Saturday Night Cabin Fever

 Specials: Inside

20,000 years of this, 7 more to go.

***

Years from now, we're going to look back on 2020 and 2021 (and if that Delta variant has anything to say about it, maybe 2022, and 2023...) and point to certain pieces of culture as representative of the "pandemic years". I'm quite convinced that Bo Burnham's Inside will be among the most often pointed to. Watching it with my friend, I said "This really is the Michelangelo's David of the pandemic". 

I think that's because while Inside is very much *about* the pandemic specifically (it is titled "Inside", after all), it's also about "our time" in a bigger way. Infused with a humor so dark that it stops being humor and starts being tragedy, Burnham captures "That Funny Feeling" about living in what truly feels like the end times. 

In fact, for all the accolades Burnham's songs "White Woman's Instagram" and "Problematic" have received in the glowing reviews for this special, I think "That Funny Feeling" is the song of Inside. It's the point at which Burnham's comedy transforms into something transcendent. It's a song about grief. It's a song about coming to terms not just with one's own eventual death, but the fact that no matter if one had children, wrote a book, started a company, spent their life giving to charity...in enough time, all of that will end and any trace of humanity's existence will be washed away on the shores of eternity. Heavy stuff for a comedy special.

But what is comedy if not acceptance of truth persisting, right? It is the role of the Fool, the Jester, to be the one person who is allowed to tell the truth. And the truth about this pandemic is not so much that it broke people, or that it cracked Capitalism open wide, but that it forced all of us to contemplate our own mortality. And I guess if you didn't spend at least some amount of time during the quarantine coming to terms with the fleeting nature of existence, enjoy that denial my friend. 

Burnham serves as Fool, as Philosopher, and as Therapist. He uses his self-aware white guy persona to lure us in, joking that maybe he--a white guy--should "shut the fuck up" before admitting "I'm bored", and pointing out that we can truly heal the world with comedy. He then sings about Facetiming with his mom (she will regale him with the plot of the season six finale of The Blacklist) and sexting (he tries to take a picture of his dick, but the flash makes his dick look frightened). Burnham begins his special with exactly what you think it will be--a humorous reflection about moving all of life indoors and onto the internet.

And then comes "White Woman's Instagram", which some people complained was sexist, but they're obviously wrong and annoying, because it's a great song that accurately captures the je nais se quois of a certain type of Insta account which features "a golden retriever in a flower crown" and "incredibly derivative political street art". But then, Burnham hits us with this:  

Her favorite photo of her mom

The caption says:

"I can't believe it

It's been a decade since you've been gone

Mama, I miss you

I miss sitting with you in the front yard

Still figuring out how to keep living without you

It's got a little better, but it's still hard

Mama, I got a job I love and my own apartment

Mama, I got a boyfriend, and I'm crazy about him

Your little girl didn't do too bad

Mama, I love you, give a hug and kiss to Dad"

It's at this point when the first clue that this special might be about something deeper than just goofing on Millennials and their quirks. In the middle of some soft jabs and ribbing is a moment of human empathy. A moment of connection. 

As the special continues, the tone shifts over and over from lighthearted to comedically dark (my favorite moment is Burnham's exchange with "Socko", the politically aware sock puppet) to "Is Bo Burnham ok? He's joking about suicide a lot and he looks like he hasn't showered in weeks." The line between entertainer and "one of us" gets frighteningly blurred. Inside often feels like both Burnham and the viewer are going through the stages of grief together, with "The Funny Feeling" being the stage of acceptance: 

Total disassociation, fully out your mind

Googling "derealization," hating what you find

That unapparent summer air in early fall

The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all

This is some real shit, and it's something most people never really look at too closely. If you think about it, most people avoid feeling their feelings--and not just the "bad" ones. Feelings, even good ones, are often quite uncomfortable and "luckily" we have all this shit: alcohol, pot, Ben & Jerry's, sex, online shopping, video games, etc that allow us quick and easy escapes from sitting quietly with our feelings and just accepting them for what they are. We do so much to avoid being human, and in fact we have built our modern society around ways to escape our own feelings, as well as our responsibility to our fellow humans. Is the world any more fucked up than it was 100 years ago? I don't believe so. I think with every gain we make, we give up something else or make some sort of trade off. The major difference is that with the internet, we simply know more about the fucked up stuff nowadays.

There is no sweet ending to Inside, but nor is there a hopeless ending. We watch Burnham leave "his" house (it's actually clearly a set) and then get locked outside. As he tries desperately to get back in, a laugh track plays over his fear and anxiety, and he crumples into a ball on the ground. Cut to Burnham watching this scene on his laptop. He smiles, and the special is over. The perfect ending to a perfect piece of art: the mixture of fear, sadness, humor, and self-awareness that encapsulates everything that came before it. 

Inside is a must watch for anyone with an iota of self-awareness. You're gonna laugh, and you'll probably cry too. Life is an absurd spectacle that ultimately ends in death, as well as the death of everyone and everything you love. It is up to us to give it meaning and purpose. Whether we like it or not, we're here. So, we may as well Facetime our moms and ask what they thought of the finale of The Blacklist.

Grade: A+

The COVID Diaries--Part 19

 Here is what I am watching (so far) during the quarantine for COVID-19 

***

365 Days

I forced my best friend to watch this hilariously bad movie after one of my fave YouTubers reviewed it. The film, directed by Barbara Białowąs and Tomasz Mandes, is sort of marketed like a Fifty Shades of Grey rip-off, although it's really more reminiscent of Beauty and the Beast. Basically, a Sicilian mob boss, Massimo, kidnaps a woman, Laura, he saw once from afar and brings her to his enormous villa. He tells her he's going to give her 365 days to fall in love with him. He won't touch her unless she consents (he tells her this while holding her down and forcibly cupping her breast), but also warns her that she shouldn't tease him, as he can't control himself around her.

Annnnnnd it takes like seven days for Laura to go from outraged, to flirtatious, to in love with Massimo (to be fair, Massimo did take her shopping like, three times in the seven days). That's pretty much it. There's a twist at the end of the movie that obviously leaves room for a sequel, but yeah, overall nothing happens in the film except shopping and a lot of dick-sucking. I'm not joking. There's like 3 or 4 extended scenes of fellatio in this movie. 

