Sissy
Boy, I did not vibe with this movie. Sissy is a Shudder original film about a social media influencer, Cecilia (Aisha Dee), who runs into her childhood best friend, Emma (Hannah Barlow), after more than a decade of being estranged. Emma is getting married and invites Cecilia to her "Hen's Weekend" (that's Australian for bachelorette weekend). Cecilia jumps at the chance to reconnect with her childhood best buddy, but once she arrives at the secluded location, she realizes that Alex (Emily De Margheriti), her childhood nemesis who came between her and Emma as kids is also at the Hen's Weekend.
Guys, I hated this fucking movie. It's being compared to Bodies Bodies Bodies, because it's about a group of privileged young people who weaponize the language of mental health to attack one another (and also...murder happens in both movies). But Bodies Bodies Bodies is 1) better acted and 2) actually funny. Sissy (which is Cecilia's childhood nickname that Alex used to tease her) is mean-spirited without the humor to balance it out. The characters are, to a one, awful. Cecilia is portrayed as a weak person who is just barely hanging on until she's pushed to the brink by not just Alex, but Emma's other terrible friends too. It's very unclear whether or not the movie is on her side. The characters who die all deserve it but the movie doesn't feel righteous the way other revenge movies, like Carrie, do.
Basically, it's a movie with insufferable, cruel characters and the whole "lol millennials/gen Z SAY a bunch of shit about tolerance and wellbeing, but actually they're all assholes" vibe is eye-rollingly overplayed and stupid. Skip this one.
Grade: D
***
Doctor Sleep
The Shining is one of my favorite horror movies of all time, yet I was skeptical of Doctor Sleep, a movie based on the sequel written by Stephen King. For one, the bad guys didn't seem that scary. For two, the movie is long AF (Over 2.5 hours). But after re-watching The Shining this year, I was ready to give it a chance.
Doctor Sleep follows Dan Torrance (Ewan McGregor) as an adult. Dan is an alcoholic, just like his dad. He uses alcohol to block out his "shine", which lets him see into the past, see into the future, see ghosts, and communicate telepathically. Dan views this as a curse. But when alcohol becomes the bigger curse, he moves states, joins AA, gets a job as an orderly at a hospice, and tries to start fresh.
Meanwhile, a group calling themselves "The True Knot", led by the beautiful but deadly Rose the Hat (Rebecca Ferguson...and yes, "Rose the Hat" is a terrible name for a villain), travels the country looking for children who "shine" so that they can feast on their fear and pain. Basically, these people are vampires, but they live on "shine" rather than blood. They age very slowly as long as they have "shine"--preferably from a child, and preferably when the child is in terrible pain and fear. But fewer people shine these days, so when they hear of a child who has incredible powers, they set off to find her. This child is Abra Stone (Kyleigh Curran) and she is able to telepathically communicate with Dan Torrance. Just as Dick Halloran was a mentor to Dan, Dan is now a mentor to Abra.
The movie is a bit convoluted, but director Mike Flanagan manages to pull off a very difficult task: stay true to King's book, as well as aspects of the book The Shining, while still paying homage to Kubrick's The Shining (an adaptation which King famously hated). It's a lot to balance and while Doctor Sleep does not reach the level of greatness that Kubrick's The Shining does, it's a solid and surprisingly sweet film. It's actually not that surprising, given that Flanagan is a sweet director. His movies and especially his TV shows, though terrifying and gory, have a kind and gentle center. Themes of familial love, overcoming addiction, facing fears, and coming to terms with death permeate Flanagan's oeuvre.
If you're a fan of The Shining, you'll probably find something to like in Doctor Sleep.
Grade: B+
***
Scream (1996)
Can you believe I had never seen the 1996 Wes Craven classic self-aware teen scream Scream until now? It's true! I didn't see it as a kid and then I just never got around to it...plus, I'm not crazy about traditional slashers in the first place.
Well, sadly, I think I missed the boat on enjoying this movie. If I had seen it as a teenager, I probably would have liked it more and/or been more scared. Seeing it now all I can think is how 90s this film is, and not in a good way. Just like I Know What You Did Last Summer, Scream feels like a very specific product of its time, which isn't necessarily a bad thing...but it's not MY thing.
The movie just...isn't scary. And it's not that funny either, although Matthew Lillard's performance is pretty amusing. The self-aware stuff was probably REALLY fun back in 1996, but now all I can think is how Cabin in the Woods and Tucker and Dale Versus Evil did it better. Similarly to when I watched The Blair Witch Project, I feel like I have to give this movie props for how it affected the horror genre even though I personally didn't care for it.
Grade: B-
***
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story
Just like his music, the film biopic about Weird Al is a parody. Mixing some true stuff with a lot of fake stuff, Weird is delightful, funny, fluffy, and, well, weird. I don't know enough about Al Yankovich to get all the references and Easter eggs but I enjoyed the references I did understand.
