Non-Toxic Masculinity

Movies: A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

It's no wonder two films about Fred Rogers have come out over the past couple years. In these deeply troubling times where anger and fear have sucked in even the gentlest souls, we are collectively aching for a person who represents something even greater and more profound than the life he lived.

Fred Rogers, it has been said, was no saint. But goddamn if he wasn't close. The Presbyterian minister-turned children's television host seemed to be equal parts therapist, artist, pastor, and social worker. His goal on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood was to help children manage their emotions in healthy ways. To do this, he listened to children and cared about what they cared about. He validated all their emotions and explained techniques to express those emotions outwardly without hurting others.

After we saw A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, my friend and I discussed the similarities in how Rogers lived his life and Buddhist practice. Fred Rogers prayed and meditated daily, he swam laps, he wrote letters to people. He wasn't naturally just a good person--he practiced at being kind. That's the key term: practice. Much like there is a difference between taking a yoga class and having a yoga practice, there is a difference between a random act of kindness and having a kindness practice.

But, ironically, Beautiful Day isn't actually about Fred Rogers--it's about Lloyd Vogel (Matthew Rhys), a writer for Esquire magazine whose boss charges him with writing a piece on Fred Rogers for the "Heroes" issue. Vogel finds this absurd since he considers himself both a hard-hitting investigative journalist and also a cranky cynic. Turns out, he needs this assignment very much.

Estranged from his father, Jerry (Chris Cooper), and newly a father himself, Lloyd appears to be on the verge of some kind of breakdown. His anger, cynicism, and coldness have driven him for years--but now his father is trying to get back into his life, and his infant son needs a role model. The angry Lloyd is no longer acceptable. And when he starts talking to Fred Rogers, someone actually listens to him and validates his feelings.

Of course, Rogers is played by perhaps the kindest public figure currently alive, Tom Hanks. Although Hanks eventually blends in to the role of Rogers, you never for one moment forget you're watching Tom Hanks. But maybe it doesn't really matter. In fact, maybe it's fitting that such a beloved actor portrays such a beloved man--it almost feels symbolic and intentional, a double-dose of kindness in one character.

Beautiful Day walks a fine line between genuine and overly sincere, and it doesn't always fall on the right side of the line--but that doesn't take away from the moments of grace than inhabit the film. There's a scene where Rogers asks Lloyd to have a moment of silence with him before a meal, and the scene plays out in real time with Hanks looking into the camera directly for a few moments. The people sitting behind me laughed uncomfortably at this and I wish they hadn't, because as cheesy as it was, it was also effective.

The film, directed by Marielle Heller (a fantastically talented director), is a perfect companion piece to last year's Won't You Be My Neighbor? The latter, a documentary about Rogers' life, is the better film and I legit bawled during it. It's better, in my opinion, because it uses a lot of footage from the show Mister Rogers' Neighborhood which clearly demonstrates Rogers' way of talking with children about everything from disabilities to war. But Beautiful Day expands Fred Rogers' philosophy outward and shows how even the most cynical among us have the ability to soften, to forgive, and to allow ourselves to feel emotions that we so desperately want to avoid. That's another connection between Buddhism and Rogersism: not avoiding emotions like sadness and anger, but actually feeling them. It's terrifying, but it's necessary in order to not let your emotions control you.

I myself have been going through dark times since, hmm, I'd say mid-2016 (I wonder why??), and I fully empathize with Vogel's character (a stand-in for the real writer of the Esquire article, Tom Junod). Not in terms of the exact challenges Vogel faces, but in terms of his bottomless pit of anger. I understand what it is to be angry, because I am often very angry. I'm a bit of an odd duck because I'm also very optimistic, friendly, and emotionally intelligent...except when I'm not, of course. But I think my anger comes from a place of giving a shit--about other people, about myself, and about the world. And when you care, you become vulnerable. And anger feels better than despair.

So what I'm saying is that when I'm not seeking out catharsis in the form of movies like Hereditary and Midsommar, which match my internal scream, I seek out innocence, wholesomeness, and kindness. I seek out warm blankets and my mother's hand tickling my back. I avoid people who match my sarcasm and cynicism and try to find people who encourage my kind side. I seek out movies like this one, because I, like everyone else, need balance and sincerity. Too much sincerity and I roll my eyes, but too little and shrivel in the cold. So wait until a very cold day and go see A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, which will warm your soul right up.

