Send Help

Sam Raimi has such an interesting body of work. The guy was at the helm of one of the most celebrated horror franchises (Evil Dead) and also some of the most beloved Marvel films (the Tobey Maguire Spiderman films). Additionally, he's directed an excellent psychological thriller (A Simple Plan), a family-friendly sports film (For Love of the Game), and a Western (The Quick and the Dead). The man has range.

But when I hear the name "Sam Raimi", I think "gross-out horror". And after a break from horror for over a decade, he's back with Send Help, a survival/horror/comedy starring Rachel McAdams and Dylan O'Brien. And yes, this movie has the Raimi Special: gross things going into people's mouths (if you've seen Drag Me to Hell, you know what I'm talking about).

McAdams plays the awkward, socially inept Linda Liddle, a corporate strategist at a large...business (what they do is unclear, since that's not the point of the movie). She has been promised a promotion to VP by the previous CEO who passed away, leaving the company to his son, Bradley (Dylan O'Brien). O'Brien plays a corporate asshole bro so beautifully. He immediately gives Linda's promotion to his frat brother and when Linda comes to his office upset, he tells her 1) that she don't got it and 2) she smells bad. However, he begrudgingly allows her to come on a corporate trip to Bangkok since the fact is the company can't survive without her ability to number-crunch.

Well, the plan crashes into the ocean on the way to Bangkok and Linda and Bradley are the only two survivors. The film establishes early on that Linda loves Survivor and even sent in an audition tape. She has read numerous books on bushcraft, knots, hunting, etc. We all know where this is going.

Send Help borrows (steals?) heavily from many, many other films: Cast Away, Triangle of Sadness, Swept Away...and even the show Yellowjackets (Misty Quigley and Linda Liddle are two of a kind--right down to the fact that they both have pet birds). The film is not original and hits many familiar beats. That said, it's still fun as hell. 

There's a lot of unrealistic stuff that happens, but perhaps the most unrealistic is how Bradley continues to be an arrogant asshole in the face of his own weakness. He ends up with a severe wound from the crash and Linda saves his life. What's the first thing he does when he comes to? Starts bossing Linda around, that's what. I can buy that Bradley is an entitled jerk, but it was hard to buy that he was that much of an idiot. Shouldn't a guy running a multi-million dollar corporation be better able to read the room and his own position within it?

In any case, he attempts to establish dominance and Linda just...leaves him lying there until he is nearly dying of thirst and sunburn. Then she returns and he begs for help. It's so nice when pretty men beg, isn't it? We get a decent amount of that in this film. 

But alas, Bradley must learn the lesson that help isn't coming and Linda is far and away his superior on this island over and over and over. But at the same time, the audience gets to see that Linda is not the benevolent beach goddess she presents herself as...she has a much darker side, and if Bradley gets on the wrong end of it, he's going to regret it.

Even though there weren't a ton of surprises in Send Help (although there was one that definitely got me), there is enough tension in the film about who is more dangerous--Linda or Bradley--that it kept me guessing and intrigued. We find out that Bradley and Linda are both very good liars and the power dynamics keep shifting. Even though Bradley begins their island adventure in a very weak position, as his injury heals and he learns survival tactics from Linda, he is able to take some power back...which Linda doesn't like very much.

Rachel McAdams is absolutely the star of the show here. She is hilarious and unhinged. I keep forgetting how much I love her as an actress until I see a movie like Red Eye or Game Night and remember that she is much, much more than Regina George (though she's excellent in that role as well). The woman, like Raimi, has incredible range. 

As for O'Brien...man, I am glad I saw him in Twinless before this movie because he is so sensitive and vulnerable in the former film. He's so good at playing an asshole in Send Help that if I had only seen him in this movie, I might have just written him off as only good at playing bullies. But having seen him in Twinless, I can say that he, too, has incredible range...and I'll be keeping an eye out for him in future films.

Overall, Send Help is a very fun and satisfying popcorn thriller. It's pretty gross as is, but it definitely could have been nastier. I think Raimi pulled some punches to make the film more palatable to the average movie-goer, but I would have liked the film to be darker, funnier, and more sadistic. But that's just me (I liked fucked up movies, if you didn't already know). 

Grade: B+

Stuff I watched in...January, 2026

Heated Rivalry

Heated Rivalry is the show of 2026 (or, I guess, 2025...but what even is time?). Based on the Game Changers series by Rachel Reid, the show follows two hockey players at the top of their game over a decade who have an intense attraction to one another despite being very public rivals. What begins as clandestine sex in hotels turns into something much more. 

I'm not a huge fan of the "enemies-to-lovers" trope, but the chemistry between Shane Hollander (Hudson Williams) and Ilya Rozanov (Connor Storrie) is absolutely undeniable. The sex scenes are among the most explicit I've scene in a TV show (including shows on HBO) and I love that the intimacy coordinator for the show, Chala Hunter, is getting recognition--especially since Heated Rivalry proves that sex scenes done with intimacy coordination can still be brutally hot. Perhaps even hotter than scenes without intimacy coordination since the point of intimacy coordination is to make sure the actors are comfortable. 

I was on the fence about Heated Rivalry until the third episode, which focuses on a different couple: Scott Hunter (Francois Arnaud) and Kip Grady (Robbie G.K.). I LOVED "SKIP". Oh my god, it was so refreshing to see two guys who LIKE each other from the get-go and are nice to each other. The main conflict between the two is Scott's fear about coming out as gay, despite the growing seriousness of his and Kip's relationship. But Scott is never an asshole and, of course, there is a beautiful payoff in a later episode (the end of episode five, which is the peak of the entire show). 

When the focus returns to "Hollanov" in episode four, things clicked more into place with me. We learn more about Ilya's background and why he's such a asshole. Episode five is excellent and the end of the season is satisfying. It's been a couple weeks since I finished Heated Rivalry and I'm still thinking about it and bopping to the soundtrack, especially this track. It's absolutely worth watching...just be warned that the sex scenes are plentiful and explicit. 

Grade: A-

***

Sorry, Baby

Written by, directed by, and starring Eva Victor (in an astounding debut), Sorry, Baby is a dramedy about a woman, Agnes, reeling from a very bad experience she had with her literature professor in graduate school. 

Stop reading if you don't want to be spoiled. 

This film received rapturous reviews when it came out and I agree that it's an excellent and honest depiction of the immediate aftermath of rape. Victor does not show the assault, but we see her driving home in a daze afterward and then describing what happened to a friend. I really appreciated that Victor shows the confusing emotions one can experience after being the victim of rape. Agnes is mostly dazed and confused in the immediate aftermath, trying to make sense of what happened. When she goes for a medical exam, she's almost joky and casual about it. She has PTSD and intense fear for years afterward, but she also chooses to work at the very university where the event occured. 

The fact is, our fucked and misogynist society doesn't understand how people process rape. The also don't understand what rape even is. Sorry, Baby shows the complex and conflicting emotions people (let's face it--mostly women) experience after being the victim of a rapist. 

There were a few things I didn't like about Sorry, Baby. Namely, there is a character, Nastasha, who is almost comically bitchy. The way this character is written felt wildly out of place in a movie with very realistic performances and characters (including the rapist!). I hated every minute Natasha was on screen, which thankfully, wasn't too often. Also, some of the humor felt off. Like, this is a very realistic film but then some of the jokes felt like they were transplanted from an entirely different film. It just took me out of the story. 