Personally, I found 365 Days FUCKING HILARIOUS. I'm not sure if my friend thought it was a waste of time or not, but I was laughing for most of the movie (which is not a comedy, btw). I'm not gonna lie: the sex scenes were pretty hot. You even see a flash of D in there. But the characters are terrible, the music is worse, and the plot is non-existent, so treat this only as bad movie night fodder and go in with rock bottom expectations.

Grade: F+

***

The Belko Experiment

I think there is a better movie somewhere inside The Belko Experiment that just didn't make its way out. This horror/thriller takes place in a business office in Bogota, Colombia that employs mostly Americans for some reason. What do they do there? No idea--it's not really relevant to the movie. On this particular day, a voice comes over the loud speaker telling everyone they have pick two of their coworkers to kill or something worse will happen. Everyone thinks it's a joke, until they realize that steel doors have covered all the windows and exits, locking them inside. After they fail to pick two people to kill, a bunch of folks' heads explode! Turns out that a condition of working at Belko Industries was that you had to have a chip implanted in your skull, which is supposed to protect employees from being kidnapped (which I guess is a common thing in Colombia??). Well, turns out those chips are explosives. LOL. 

The voice comes back and tells the remaining employees that now 30 of them must die, and if they fail to meet that metric, 60 will be killed. So basically, this movie is Battle Royale meets Office Space. The movie has a decent roster of lesser-known, but very talented actors, including John Gallagher Jr., Tony Goldwyn, and John C. McGinley. But despite the talent and interesting concept, The Belko Experiment is pretty forgettable. It's entertaining while you're watching it, but it's not going to haunt you the way a good horror or thriller should. It's also a bit nihilistic, which didn't bother me but did surprise me. You kind of assume that the "good guys" will find a way to band together and outsmart the "bad guys" and that the entertainment will be the creative ways people find to get out of their predicament without resorting to violence. But, no. Basically, it really is just a battle royale. Which is fine but not what I was hoping for. The Belko Experiment is just movie popcorn: tastes good while you're eating it, but it doesn't fill you up. 

Grade: B

***

The Loved Ones

Now here is a horror movie that haunts me, but not because it's good. It's because it honestly kind of goes too far. The violence in this film, which is clearly inspired by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, is creative and relentless in a way that left me feeling gross and worse for having watched it, which--as readers of this blog should know--is a difficult bar for me to reach. I'm open to watching a lot, and I mean A LOT of violence. But something about this one just felt like too fucking much.

Here's the basic plot: high school senior Brent (Xavier Samuel) turns down weird girl Lola's (Robin McLeavy) request to go to prom with him. Lola and her dad then kidnap Brent and subject him to an insane amount of torture. Here's a partial list of some of the stuff they do to Brent:

• Inject bleach into his vocal chords so that he can't speak.
• Force him to pee in a cup while threatening to cut his dick off.
• Carve initials into his chest and throw salt on the wounds.
• STAB KNIVES INTO HIS FEET, PINNING THEM TO THE FLOOR.
• Drill a hole in his skull and prepare (but don't succeed) to pour boiling water into the hole. (Cool Jeffrey Dahmer reference, bro!)

Look. I get that this movie thinks that it is especially edgy because the torturers are a teen girl and her dopey dad, but this movie goes beyond shocking in an engaging way to just plain disgusting. It's hard to grade the movie because as horror, it fucking works. I was horrified! And honestly, there are movies I've seen (ahem, The Poughkeepsie Tapes) that are far more disturbing. But this one just didn't do it for me. It felt like too much violence and too little plot. Like, I'm cool with the insane amount of violence in Tarantino movies because there's a lot of interesting dialogue and action sequences in between the scenes of eyes getting gouged out. But like I said, the main feeling The Loved Ones inspired in this viewer was exhaustion. Recommended only for horror enthusiasts. 

Grade: B-

***

Oxygen

A forgettable and unrealistic sci-fi film starring Melanie Laurent as a woman who wakes up in a coffin-like container with a computer voice telling her that her oxygen is running out. She also doesn't remember who she is and must use her smarts to figure out where the hell she is so that she has a chance at survival before the clock runs out and she asphyxiates. 

This movie has already been made and it was titled Buried and starred Ryan Reynolds. With Buried, I felt the insanely high stakes of the film and was sitting on the edge of my seat until literally the last second of the movie. It was also depressing as hell, but in terms of making me feel something, it did an excellent job. Oxygen, while entertaining (especially in its first half before you really know what's going on), is just not as good. The sci-fi element actually takes away from the movie because there are things the character can do in the movie that seem really unrealistic, yet she can't do other basic things (like find an alternate oxygen source). Essentially, the technology in the movie is super advanced so that it can help the main character remember who she is and contact people for help...but like, not advanced enough to have a secondary oxygen source? That really took me out of the movie. 

Like The Belko Experiment above, Oxygen is good for a night of entertainment, but it's not going to be a movie you're thinking about a week later.

Grade: B-

***

A Glitch in the Matrix

This documentary by Rodney Ascher (who previously directed a really excellent doc about the movie The Shining called Room 237--check it out!) is about people who believe that reality is a simulation. I've heard this theory before and honestly thought it wasn't that crazy, but then I read a bunch of reviews criticizing the director for giving a platform to "crackpots" and "nutcases", so fuck me I guess. 

To be fair, it's one thing to idly think to oneself "whoa, what if we're just like, a video game for aliens mannnnn" and do another bong hit. It's quite another to allow this theory to rule your life. So maybe Ascher *is* doing society a disservice by inadvertently promoting a theory that could contribute to more and more people experiencing derealization. The film kind of tackles this problem by giving a lot of time to a man named Joshua Cooke who is currently serving a prison sentence for murdering his parents in the early 2000s after he became obsessed with The Matrix and convinced that reality wasn't real. Why he had to test his beliefs by murdering his fucking parents is anyone's guess, but I can see how becoming "infected" with the idea that we are not living in "true" reality but some kind of simulation could make a person go a little coo-coo.