Grade: B 

Amazon Prime Binge

Movies: High Life, Lake Mungo, First Reformed

Catching up on some movies available on streaming...

High Life

Claire Denis' science-fiction film about a group of criminals serving as guinea pigs for experiments in space is...a lot. The film opens with a single man, Monte (Robert Pattinson), and a baby alone on a spaceship and flashes back and forth between how they got there and where they are now. Basically, Monte is part of a crew of criminals who were serving life sentences on earth and were offered the chance to go to outer space to search for a renewable source of energy as an alternative to their sentences.

What they didn't sign up for is a doctor on board (Juliette Binoche) who is obsessed with reproductive technology and is constantly impregnating the female crew against their wishes. Also, there's this thing called the "fuck box"--basically, a mastubatorium where crew go to jerk off. I have a lot of issues with the fuck box (for example, the fuck box has a dildo attached to a padded seat...and that's all. I mean, I don't judge others for how they get off, but personally, I'd be pretty disappointed if I went into a fuck box and that was all that was in there).

High Life is a weird and, in my opinion, pretty pointless movie. I guess you could make the argument that it shows how once a person has a child, they are able to face anything in spite of insurmountable odds, or that human connection is stronger than anything in the universe. But really I think this movie is just about the fuck box.

Grade: C

Lake Mungo

Lake Mungo is an inventive, Blair Witch style horror film that expertly winds the audience up, scares them, relieves them, and then scares the fuck out of them again.

Filmed in documentary style, Lake Mungo is about a 16 year old girl, Alice Palmer, who drowns during a family holiday in Australia. Not long after the girl is buried, weird things start happening around the house: noises, doors opening and closing on their own...typical spooky shit. The Palmer family believe they are being haunted by their daughter's ghost. And when they set up cameras around the house, they find what appears to be evidence of a haunting.

But of course, there's to the footage than meets the eye...

Lake Mungo genuinely scared me, which is a rare feat. There are some Paranormal Activity-type jump scares where the audience is forced to watch grainy footage *knowing* that something spooky is going to happen, but not when or in which corner of the screen. This is an incredibly effective technique because you can't look away, but you know you're about to jump out of your seat. There's a particularly effective scare near the end of the film that made me scream (which, in turn, scared the fuck outta my cat).

Lake Mungo was a wonderful little surprise and it stuck with me days after. Highly recommended for horror buffs.

Grade: A-

First Reformed

Directed by Paul Schrader, First Reformed is an incredibly powerful and beautiful film about faith, hope, and despair. Ethan Hawke, doing great work here, plays Reverend Toller, the pastor at a "tourist church" called First Reformed. Very few people actually attend services at the church, but the 250 year old building is kept open as a tourist attraction and is soon to be the location of a reconsecration ceremony overseen by the pastor of a local megachurch called Abundant Life Ministries. Cedric Kyles (better known as Cedric the Entertainer) plays Pastor Jeffers and serves as a nice contrast to Hawke's Toller. Where Toller is nearly as self-abnegating as a monk (with the exception for his fondness for booze), Jeffers is charismatic, friendly, and knows how to make money.

One day, a couple shows up at First Reformed. Mary (Amanda Seyfried) and Michael (Phillip Ettinger) are going through a tough time--Michael is an environmental activist who is losing hope in the future of the earth every day. Mary is pregnant, and Michael wants her to get an abortion because he believes it is wrong to bring a child into a world soon to be plunged into chaos. Mary urges Toller to speak to her husband, but in doing so, Toller begins to question his own faith and his own sense of right and wrong.

I'll leave it at that, though there is MUCH more to the plot. First Reformed asks a lot of questions, from the relatively small (should you support a church that receives money from possibly corrupt businessmen?) to the enormously huge (Is it a sin to bring a child into a dying world? Will God forgive us for what we've done to His creation? How does one go on when there appears to be no hope?). You don't need to be a religious person to grapple with these questions because, as Toller points out, the "blackness" within the human soul has always been there and is in us all.

First Reformed is more art than entertainment, though I found it incredibly compelling and immediately wanted to watch it a second time once it was over. Highly recommended for people who like a little existential philosophy with their movies.

