Nostalgia Factory

 Movies: various

Throughout the pandemic, I've had the chance to rewatch some films that I love, but hadn't seen in a while. You'll notice that these films all came out between 1997 and 2006--a very critical period of growth in my life. I was between the ages of 12 and 21 when these movies came out, so they sort of stick with me the way the music you loved in college sticks with you. They feel quintessentially *me*. I was delighted at how well they hold up upon review a decade plus later. Enjoy!

Being John Malkovich

Being John Malkovich might just be my pick for the most unique film concept of all time. A man, Craig Schwartz (John Cusack in a creepy "nice guy" role), discovers a portal into John Malkovich. No, I'm not talking about Malkovich's butthole. This seemingly innocuous tunnel puts the person "inside" Malkovich's body, so that they see, feel, taste, and hear what Malkovich sees, feels, tastes, and hears. After 15 minutes, they are spit out on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike. After Craig blabs about this to his ice queen crush, Maxine (Catherine Keener), she immediately plots how they can make big bucks selling "tickets to Malkovich". But eventually, Malkovich (played by...John Malkovich) finds out and is not happy, to say the lease.

This film, written by Charlie Kaufman and directed by Spike Jonze, simultaneously feels deeply philosophical and goofy as all hell. I am shocked they managed to not only get such a strange film released, but that the film is actually...amazing. It's amazing. It hits all the right notes of comedy, tragedy, darkness, and ridiculousness perfectly. 

John Malkovich was interviewed about Being John Malkovich and he stated, "Either the movie's a bomb and it's got not only my name above the title, but my name in the title, so I'm fucked that way; or it does well and I'm just forever associated with this character." Well, I'm glad he took the chance because "Being Tom Cruise" would have not been a fraction as wonderful as Being John Malkovich.

Grade: A+

***

American Splendor

American Splendor is a film that celebrates the average man and how interesting and beautiful a boring, even crummy, life can be. Paul Giamatti stars as Harvey Pekar, a real-life comic writer and creator of the comic "American Splendor". Ask 100 people on the street who Harvey Pekar is, and you'd be lucky if one person recognized his name. He's like a less-famous R. Crumb, and people *barely* know who R. Crumb is. 

Giamatti perfectly captures Pekar's grumpiness and contempt for all things phony. Movie scenes are intercut with casual interviews with the real Harvey Pekar, who gets to add his own commentary to the film and how he is portrayed. Hope Davis plays Joy Brabner, Harvey's wife, and a pretty salty gal in her own right. The film chronicles Harvey's younger years all the way up through his bout with testicular cancer, which he beat in the mid-90s. 

"Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff" is the film's tagline, and really is the sort of the motto Harvey lived by, and certainly is remembered by. Even as he gained success as a comic artist, he couldn't quit his job as a file clerk because he just didn't make enough money. Starving artists have been part of humanity since time immemorial and some of the most profound art in history didn't net the artist much money at the time. Hopefully, American Splendor will encourage a few people to check out Pekar's work, or at least remind viewers that it's ok to be ordinary.

Grade: A+

***

Perfume: The Story of a Murderer

I actually reviewed this movie a few years ago when I did a mega-review of so-called "sick" films. The reason I included Tom Tyker's lush, intoxicating story of a serial killer with a superhuman sense of smell is because an acquaintance in college told me that it was a "disgusting movie with disgusting ideas". She also said "America isn't ready for a Black president", so I would take any of her opinions with a shaker of salt.

But maybe Perfume IS sick. So what? Who says sick movies are inherently bad? Guess what fuckos, LIFE is sick! *sunglasses emoji* Ok, ok, I think I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about that girl and her comment, the implication being that anyone who enjoys this ~unarguably amazing~ movie is "sick" themselves.

Ben Whishaw plays Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, a baby born in a fish market in 1730s Paris. Although he is abandoned as a child, Grenouille survives against all odds and grows up to realize that he is not like other people. For one, his sense of smell is off the charts. He can smell EVERYTHING, and he can remember all smells and recall them from memory alone. But in addition to this talent, Grenouille is also a psychopath. He has no sense of guilt or regret, and he can easily murder when it suits him. 

After accidentally murdering a beautiful young woman whose smell is absolute heaven to Grenouille, he takes an apprenticeship with the perfumer Giuseppe Baldini (Dustin Hoffman) and eventually makes his way to Grasse, the epicenter of perfumery. After some trial and error, Grenouille realizes that he can capture a woman's scent by killing her, slathering her in animal fat, and then distilling that fat into an essence. Grenouille's goal is to make the most lovely, mind-blowing perfume of all time by distilling the essence of 13 young ladies, including the daughter of nobleman Antoine Richis (Alan Rickman). 