A Glitch in the Matrix is far less interesting than I thought it would be. Interviewees (in addition to Cooke) include anonymous believers in the theory who are disguised as elaborate animated avatars and who claim that they know we are living in a simulation because they like, thought really hard about goldfish and then walked around town and saw...a goldfish on a sign oh my god you guys it's the matrix!!! Or how about the theory that if you go into a bookstore, most of the books have no words...until you open them because the computer knew you were going to open it and filled the book!! Of course, this theory is impossible to prove because...because it's bullshit you guys. We're probably not living in a simulation. And even if we are, so what? Does it actually change anything about our day-to-day lives? Am I going to kill someone because "nothing is real"? No, I am not, because 1) I don't want to kill people and 2) prison is going to feel pretty fucking real when I go there...which is what Joshua Cooke found out after he murdered his parents.

I think what's more interesting that the actual simulation theory is the fact that more and more people are sort of disassociating from their lives and relationships due to technology these days. And don't @ me if you're a tech nerd who thinks tech is neutral--I'm pretty convinced at this point that the echo chambers sites like Facebook, Reddit, and 4chan created have contributed to the rise in extremist violence all over the world. Tech may be neutral, but that doesn't mean it's all good for us. 

A Glitch in the Matrix is a fairly interesting film, though not as thought-provoking or mind-blowing as it could be. It sets out the be an exploration of how science fiction and technology have merged to change our view of the world but ends up be an inadvertent dive into the darker corners of the human psyche.

Grade: B

The COVID Diaries--Part 18

 Here is what I am watching (so far) during the quarantine for COVID-19 

***

Saint Maud

This concise (85 minutes) first film by Rose Glass is a creepy psychological horror film about what can happen when religious fanaticism and extreme loneliness collide. Maud (Morfydd Clark) is private hospice nurse who takes a job caring for a once-renowned dancer, Amanda (Jennifer Ehle), who is now dying from stage four lymphoma. Maud is also a newly converted Catholic who talks regularly to God and begs Him to give her a purpose. After a brief conversation with Amanda about her fears of death, Maud is convinced that her purpose is to save Amanda's soul.

The horror comes in the form of body horror--some of which we know is all too horribly real, such as when Maud put tacks in her shoes and then steps into them with her full weight (the sound effects here really sell the scene). But some scenes of Maud twisting, contorting, and even being lifted into the air by some unknown force--well, we're not sure if this is all in her head or really happening. 

Saint Maud is well worth the watch for horror and suspense fans, but even non-horror fans might want to give this one a try. The horror is less about demons or ghosts, and more about the lengths fragile people will go to convince themselves their mission is right. 

Grade: A-

***

Bamboozled

Bamboozled is a Spike Lee film released in 2000. Damon Wayans plays Pierre Delaroix, a Black man working for a television company. His racist boss (played perfectly by Michael Rapaport) wants Pierre to create a sensationalist show about Black people--not a "Cosby clone" that portrays Black people as smart and hardworking. Insulted, Pierre goes the "I'll give him a show so disgusting, he'll regret he ever asked" route--he formulates the idea for a show based on old minstrel shows, featuring Black actors in blackface with names like "Sleep n' Eat" who talk in an exaggerated southern accent. Basically: take all the worst stereotypes of people of color, throw a healthy amount of n-words in for flavor, and serve to his shitty boss.

Well, the show is a hit. I'm not sure whether Spike Lee was inspired by The Producers or not, but he takes a page from the Mel Brooks classic by having the scheme to create a terrible show blow up in the creator's face when said show becomes enormously popular. Now Pierre is in the awkward situation of deciding between accepting the accolades (and money) that are rolling in due to his blatantly racist "Mantan: The New Millennium Minstrel Show" and quitting, which his secretary, Sloan (Jada Pinkett Smith) encourages him to do.

There's a lot more plot, and the film, unlike The Producers, is actually quite tragic. Not only is it meant to educate the viewer on the history of minstrel shows/blackface, I read it as an indictment against Black individuals who take advantage of systemic and cultural racism for personal gain. I've talked in this blog before about how I took a pop culture in American history class in college and we were shown this film. A white women--blond "I want to talk to the manager" bob and Vera Bradley bag and all--said "I am so sick of apologizing for being white" after it was over. What that (I'm sorry, but I have to say it) stupid bitch didn't grasp is that Spike Lee did not make this film for racist assholes like her. Like many excellent examples of Black art and culture, this just isn't about us (white people). But it's still absolutely worth the watch no matter your color.

Grade: B

***

The Thing

I was kind of surprised not to like this movie more. It's a stone-cold horror classic (specifically, body horror, one of my favorite sub-genres) directed by John Carpenter. But I found it a little too slow for my liking.

A group of researchers are working at a base in Antarctica when they discover what appears to be an alien spaceship, as well as a dead...thing...that doesn't look quite human. They bring the...thing...back to base to autopsy it, but soon starts causing havoc because it is essentially about to latch onto people (and animals) and transform them into horrible creatures. 

I think The Thing is a classic for two reasons: one, we don't really know what "the thing" is. It could probably be explained as a cross between an alien and a virus. We know it's not from this earth, but instead of being a traditional alien, it doesn't really have a single form. And it can jump from person to person via attacks, so it acts like a virus in that it infects you. So, already, the ghoul is twice as scary as a regular horror movie bad guy because it's so unpredictable and strange. 

The second reason is that the real meat of the movie is not The Thing itself, but how it quickly causes the men to turn on each other and become paranoid and suspicious of the very people they previously trusted with their lives. As always, horror movies are all about the subtext, not the text. And in this case, the subtext is...what if a person you previously thought of as a friend or colleague might secretly not be who they say they are? In fact, what if that person had the power to turn on you in a horrible way at any moment. 

So, overall I recognize The Thing as a classic, even though I didn't love it. 

Grade: B-

***

The Sixth Sense

I rewatched M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense for the first time in like a decade and a half and I have to say that it holds up! The experience was so different than when I first saw it at age 14. When I first saw it, the film legitimately scared the absolute shit out of me. So most of the movie was spent curled into a ball waiting for the next shocking image to appear.

Now that I am a hardened horror fanatic, I can watch this film and appreciate just how good of a movie it is because I'm seeing beyond the jump scares. Do you guys remember that Toni Collette, who plays Cole Sear's mom, was nominated for Best Supporting Actress for this movie? And guess what: that nomination was much deserved! Collette does a wonderful job of adding an emotional heart to the film. 