Despite those grumblings, Sorry, Baby is a sensitive, honest, and much-needed film about a difficult and scary topic. 

Grade: B+

***

Twinless

Written by, directed by, and starring James Sweeney, Twinless is one of the most unique films I've seen in a while, both in premise and tone.

The one sentence summary is: two men meet in a support group for people who have lost a twin. That alone is enough to get me in the door because what an interesting concept!

Oh, but the movie is SO MUCH MORE. Stop reading if you don't want to be spoiled. 

Dylan O'Brien has a dual role playing twins Roman and Rocky. James Sweeney plays Dennis. Dennis and Roman meet at a support group for people who have lost a twin to death. The two men begin spending time together because both of them are so used to being with their twin that it feels painful to spend so much time alone.

Or, at least, that's what Roman thinks is happening. 

In a flashback, we see Dennis meeting Rocky, hitting it off, and going home to have sex. Dennis is really into twins and asks Rocky a bunch of questions about his twin, Roman, and their relationship while they have sex. 

A few days later, after not receiving any text responses from Rocky, Dennis begins lightly stalking him and confronts him on the street. During the confrontation Rocky is hit by a car and killed. Later, Dennis sees Roman walking to the twin loss support group and follows him in, pretending to have also lost a twin.

Now, Roman ain't that bright...but at some point he's going to figure out that Dennis is a bullshitter who is trying to get close to him because...reasons unclear? Dennis feels guilty, traumatized, but also attracted to Roman since he was attracted to Rocky (plus, the whole twin fetish thing). I was biting my nails waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Despite the fact that Dennis is...clearly not mentally well...Twinless isn't a horror movie in the vein of Single White Female. It's really more of an exploration of grief and guilt. While Dennis is a very off-putting character (and an arrogant asshole to boot), it's hard to hate him. But the real MVP here is Dylan O'Brien who is fantastic as Roman and as Rocky (in the few scenes before his untimely death). There is a scene where he cries in front of Dennis and it's just heartbreaking. 

Twinless is a weird fucking film, and it's also charming, funny, cringey, and surprising. It's an absolute delight and I'm excited to see what kind of crazy shit James Sweeney will come up with next.

Grade: A

***

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

The premise of this film is pretty genius: Nic Cage plays Nic Cage in a Nic Cage-esque film. The actual product is...ok! It gave us that great meme of Pedro Pascal smiling while tripping on LSD.

In The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Cage actually plays a fictionalized version of himself. He has an ex-wife, Olivia (Sharon Horgan) and a daughter, Addy (Lily Mo Sheen). In real life, Cage has *checks notes* four ex-wives, a current wife, and 3 kids (none named Addy). 

This version of Nic is a workaholic who neglects his daughter (probably accurate). After nearly missing Addy's 16th birthday party and then showing up and making the party about him, he decides to retire from acting. However, he accepts a well-paying gig to attend the birthday party of Javi Gutierrez (Pascal), a Spanish billionaire who is obsessed with Nic. Although initially Nic is not looking forward to this gig, he hits it off with Javi who is as obsessed with movies as Nic is. The two men bond in a beautiful, non-toxic, masculine way...

...until two CIA agents (played by Tiffany Haddish and Ike Barinholtz) grab Nic off the streets of Mallorca and let him know that Javi is a dangerous drug lord who has kidnapped the daughter of a politician who is tough on crime. The CIA persuades Nic to continue staying at Javi's and gather evidence that the girl is being held on the property. So Nic Cage is essentially in a Nic Cage film...but instead of stealing the Declaration of Independence, he's stealing data from the security cameras at Javi's villa. 

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent is a gimmick film, but it's a fun one. Any movie with Pedro Pascal is going to be at least somewhat enjoyable. Nic Cage is actually not super "Nic Cage-y" in this film...he only does the Nic Cage freak-out thing a couple times near the end. That said, I suppose part of the reason why Nic Cage appeals to so many people is because he actually has quite a range: he is known best for his freak-outs, but he can also play subtle as well. 

Grade: B

***

Children of Men

I first watched Alfonso Cuaron's masterpiece (which is based on the novel by P.D. James) in college and was incredibly impressed by it. It's haunting to watch it again, 20 years later and see just how much the film parallels our current reality. 

Children of Men takes place in the United Kingdom in 2027. To say there has been a fertility crisis is an understatement: no babies have been born and survived in 18 years (like, in the entire world). Despite the population crisis, refugees in the UK are treated with cruelty--sent to camps and ghettos, where they face deportation or worse. Sound familiar?

Clive Owen plays Theo, a former activist now just trying to survive in dystopia. He is kidnapped by a militant leftist group led by his ex-wife, Julian (Julianne Moore). This group, the Fishes, need Theo because he has the ability to get transit papers through his connections. Although he is only asked to get the transit papers for a refugee, Kee (Clare-Hope Ashitey), he ends up having to escort the young woman to a ship that will take her to The Human Project (a group trying to solve the fertility crisis). You see, Kee is 8 months pregnant. But the Fishes are not altruistic. They want to use Kee for their own political gain. 

Children of Men is a beautifully crafted dystopian film that shows what a world without hope looks like. If there are no people being born, then why carry on? The film also juxtaposes the personal and political: Kee only cares for the safety of her baby, and Theo, although initially reluctant, bonds to Kee because he lost his own child years before. The Fishes also care about people--their goal is to topple the authoritarian government and make the world safe again for immigrants and refugees...but they don't see Kee and her baby as individuals, but as pawns in a game of chess. 

Children of Men is a deeply emotional, thematically complex masterpiece of a film and should be on everyone's watch list, especially now. 

Grade: A+

***

Bone Lake

I went into this horror film with very low expectations and was very pleasantly surprised to have those expectations exceeded! Bone Lake is actually more of an erotic thriller than straight-up horror, but it's tense as hell and fun as hell.

Couple Sage (Maddie Hasson) and Diego (Marco Pigossi) rent out a large house for a romantic weekend away, but are surprised when another couple, Will (Alex Roe) and Cin (Andra Nechita), show up and say that they've also booked the home for the weekend. Will and Cin convince Sage and Diego to share the house with them for the weekend--their logic is that the house is huge, so there are plenty of bedrooms, and they're almost certainly going to get a refund so...free weekend in a huge house! Sage and Diego reluctantly agree.

Spoilers!

At first, things seem mostly fine. It's clear that Will and Cin are a more extroverted "party couple" than the reserved Sage and Diego, but Will is a great cook and Cin has connections to the publishing world and offers to show some of Diego's writing (he's an aspiring novelist) to a renowned author she knows. 

But yeah, the fun ends very soon. Will and Cin work in tandem to destroy the trust between Sage and Diego--who are already struggling as a couple. I think my main issue with the film is how obvious they are in their manipulations. You have to suspend your disbelief that Diego and Sage would accept some of the bullshit pulled by Will and Cin. However, it's a horror movie, so you're already suspending your disbelief. 