The ending of this film is one for the record books. Grenouille is captured and is sentenced to a terrible death by having all of his limbs broken on a public stage. But when he is brought to the platform to be executed in front of all of Grasse he whips his little bottle of perfume out and waves it around. The executioner proclaims "This man is innocent!" The crowd IMMEDIATELY begins to wildly fuck in an orgy of pure lust and bliss. And Richis falls to his knees and calls his daughter's murderer "my son". Damn. That's some good perfume.

Despite Perfume's wild plot, the film is really just a love letter to the senses. Smell is an especially powerful sense--one whiff and it can take us back in time, to grandma's kitchen, to the arms of our first lover, to the backyard where we played with a favorite pet. Smell is a time machine. And somehow this movie, based on Patrick Suskind's "unfilmable" novel, manages to capture scent through visuals and music. Truly, an amazing accomplishment. 

Also, word to the wise: watch Perfume after indulging in a little, uh, "Grasse". Really enhances the experience.

Grade: A

***

Boogie Nights

Speaking of sick movies. Here is a film I watched WAY too young. I think I first saw P.T. Anderson's homage to the 1970s LA porn scene when I was like, 15 years old. I was genuinely upset at the depictions of violence, particularly sexual violence, against women in the film.

Upon watching it in college, and then again in grad school, I appreciated it much more--but it still left a bad taste in my mouth.

Now, watching it at the jaded age of 35, I can safely say that this film is fucking hilarious and great on all levels. The acting, the music (THE MUSIC!!), the humor...it's just *chef's kiss*. Anderson knew what he was doing with each scene and each line. 

Mark Walhberg plays Eddie Adams, a barely legal kid who is "discovered" by adult filmmaker and producer Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds) washing dishes in a disco club. Jack thinks Eddie has something special. Turns out Eddie *does* have something special: a dig ol' bick. You know, a trouser snake. A baby maker. A meat loaf. What did people call dicks in the 70s? I need to find some vintage Cosmo magazines.

Anyway, Eddie can't act for shit, but he can fuck, come, take five, and fuck again. Oh, to be 18 again. Eddie, now going by the nom de plume "Dirk Diggler", quickly integrates into Jack's gang of porn stars. Among them are Buck Swopes (Don Cheadle), Amber Waves (Julianne Moore), Becky Barnett (Nicole Ari Parker), Reed Rothchild (John C. Reilly), and Roller Girl (Heather Graham). It's all fun, games, fucking, and sucking for most of the movie. But then drugs get involved and drugs always tend to screw things up. There's also a subplot about a porn financier who gets busted for child pornography! Yep, the Los Angelos porn scene in the late 70s/early 80s was as fucked up as it was glamorous. 

Boogie Nights is an epic dramedy that doesn't really serve up any life lessons (other than "don't bring a gun to a drug deal"), but it does humanize its semi-ridiculous characters. I have no idea what real sex workers think of Boogie Nights, but personally I find it to be a straight-up masterpiece.

Grade: A+

***

O Brother, Where Art Thou

This oddball film from the Coen brothers is loosely based on The Odyssey, but you need not have read Homer's classic in order to enjoy the movie. George Clooney, Tim Blake Nelson, and John Turturro play Everett, Delmar, and Pete--three escapees from a chain-gang in 1930s Mississippi. Everett is a smooth talker and has convinced Pete and Delmar to help him escape in exchange for a share of a treasure he hid before going to prison.

During their travels, the three men encounter unique people, such as a blues singer who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for guitar skills (this character is based on the real life blues artist Robert Johnson), and a one-eyed Bible salesman (John Goodman). They also record a song at a radio station, purely for the quick money it nets them. But unbeknowst to the men, the song--"Man of Constant Sorrow"--becomes a hit and everyone in Mississippi is trying to figure out who the mysterious "Soggy Bottom Boys" are. 

O Brother, Where Art Thou is famous for it's excellent soundtrack, which deservingly won the Grammy for Album of the Year in 2002. But in addition to its wonderful music, the film is also funny as hell. My dad loves it and quotes from it all the time: "I'll only be 82!", "this horse is startin' to turn". etc. 

O Brother, Where Art Thou is among my top Coen brothers' films. Basically, The Big Lebowski, Fargo, and this one are all tied for first place. The Coens are masters at giving the viewer a strong sense of time and place. They are also masters at writing dialogue that is clever, hilarious, and memorable. O Brother, Where Art Thou is feel-good film that's a delight to return to time and again.

