a man that we might generously call a "ne'er do well" (or, less generously, call a fuck-up and a creep). Mikey Saber (played in a stunning breakout role by Simon Rex) left his hometown of Texas City, Texas for Los Angeles 17 years ago where we worked in the adult film industry. He has returned home to an estranged wife who wants nothing to do with him, no job, and no prospects. It's pretty clear that Mikey is infamous in Texas City and that everyone hates him.

Mikey is a fast-talker and is incredibly charismatic. He's not evil, but he is wildly self-centered and, though not lacking in intelligence, very good at making spectacularly dumb life choices. He visits his old marijuana dealer, Leondria (Judy Hill) and gets a job moving bud. He also meets the barely legal Raylee (who goes by "Strawberry"; played by Suzanna Son) at a local donut shop and becomes immediately smitten/horny. He is convinced that he can bring this girl, who is less than a month away from turning 18, back to LA and turn her into the greatest porn star who ever lived.

All of this would be insanely creepy if it weren't for Simon Rex's pitch-perfect performance. It's still very creepy to see a guy who is probably in his late-30s "dating" a girl who is technically legal in Texas but is young enough to be his daughter, but Rex walks this incredibly fine line of coming off as a genuinely nice and funny guy, but also a total doofus who can't think one step beyond the pussy and donuts right in front of his face. 

Red Rocket is hilarious, cringe-y, free-wheeling, and sexy/trashy in a way that will make you question your own ethics. 

Grade: A-

***

Blast from the Past

I LOVED this movie as a young teen. When I saw it was on streaming, I wanted to, well, uh, have a blast from the past! This sweet, goofy romance holds up! Brendan Fraser plays Adam, a 35 year old man who was born and raised in a fallout shelter after his parents, Calvin and Helen (Christopher Walken and Sissy Spacek, both hilarious and wonderful in this movie), become convinced that it's only a matter of time until the United States is bombed by the Russians. They're not just paranoid either, as the film opens during the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962.

Well, 35 years later, Calvin believes it's safe to explore outside again, but get a shock when he leaves his shelter and it's 1997 in a shitty neighborhood in LA. He immediately sees a homeless guy digging through trash and a trans hooker saying she "can be a boy, girl, whatever you want" and believes that the humans up above are mutants! (btw, despite how that sounds, the joke is always on Calvin and never on the people he--and later, Adam--meets).

Calvin is so shocked that Adam has to take his place and go up above to look for resources and, possibly, a non-mutant wife. When attempting to sell some old baseball cards, he meets Eve (Alicia Silverstone), who helps the naive Adam not be taken advantage of by the guy offering to buy the cards. Adam convinces the skeptical Eve to help him sell his cards (which are worth thousands apiece) and buy all the resources he needs to keep his parents comfortable in the fallout shelter. 

Blast from the Past is genuinely sweet and funny. Some elements I thought might not have aged well (for example, Dave Foley plays Troy, Eve's gay roommate) are actually handled really well for a movie from 25 years ago. When Eve tells Adam that Troy is gay, Adam says "well, good for you!" thinking she means like, a joyous person. The fact that Adam is so clueless and yet so earnest and sweet means that whenever he encounters someone different and new to him, he treats them with respect automatically. 

Brendan Fraser is just wonderful in this movie and it makes me happy to know that we're in the Brendanaissance right now and the actor is finally getting his due after some pretty shitty treatment he received in Hollywood. 

Grade: B+

***

Fall

This survival thriller was SO anxiety-inducing. I watch a lot of horror and thriller movies, but I think I was the most vocal over this one, often saying out loud (while watching it by myself, mind you) "Oh fuck." "Oh no!" "You've got to be shitting me!!" and just "NOOOOOOOO!!!" That's because Fall is about the fear that gets us all: heights. Or, more specifically, falling from heights.

Becky (Grace Caroline Currey), her husband Dan (Mason Gooding), and her best friend Hunter (Virginia Gardner), are rock climbers. But when Dan dies in a terrible accident, Becky becomes a recluse and even contemplates suicide. To pull her out of her funk, Hunter basically forces Becky to go on an "adventure" with her, where they will climb a decommissioned TV tower for Hunter's YouTube channel. Becky allows herself to be coaxed and prodded into going along with this crazy stunt.

Well, the tower has a ladder all the way to the top. But at the top, the ladder, which is old and rusty, breaks and falls away, leaving the women stuck at the tippy-top with no way to get down. Their backpacks, which have their water, fall and land on a communications dish below and though they have their phones, they don't have service.

Fall has every survival thriller trope and cliche in the book. However, despite the fact that I guessed one of the big "twists" about two minutes in, I still had a great time watching the movie. I wished I had seen it in the theatre, because it would have been even more intense. But even on my old-ass TV, it was still very effective. 

Grade: B+

***

See for Me

A Shudder original film, See for Me is a serviceable thriller about Sophie, young, blind woman housesitting for a rich lady. When burglars break into the woman's house, Sophie must use an app called "See for Me" to survive. This film takes inspiration from both 1967's Wait Until Dark and 2016's Hush, but doesn't really offer us anything new. There are a lot of tense moments, but honestly I was the most tense when Sophie would go down stairs. Like, Sophie holding a gun and facing off against a bad guy? Meh. Sophie running around a house she wasn't familiar with? GIRL BE CAREFUL!!

I will add that there is a not-so-subtle "it's ok to steal from rich people" message in the movie, which I'm kind of ok with and I wish the movie had more balls to fully embrace. 

If you're bored and looking for a home invasion thriller with a twist, you might enjoy See for Me. Otherwise, it's one to skip.

Grade: B-