It turns out that this is all an elaborate game for Will and Cin, who, yes, own the house. They post the house online for rentals and then pretend to be another couple that has double-booked the house. Then, they isolate, manipulate, and seduce each half of the other couple staying with them. If the couple remains faithful to one another, they win. If they don't, they lose. And the penalty for losing is...you guessed it, death. 

But it turns out that the seemingly mild-mannered Diego and Sage are made of stronger stuff than Will and Cin anticipated. And even though they have relationship problems they are able to trust and help each other once they realize that they are trapped by two sadistic nutcases. Fighting for survival brings back that much needed spark to their relationship, and isn't that sweet? 

Bone Lake was super fun and exceeded my expectations. I'm glad I checked it out!

Grade: B+

***

Step Brothers

I first watched Adam McKay's Stepbrothers in graduate school and thought it was the dumbest shit I've ever seen. Two grown-ass men, Brennan (Will Ferrell) and Dale (John C. Reilly), who each live with a single parent (Mary Steenburgen is Nancy, Brennan's mom, and Richard Jenkins is Robert, Dale's dad), are forced to move in together when the parents meet, fall in love, and get married.

Brennan and Dale are 39 and 40, respectively, and don't have jobs. They rely on their parents to feed and shelter them. When they move in together, they act like 8 year olds. That's the joke! Again, when I first saw this movie my eyes rolled so hard you could see the whites.

But upon revisiting the film 15 years later, I regret to report that Step Brothers is funny as fuck. I was laughing so hard I was wheezing. I'm not the biggest Will Ferrell fan, but I LOVE John C. Reilly. I also love Adam Scott, who plays Derek, Brennan's dickhead brother. The caliber of the acting, even when it involves extended fart jokes, really elevates the film. In fact, upon viewing the film in 2026, I'd say it was ahead of its time--it embraces surrealism in a way that feels more common now (see Bottoms as an example of a recent surreal-ish comedy). Or, maybe it's another film that I had to grow into. In the case of Step Brothers, I was "too mature" for its humor 15 years ago in my early 20s when I had more of a stick up my ass about movies. Now, I can embrace the stupidity for what it is and admit that this movie is gottdamn funny. 

Grade: A-

No Other Choice

General spoiler warning for the entire review

I need to see more of Korean director Park Chan-wook's films. In addition to his latest, No Other Choice, I've only seen three other films by him: The Handmaiden, Oldboy, and the English-language film Stoker. Although I don't always jibe with his films, they never bore me and they're always visually stunning.

No Other Choice is no different in that regard. The film follows the increasingly desperate measures taken by You Man-su (Lee Byung-hun) after he is laid off of his job at a paper factory. A husband and father of two human children and two dogs, Man-su is frantic to find work so that he doesn't have to sell his home, give his dogs to his in-laws, and end cello lessons for his musical prodigy daughter. But competition is so fierce in the paper industry! What's a hard-working man to do?

Perhaps...eliminate...the competition? 

Going into this film, I was expecting it to be very different than the film I watched. I assumed it would be "guy goes on killing spree to kill off his competitors"...and it isn't that, exactly. There's a LOT more going on in No Other Choice than I was prepared for. The thing is, Man-su isn't a natural born killer. He's more of a lover than a fighter, if the many references his wife, Mi-ri (Son Ye-jin), makes about their sex life. And when he starts researching the men who would be his biggest competitors (other guys laid of by paper companies), he realizes that they, rather inconveniently, are humans with good qualities, making it hard to kill them in cold blood.

I think my biggest complaint about this film is that it feels very scattered and chaotic at times. The pacing feels very weird--spending a lot of time on one particular plot point and then rushing through others. We follow one target of Man-su's, a guy named Goo Beom-mo (Lee Sung-min), for like 40 minutes of the movie and another target for about 10 minutes. And Man-su goes from very reluctant killer to not-so-reluctant killer to kind-of-enjoys-it killer so quickly that it doesn't feel realistic or earned. The tone is wildly all over the place, veering from feel-good to sadistic and back again. That worked in the movie's favor sometimes and other times just felt like whiplash. 

Essentially, the film plays like Park had a ton of ideas and gags and satirical barbs that he wanted to cram into the film...and the ideas and gags and satirical barbs are all great--but it's just so much for one film. Imagine a gifted writer without an editor. 

Despite that pretty significant setback, No Other Choice is still an absolute hoot. The film employs a lot of physical comedy in addition to satire and pitch-black humor. There were some scenes that wouldn't have been out of place in The Three Stooges, such as when three characters wrestle for a gun in the most awkward configurations possible.

No Other Choice is definitely worth checking out. It's not my favorite Park Chan-wook film (that would be The Handmaiden), but even a mid film by Park is still heads and tails more interesting and well-made than many other films. 

Grade: B+

2025: The Best and the Rest

For a movie lover like myself, some years we eat good and some years we eat...less good. Last year, the trifecta of Challengers, The Substance, and I Saw the TV Glow blew my friggin' socks off. Challengers and The Substance in particular had my jaw practically hitting the floor by the end of each film. And in addition to those films, Strange Darling, Oddity, Dune: Part Two, Red Rooms, Love Lies Bleeding, and Late Night With the Devil were on my best of list and I still think about those movies a year later and probably will continue to think of them (and revisit them) for years to come. 2024 was simply an excellent year for movies that I personally jibed with.

2025? Not so much.

While I certainly did watch some good films this year, none of the films on my best of list made me feel anywhere close to how Challengers made me feel. And the list as a whole pales in comparison to last year's list. But that's ok! This is a pattern I've come to expect and I did see some really amazing movies (and TV) this year. In fact, I think this "Best and the Rest" blog post will be my longest one yet, with my top 12 from 2025, my favorite first-time watches not released in 2025, a couple notable rewatches, favorite TV, favorite books, and worst media of the year. 

So with all that said, let's dive in!

Top films released in 2025:

12. Eddington (3rd review down) -- This one almost didn't make the list, but despite being a chaotic mess, Ari Aster's social nightmare film is hard to forget. It's an interesting and, at times, very funny mess. I have to praise the audacity of Aster, a director who has never not entertained me. 

11. The Long Walk -- Remarkably, director Francis Lawrence was able to make a very compelling and heartbreaking film about a bunch of young men just...walking. Walking until they die. This Stephen King adaptation is brutal, but the performances by Cooper Hoffman, David Jonsson, Garrett Wareing, Charlie Plummer, Tut Nyuot, and Ben Wang keep it from feeling completely nihilistic. This gang of young men find friendship and meaning in a senseless, suicidal ritual. 

10. Frankenstein -- Guillermo del Toro's sumptuous, gothic adaptation of Mary Shelley's novel certainly isn't perfect, but between a moving performance by Jacob Elordi as the Creature, eye-popping visuals, and--of course--Oscar Isaac's slutty little gloves (which I couldn't stop mentioning in my review), the film has a lot going for it. I was lucky enough to catch the film in IMAX, which was the best possible way to watch it. 

9. Together -- I saw Together during the hottest part of summer, which feels appropriate because the movie just feels...sweaty. You know, the Bible says that God intended for man and wife to become "one flesh", but this is just ridiculous! With great performances by real-life couple Alison Brie and Dave Franco, Together is simultaneously gross, funny, and kind of sweet. But mostly gross. 