Grade: A

The Naz-Twee Party

Movies: Jojo Rabbit

Man, I really wanted to like this one. The concept of a 10 year old German boy who wants to be an upstanding member of the Hitler youth during the final days of the Third Reich and whose imaginary friend is der Fuhrer himself, played with childlike whimsy by Taika Waititi (who also directed the film), sounds like it could be delightfully edgy and satirical in the tradition of Chaplin's The Great Dictator and Brooks' The Producers. Alas, Jojo Rabbit doesn't know what it wants to be. It's both not edgy enough and too dark at the same time. It's both too saccharine to be about as serious a subject as Nazi Germany and too upsetting to commit fully to its heartwarming anti-hate message. It tries to be everything to everyone and ends up being nothing to no one.

The opening sequence of Jojo is by far the strongest part of the film: young Jojo is putting on his Hitler youth attire with pride while Waititi-as-Adolf psyches him up, encouraging him to "Heil me! You can heil better than that!" leading Jojo to run through the streets screaming "Heil Hitler" with the exuberance only a 10 year old can muster. He then goes to a training camp where Sam Rockwell (a highlight of the movie) plays Captain Klenzendorf, a one-eyed, heavy-drinking former soldier who has been demoted to training children and couldn't give a fuck. Rebel Wilson and Alfie Allen play Captain K's lackeys.

The training camp part of the film was genuinely funny--imagine Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom but with children burning books, playing with grenades, and learning that Jews have scales and forked tongues. Now, I know this might sound incredibly disgusting and upsetting, but I hope if you choose to see this movie you understand that Waititi is *mocking* Nazis, not endorsing them. I mean, it's pretty fucking clear, but if you don't find Nazis and Hitler funny at all, you'd best skip this film.

The clearly satirical portions of the film are the strongest...but instead of sticking to straightforward comedy, Waititi introduces drama in the form of a Jewish girl living in Jojo's attic. Turns out, Jojo's mom, Rosie (Scarlett Johansson, whom I've decided I don't like), is part of the resistance. As Jojo begins to develop a friendship with Elsa (played by Thomasin McKenzie) he--get this--realizes that Jews are people too.

Here's my issue with Jojo Rabbit: I didn't buy the sweet, maudlin aspects of the film. There are a ton of scenes with Jojo and his mama, just playing and dancing and being sweet. It didn't match the earlier scenes in the movie. And then, partway through, there is a twist that is absolutely devastating and just seemed really fucking out of place. The tone is all over the goddamn place: Is this movie Life is Beautiful? Is it Inglourious Basterds? PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK THIS MOVIE IS?!

I can tell you that Jojo Rabbit's greatest sin is that for long lengths of the film, it is simply boring. There are entire portions that go by with no jokes, or really terrible jokes. There are also weirdly lazy stereotypes. For example, it is heavily suggested that Captain K. and Alfie Allen's Finkel are gay (the gay Nazi stereotype is as old as, well, the original Nazi party). So many talents are wasted here. Rebel Wilson is reduced to a fat fraulein role. There's honestly not nearly enough of Waititi's imaginary Hitler.

However, I do appreciate that Waititi took a chance on a project that is unusual and risky. I personally feel that he did not hit the mark, but the thing about Jojo Rabbit is that a lot of people *love* it. You might be one of those people! I'm glad I saw it because I didn't know which side I'd fall on and now I know.

So I'm going to give Jojo Rabbit a solid, semi-respectable C grade. It has its moments. Overall, I didn't like it that much and would not watch again, but I can see how others would enjoy the film more than me.

Grade: C

Water Water Everywhere

Movies: The Lighthouse

Robert Eggers' The Lighthouse is a difficult film to write a review about because the plot is pretty simple: a man goes absolutely apeshit in a lighthouse.

But this movie is so much more than that too. Eggers follows up his first film, the much beloved The VVitch, with another atmospheric, often difficult to understand (literally--I really would have appreciated subtitles) semi-horror story that just shrouds the audience in dread from start to finish. Filmed in rich black and white and at a 1:33 aspect ratio, The Lighthouse feels like a relic of cinema past.

Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson are Thomas Wake and Ephraim Winslow, respectively. For four weeks Winslow is to be under the tutelage of Wake, learning to be a wikie (lighthouse keeper), before he is assigned his own post. Wake gives Winslow all the back-breaking, shitty (literally) chores and generally treats Winslow like an indentured servant and Winslow puts up with it. This *is* the 1890s after all, and there aren't a ton of options for work. But over the weeks, the two men grow closer and develop a fondness for one another.

That is, until a storm hits the "rock" they're stuck on. Winslow is due to be fetched from his post and when the boat to retrieve him never arrives, seagull poo hits the fan very quickly.

The first hour of the film sets up the hierarchy between Winslow and Wake nicely, while the final 40 minutes effectively destroy any and all sense of hierarchy, rules, logic, and grasp on reality. There's a turning point in the film when Wake mentions rations to Winslow and Winslow replies "it's only been one day" (as in, one day since the boat that was supposed to ferry him away failed to show up). Wake chillingly replies that they've been stuck for weeks past the boat's due date and he's sick of Winslow's willful ignorance of that fact.

Things get more intense and more insane from there on out. The film is from Winslow's perspective but he's a hella unreliable narrator. He goes from a quiet, slightly annoyed lad to a raging lunatic, fantasizing about mermaid vaginas and confessing to watching a friend die at his previous post and only wanting a cigarette after.

Did I say "mermaid vagina"? The Lighthouse, in addition to being spooky and batshit insane, is also very funny, with fart jokes and jack-off jokes galore. The grandiose banter between the old salt and the pup are the stuff Oscar clips are made of as well.

This is just a good movie, guys, The visuals are stunning--the black and white imagery with shadows playing on Dafoe and Pattinson's haunted faces is mesmerizing. The acting is insanely good. Dafoe is a known quantity as a crusty ol' stereotype come to life and Pattinson once again proves he is no longer Edward Cullen in this terrifying and electric role.

My personal theory about this movie is that The Lighthouse is either purgatory or Hell. Given Pattison's sins revealed partway through the film, as well as the fudging of linear time, it makes sense that this place is a place of punishment for this man.

My advice is to not think too much and just see the movie and appreciate it for its beauty and weirdness. Like The VVitch, The Lighthouse is not an easy film to watch, but it's a worthwhile one.

Grade: A-

Shake Your Money Maker

Movies: Hustlers

Hustlers is a female-written and directed (Lorene Scafaria) film that centers on women in the sex work industry (stripping, specifically). Based on a true story, which was captured in the an article titled "The Hustlers of Scores" by Jessica Pressler, Hustlers is about a small group of strippers who started drugging the men they danced for and running up their credit cards in order to give themselves a bigger payday.

It was very refreshing to see a film with well-known female actresses (Jennifer Lopez, Constance Wu, and Julia Stiles--with cameos by Cardi B and Lizzo, among others) and basically no recognizable male actors. How often does that happen!? Similarly, the movie is ethnically diverse out the wazoo and presents the women (and their criminal actions) as complicated and three-dimensional. Hustlers has its feminist bona fides for sure.

The movie is also just plain fun, with a bangin' soundtrack, sexy stripteases, and women drugging and stealing from rich, white guys. This movie is the lovechild of Magic Mike and Robin Hood.

But the film is careful to never fully condone the actions of the women involved in the scam. It *explains* their actions, but it also shows the consequences, both practical (having to haul a nude, passed out man into a Hummer) and emotional (having to deal with a crying man begging for his money back over the phone). And anyone who read the article above knows how the story ends.

Hustlers focuses on Destiny, played by Constance Wu. The film opens in 2007. Destiny is a stripper at a well-heeled club called "Moves" in New York City, but she is still learning the ropes. An older, wiser stripper, Ramona (a radiant boss bitch Jennifer Lopez), takes Destiny under her wing and--in my favorite scene of the film--shows her a variety of moves on the poll. The two bond very quickly and make bank. After all, it's 2007 and the economy is great. What could possibly go wrong?

A whole bunch, actually. For one, the recession hits in late 2008, and the rich dudes who frequent the club start drying up. I guess, given the stock market, they decide to spend their money on their dumb wives and kids or whatever. Then, Destiny gets pregnant. After she has her baby, she dumps her boyfriend and struggles to find work. She decides to go back to stripping even though she'd really prefer not to. However, one benefit of going back to the club is that she reunites with Ramona, who is as hot and successful as ever--and who has come up with a scheme to make a lot of money real fast.