Grade: A+

***

Brokeback Mountain

Y'all, I was obsessed with Brokeback Mountain when it first came out. Just ask my college roommate! At the tender age of 19, the thought of Jake Gyllenhaal (bae) and Heath Ledger (rest-in-peace bae) making out in a tent was THE most erotic thing I could imagine and I was all-in. It is only with time that I really appreciate the second half of the film which has less kissin' and more cryin'. Because it's with time that you appreciate how lovely and rare a deep love connection is. 

Brokeback Mountain is as much a tragedy--one that effects not just the main characters, but everyone in their lives--as a romance. Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar are supposed to be 19 years old when they spend that fateful summer on Brokeback. Just a couple of poor kids looking to make a buck through difficult and dangerous labor. They barely say more than a few sentences to each other, and then one freezing night they share a tent and frantically, almost randomly, fuck in the middle of the night. It's honestly not that romantic of a scene. I mean, it's just 19 year old horny dudes taking comfort in a warm body. "You know I ain't queer" Ennis says the next morning. "Me neither", replies Jack.

But what makes this liaison different than one of convenience is that it carries on for years afterward. It's clear that what Jack and Ennis have is more than just lust. Ennis clearly likes Jack more than his own wife, the long-suffering Alma (Michelle Williams) and Jack gently brings up the possibility of living together multiple times. But each time, Ennis shuts this dream down, citing the murder of two ranchers who lived together in his hometown. Sadly, it turns out that Ennis was right to warn Jack: months after their final weekend together as "fishing buddies", Jack dies. His wife (Anne Hathaway) tells Ennis it was a mishap with an exploding tire, but Ennis knows in his bones that Jack was beaten to death, just like those ranchers from his childhood. Jack was only 39.

Jack's sad fate begs the question: could his life had been spared if he and Ennis ran away together? The film ends in 1983, by no means a "good time" for queer men, but certainly a time where Ennis and Jack could have taken their chances and moved out of Wyoming to a more tolerant area. Alas, it was not to be, and the heartbreaking final scene that finds Ennis alone in his tiny home, cuddling Jack's shirt, will bring tears to your eyes. 

Brokeback Mountain holds up as a slow, beautiful portrait of queer love during a time and place where such a thing would 100% get you fired, beat up, or much worse. It's also a reminder to us all to "run at love" (as Patton Oswalt says in his latest stand up special). Don't waste time because tomorrow is promised to no one.

Grade: A-

***

A Clockwork Orange

Every so often, a film comes out that is not good, not great, but one of the greatest of all time. Kubrick's iconic adaptation of Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange is one such film. Somehow, this film is excellent on *every* level: cinematography, acting, music, dialogue, story and is STILL greater than the sum of its very great parts. 

Following the misadventures of Alex DeLarge (Malcolm McDowell, in a career-defining role), a "droog" in Britain in the not-too-distant future, A Clockwork Orange asks big questions such as "what is the nature of good versus evil" and "do we have free will?" Alex is the head of a gang of young men who rape women, beat up old men, and steal. These motherfuckers are supposed to be like, 16 years old. After murdering one of his victims, Alex is arrested and sent to prison. But when he hears about a new program that turns bad men good and gets people out of prison quickly, he signs up for the "Ludivico technique". You have to be living under a rock to have not seen the disturbing image of McDowell strapped to a chair with his eyes forced open as he is forced to watch violent and sexual films after being injected with nausea and fear-inducing drugs. The result is that at the slightest whiff of violence (and boobs), Alex--like Pavlov's dogs--has an immediate reaction of feeling violently ill. He would rather lick the boots of a man who punches him rather than punch back.

Two problems here. One: Alex is essentially a defanged, declawed cat--unable to fight back against a world that is still very cruel and uncaring. Two: the Ludivico technique inadvertently ruined the one thing that keeps sociopathic Alex tied to humanity and emotions--his beloved "lovely, lovely Ludwig van". The films Alex is forced to watch have Beethoven on the soundtrack (weird choice for a film reel about concentration camps, but ok) and so now upon hearing his favorite artist, he literally wants to kill himself. Was it worth removing Alex's violent instincts if it also removed the very thing that made him human?

But luckily (???) Alex's horrible fate doesn't last long. After being nearly killed by his old gang, who are cops now (LOL, even in the future all cops are bastards). Alex stumbles to the nearest home--which turns out to be the home of a subversive writer whose wife Alex and his droogs raped years before. The man is set on revenge and blasts Beethoven's 9th, causing Alex to attempt suicide by jumping out a window. In doing so, the Ludivico technique is reversed and Alex wakes up to discover "I was cured, all right!".