8. Companion -- Even with the perfect girlfriend, some men are never satisfied. Companion is about Josh (Jack Quaid) and his lovely, if a bit shy, girlfriend Iris (Sophie Thatcher). Josh brings Iris to a weekend getaway with his friends, but they all kind of subtly keep Iris at arm's length...and we find out why soon enough. As we continue to fuck ourselves as a species with less human interaction and more late-stage capitalism, films like Companion feel more relevant by the day.

7. 28 Years Later -- Directed by Danny Boyle and written by Alex Garland, 28 Years Later is the long-awaited sequel to 28 Days Later (we're just going to pretend 28 Weeks Later doesn't exist). And it was worth the wait. The film follows a group of survivors 28 years after the initial outbreak of the "rage virus" that turned so many people in the United Kingdom into mindless, violent monsters. A young kid, Spike (Alfie Williams), is just old enough to learn how to hunt the remaining monsters living just outside his isolated island. With one of the most tear-jerking scenes of the year, 28 Years Later was a wonderful surprise.

6. Weapons -- I'll be controversial right off the bat and say that I did not like Weapons as much as Zach Creggers' previous film, Barbarian. People went absolutely nuts about Weapons, but I still think Barbarian is the stronger film. However, Weapons is pretty damn entertaining. It's funny, it's surprising, and it's genuinely unsettling. Amy Madigan's performance as Aunt Gladys is one of the best performances of the year. Please, Zach Cregger--keep making batshit insane horror movies! 

5. Bugonia -- Speaking of batshit insane...Yorgos Lathimos does not miss. He is one of the most interesting directors working today and he makes movies that feel like field trips to Hell. Bugonia is a difficult watch, but damn is it good. It has the best cast of the year. The three central actors--Emma Stone, Jesse Plemmons, and newcomer Aidan Delbis--are all excellent individually. But together? Whew. The way they play off of each other was unreal. 

4. Sinners -- You didn't think I'd leave Ryan Coogler's magnum opus off the list, did you? Sinners has the curse of being an extremely well-liked, popular film which means that it's officially cool to hate on it. I kind of empathize with the haters because I didn't particularly like Barbie, which was the extremely popular and well-liked film of 2023. But Sinners is a different story because it really is that good. In particular, the music. Even my dad, who hates vampire movies, watched Sinners and agreed that the music kicked ass. Sinners is just a fucking fun movie. Is it my personal favorite of the year? No. But I've already watched it 3 times this year, which is more than I can say for any other movie on this list. This is the other movie besides Frankenstein that I saw in IMAX and it was absolutely worth it. The scene where Sammie sings "I Lied to You" is my pick for scene of the year and I felt absolutely goosebumpy watching it in a IMAX theatre. 

3. Hamnet -- These top three films could almost go in any order and I do feel a bit guilty putting the one directed by a women and about the female experience in third place. Marty Supreme and One Battle After Another are definitely more "fun" movies, and I tend to be very biased in favor of movies that leave me energetic and laughing. But Hamnet is something special. It's a beautifully shot, painfully earnest and raw film about motherhood, loss, and art. Jessie Buckley, in an astounding lead performance as Agnes, conveys love, grief, anger, and strength so precisely and without over-acting. I've seen criticism saying that Hamnet is "emotionally manipulative", but I didn't find anything about Hamnet to be manipulative--quite the opposite. I found it to be a sincere and simple film about grief and how we can process trauma through art.

2. Marty Supreme -- This one came in under the wire, but I figured it would make the list. Directed by Josh Safdie, Marty Supreme is as laugh-out-loud funny as it is nail-bitingly stressful. Starring Timothee Chalamet as Marty Mauser, an arrogant little twerp who believes that he is the greatest table tennis player in the world and is going to prove it, the movie is about 20% actual table tennis scenes and 80% Marty trying to lie, cheat, steal, and beg his way into enough money to travel to table tennis championships. It's a movie about a hustler--a very compelling one, who fucks married women and makes Holocaust jokes (he can do that--he's Jewish!). Obviously, many viewers will hate the film because they hate Marty, but if you simply accept this man's audacity, you're in for an outrageous and wildly entertaining ride. 

1. One Battle After Another -- This was the year of Paul Thomas Anderson for me. I rewatched Magnolia and Phantom Thread and PTA's immense talent really hit me in a new way. His latest, One Battle After Another, is one of his more "accessible" films in the sense that it's more conventionally funny (compared to the extremely dry humor of Phantom Thread) and the characters are easier to root for (compared to the psychopaths that inhabit There Will Be Blood and The Master). The film is about Bob Ferguson (Leonardo DiCaprio, in a "funny" role--his star shines the brightest when he's playing funny characters), a former leftist revolutionary who went into hiding with his infant daughter after his partner and daughter's mother, Perfida Beverly Hill (Teyana Taylor), informs on the leftist group The French 75 in order to avoid prison. 16 years after these events, Bob and his teenage daughter, Willa (Chase Infiniti in a powerful breakout role), must go on the run when an enemy from the past comes back to hunt both of them down. Watching One Battle After Another was the most electrifying experience I had in theatres this year. I was vibrating with energy while watching it and the film stayed with me long after seeing it. At its heart, it's a film about fatherhood and the lengths even a pot-smoking, lazy ex-revolutionary will go to protect his daughter. 

Honorable mention: Bring Her Back, The Rule of Jenny Pen

***

All following lists are ranked in no particular order!

Best films I watched in 2025 that were released before 2025:

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (3rd review down) -- I finally saw the ultimate "Dad movie" and I loved it! This is just a rollicking good adventure set on the high seas. "Oceans are now battlefields". 

Janet Planet -- A quiet film about an 11 year old girl and her weird, hippie mom, with whom she has a loving, but codependent relationship. 

The Best Years of Our Lives (5th review down) -- This film, which won Best Picture for the 1946, feels extremely progressive and empathetic for its time. It follows three veterans of WWII as they readjust to civilian life.

A Real Pain -- This film came out in 2024 and Kieran Culkin won Best Supporting Actor for it--and boy did he deserve it! The movie is about a pair of cousins who go on a Jewish heritage tour of Poland after their grandmother dies. A very funny and very emotionally honest film.

The Brutalist -- This film came out in 2024 and Adrien Brody won Best Actor for it--and I'm ok with that choice! Love him or hate him, Brody is a really powerful actor (although the real MVP of The Brutalist is Guy Pearce, in my humble opinion) and does a wonderful job in this sweeping epic and indictment of America's attitude towards immigrants. 

Past Lives -- A deeply empathetic exploration of what it means to take one path and leave another behind. Past Lives is bittersweet and handles the idea that we have many possible loves throughout our lives with a deft and gentle hand. 

Ghostlight -- Another bittersweet and empathetic film about the power of art (specifically, theatre) to heal. A man dealing with a crushing loss joins a community theatre group and learns how to forgive and let go. This movie would be an excellent pairing with Hamnet.

Gosford Park (2nd review down) -- Sparkling dialogue, intriguing drama, gorgeous costumes, and Britain's finest actors. Written by Julian Fellowes and directed by Robert Altman, Gosford Park is just delightful. Take the best episode of Downton Abbey and make it even better under Altman's excellent direction and you have this witty and wonderful film.