The plan: chat up a rich-looking dude at a bar and get him drunk (be sure to surreptitiously throw your drink over your shoulder while he drinks so you remain sober and clear-headed). Then, the other girls (Ramona has recruited two other women--Mercedes [Keke Palmer] and Annabelle [Lili Reinhart]--to be part of the scheme) will show up and convince the dude to take them to Moves to hang out in the champagne room. At some point in the evening, one of the girls will slip a mixture of MDMA and ketamine into the dude's drink--the drug is meant to make the guy both suggestible, but also impair his memory. Once at the club, they "get permission" from the guy to borrow his credit card to pay for drinks, and essentially empty out his bank account.

The ethical reasoning behind this scam is that because these men are so wealthy, they'll barely miss that $10,000 from their bank account. Besides, the women tell themselves, these men are pigs. They're the 1%. Misogynists. Pervs. They asked for it.

Ah man, my heart rate is up just thinking about how these women fucked over these rich assholes. Eat the fuckin' rich, amirite? This is a better solution than the guillotine, amirite? Well, sadly, life isn't a feminist fairytale and, eventually, the women get caught. Surprisingly, their sentences are pretty light--Ramona, the ringleader, doesn't even serve jail time, just 5 years probation. Destiny takes a plea deal.

Hustlers is about two things: female relationships and the American Dream. And it considers the limits of both. In many ways, these women were only doing to men what the men were doing to others--stealing other peoples' money to make themselves rich. It's not like Wall Street traders and investment bankers are angels--they do shady, barely legal (if not flat-out illegal) shit all the time. And they get away with it because they are at the top of the food chain. Although the women's actions were indeed illegal and indeed hurt some (relatively) innocent people, it's hard to blame them for just trying to get by in a tough world that values getting bread by any means necessary. Likewise, the movie looks at relationships between women--the good and the bad. Ramona and Destiny's friendship is complex--they have a bit of a mother/daughter (or teacher/student) dynamic, and also a girl crush dynamic, and, eventually, a frenemies dynamic. Their friendship can't withstand Ramona's hubris.

Hustlers is a fun movie with a complex moral center. It really is like the first Magic Mike movie, which was a tale about relationships between men hiding underneath a line-up of sculpted man-ass. Likewise, this movie serves up Britney Spears and stripper poles alongside some truly difficult questions about how people are supposed to survive during times of economic crisis. And also, the concept of wealth and privilege--maybe some people deserve to have money taken from them if they don't willingly put it back into society where it could go to people who need it more.

Grade: B+

Strap You Hands 'Cross These Engines

Movies: Blinded by the Light

In 2002, Gurinder Chadha directed Bend It Like Beckham, which became an arthouse hit. Audiences loved the comedy to be found in an Indian girl living in the UK and straddling both the traditional world of her Asian parents and the modern world of her English peers. By the end of the film, her strict parents have come to understand and admire Jess's (Parminder Nagra) talent on the soccer field and Jess, in turn, has a new level of respect for her hand-working parents.

Blinded by the Light, also directed by Chadha, follows nearly the exact same formula, with sadly diminishing returns. The film follow Javed (Viveik Kalra), a 16 year old Pakistani kid living 1987 Britain. Javed loves to write, especially poetry, but his super old-school dad finds no value in writing. He expects Javed to work and hand over his wages (the backdrop of Margaret Thatcher's recession-plagued Britain is one of the best aspects of the film) to help support the family, and also prepare to enter college--not to follow his passions, but so that he can get a good job and eventually marry (a woman his father will choose, naturally).

Like Jess, Javed is stuck between two worlds. His English peers try hard to get him to rebel a little: they invite him to parties and encourage his writing. But Javed is, generally speaking, a meek and obedient young man. That is, until his Sikh buddy from school gets him turned on to the Boss.

Hearing the music of Bruce Springsteen for the first time is no less than a revelation for Javed. Springsteen's music, which is basically about "getting out this dump", speaks to him in a way nothing else has before. It's not long before he becomes obsessed.