What are we to make of Alex? He is a violent rapist, lacking in empathy and regret. He is also a product of his violent society and his indifferent upbringing. A Clockwork Orange has never not been relevant, as our (well, our American) criminal justice system does more to perpetuate violence and apathy than it does to curb crime. Burgess' novel and Kubrick's film are both incredibly controversial as they ask you to consider the well-being and rights of a violent criminal. But if we don't see young men such as Alex as fully human, aren't we simply as monstrous as they are, if not more?

Grade: A+

She Stoops to Conquer

 Movies: A Promising Young Woman

I have been waiting to watch Emerald Fennell's A Promising Young Woman since April and I finally coughed up 20 bucks to rent it. I will provide two reviews below: a spoiler-free review at the top, followed by a lengthier spoiler-filled review below.

Spoiler-free:

Rape-revenge films are very, very tricky. They can so easily exploit survivors of rape and turn sexual assault into a spectacle for entertainment. One thing I will say about A Promising Young Woman--it is a film about rape that mercifully does not show the actual rape in question. That alone puts it at the top of a genre of films in which avenging angels make men (usually men) pay for their sins. 

Carey Mulligan plays Cassandra Thomas, a 30-year-old medical school drop out who lives with her parents (Jennifer Coolidge and Clancy Brown in excellent supporting roles) and works at a coffee shop (her boss is played by the wonderfully snarky Laverne Cox). Everyone is concerned for Cassie: she has no friends, no boyfriend, no plans to get a better job or move out of her childhood home. 

But little do they know that Cassie has a secret double life: every weekend she goes to sleazy bars, pretends to be falling down drunk, lets a "nice guy" offer to take her home, and--more times than not--allows the so-called good guy to nearly begin to have sex with her drunken body before she reveals that she is, in fact, sober. The film was worth 20 dollars for the look of wild animal fear and shame in Adam Brody's eyes when she reveals that the jig is up, and he has been outed as a potential rapist. 

After each encounter, Cassie records the man's name in a diary, along with a color-code for how far they went before she revealed her sobriety. There are dozens of names in her book.

Why does Cassie do this? Well, the reason she dropped out of medical school was to care for her friend, Nina, a fellow med student who was raped while tanked out her mind by a man named Al Munroe (Chris Lowell). Not only was she raped, but she was raped in front of a group of Al's friends who laughed and did nothing. Going to the dean didn't help, and Nina dropped the charges after being tormented and harassed by Al's defense lawyer. Eventually, Nina killed herself. After that, Cassie dedicated her entire life to avenging Nina--not through violence, but through the teaching of lessons to men who get away with everything. 

Cassie seems to turn a corner when she becomes re-acquainted with Ryan Cooper (Bo Burnham, excellent in this role), a truly gentle man who was also in medical school with her and is now a pediatric surgeon. Cassie allows herself to be wooed by Ryan, and even begins to fall in love. But when Ryan reveals that not only is Al Munroe back in the States after living in London for many years, he is engaged to be married. Cassie cannot help but feel her thirst for revenge rise up again. And this time, blood will be spilled.

A Promising Young Woman is an inevitably divisive film for many reasons. It is a prickly film, a feel-bad (but in a way that feels oh-so-good) movie that doesn't follow the arc you THINK it will follow. Cassie is not a "hero" in the strictest sense: she truly stoops to her potential rapists' level, especially in the second half of the film. She does not play by the rules, and the "woke" among us who watch this film will NOT approve of her methods. 

But I saw A Promising Young Woman not as a guidebook on restorative justice, but as a *rape-revenge fantasy*, emphasis on the fantasy. A lot of what Cassie does would get her beaten and killed in real life. So, you can't watch this movie as if it takes place fully in our reality. If you watch it through the lens of a true fantasy, and not as a perfectly feminist little film, I think you'll enjoy what it has to offer much more. 

It won't land well with everyone, that's for sure. But for me, this poison-filled cupcake of a film was exactly the treat I needed given the state of our society right now.

Grade: A

***

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

***

So, I actually went into A Promising Young Woman knowing a huge plot twist, which was revealed on Twitter to show that the movie isn't "feminist" or "empowering". Well, it's actually a couple of twists: firstly, as part of Cassie's revenge on everyone involved in Nina's rape, she goes out of her way to make two women believe they have been the victims of rape. In the first case, she meets an old friend from med school, Madison McPhee (played perfectly by Alison Brie), for lunch. Madison didn't believe Nina back in the day, and when Cassie brings it up at lunch, Madison insists that it was Nina's fault for getting drunk. Cassie then proceeds to encourage Madison to get drunk herself, and pays a strange man to put Madison to bed in a hotel room and "look after her". Although it is later revealed that this man doesn't touch Madison, Cassie allows Madison to believe she was raped to "teach her a lesson". 