As a grown-ass adult in my mid-thirties, I now see the more tender aspects of the movie about a little boy (Haley Joel Osment...still stunning in the role) who sees dead people. The Sixth Sense is about love, loss, and family as much as it is about ghosts. While Shyamalan has to keep his cards close to his chest about what's going on with Bruce Willis's character and his wife, he can show the full range of emotion between Cole and his mom, who is desperately concerned for her son's wellbeing. There are so many scenes where she is crying and begging him to tell her what's wrong, but Cole can't because he wouldn't be believed.

If you haven't seen The Sixth Sense since it was in theatres, I highly encourage you to check it out again. Although Shyamalan has a reputation for being a cheesy/terrible director, his first film holds up and you might be surprised at what you discover.

Grade: A-

***

The Mortuary Collection

This is a fun little horror movie that has a frame story (a girl applies for a job at a mortuary) and four mini horror movies contained within it. Sam (Caitlin Custer) shows up at Raven's End Mortuary to inquire about a "Help Wanted" sign outside. The mortician, an imposing older man named Montgomery Dark (Clancy Brown) shares stories with Sam about how various people died throughout the history of the mortuary. Each story is essentially a morality tale about someone who commits a misdeed and is severely and grotesquely punished. Sam counters with a story of her own about how "in real life, the bad guy wins". 

I can't say more than that, since I would give away too much, but suffice it to say that this is an entertaining movie that fits a lot of different kinds of horror into a succinct 2 hour film, including horror-comedy. 

Grade: B

The COVID Diaries--Part 17

Here is what I am watching (so far) during the quarantine for COVID-19 

***

Goodfellas

I'm not sure how I went this long without seeing this mafia classic. Martin Scorsese's film adaptation of Henry Hill's memoir, Wiseguy, about how Hill became part of the mob while growing up in Brooklyn, is just so good and so outrageous in the way that all mafia films are. There's a lot of screaming, crying, shooting, drug use, etc. Ray Liotta turns in his career-defining performance as Henry Hill, who starts out as a kid just running errands for the local mob boss and works his way up the ladder, only for it to all come crashing down--forcing him to go into witness protection after becoming an FBI informant.

This is such a well-known, well-respected film that I don't think I have to relay the plot. To be honest, it's not my *favorite* mafia movie (that would be Scorsese's The Departed), but it's really worth a watch for any film buff. Plus it's where that Liotta laughing gif came from.

Grade: A

***

Scare Me

I have to say, this movie was a true disappointment. This "Shudder Original", starring Aya Cash, Josh Ruben, and Chris Redd, got pretty good reviews when it came out. Cash and Ruben play Fanny and Fred--two writers who are staying in neighboring cabins for a weekend away so that they can focus on writing. During a power outage, they hang out together and decide to pass the time by telling scary stories.

This is really a movie about male fragility, as it becomes clear that Fanny--already a published author--is simply better at storytelling than Fred. His resentment grows and grows until it reaches a crescendo at the end of the film.

But in general, the film is not only not scary, it's actually pretty boring. The acting is certainly great and the story had promise, but I feel that it did not deliver. 

Grade: C+

***

The Beach House

Another mediocre Shudder original, The Beach House is about the horrors of infection. A young couple, Emily (Liana Liberato) and Randall (Noah Le Gros), are looking forward to a weekend alone at Randall's parents' beach house. Unfortunately, they find that an older couple, Mitch (Jake Webber) and Jane (Maryann Nagel)--friends of Randall's parents--are already staying there. Not wanting to be rude, the couples decide to share the beach house...and, uh, share some mind-altering substances as well. 

But lack of privacy isn't the biggest problem these couples will face. While the foursome are high from edible marijuana, they note the strange texture of the ocean water, as well as the thick fog all along the beach. The next morning, Jane appears to be very ill, and covered in skin sores. It's not long before it becomes obvious that the beach is infected with something--something that can make humans very sick. 

The Beach House has some really gnarly body horror and it is indeed scary in the unique way that "end of the world" type films are. But in general it's not particularly memorable, in my opinion. 

Grade: C+

***

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

To be clear, this was not my first time watching Walk Hard, though it is my first time reviewing it. Walk Hard is an above-average comedy that parodies "rise and fall of a musician" movies, and specifically Walk the Line. John C. Reilly (one of the most underrated and gifted actors alive, in my opinion) plays Dewey Cox--a talented musician from a poor, Southern family. Dewey is estranged from his parents after he accidentally cut his younger brother in half while playing with a machete as a kid. As Dewey's dad reminds him about 50 times throughout the movie, "the wrong kid died". 

Dewey shoots to fame as a rock n' roll star, only to get caught up in drug addiction, as well as an addiction to ripping bathroom sinks out from the wall when he's in a fit of despair/rage. Still, with the love of a good woman, Darlene Madison (Jenna Fischer), Dewey is able to get clean and sing his way to the top. Fun note: that's really John C. Reilly singing! 

Walk Hard is chock-full of celeb cameos, ranging from Jack White as Elvis to Jason Schwartzman as Ringo Starr. The film came out in 2007, riding the coattails of the Anchorman/40 Year Old Virgin train, but I believe it stands on its own as a great comedy. It's one of those movies where so many jokes are crammed in, you can actually miss a few because you're laughing so hard the whole time. 

Grade: B+

***

Abortion Double Feature

Movies: Never Rarely Sometime Always, Unpregnant

You know how some years two movies are released that have strikingly similar plots? Think: Dante's Peak and Volcano (both released in 1997) and The Prestige and The Illusionist (both released in 2006). Well, 2020 was the year of the abortion film, with two films that have nearly identical plots, yet couldn't be more different in tone being released. Those two films are Eliza Hittman's Never Rarely Sometimes Always and Rachel Lee Goldenberg's Unpregnant. Both films are about a 17 year old girl who must travel to a different state in order to have an abortion without parental consent. In both situations, the girl travels with a female friend and finds help in the form of a man or men along the way. Both films feature crises pregnancy centers or people who are anti-abortion attempting to manipulate the main character into deciding not to terminate. Both films end with the young women going through with the procedure.