On the one hand, Javed's newfound passion ignites his writing, gives him the courage to ask out a girl in his class, and lets him push back against his father's strict rules. On the other hand, Javed becomes kind of a dick. He makes fun of his best friend from childhood for listening to synth music, demands that an article about his love of the Boss be published in the school newspaper, and even leaves in the middle of his sister's wedding celebration to buy tix to see Springsteen.


But by the end of the movie, all is well--he wins a prize for his Springsteen essay and his parents come to see him read it and he ends up improvising a little speech about how Springsteen and his dad would get each other--they both came from poor backgrounds and worked hard to succeed. Javed makes up with his friend, gets into the college program of his choice (for writing, NOT economics as his dad prefers), and has a new level of respect for his hard-working parents.

Sounds familiar, right? Blinded by the Light almost feels like Chadha plagiarized her own work--even down to a pivotal scene that takes place during a character's sister's wedding. Both Jess and Javed's parents are pretty two-dimensional: they are strict, no-nonsense first generation immigrants who have secret hearts of gold underneath their old-school exteriors.

Blinded by the Light feels like a movie the should have come out 15 years ago. There's even a throwaway line about how people in America are less racist/more open to different cultures than Britain than made me chuckle darkly. The optimism in the film feels practically naive. Granted, it's a PG-13, family-friendly film. It's a safe, comforting popcorn movie where *hard work* actually gets you where you want to go. But to me, it felt too by-the-numbers.

My mom loves Bruce Springsteen, and fans of his music will greatly appreciate the film (which is inspired by a true story, by the way. There are pics of the real Javed with Springsteen at the end). There are definitely some joyous moments, as when Javed, Roops--Javed's Springsteen-obsessed pal, and Eliza--Javed's girlfriend, run through the town singing "Born to Run". "Born to Run" is a fucking great song. But it's not enough to save the movie from its cheesy, cringe-y moments.

Overall, imma give Blinded by the Light a B-. It's not a bad movie, and it definitely tugs your heart strings. But it feels so similar to Chadha's previous (and better) work that there is a touch of disappointment in how predictable it is. Families, those looking for a comforting, happy flick, and fans of the Boss will likely enjoy it more than I did.

Grade: B-

Boring Stories to Tell in the Dark

Movies: Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Y'all, I am sad to report that Andre Ovredal's Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, based on the beloved books by Alvin Schwartz is boorrrrrrring.

Now. This may just be because I am a horror veteran who has an *extremely* high tolerance for spookiness. But I don't think that's it. It may be that this film is a mere PG-13, but I don't think that's it either, because Insidious, one of the scariest movies of all time is PG-13 too. I just think SSTTITD is not a good movie.

SSTTITD takes place in 1968. On Halloween, horror fan Stella, her friends Auggie and Chuck, and drifter Ramon break into a "haunted" house that belonged to the Bellows' family. The family was infamous for supposedly locking away their daughter, Sarah, who liked to write scary stories. Stella discovers Sarah's hand-written book of scary stories and takes it with her.

After reading a story written about the town bully, Tommy, and realizing it coincides with Tommy's real-life disappearance (the story in question is "Harold", which fans of the book will recognize as the story with the killer scarecrow), Stella figures out that Sarah is still writing stories from beyond the grave that actually result in people's deaths. This is confirmed when her friend Auggie falls prey to a story in which a corpse is looking for his missing toe (which Auggie has accidentally eaten in a stew).

From there, Stella and Ramon try to figure out exactly how to get Sarah to stop killing from beyond the grave. The movie is a slog that I barely have the patience to explain. Fans of the books will recognize one of the most iconic images from Alvin Schwartz's books during the sequence where Chuck is hunted down by an obese, pale, stringy-haired ghoul in "The Dream"--one of the only truly scary scenes in the entire film.

The film comes to...a conclusion. Stella is able to confront Sarah and convince her to stop writing her stories, But Auggie and Chuck remain missing, which sucks because neither character did anything to deserve their fate (unlike the bully Tommy). So,  a scary movie with a central theme of justice doesn't actually...give our characters justice in the end. What a waste.

While Alvin Schwartz's books remain absolutely iconic, especially with the original illustrations by Stephen Gammell, the movie based on these books is aggressively mediocre. There's no way around it: save your money and buy a copy of the original books, which are still sure to give you a tingle and raise the hairs on your neck.

Grade: D