Then, Cassie punishes the Dean of her medical school (played by Connie Britton) by figuring out who her daughter is, picking her up from school, and taking her to a diner where the daughter believes she's going to meet her favorite boy band. She then goes and has a meeting with the Dean (under a false name) and gets the Dean to admit that when Nina came to her for help, the Dean believed Al over Nina and refused to end the career of a "promising young man" over the rape accusation. Cassie then allows the Dean to believe that she took her daughter to those very same men, along with a few bottles of vodka. The Dean flips her shit, wild with fear for her daughter. Of course, Cassie did no such thing--her daughter is safe, enjoying a soda at a diner.

The criticism these scenes (which are pretty fucking far-fetched. Again, this is a *rape revenge fantasy*) get is that Cassie puts other women in harms way to make her point. But my take is: so what? Maybe women (and men) who are rape apologists DO deserve to learn what it's like to feel vulnerable. Cassie isn't claiming to be a feminist or a friend of all women. Her entire drive is revenge. Just as Beatrix Kiddo is gender-blind in her quest for vengeance in the Kill Bill films, so is Cassie. What I think people get wrong about this movie is thinking that it's supposed to be feminist in a way that we might describe as "politically correct"--i.e. 100% empowering of women, with a happy ending where justice is served in a way that is palatable to all. Sorry, but that's just not this movie. 

The final third of the movie is the most divisive of all. Cassie becomes aware that Nina's rape was filmed (thank god, we don't see the film). She is devastated to learn that nice-guy Ryan was there, in the room, cheering on Al as he raped an unconscious woman. She blackmails Ryan into telling her where Al's bachelor party is taking place, and she arrives, dressed as nurse, with a bottle of roofied vodka. 

After drugging his pals and handcuffing Al to a bed, she tells Al that her name is "Nina Fisher" and that she wants him to admit what he did. Of course, Al cannot do this, as no man who has raped a woman can TRULY admit what he's done (at least in the world of the movie). Cassie pulls out a scalpel and prepares to pull a Lisbeth Salander and carve Al's sins into his own flesh. But in a twist, he breaks free of the cuffs and smothers Cassie with a pillow. We don't see a rape in this movie, but we do see a prolonged act of murder (or self-defense, if you know, you're on the side of a rapist). The next morning, Al's buddy, Joe (Max Greenfield, playing a dumbass asshole excellently here) tells him it's not his fault and helps him burn Cassie's body.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!!!!

It turns out that Cassie sent not only the video, but the information about the bachelor party, to ex-defense lawyer Jordan Green (Alfred Molina, always a treat). In an earlier scene, when Cassie visited Green to most likely murder him, Green revealed that he welcomed being punished by her, and not in a sexy way. He had an epiphany, quit lawyering, and has spent his days trying to make amends for all the ways he destroyed women's lives by defending their rapists. Good to his word, Green gives the information to the cops, and Al is arrested at his own wedding reception for Cassie's murder. It's also clear that Ryan will pay the piper for his role in the rape as well, as the tape reveals all. She had to die to achieve it, but Cassie got her revenge.

Now, you can see why people had a problem with this ending. People were PISSED that Cassie had to die in order for a man to get his comeuppance. However, I submit the following evidence that, again, this isn't meant to be a movie that 100% takes place in the real world:

1) Cassie goes home dozens of times with would-be rapists. But she is never beaten or killed by any of these men. 

2) Cassie allows a woman to believe she was raped and another woman to believe she kidnapped her daughter and threw her to a group of rapey men. Neither woman presses charges.

3) It just so happens that the defense lawyer who defended Al not only turned a corner, but it happy to release the evidence Cassie sent him.

4) There is no man in this film (except for Cassie's dad) who isn't a rapist/potential rapist/rape-adjacent. This is shocking, but there are in fact men in the world who not only haven't raped anyone, but would not stand by and watch their friend rape someone. I mean, maybe it's fewer men than we'd like, but they do exist.

This evidence supports my theory that A Promising Young Woman was not made to be an instruction manual for women who want revenge. If you want a story of real life heroines who brought a rapist to justice, please read this excellent long form journalism piece which was the basis for the Netflix series Unbelievable. The detectives who solved this case are *real* heroes who perhaps we *should* emulate. Cassie is as fictional as Beatrix Kiddo and is not someone I would recommend emulating unless you want to be murdered by some rando in a bar.