Honorable mentions: Babylon, The Girl with the Needle, First Cow, Queer, Strangers on a Train 

***

Most satisfying rewatches:

Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair -- While *technically* this was a first time watch for me since it is treated as its own separate thing from Kill Bill vol. 1 and Kill Bill vol. 2 (and it also has at least one additional scene that wasn't in the original films), I still count it as a rewatch because I've seen the Kill Bills. The Whole Bloody Affair combines the films into one 4.5 hour epic and boy was it worth the time and neck cramp from sitting in the front row of the theatre. I've never particularly liked Kill Bill vol. 2, but seeing the entire film at once gave me a greater appreciation of the emotional depth of the scenes where The Bride is reunited with her daughter. This film absolutely fucking slaps on every level.

LOTR trilogy -- Similarly to what I said above, this was a new experience for me since this was my first time watching the extended cuts of the trilogy, but whatever, I'm counting it as a rewatch. A much, much more deeply satisfying rewatch compared to my original viewing of the films in the theatre when they first came out. That's because I had to grow into LOTR. My immature young mind wasn't ready for them in the early aughts, but now that I've seen some shit...I get it. LOTR is the piece of media to watch during troubling times. The story is on another spiritual plane and it manages to convey the importance of fellowship, courage, integrity, and embracing your unique gifts without being cheesy or overly sentimental. The fact that Peter Jackson (and all involved) could take literature that means so much to so many people and make films worthy of that love is nothing short of a miracle. 

Best TV I watched this year

The Pitt, season 1 (5th review down) -- The new show that kicked off 2025 and that people who work in hospitals couldn't watch either because it wasn't accurate enough or because it was too accurate and, thus, panic attack inducing. A bounty of riveting TV for the rest of us!

Severance, season 2 -- Though not quite reaching the highs of season 1, the second season of Severance had its moments, particularly from actor Tramell Tillman as Seth Milchick and from actress Dichen Lachman as Ms. Casey. Season 2 gave us new insights into just what is going on in the basement of Lumon Industries.

The Gilded Age, seasons 1-3 -- I hate reality TV, especially of the "housewife" variety...but that doesn't mean I'm immune to the power of gossipy, rich women serving cunt from noon to midnight. Julian Fellowes didn't get me to stick with Downton Abbey, but The Gilded Age is a different story. I devoured all three seasons as fast as I could.

The White Lotus, season 3 (4th review down) -- This was honestly my favorite season of The White Lotus yet. Something about the mix of spirituality (and the limits of spiritual commitment by rich people in particular) and wild-ass shit (the, uh, journey the Ratliff brothers experience as well as Sam Rockwell's incredibly compelling monologue) really hit the spot for me. Season 1 didn't have enough depth for me and season 2 felt boring. Season 3 had both genuine depth and was never boring. 

***

Best books I read this year:

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver

Annie Bot by Sierra Greer

Diavola by Jennifer Thorne

Mother Horse Eyes by some guy on Reddit

***

Worst media of the year

Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw -- There is nothing to say except that this is the worst book I have ever read. Now, I know some people like it and that's fine, but I hated this slim novel with the fire of a thousand suns. I found its prose laughable and its plot stupid. The one thing going for it is that it's only 125 pages long. Hey, I guess we all have to have the worst book we've ever read, so in a weird way, you are triumphant Cassandra Khaw.

The Handmaid's Tale, season 6 (10th review down) -- A terrible end to a show that long overstayed its welcome. It was sad to see a show where the first season was so strong and true to the novel become an absurd parody of itself. How many close-ups of Elisabeth Moss's face do we need? Over its run of 6 seasons, the show couldn't commit to its own internal logic. It also asks us to forgive characters who deserve to spend life in prison for war crimes. 

The Human Centipede (5th review down) -- Roger Ebert reviewed The Human Centipede when the film came out in 2010 and the final sentence of his review is this: "I am required to award stars to the movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine." And to be honest, after seeing the movie myself, that review gives it too much credit. It implies that there is something different or special about The Human Centipede even if it's different or special in a bad way. Having seen the movie myself I can report that it's not special at all. It's boring. Very, very boring. The film is 92 minutes long and at least an hour of that runtime involves nothing or very little happening. There is very little violence. There is very little gore. There is very little action. The Human Centipede is a nothingburger and exists as little more than a meme.

Marty Supreme

I think Timothee Chalamet might be my favorite living actor. Is that dorky to say? (My favorite dead actor, for what it's worth, is Philip Seymour Hoffman). There's something dorky about Chalamet--he's a skinny white dude dating a Kardashian. But goddamn, can he act. When I saw him in Call Me By Your Name, I left the theatre thinking that his performance as Elio Perlman was not only great, but was one of the greatest performances in any film I've seen. His ability to portray youthful arrogance and playfulness, mixed with shyness and lust and vulnerability was astounding to me. I think my jaw was actually hanging open after that last final shot of the movie. 

Josh Safdie's Marty Supreme is a fantastic movie. It's outrageous and funny and anxiety-provoking (but in a fun way, at least in my opinion). And at its center is Chalamet's performance as the singular character of Marty Mauser. Marty (based loosely on Marty Reisman) is a hustler. He is always thinking of a way to make a buck (or make a fuck, considering we watch him fuck a married woman into pregnancy against a shelf of shoe boxes in the opening minutes of the film). But his true passion is table tennis and everything he does revolves around the belief that he is and will be known as the world's greatest table tennis player.

Going into this film, I thought it would mostly be about Marty playing ping pong. But the bulk of the film is actually about Marty trying to make (or steal) money he doesn't have so that he can travel to play ping pong. Don't worry--there are multiple scenes of tense, high stakes table tennis games. But most of the movie is focused on Marty's epic quest to first raise money to attend the British Open for table tennis and then raise money to attend the World Championship of table tennis in Tokyo. But his own arrogance, poor impulse control, and general shenanigans keep getting in the way of his plans. Does he blame everyone else for his own mistakes? You betcha.

Chalamet absolutely sells this character. He's the kind of guy who, when speaking about his older, Jewish opponent in the British Open, tells a reporter, "I'm going to do to Kletzki what Auschwitz couldn't", waiting a beat before saying, "I can say that. I'm Jewish. In fact, I'm Hitler's worst nightmare." The cojones on this little twerp! You really do want to hate him and you have every reason to do so. He's foul-mouthed, rude, a liar, a swindler...but you can't help but root for the sonofabitch. And I think the secret sauce here is that Marty has genuine passion for table tennis. Marty's focus on money throughout the film isn't because he's obsessed with nice things (although he does believe that he deserves nice things), but because he sees money as a means to an end--his goal of getting to Tokyo to win the World Championship. 

Spoilers....

In the climatic scene of the film, Marty purposefully throws a match against Koto Endo (Koto Kawaguchi, the stoic and dignified foil to Marty) as part of a paid publicity stunt. He has just gotten the news that he was banned from the World Championship due to previous shenanigans at the British Open. Even though he made it all the way to Tokyo, enduring danger and humiliation to get there, he won't be achieving his dream of becoming the World Champion at table tennis.