But whereas Unpregnant is a wacky comedy, Never Rarely Sometimes Always in an unflinching drama that shows how incredibly draining the process is to get this medical procedure when you are underage and living in the good 'ol US of A.

Reproductive rights is my most passionate cause. I believe that the right to bodily autonomy is the most sacred, intimate right one has. Access to abortion and contraceptives is tied to greater levels of education and social/political freedom for women. Being anti-choice is anti-feminist, full stop. While it certainly is understandable for an individual to choose *not* to abort personally, and I strongly believe that we should have a HUGE support system in place for mothers and parents of all ages and income levels, if you actively vote against another woman's legal right to terminate her pregnancy, you are not a feminist because you are putting the rights of a fetus ahead of the rights of a woman. Additionally, providing access to abortion is objectively more ethical than outlawing the procedure, since doing so endangers women's lives. Ironically, the "pro-life" contingent is quite comfortable with maternal death when it really comes down to it. 

Ok, off the soapbox and onto the films! 

Never Rarely Sometimes Always follows Autumn Callahan (Sidney Flanigan in a breathtaking breakout role), a 17 year old living in Pennsylvania. When she discovers she is pregnant (by taking a test at a crisis pregnancy center, where they lie to her about how far along she is--a tactic such centers use in real life), she and her friend Skylar (Talia Ryder) steal money from their job at a supermarket and take a bus to New York City so that Sidney can get an abortion without her parents finding out. 

Sidney (and Skylar, to an extent) encounter so many lies, horrible adults, and indignities along the way. Nothing that happens is anything out of the ordinary or played up for drama. To just name a couple things that clearly affect Sidney's life, and her ability to receive adequate medical care in this life-changing situation:

1) Her dad is unkind to her, and does this thing where he calls the family dog a "slut" when she wants pets. It's clear that Sidney's parents are not only unsupportive, but might in fact be emotionally abusive to her. The scene where that dad says "you're a little slut, aren't you?" to the dog in front of Sidney comes only hours after Sidney herself was called a slut while performing in a school production. It honestly says so much about why Sidney can't tell her parents about her predicament. 

2) The crisis pregnancy center tells her she's 10 weeks along, but when she gets to the clinic in New York, it turns out she is actually 18 weeks. Because of this, she needs to go to a different clinic to receive a two-day long procedure rather than a simple abortion using a pill. This leads to Skylar and Sidney not sleeping for two nights in a row and running out of money. If y'all don't know what crisis pregnancy centers are, look them up because they are so evil. They actually do stuff like this because it makes it harder for a pregnant person to make an informed choice. They will lie to women because they believe the ends justifies the means, and damn the consequences. 

3) Sidney and Skylar running out of money leads Skylar to sweet talk an older boy the two met on the bus to New York into giving her a loan so they can buy tickets back to PA. There is a scene where Sidney catches Skylar and Jasper, the young man, kissing--and it's clear that Skylar is only doing it for the loan Jasper is giving them. While it's not quite as heartbreaking as sexual coercion in exchange for money, food, or a safe place to stay (as seen in this week's episode of The Handmaid's Tale, which--surprise--also featured a crisis pregnancy center and an abortion!), it's still sad to see a young girl feel she has to make out with a boy in order to help her friend.

But in addition to the above indignities, the movie just shows how tiring (literally) this process can be, with all the barriers in place, especially for women who don't have access to funds, transportation, and/or a place to stay. After the abortion, Skylar asks Sidney how she feels. "Just tired" Sidney replies. You and me both, girl. I'm tired of living in a country that treats women like sex servants and children at the same time. A country where adult men who literally think babies grow in stomachs make and pass our laws. 

Everyone should see this remarkable, powerful film. There are a lot of great films about abortion, but I think that Never Rarely Sometimes Always captures the spirit of abortion in the United States the best.

Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Grade: A

Now, on the other side of the tone spectrum is Unpregnant. Starring Haley Lu Richardson as Veronica, a young woman who finds herself in a similar situation as Sidney. She is 17, pregnant, and living in Missouri with a pro-life mom and a terrible (really, this guy is just The Worst) boyfriend. She ends up reaching out to ex-friend Bailey (a hilarious Barbie Ferreira, an actress who is going places) because Bailey has a car. Although Bailey isn't thrilled that the girl who dumped her once she got a little more popular is now calling in a favor, it's hoes before...FOEtesus (see what I did there?), and she agrees. The two young women have to drive all the way to Albuquerque, New Mexico because that's literally the closest state where Veronica can get an abortion without parental consent. 

Along the way they encounter shenanigans and twists of fate that make up the bulk of the plot and the comedy. It was kind of charming to see these two girls escape from the clutches of a psychotic anti-abortion couple (Sugar Lyn Beard and...Breckin Meyer?! Travis Birkenstock, noooo!!) by stealing the couple's SUV and faking their own death. WACKY! The movie almost kind of has a Juno-like feeling to it in it's turning what would actually be an incredibly difficult decision into comedy gold. Only in this case, Juno doesn't let that chick who tells her that babies have fingernails get in the way of her decision.

Unpregnant is clearly using comedy to stick it to the Man, and I appreciate that. But it can be a little too loose and irreverent at times, and has a couple gaping plot holes. Additionally, it does this weird thing where the only black people in the movie serve to help the white teen girl. Like, there are three black characters who each play a big role in helping out Veronica and then...disappear from the movie. 'K. Not really into that. But overall, it's a funny movie that takes a serious subject and uses comedy to teach us all that women deserve better in this country. But mostly, I just liked Barbie Ferreira in it. 

Unpregnant

Grade: B+

Thanks for reading. By the way, both of these movies are rated PG-13, and if you have teenagers, these are good movies to watch in order to discuss the issue of abortion with your teen. 

You can donate to Planned Parenthood here.

Hell Hath No Fury

 Movies: Various, Rape-Revenge

Trigger and content-warnings foreveerrrrrr!!!

***

Let's talk about rape-revenge films. 

This divisive genre has been around for a long time. Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring was released in 1960 and serves as the inspiration for more infamous RR films, such as Wes Craven's The Last House on the Left. But stories about women in peril and other people avenging them have been around practically since humans began telling stories. Such stories allow us a double-whammy of enjoying the sick thrill of hearing/seeing violence (and sexual violence in particular) and also enjoying seeing the bad guy get his just desserts. It allows us to enjoy the rape AND the revenge while still feeling good about ourselves. Which is perhaps why so many people loathe this particular genre.