A Promising Young Woman is, in my opinion, an excellent film that allows us a fantasy of true revenge, which is a nasty business. Revenge is not justice, and it is not "right". It is a visceral, animal desire that lives in the pit of our stomachs and in our lizard brains. People who process rape kits and lead therapy sessions are the real heroes in real life. But Cassandra Thomas is the avenging angel who lives only in our wildest dreams.

Grade: A

The COVID Diaries--Part 13

Movies: various

Here is what I am watching (so far) during the quarantine for COVID-19.

***

Possessor 

Possessor is a science-fiction/horror film directed by Brandon Cronenberg, son of David Cronenberg. Both Cronenbergs are notable for their emphasis on body horror in their movies, and Cronenberg Jr. here masterfully follows in his dad's footsteps while also making his own unique mark.

Andrea Riseborough plays Tasya Vos, an assassin who kills by taking over another person's (a "host") brain via implant. Her latest assignment is to kill CEO John Parse (Sean Bean) as well as his daughter, Ava (Tuppence Middleton), by using Ava's fiance, Colin (Christopher Abbott) as the host. Almost immediately, things start going wrong: Ava knows something is up with Colin and Colin's brain begins to fight back against Tasya's presence and influence. All of this leads to several intensely gory scenes. This film is not for the faint of heart.

All the acting is excellent, but special recognition of Chris Abbott is due, as he must play Colin, Tasya-as-Colin, and Colin-fighting-Tasya for control. 

Possessor shows that when it comes to talent, vision, and images that will get under your skin, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Grade: A-

***

Videodrome

Speaking of Cronenbergs, I watched Videodrome, which is Cronenberg Sr.'s defining film, for the first time this year. I was quite surprised at what the film got away with showing back in 1983.

It's hard to really describe what this film is about. Basically, James Woods plays Max Renn, the president of a UHF TV channel which specializes in sex and gore. He comes across footage from a show that appears to be out of Malaysia which is literally snuff torture porn. Upon researching the show, he discovers it is actually being broadcast out of Pittsburgh and it is indeed real footage of torture and murder.

It turns out that by watching the show, Videodrome, viewers become infected with a malignant brain tumor which causes hallucinations. This is an intended consequence of viewing the show, as its creators are actually political actors aiming to control people via the airwaves. 

Confused yet? I was, and still am. Videodrome is one of those movies that you need to watch more than once *and* read some commentary on in order to fully get it. But it's an undeniably seminal work from a visionary director as well as prescient commentary about manipulation through media. That alone earns this film an "A".

Grade: A

***

Oculus

Oculus is a mediocre horror film from director Mike Flanagan. Two children witnessed something horrible happen to their family shortly after moving into a new home. Both parents died. 11 years later, the brother, Tim (Brenton Thwaites), is released from psychiatric care and is ready to move on with his life. He is startled to realize that his older sister, Kaylie (Karen Gillian), is still convinced that a centuries-old mirror is responsible for what happened to her and Tim's parents when they were kids. She believes the mirror has a way of influencing people and causing them to become violent. Tim is upset to hear this because he just spent 11 years in a psychiatric hospital "unlearning" this story and accepting the fact that he killed his father in self-defense.

Kaylie wants Tim to help her prove that the mirror is supernatural. She basically steals the mirror, which was auctioned off, and takes it back to the scene of the crime: their childhood home, which is still on the market 11 years later since no one wants to buy a murder house. She sets up cameras (to catch anything ghostly or suspicious), timers (to remind her to eat, check on the cameras, etc), and a "kill switch"--a boat anchor that will swing down and destroy the mirror if a timer is not re-set every 30 minutes. Her reasoning is that the mirror will not want to be destroyed, so it will avoid influencing the siblings who then may forget to re-set the kill switch. Uh, well, things don't go as planned.

I have to say I didn't really enjoy this convoluted story, which is pretty light on scares. Mirrors can be terrifying--just ask Bloody Mary and Candyman. But the way the mirror in Oculus works is by draining the energy of those around it and also making its victims go insane and become violent. I felt like the movie was trying to throw everything at the wall to see what would stick, but the final product is forgettable.  

Grade: C

***

The Secret: Dare to Dream

If you're wondering what this cheesy film, based on the best-selling "self help" book by Rhonda Byrne, is doing on here, well--it was a hate-watch. My friend and I watched it together (virtually) to make fun of it. And I have to give credit where credit is due: The Secret: Dare to Dream wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

It was still pretty bad, though. 