He begs Endo to play a "real" game of ping pong against him. He rallies the crowd to chant their desire to not watch a sham match, but a real one. Endo agrees and Marty beats him by the thinnest margin. When he wins, Marty sobs and hugs Endo, thanking him for the game. This wasn't about money or even about showing off to a stadium full of people (people who are upset because their country's finest player just lost to this American weirdo)...it was about Marty proving something to himself. 

Any other movie would be about Endo, the deaf Japanese man who lost his hearing in WWII, beating the arrogant American pig. But this movie is about Marty--Marty Supreme--coming out on top. It's borderline tasteless, especially right now, given our own resident arrogant American pig at 1600 Pennsylvania. But I'll be damned if I wasn't smiling like a loon when Marty wins the game. Maybe I have a little of that arrogant, piggish American blood in me. Or maybe that's just the power of the film and of Chalamet's performance. 

/spoilers

Marty Supreme is a film that may not work for some people. Some won't see past Marty's annoying traits, especially when he drags his pregnant lover, Rachel, into his bullshit (Odessa A'zion is great, although you want to shake her and tell her to get away from this guy). Some will find the movie too anxiety-inducing to enjoy. But I really like morally grey characters, as long as they're interesting. And Marty is very, very interesting.

Taking a cue from his character, Timothee Chalamet has been hustling his ass off (an ass we get to see during a particularly funny scene in the movie) to promote Marty Supreme and it seems that the hard work has paid off, as the film has been very successful at the box office. I'm so pleased that an indie film about table tennis is drawing such big crowds. It's just such a cool, energetic, funny film and I'm glad I saw it before making my "Best of 2025" list because it will definitely have a place near the top. 

Grade: A

Stuff I watched in... (the second half of) December, 2025

Babylon

Rarely have I a seen a movie that has so many fun and funny things going for it...and also so many stupid and annoying things going against it. Directed by Damien Chazelle (director of Whiplash and La La Land), Babylon is both a love letter to cinema (silent cinema, specifically) and also a wild party movie where Margot Robbie screams the f-word, flashes her tits, and pukes all over fancy rugs. Let's just say that it's a lot.

The majority of the film takes place between 1926 and 1932--the height of silent film and the dawn of talkies. The film explicitly references Singin' in the Rain a lot. But imagine if Singin' in the Rain had wild orgies, copious drug use, violent gangsters threatening to mutilate your genitals if you don't pay your debts, and a close up of an elephant's shitting asshole. Not so wholesome, huh? And I respect the movie for not overly romanticizing and sanitizing Hollywood of the 1920s...but it also feels very anachronistic at times. To the point where it was distracting. 

The best thing about Babylon is that it's raucously funny, especially in the latter half. There were scenes where I was laughing my ass off (the scene where two characters are taken to "the asshole of L.A." is worth the price of admission). It's really just a crazy, kinetic movie where your senses are assaulted for over three hours.

The worst thing about Babylon is...well, a couple things. The film calls to mind that "it insists upon itself" meme, and there's a montage near the end that really felt like it was just Chazelle jacking himself off (intellectually) to the idea of how profound this film is. Additionally, the acting and character development is...not great. Margot Robbie is very fun to watch, but she's a thinly written manic pixie dream girl with a heaping spoonful of seriously mentally ill and gambling/drug/sex addict. Her character, Nellie LaRoy, may be amusing to watch on screen, but if you met this person in real life, you would be running for the hills (or you would fall in love with her until she empties your bank accounts and accidentally runs over your dog). 

Diego Calva plays Manny Torres, who is supposed to be the "normal guy" witnessing all this depravity and madness, and the character SUCKS. He's literally a blank slate. And he's supposed to be the emotional center of the movie! He's supposed to be the character the audience relates to, but he's just...nothing. Someone also needs to tell this guy to close his fucking mouth because his mouth is literally open for like 90% of his screen time. Resting awe face, I guess.

Brad Pitt is also in the movie.

There are some really good supporting characters and fun cameos, but the most interesting characters are either not fleshed out properly or are only in the movie for a few scenes. However, they do add a lot of depth to an otherwise shallow film.

The power of Babylon is in how polarizing it is. You may love it or hate it, but you are sure as hell going to have an opinion about it. For better or worse, I'm still thinking about it days after I watched it. 

I've been mulling over what grade to give Babylon. I think it's one of the few movies I've watched that doesn't deserve one grade, but two. It is both an A- and a C film. Typically, I would say, well, that makes it a B or B- film, but it's not a B or B- film...it's both better than that and worse than that. So, to Babylon, a singular film that despite being intensely annoying I can't wait to rewatch, I give:

Grade: A- and C 

***

Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

I'm not a huge Rian Johnson fan. His Knives Out movies are fun, funny, and have great casts...but they're also a little on the nose. Like, they're the kind of movie where it will show a character reading Ayn Rand so that the audience will know, "Oh, that's one of the bad guys." You know what I mean? The characters feel more like a collection of traits that serve to make the audience feel some kind of way about them.

That said, I liked Wake Up Dead Man more than Knives Out. The film is surprisingly very Christian. It concerns a young priest, Jud Duplencity (Josh O'Connor), who is sent to serve as assistant pastor to the fearsome Father Jefferson Wicks (Josh Brolin). Oh, excuse me. Monsignor Jefferson Wicks. 

So, here's the thing. Rian Johnson clearly isn't Catholic because the way he portrays the Catholic Church and priests is just...all wrong. There's a bunch of confusing shit in here. Jefferson considers his church to be his church, which isn't that way Catholicism works (or Protestantism, for that matter. They rotate pastors for this very reason...so people don't get too attached to one church). Also, he apparently "inherited" the church and congregation from his father, also a priest. But...like...priests aren't supposed to have children. I mean, they do. But usually it's not all out in the open like "Yes, I fathered a son despite my vow of chastity and now he is inheriting my church." What? 

Finally, Wicks acts like a fire and brimstone evangelical pastor. The Catholic Church has many, many sins to account for...but they generally don't preach fire and brimstone from the pulpit. Leave that shit to the Southern Baptists. 

So, already, you're asking me to suspend my disbelief. Then, on top of that, it's super obvious that Wicks is supposed to be a Trump-like figure (only not a demented moron, like Trump is). He is the center of a cult of personality and his little flock are beholden to him and only grow worse and worse in their habits and impulses due to his negative influence. Wicks is an angry, hateful, prejudiced man. And on Black Friday...he winds up murdered!!!! Of course, everyone has a motive because Wicks has blackmail-level shit on everybody. So, enter Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig) to solve the mystery.

Wake Up Dead Man is fun. Josh O'Connor is lovely as the foil to Wicks. He is a man who wants to bring genuine care and compassion to this fucked up little church. There are some beautiful scenes of actual pastoral care, such as when Jud has an impromptu conversation with a woman (played by the lovely Bridget Everett) whose mom is sick. This film has more of a Christian heart than any of the pap put out by Angel Studios. And for that, I appreciate the film. I mean, some people hate the film for that very reason because it's a little rich to show good Christians while Christofascists destroy the country in real time. But I have a soft spot for movies that tap into how spirituality could be if only people weren't such cunts.