However, the rape-revenge film has been changing over the last few decades. More emphasis is being put on the revenge, rather than the rape. And more films let the women themselves take revenge, as opposed to showing the woman's family, friends, or partner dishing out justice.

There was a Tweet going around recently that basically said "there is never a good reason to show rape in film and TV". While I do agree that glamorizing and eroticizing sexual assault is wrong, I don't entirely agree with this Tweet. For one thing, I don't think that *anything* should be completely "banned" from film and television with the exception of stuff like child porn. Which is illegal anyway. But even with this extreme example, films such as Mysterious Skin have been able to "show" the sexual assault of a child without actually showing it and, in my opinion, have masterfully captured the horror of such an act. (Mysterious Skin is, by the way, an absolutely great film that I basically can't recommend to anyone because it is so intensely upsetting). 

I feel that there is a place in cinema to show horrific acts because to refuse to show them, regardless of how they are shot and what the context is, puts them in a category of taboo. And what happens when we are unable to talk about think about horrific things? Well, they continue to happen and we are able to ignore them. It is by confronting such horrors and staring them right in the face that we take power back and have the courage to say "this is wrong". Now, this isn't to say that anyone should be required to watch films that depict sexual assault, violence, etc. I believe very strongly in trigger and content warnings because it gives people a chance to exercise consent in their viewing choices. I personally think filmmakers should have a lot of leeway in filming whatever they want to (within legal bounds of course), but also provide strong warnings so that people can pick and choose what they are exposed to. The solution is NOT to "ban" depictions of sexual assault. And let's not forget that if we can ban depictions of assault and violence, that sets a precedent for banning depictions of healthy, consensual sex in film and TV. 

So back to the rape-revenge films. Why do I--and others--like this genre so much? Is it because we're sick and want to see people (usually women/femme persons) suffer? Au contraire! It's because we want to see rapists suffer. Films let us indulge in our wildest fantasies, whether that's a trip to Middle Earth, a flight on a dragon's back, or, well, seeing a rapist/abuser actually get punished--often brutally--for their crimes.

As we know, rapists often *don't* face adequate justice IRL. Many rapists never even see the inside of a courtroom, and those who do (example: Brock Turner) often get off with a slap on the wrist. Our society is inclined to put the burden of proof on the survivor of assault, and place additional burdens on them, such as justifying/explaining past sexual behavior, what they were wearing, why they were drinking, etc. We all know that the way our culture handles sexual assault is incredibly misogynistic and traumatizing. 

Rape-revenge films give us the much-needed catharsis of seeing a rapist PAY and pay dearly for their sins. Now, you might be saying "But Jenny, what we REALLY need is for more justice IRL for rape survivors! Not just the fantasy of justice that film can provide." And boy howdy, do I agree! I would trade the entire genre of rape-revenge films for even just 30% more justice for survivors in real life. If we had true justice, perhaps this genre of film wouldn't even be a thing because no one would need the catharsis. But we currently do not have adequate justice and it's something we need to keep pushing for and working towards. And I don't think that rape-revenge stories necessarily equate to *less* justice IRL. In fact, really good stories in this genre can perhaps inspire us to take action in reality.

So what constitutes a "good" rape-revenge film vs. a "bad" one. I have some thoughts.

A "bad" rape-revenge film focuses more on the assault itself, lingering on the victim's (again, usually a woman) body. The camera takes pleasure in the victim's suffering. The revenge is carried out by someone other than the survivor--perhaps a husband or father, a man whose job it is to "protect" the survivor. The film has no deeper message about sexual assault or gender politics.

A "good" rape-revenge films focuses more on the revenge. The rape itself is either not shown at all, just implied, or if it is shown, the camera does not linger on the body of the victim. Perhaps the camera shows their hands or face (which can be upsetting, but the point is that is DOES NOT eroticize the assault). The survivor carries out the revenge--with or without help from friends and family. The overall theme of the film is empowerment, taking back one's power/body, and clearly, boldly underlining that rape is a crime that deserves punishment. 

Now. Many films within the rape-revenge canon don't perfectly fall into either of these categories. Two recent films that come to mind are A Promising Young Woman and Violation. 

(spoilers ahead for both films)

Violation is a film in which the rape that occurs is a fairly common type of assault: the survivor knows the assailant (he's her brother-in-law) and the rape is not "violent" in that she doesn't have a gun to her head. Instead, she wakes up with him inside her and she is confused and scared. She says "don't" and he keeps going. The punishment she metes out to her rapist is...VERY extreme. Not only does she kill him, she drains his blood, dismembers him, and grinds his bones into dust. There is also a suggestion--though it is not explicit--that she puts some of his ashes in food that she then serves to his family. The film implicitly begs the question, "did he deserve to die?". Given that this is a rape-revenge film, the answer is "yes" because more often than not, death is the punishment for rapists in this genre of film. However, the fact that Violation is so realistic makes the punishment very jarring. Wes Craven's The Last House on the Left is ridiculous, over-the-top, and baldly exploitative, so it makes sense within the world of the film for the victim's mom to lure the rapist with a blow job and then literally bite his dick off. In contrast, Violation is so naturally filmed and the rape is not a super violent one, (to be clear, I don't think rape needs to be "violent" in order for the rapist to deserve punishment) so the audience is thrown for a loop at how intense and utterly gruesome the punishment is. 

Likewise, A Promising Young Woman could be viewed as a rape-revenge narrative that goes "too far" in that Carey Mulligan's heroine, Cassie, punishes people who didn't actually rape the victim, but didn't help her either. A Promising Young Woman is controversial because Cassie isn't a "good" heroine. She goes above and beyond to punish everyone who hurt her friend and does so by putting some of them in danger's way. The ending is also super controversial and unsatisfying for some people, despite being more realistic than other rape-revenge films (such as the excellent French film Revenge). 