Starring Katie Holmes as widow and mom of three Miranda Wells and Josh Lucas as Bray Johnson (brave choice, naming a character after the sound a donkey makes), The Secret: Dare to Dream is all about the power of positive thinking. The concept behind Byrne's book is that if you just visualize what you want in life, you'll naturally attract it to you. Now, readers, I am a believer in positive thinking. I personally believe that you can reframe the stories you tell yourself and, in fact, change your life. Meaning, if you're having a shitty day, you can think about the things you are grateful for in life and your day might feel less shitty. What I don't believe is that you can visualize pizza and a pizza delivery person will arrive at your doorstep, which is literally a thing that happens in this movie.

Long story short: Miranda and her three kids live in Louisiana. Ever since her husband died in a plane crash, Miranda has been struggling emotionally and financially. The final blow comes after a tree falls on her house during a storm and she simply does not have the money to fix the roof. Random out-of-towner from Nashville, Bray Johnson, who met Miranda before the storm via a series of coincidences (yes, it's that kind of movie) offers to fix the roof himself. Miranda is not used to people being kind to her, so she is naturally suspicious (as is her rich boyfriend, Tucker, played to perfection by Jerry O'Connell). But Bray proves he is not fucking around. Also, he has a connection to Miranda's dead hubs. After a very severe misunderstanding (gotta have the Big Mis in any romance movie!), Miranda and Bray realize they are perfect for one another. 

As a romance movie, The Secret: Dare to Dream is fine. It's a typical "white, salt-of-the-earth, but not too salt-of-the-earth people falling in love" movie in the vein of Nicholas Sparks. In fact, my friend and I agreed that the final sequence, in which Miranda drives to Nashville to confess her feelings to Bray, only for Bray to already be back in Louisiana, trying to confess his feelings to her, and then the two begin driving back towards their respective states while talking on the phone and meet at a restaurant for breakfast in the middle, was actually really sweet. 

As a philosophy, however, the movie, like the book, is a bunch of mumbo jumbo and is insulting to the millions--scratch that--billions of people who live in poverty and oppression around the world and can't simply "visualize" a better tomorrow. The Secret is a load of crap based in a capitalistic mindset that is all about getting what YOU want, rather than actually working to make other people's lives less painful.

Grade: C-

***

Wild Things

1998's "erotic thriller" Wild Things is awful, just awful. Not only is the plot completely contrived and over-the-top with more twists than a balloon animal, the acting is shit and the sexual politics of the film cross the border from "taboo" to "unethical and possibly illegal". The only thing that redeems this film is how hilariously dumb it is, so the watcher can wring a few cheap laughs from it.

High school sex kitten Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards) accuses the world's worst guidance counselor, Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillion), of rape. Her claims are backed up by local outcast Suzie Toller (Neve Campbell). However, in court Suzie renegs on her accusations and says, under oath, that the whole thing is a ruse to get revenge on Sam. Sam sues Kelly's wealthy mother and wins an 8.5 million defamation suit...

..and then it is revealed that the whole thing was a plot, concocted by Kelly, Suzie, and Sam so that they could split the money and bounce from their shitty little Florida town. This is only the first of like, 17 twists that happen in the film. I won't get into the rest of the plot because it's just too dumb and long to explain.

I will point out that Sam has a threesome with Kelly and Suzie, even though the girls are his students and *maybe* 18? Possibly 17. I mean, I know this is Florida, but come on. Wild Things suggests that this is sexy, but actually it's just gross. Hey, maybe I'm a hypocrite because one of my favorite movies, Call Me By Your Name, is about a 17 year old and a 24 year old who have sex, but I stand my my assertion that anyone who thinks Wild Things is sexy is a gross weirdo.

Grade: D+

***

Cry-Baby

When it comes to John Waters, I think I like the man more than I like his films. Don't get me wrong: John Waters is a genius. What he stands for ("filth is my politics, filth is my life") is greater than perhaps any of his movies. It's just that his movies are SO campy and SO over-the-top, I don't really enjoy them so much as enjoy being weirded out by them.

Cry-Baby, starring a young Johnny Depp, is one of Waters' more accessible (and family-friendly) films, as opposed to Pink Flamingos or Female Trouble. It's a satire of 1950s teen films, which often feature "troubled youth" who wear leather jackets and flip the bird at society. Depp plays Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker, the leader of a rebellious group of teens known as the "drapes" (basically, greasers). Cry-Baby catches the eye of Allison Vernon-Williams (Amy Locane), a good-girl "square". Can these two star-crossed lovers put aside their differences and come together to neck furiously in the woods? You bet they can.

Also starring Ricki Lake as Pepper, Cry-Baby's sister and teen mother of three, Traci Lords as another drape, Iggy Pop as Cry-Baby's uncle, Cry-Baby is intensely, unrelentingly campy. It almost has a feeling of pornography to it--everyone acts WAY over the top and the clothing and props (from the stereotypical black and white jailhouse outfit Cry-Baby wears while in prison to the gigantic syringes the nurses use to give the teens their vaccinations) are cartoonish. But that's just Waters. All his movies, whether X-rated or PG-rated are like this.