Grade: B

***

Liar Liar

For some reason, I had a desire to revisit this classic Jim Carrey comedy to see if it still holds up. Well, there's a scene where Jim rips off a man's toupee and makes an "Indian war whoop" sound. So...

Also, Jim sleeps with a senior partner at his firm and it's most definitely not considered sexual harassment because the higher up is a woman! Oh, there are also jokes at the expense of fat people, ugly people, women with big boobs, and "slutty" women. Someone uses the r-word at one point too. Just a typical comedy from 1997!

So, yeah, it does not hold up. But those scenes in the courtroom where Jim is representing Jennifer Tilly and he can't lie are still pretty dang funny. There's not much else to say. If you're feeling nostalgic for good old Jim Carrey, watch Dumb and Dumber instead.

Grade: C+

***

Vertigo

Vertigo is considered by many to be Alfred Hitchcock's greatest movie (I personally think his best is Rear Window). This was my third time watching Vertigo and its greatness finally hit. In the past when I watched it, I was very put off by the misogyny, both in how the "spinster" character of Midge is treated, but also the entire plot where Scottie (James Stewart) forcibly makes over Judy Barton (Kim Novak) to look more like a dead woman he was in love with. However, I think that now I know what I'm getting into, I can accept that the film is not only a product of its time, but also that the characters' motivations are less about misogyny and more about obsession. Both on the part of Judy, who gives in to Scottie's insane demands, and on the part of Scottie himself. James Stewart is so fun when he's playing a bad guy. 

Vertigo is beautifully shot and deeply haunting. A lot of movies from the 1950s feel a bit too cheery or melodramatic, but Vertigo is actually unsettling. The score by Bernard Herrmann really amps up the feelings of anxiety and danger than infuse the film. 

It's a classic and I'm glad I gave the film multiple chances to suck me in. Something about the movie itself feels irresistible and enticing. 

Grade: A

***

The Philadelphia Story

Here's another classic I've watched before, but it's been many, many years. The Philadelphia Story was specifically made to boost Katherine Hepburn's success at the box office after she starred in a few flops. She bought the rights to the film and in it she plays socialite Tracy Lord, a woman presented as an unloving, judgmental ice queen who learns to relax a bit and has a huge fuck up the night before her wedding. The idea was to let audiences know that Hepburn understood her image and was ok laughing at herself. It worked and the film was a box office success.

Movies from this time period are so interesting because they often have a mix of old-fashioned and modern sensibilities. I mean, this is a movie in which a divorced woman gets extremely drunk on the eve of her wedding to her would-be second husband and kisses another man (James Stewart is the lucky guy) and then it's implied they sleep together...she's too drunk to remember what happened...so she breaks up with her fiance only to end up getting married to her ex-husband (Cary Grant) now that she's fallen off her ice queen pedestal a bit. That's pretty chill for 1940, isn't it? 

Although there's this weird scene where Tracy's dad implies that she is responsible for his infidelity to her mother because she wasn't a loving enough daughter and that's really fucking weird. But other than that, The Philadelphia Story is a rollicking fun time filled to the brim with witticisms and quips and bon mots. Also, James Stewart playing drunk is really, really funny.

Grade: A-

***

The Equalizer 

The Equalizer is a ridiculous, yet fun revenge fantasy film. It was not my choice to watch it--my partner picked it after I made him watch 8MM. After seeing one revenge movie, he was in the mood for another.

Denzel Washington stars as Robert McCall, an unassuming man who works at a Home Depot type store, is a widower, and reads classic novels at open-all-night diners. Just a lonely dude. But Robert has a secret past and all it takes to unleash the past are some fucking assholes hurting someone Robert cares about. In this case, it's Alina (Chloe Grace-Moretz), a regular at the diner Robert frequents who is the victim of human trafficking. Even though she's not physically locked up, Alina is not free. The men she works for are dangerous and after she hits a client who hits her first, they beat her up and leave her hospitalized.

Robert finds out who these men are and, after making them a fair offer to buy Alina's freedom (and getting laughed at), he kills all five men in 25 seconds. 

Who is Robert McCall and how is this 50-something man who reads Hemingway so good at killing? Will a fixer for the Russian mafia with dozens of highly trained killers and the backing of a powerful oligarch be able to stop Robert? I think you know the answer to that question before you've even seen the movie (especially given that there is an Equalizer 2 and an Equalizer 3). 

Although The Equalizer is...a bit unrealistic...it's pure, dumb fun watching Denzel kick ass after ass after ass after ass. 

Grade: C+

Stuff I watched in... (the first half of) December, 2025

Because I watch so many movies throughout the month of December, I'm splitting my movie review round up into two parts! 

***

Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair

As much as it embarrasses me to say, Quentin Tarantino is one of my favorite--if not my favorite, full stop--directors. The man is problematic on so many levels and basically plagiarizes other films. But GODDAMN are his films fun (and well-written and well-shot). I'd be a liar if I pretended not to like his work. Inglourious Basterds is one of my favorite movies, and Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, and Kill Bill are all up there as well. 

I watched both Kill Bill vol. 1 and Kill Bill vol. 2 in the theatres in high school. They were among the first R-rated films I could go and see by myself or with a group of friends. I loved Kill Bill vol. 1 and I...liked Kill Bill vol. 2. My issue with part 2 was that I don't like Bill. The character of Bill is the worst thing about Kill Bill. He just sucks all the energy out of the room. The man put a bullet in a pregnant woman's head and he's treated like a sympathetic guy in the second movie. Not a good guy, but a man worth hearing out. And I do not want to hear what this man has to say. 

In any case, Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair is parts 1 and 2 together, making it a 4.5 hour long film. And I watched that film in the front row at my local theatre because the rest of the theatre was sold out. But it was worth it. Kill Bill is a masterpiece. This film is as balanced and sharp as a Hattori Hanzo blade. There are so many different stylistic and storytelling elements that could have made the film a mess, but in fact make it a true work of art: the out of order storytelling, the animated sequences, the violence and humor, the music, the emotional weight. Nearly everything is perfect.

The only thing keeping it from an "A+" is that in this version the fight with the Crazy 88s is in color (it's much better in black and white) and also...I'm sorry, but Bill still fucking sucks. His death is very poetic and it's satisfying to watch him die because his lover and protege, The Bride, learned a technique from a kung-fu master who was famous for NEVER teaching anyone that technique. Which means that Bill died knowing his own kung-fu master, Pai Mei, had more respect for The Bride than for Bill. I can only imagine that Bill died with pride and jealousy warring within his mind. 

Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair may not by my favorite of Tarantino's films, but it's probably his magnum opus and absolutely worth investing the time in.

Grade: A

***

First Cow

Directed by Kelly Reichardt, First Cow is a simple and beautiful film. Taking place in the 1820s in Oregon County, the film follows Otis "Cookie" Figowitz (John Magaro), a chef hired to cook for fur trappers who are pissed at him for not finding enough food out in the wild. Cookie runs into a Chinese man, King-Lu (Orion Lee), who is hiding from men trying to kill him. Cookie helps King-Lu escape.

Later, the two men run into each other at a fort and begin living together in King-Lu's modest shack. They hear that the richest man in the area, Chief Factor (Toby Jones) has paid for a cow to be brought to his property--the "first cow" in this part of the territories--because, being an Englishman, Factor takes milk in his tea.