But what both of these films do is honor the intense rage that a victim of assault--or someone whose loved one was assaulted--may feel. Another thing our society does is see rape victims as people to be pitied. Literally, people will say shit like "The rapist RUINED HER LIFE" as if rape is something that is so damaging, a person can never recover from it. There are even people who imply that rape is worse than death. Now, look, I am fortunate to have never been a victim of assault so far in my life, but if I were a victim of assault I'd be pretty fucking incensed at the implication that it would be better I had died than be violated. I trace this sentiment back to our culture's obsession with a woman's "virtue". That a woman is "ruined" or "damaged goods" if she--willingly or not--engages in a certain amount or type of sexual activity. Because we have this incredibly damaging and false narrative about women and sex, survivors of assault as assumed to be sad and scared more than anything else. But what about mad? We rarely honor the justifiable anger a woman might feel not just towards her assailant, but towards all the people who downplayed her assault or didn't believe her. These two movies honor than rage. 

I think I'll just end by reiterating a few opinions, as well as giving some recommendations.

1) No one should ever feel pressure to watch films, television, etc that contain content that is upsetting to them. 

2) We should not strive to "ban" certain acts from being shown on film, or for certain topics to not be addressed, because being able to confront and talk about taboo topics allows us to fight for justice IRL.

3) That said, websites like Does the Dog Die? are excellent resources for folks to consult before they watch a movie that might contain triggering content. Also, anyone who says "there are no trigger warnings in life!" to mock people or downplay the very real importance of trigger warnings can suck my butthole.

4) Rape-revenge films can be exploitative. They can also be empowering and cathartic. Most often, they can be both.

5) Here are some recommendations of not just rape-revenge films, but narratives that handled assault in a unique, often empowering, way:

I May Destroy You (perhaps one of the most nuanced TV shows about rape/assault that I've ever seen. I cannot recommend this show enough)

Teeth (a young, Christian woman discovers that she has teeth in her vagina. High-jinks ensue!)

A Promising Young Woman (literally nominated for an Oscar this year)

Revenge (a French film in which a young woman murders her attacker, as well as the men who stood by and did nothing)

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (the rape-revenge plot is more of a side-plot, but Lisbeth Salander is one of the most badass avenging angels in cinema)

Unbelievable (this Netflix limited series based on a Pulitzer Prize winning article about a serial rapist and the women who worked together to bring him to justice)

The COVID Diaries--Part 16

Here is what I am watching (so far) during the quarantine for COVID-19.

General spoiler warning for the whole post, as well as trigger warnings for discussions of violence and rape in a couple of the reviews.

***

The Last Blockbuster

This delightful documentary is about the last Blockbuster video rental store, which is located in Bend, Oregon. The film chronicles the rise and fall of Blockbuster, which for a couple decades was *the* dominant video rental chain in the world. The director interviews the manager of this relic and self-proclaimed "Blockbuster mom", Sandi Harding, as well as famous funny people like Kevin Smith, Doug Benson, and Paul Scheer, who all reminisce about the effect that video stores in general, and Blockbuster in particular, had on them as children and young adults.

I learned some cool stuff by watching this movie, such as the fact that VHS tapes would sell for nearly a hundred dollars when they first came out (and to think that you can't give them away now!) and that Blockbuster (allegedly) had the opportunity to buy Netflix and turned them down back when Netflix was a fledgling video-by-mail company.

I recommend this documentary to anyone who loves nostalgia and to all the film nerds out there who were undoubtedly effected by Blockbuster. Although I was always more of a Hollywood Video gal myself.

Grade: B+

***

Death Proof

I'm kind of shocked that it took me this long to watch Quentin Tarantino's half of the double-feature Grindhouse which was released in 2007 (I haven't seen Planet Terror, either, and weirdly--it's not streaming on the same platform as Death Proof). I am a devout, if sheepish, fan of Tarantino's (I say sheepish because I think the man himself is gross, even if his movies are...*sigh* unquestionably genius. I wish Tarantino had as much character as he has talent) so I've pretty much seen every movie he's directed multiple times. 

Well, Death Proof did not disappoint. It contains the mixture of pulp exploitation, gut-churning violence, and truly excellent dialogue that QT is known for. The film is split into two halves, and each half focuses on a group of young women. The first group include "Jungle" Julia (Sydney Poitier--yes, daughter of Sidney), an Austin-based DJ, Shanna (Jordan Ladd), and Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito)--three friends who go out to a bar for a very extended drinking session before a friend meets up with them and they head out to a party. While at the bar, they meet "Stuntman Mike" (Kurt Russell, cast perfectly in the role), a stuntman with a "death proof" car (well, death proof for him anyway). But Stuntman Mike spends most of his evening talking with Pam (Rose McGowan), and he gallantly offers her a ride home at the end of the night. When Pam gets into the passenger side of the car, which has a metal seat, no seatbelt, and a glass partition, we know she's done for--even if she hasn't realized it yet.

Mike has a fetish for killing women using his car. After taking Pam on a brutal ride where he speeds up and slams on the breaks, forcing her to slam all over the interior of her side of the car, he finds out where the other ladies are driving and drives at them, full speed, with the headlights off. Even the ones wearing seatbelts are goners.

Cut to...MOTHERFUCKING LEBANON, TENNESSEE! I used to live there! It's not as cool at QT makes it look, but I also did not run into any murderous stuntmen while living there, so it's a wash I guess. The second group of ladies are all Hollywood folks: stuntwoman Zoe Bell (playing herself), fellow stuntwoman Kim (Tracie Thomas), hair and makeup artist Abernathy (Rosario Dawson), and actress Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Zoe sees an ad in the paper for a 1970 Dodge Challenger and wants to test drive it. She convinces Kim to play a dangerous game called "ship's mast" with her (and Abernathy, who begs to come along) which involves lying on the hood of car, using only belts to hang on to, while the driver speeds down a country road. Well, these ladies encounter none other than Stuntman Mike while on their joyride, who, unsurprisingly, tries to kill them. They escape him and end up hunting him down, and the film ends with Mike--broken, shot through with bullet holes, and probably concussed--being beaten to death by these women. Yay feminism!

I realize I just relayed the entire plot, but I highly recommend this fun and gory movie. If you like QT you'll like it. If you don't like QT, you probably won't. But if you want to see a bad guy do bad things and then be brutally punished for it, this is your movie. 