I enjoyed Cry-Baby, even if I didn't love it. There are some really funny moments and great musical numbers, including "Teardrops Are Falling. Like most of Waters films, I tend to be interested in watching them, but not particularly eager to rewatch them. But I do recommend Cry-Baby for its place in the modern cult canon. 

Grade: B-

***

Bound

Before the Wachowski sisters blew our minds with The Matrix, they directed this tight, sexy neo-noir starring Gina Gershon as Corky, an ex-con and handyperson and Jennifer Tilly as Violet, a mobster's girlfriend. The two women fall in love and create an intricate and dangerous plot to steal money from Caesar (Joey Pantoliano), Violet's boyfriend. Doing so would be tantamount to robbing the mob of 2 million dollars, so the stakes are literally life and death.

Bound takes place nearly entirely within the apartment Corky has been hired to paint and fix up and Violet and Caesar's apartment. I won't go into details about what happens, but the film will have you on the edge of your seat during the second half.

Great acting, a tight script, and heroines you want to root for--Bound is a treat of a film.

Grade: B+

***

Bombshell

Bombshell would get a higher rating from me if it wasn't about bad people. The film is based on real events at Fox News, in which Gretchen Carlson (played here by Nicole Kidman) sued Roger Ailes (John Lithgow) for sexual harassment. This plot entwines with the aftermath of Megyn Kelly (portrayed perfectly by Charlize Theron) squaring off with Donald Trump and Trump making the comment about "blood coming out of her wherever". Meanwhile, there is yet another plot which follows new girl Kayla Pospisil (a composite character, played by Margot Robbie) at Fox figuring out the lay of the land, which includes having to show Roger Ailes her panties at his request.

Here's the thing: Bombshell actually tells a very interesting story, and it's all the more interesting for having happened at Fox. A woman taking down a man's career (unfortunately, Ailes died like one year after Carlson won the lawsuit so he didn't suffer nearly as long as he should have) for sexual harassment is an inherently fascinating story--but when it happens at a workplace where the "work" is to systematically brainwash people into hating feminists, black people, queer people, immigrants, etc? I mean, personally I find that all the more intriguing. 

However, Bombshell is too easy on Fox and it's especially too easy on Kelly and Carlson, who while not the most rabid individuals working at Fox News, contributed to its culture of propaganda and bigotry. Especially now, in hindsight of just how extreme the damage Fox did was to our country, it's hard to sympathize with these women. 

I will say that I think it's still worth a watch if you're interested, if only for Theron's bananas-good portrayal of Megyn Kelly. There was a reason she was nominated for an Oscar for it. 

Grade: B-

***

Cape Fear

Up until a few weeks ago, I truly thought Martin Scorsese's horror/thriller about a man stalking a family of three was spelled "Cape Feare" because that's how the famous Simpsons episode spells it, which shows how great an impact that Simpsons episode had on pop culture.

Cape Fear stars Nick Nolte as Sam Bowden, a defense lawyer who purposefully withheld information* while defending Max Cady (Robert De Niro) on charges of the rape and battery of a 16 year old girl. After 14 years in prison, Cady is out and has learned to read in the interim. He has knowledge that Sam buried the information* and begins stalking Sam's family, including his 15 year old daughter, Danielle (Juliette Lewis). Sam must act to protect his family, since he knows Cady will likely kill him and then rape and kill his wife and daughter in order to get his revenge.

*the "information" is that the 16 year old child that Cady raped was "promiscuous". This fact threw the entire movie for me. Sam defends his choice to bury the information, which would have gotten Cady a lighter sentence, but his colleague (as well as, duh, Cady himself) both see what Sam did as wrong. The simple fact that "promiscuity" should have less than nothing to do with whether or not a CHILD was raped and beaten within an inch of her life is so glaringly obvious, that it even being treated like a serious impetus for Cady to stalk Bowden really made me not like Cape Fear at all. Even knowing that of course Cady, a sadistic psychopath, wouldn't see it that way, I still could not wrap my head around it.

In addition, there is a scene of sexual violence where a woman thinks she's going to have consensual sex with Cady, but is violently raped, as well as a scene where Cady kisses the 15 year old Danielle. I can handle a lot of violence in films, up to and including rape, but I just felt grossed out by this.

Cape Fear is a classic and if you feel you must see it, go ahead. But personally, I'd recommend sticking to the Simpsons parody. 

Grade: C