Cookie is a baker by trade and is frustrated that without milk, his biscuits are dry and hard. King-Lu suggests they start milking Chief Factor's cow at night and using the milk to make better biscuits, which they then sell at the fort. Eventually, Chief Factor gets wind of these supposedly amazing biscuits and asks Cookie to make a clafoutis for him to serve to an English friend. Little does he know that his own supply of milk is going into these baked goods.

Cookie and King-Lu are playing a dangerous game and if they are caught, they will absolutely be hunted down. Can they make enough money to move to San Francisco and open a hotel together? You'll have to watch to find out!

First Cow is a very lovely, simple film about male friendship. There's nothing to suggest that Cookie and King-Lu are lovers, but it is also made very clear that they do love each other. And in Oregon County in 1820, love is hard to come by. The film is also a critique of capitalism and hoarding resources. That message doesn't need to be spelled out or spoon-fed...it's just obvious. Why hoard the only cow in the area when you could share the milk with many...and be all the more beloved for it? 

Grade: A-

***

Star Trek: The Voyage Home

My partner and I have been watching the Star Trek movies every time he visits and I'll admit I've been skeptical. But The Voyage Home is an absolute delight! Directed by Leonard Nimoy, it revolves around a "save the whales" message (Nimoy was really into whales). The crew of the USS Enterprise must time-travel back to 1986 San Francisco to bring two whales back to 2286 so they can respond to a distress call being made by other whales (it somehow all makes sense in the movie).

Of course, this leads to classic hijinks, such as Kirk trying to fuck the attractive whale scientist, Dr. Gillian Taylor (Catherine Hicks), Pavel Chekov being interrogated because the government thinks he's a Soviet spy, and Spock showing amusement at the "colorful metaphors" (such as "dumbass") that the primitive humans of 1986 are so fond of using.

Very much a fish-out-of-water (or whale-out-of-water...HAHA) type movie and a whole lot of fun. I enjoyed this one even more than The Wrath of Khan and The Search for Spock. 

Grade: B

***

Death Becomes Her

Death Becomes Her is another classic comedy of the 1990s that I had never seen until my dear friend made me watch it. And it was a hoot! I went in basically knowing nothing and was pleasantly surprised at how dark and fucked up it was, especially for a Robert Zemeckis film!

I probably don't need to explain the plot since everyone on the planet saw this movie before I did, but it involves two frenemies, actress Madeline Ashton (Meryl Streep) and writer Helen Sharp (Goldie Hawn), who compete for decades over who is the most talented and most beautiful. Madeline has a habit of stealing Helen's boyfriends and eventually she steals Helen's fiance, Dr. Ernest Menville (Bruce Willis), a celebrated plastic surgeon.

Despite having a...er...low point (there's a fat suit involved), Helen comes roaring back with massive success for her novels. When Madeline sees how slender and preternaturally youthful Helen looks, she begs for more plastic surgery and is referred to a woman named Lisle von Rhuman (Isabella Rossellini, absolutely serving cunt). tldr: Lisle has a potion that if you drink it, you'll be beautiful and youthful forever, but you can't die...which we all know by this point is a curse, yeah?  

So, like...when Madeline is pushed down the stairs by Ernest after she makes fun of his erectile dysfunction, her neck twists all the way around. And the special effects are genuinely disturbing. This movie is fucked up, y'all--there's domestic violence, fat-shaming, Meryl Streep looking like a damn cryptid. I love it! Really glad I finally got around to watching this classic.

Grade: B

***

The Night Before

The Night Before is peak millennial humor and vibes, but not in a way that makes me feel nostalgic. More in a way that makes me cringe. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays Ethan, who, as a young adult, loses his parents right before Christmas. His friends, Isaac (Seth Rogen) and Chris (Anthony Mackie), make a pact to spend every Christmas Eve with Ethan, getting drunk, going to karaoke, eating Chinese food, etc. 

Well, 15 years later it's not cute anymore. Isaac is married and has a baby on the way and Chris is a famous football star. Only Ethan can't seems to move on and grow up. But the friends decide to do one last epic Christmas Eve together and it culminates in Ethan getting tickets (by way of stealing them) for a super secretive and exclusive underground Christmas party. 

The Night Before has some very strong charms, such as Nathan Fielder playing the Red Bull branded limo driver and Michael Shannon playing the mysterious Mr. Green, a pot dealer the boys have gotten their supply from since high school. The movie is filled to the brim with beloved comedians and actors. 

Where the movie fails is the romantic subplot involving Ethan desperately trying to get back with his ex, Diana (Lizzy Kaplan). It's egregious how gross this entire plot line is, with Ethan proposing to her in front of hundreds of people (she says "yes" out of pressure), getting rejected in private, and then showing up at her parents' house on Christmas, where they reconcile. Ugh, no. You in danger, girl! 

If you're looking for a light Christmas comedy, you could do worse. But it's not gonna be a classic for a reason.

Grade: B-

***

The Blackening

The Blackening is a horror comedy by Tim Story about a group of Black college friends who gather for a Juneteenth reunion in an AirBnb in the woods...only to be lured into a racist game of life or death. It's a solid film, but it wasn't as clever or sharp as I hoped. 

The cast is filled with Black comedians, such as Melvin Gregg, Jermaine Fowler, Dewayne Perkins, X Mayo, and many more. This means that the jokes are fast and furious and the editing is chaotic and choppy since the camera is constantly cutting to a different actor saying a funny line. That said, there are some really solid gags here, such as when the group is forced to vote on the "blackest" person in the room to sacrifice (one character says, "I can't be the blackest...I'm gay!")

Horror comedies are hard to do, with really excellent ones few and far between (in my humble opinion). I think The Blackening does a decent job even though it feels uneven at times. It builds to a genuinely surprising ending I did not see coming. And the cast is incredibly charming. It's worth checking out. 

Grade: B-

***

Relay

Relay is a thriller with a very interesting hook: an intermediary between whistleblowers and corporations uses a relay service for the deaf and hard of hearing to anonymously communicate and negotiate deals with both parties. Because all communications that go through the relay service are confidential (and the records are destroyed), this protects the anonymity of all parties. 

Despite this unique central concept, Relay is just filled with plot holes and contrivances. Ash (Riz Ahmed) is the intermediary who works with, shall we say, regretful whistleblowers. These are people who come across information that could get a company in trouble. Perhaps they bring it to their senior leaders and are fired, or maybe they threaten to go public and then face a campaign of harassment. By the time they are put in touch with Ash (usually through a lawyer), they just want to return the information to end the harassment. Ash keeps a safety copy of the damning information in a secure location and negotiates a deal where the company pays off the employee and promises to leave them alone in return for the information being given back. 

Is any of this...actually possible? Probably not. And I just had so many questions that it was hard to suspend disbelief and enjoy the film. It gets even more confusing at the story nears the climax. I feel like Relay would have been an interesting Black Mirror episode...like, keep it to an hour and keep it about the unique use of technology. 

Directed by David Mackenzie, Relay is an ok film that I enjoyed well enough, but I'm glad I didn't pay to see it in theatres. 

Grade: B-