Grade: A

***

Violation

Uhh...speaking of bad guys doing bad things and being brutally punished for it. This movie is that. Big time. Violation is a rape-revenge film by Madeleine Sims-Fewer (who also casts herself in the lead role of Miriam) and Dusty Mancinelli. I found it to be very intense, compelling, and not like a lot of other rape-revenge films. For one, it's not exploitative in the way many films in this genre can be. But, more surprisingly, it suggests that in this particular case, the punishment that the victim metes out really does not fit the crime. However, it still honors the absolute, soul-destroying rage that a survivor of sexual assault might reasonably feel towards their attacker. 

In this movie, Miriam, who is raped by her brother-in-law, takes that rage to a grotesque extreme, plotting and carrying out revenge on him that looks like something that would occur in a slaughterhouse. It's violent, but not in a Tarantino sort of way--the violence looks real, not cartoonish. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder to watch. I mean, it wasn't that bad to me, but I watch some pretty extreme shit. 

I actually might write an entire blog entry about rape-revenge films because I have a lot of thoughts about them and how I feel that they often have something to offer beyond exploitation. Some people say that acts of sexual assault should never be shown on camera, but I disagree because sexual assault is part of so many people's lives, that to not show it, ever, no matter the circumstances or how it is shot, is tantamount to suggesting it is too taboo for people to contemplate. And you know what, people SHOULD contemplate it. Men especially. But more on that in a later post. 

Violation is a very good and interesting film, if not an easy one to watch. The most difficult scenes were not the ones of Miriam's assault (which is filmed in a very non-exploitative way, focusing on her eyes and hands, rather than on her body) or the ones of her sawing off Dylan's legs (don't worry, he's already dead. Whoops, spoiler I guess), but the scene of her trying to confront Dylan about what happened and him refusing to acknowledge it, as well as the scene of her trying to tell her sister what happened and, heartbreakingly, her sister suggesting that, in fact, Miriam "fucked up" and it's her fault. The victim not being believed is the true violation of Violation and makes it a difficult watch. Proceed carefully.

Grade: B+

***

Naughty Books

This cute--and at times, melancholy-doc is about women who write erotic fiction. The film follows writers C.J. Roberts, Kristen Proby, Laurelin Paige, and others (as well as, unfortunately, some commentary by noted fake feminist hack Katie Rophie) as they discuss how the were inspired to write books in the wake of E.L. James' success with her Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. Many of these women ended up selling hundreds of thousands of copies of books that they published themselves--a phenomenon that would have been impossible before Fifty Shades of Grey. Criticize the fake-BDSM trash pamphlet all you want, but it helped a lot of women make bank, so...

But Naughty Books also shows how when the market is flooded, not as many people can turn a profit. Similarly, the fickle nature of readers means that authors are at the mercy of what readers want to read about--and if they write what THEY want to write about, they might not be able to live off of their sales. Also, a couple of the women find themselves in marriages that are now miserable because of their success. It seemed that no one interviewed had a truly supportive spouse, and, in fact, one woman found herself the victim of abuse once she became successful because her husband couldn't deal with her bringing in more money than him. She leaves him, and meets someone better, so--like the books featured in the doc--there is a happy ending after all. 

Grade: B

***

The Perfect Host

I just could not with this bizarre film. I went into The Perfect Host thinking that it would be a straightforward psychological thriller: a career criminal, John (Clayne Crawford), tries to escape the cops by showing up at a random man's door and pretending to be a friend of a friend. The man, Warwick (David Hyde Pierce), is the consummate host, and welcomes John in even though he is in the middle of preparing for a dinner party. But when John's scheme is revealed, it turns out that Warwick wasn't the simpering wimp that John thought he was. Ok, this sounds good: criminal ends up at the mercy of secret psychopath. I'm in.

Only...that's like one of about 25 tedious "twists" in the film, each more ridiculous than the last. Not only is Warwick a psycho, he also turns out to be THE POLICE LIEUTENANT IN CHARGE OF INVESTIGATING THE VERY CRIME JOHN COMMITTED BEFORE HIDING OUT. Come the fuck on, seriously?! Plus, there are twists (multiple) involving the actual crime (a bank robbery), twists (multiple) about whether or not Warwick is a serial killer...just twist upon twist upon twist until the movie barely made sense anymore. It's like someone had ideas for five separate movies and decided to cram them all into one. 

Though The Perfect Host starts out strong and has its moments, overall the damn thing is a disappointing mess.

Grade: C-

***

Badlands

Terrance Malick's first film, Badlands, is based on the true crime spree of Charles Starkweather and his girlfriend Caril Ann Fugate. In the movie, Martin Sheen plays Kit Carruthers, a 25 year old garbage collector who starts "dating" 15 year old Holly Sargis (Sissy Spacek). Ok, look, this is definitely child grooming and statutory rape, but that's not really what the movie is about so I will simply point it out and move on. 

Holly's dad doesn't approve of their relationship--shocker--so Kit shoots him and burns the house down. He and Holly run off to the badlands of Montana where they hide out and live in peace and freedom until bounty hunters show up. Kit kills them. Then Kit's friend, Cato, shows up. Kit kills him. Then friend's of Cato's show up. Kit lets them go. Just kidding--he fucking kills them too! Basically, Kit is trigger-happy (although very sweet to Holly, thank God) and the ending of this movie is inevitable. It's sort of like Thelma and Louise except, you know, no one in this movie really had to die. 

Like Malick's other movies, the plot isn't really isn't the point. Badlands is beautifully filmed and the soundtrack is also gorgeous and dreamy. Spacek's voiceover narration infuses the whole film with a childlike sense of wonder even during the most chilling and violent moments. But just as every child must grow up, Holly eventually decides she's had enough and turns herself in. The movie ends on kind of a quirky note with Kit charming the hell out of the National Guard troops, who treat him like a celebrity, and then Holly's voiceover informing us that Kit was executed by electric chair while she, Holly, went on to marry her defense attorney's son. Which was not quite how it ended for Charles Starkweather's girlfriend. 

Badlands is considered an American classic. For me, it was much like Terrance Malick's other films which feel very "ASMR-y" to watch--like, they lull me into this state of calm and relaxation--but I never feel a strong desire to return to. However, I think of all the Malick films I've seen so far, this is my favorite one. Recommended for film buffs.

Grade: A-