The film opens when "Alfie" Yankovic is a child growing up with a strict father (Toby Huss) and a kind mother (June Nicholson). Al is obsessed with the accordion and polka music, but his father forbids him from playing. His mother secretly purchases an accordion for Al, who then attends a verboten "polka party". When Al's father discovers the instrument, he destroys it and Al moves out.
After writing the song "My Bologna" and doing an open mic night at a rough bar where he and his buddies perform "I Love Rocky Road", Al (Daniel Radcliffe) catches the attention of radio personality Dr. Demento (Rainn Wilson), who takes the weird young man under his wing. With Demento's mentorship, Al creates more parody songs which skyrocket in fame.
But fame changes Al, who becomes an aggressive alcoholic who also dates Madonna (Evan Rachel Wood) and ends up facing off against Pablo Escobar (Arturo Castro), whom he kills and then briefly contemplates taking over Escobar's drug cartel. So, as you can see, some liberties are taken with Al's story.
Weird: The Al Yankovic Story has been compared to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. But look, it's no Walk Hard. It's closer to Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping: intermittently funny but not groundbreaking. I enjoyed it and I especially enjoyed all the celebrity cameos, but it probably won't be one I return to very often.
Grade: B
***
Pontypool
Man, I really wanted to like Pontypool, a movie that I had been trying to see for years (but it's really difficult to find...a friend sent me a link to it on YouTube...thanks, Murph!). The concept behind Pontypool is that there is an outbreak turning people into crazed, cannibalistic monsters...but the vector is the English language. Certain words are infectious to certain people.
The film takes place entirely in a radio station where shock jock Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie), radio station owner Sidney (Lisa Houle), and tech assistant Laurel-Ann (Georgina Reilly) are starting their day. Reports of a group of people trying to break into the office of one Dr. Mendez come through but there is not enough information to fully report on it yet. There is a ton of confusion as the characters and audience slowly figure out what is going on: people all around Pontypool, Ontario, are becoming infected with something. But the disease isn't bloodborne or airborne, it's wordborne. Certain terms, particularly terms of endearment spoken in the English language, seem to be triggers.
The idea behind this film, which is based the novel Pontypool Changes Everything by Tony Burgess, is brilliant. The execution, however, is lacking. The film is pretty confusing, with lots of characters talking over each other, and get tedious at times. Additionally, the soundtrack is SUPER LOUD, making it even harder to hear the characters--truly a bizarre choice for the director to make for a film where you really need to hear what's going on. The novel has also been made into a radio play, which seems to make more sense as a medium.
If you're a horror nerd, Pontypool is worth checking out. Because it's so hard to find, it's cool to say that you were able to see it at all. But if you don't particularly care for horror/zombie movies, it's ok to skip this one.
Grade: B-
***
Se7en
This was a rewatch for me, and for all I know I may have reviewed this David Fincher thriller on this blog before.
David Fincher is one of my favorite directors. He's a master storyteller who focuses on the darker, grittier side of life. Believe it or not, Fincher has only directed 11 films (a 12th is in the works). And not all of them are created equal. I will rewatch Zodiac, Gone Girl, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and The Social Network over and over. But I haven't even seen Mank, I've only seen Benjamin Button once, and I don't know if I even like Fight Club all that much.
I would probably put Se7en (yes, I'm going to continue spelling it that annoying way) on par with Fight Club. It's gritty, masculine, and stars Brad Pitt. It's also kind of edgelord-y. The fact that Kevin Spacey plays the bad guy doesn't really help, although Spacey is excellent as a self-righteous piece of shit who thinks he's more important than he actually is, since that's how Spacey is in real life. This time watching the movie I really felt the fatphobia and whorephobia a lot more than during the previous times I watched it. Yes, most of the hatred for the fat man who is murdered via force-feeding and the sex worker who is murdered via sword-dildo is coming from John Doe, the bad guy. But Brad Pitt's character is a judgmental asshole too. I don't know...it just felt both meaner and lamer this time around.
Still, I feel compelled to give Se7en a high rating. It's a good movie, it's compelling, it's interesting, it's thrilling, and it has one of the all-time greatest jump scares (IYKYK).
Grade: A-
***
The Wonder
Sometimes direct-to-Netflix movies are good! Directed by Sebastian Lelio, based on the novel by Emma Donoghue (who also wrote the screenplay), and starring the one and only Florence Pugh, The Wonder takes place in Ireland in 1862. Pugh plays an English nurse, Lib Wright, summoned to the Irish countryside to keep watch over an 11 year old girl, Anna O'Donnell (Kila Lord Cassidy), who has apparently not eaten in four months, yet seems to be in good health. The townsfolk believe that this is a miracle from God and the O'Donnell's receive many visitors wishing to see Anna--though the family takes no money from these visitors.
Lib, and a nun, Sister Michael (Josie Walker), are to take 8 hour shifts in watching the girl to see if this is indeed the religious miracle it seems to be. Lib is skeptical and believes that either Anna is hiding food or the family is secretly feeding her. When she banishes Anna's family from being in the same room as her, Anna's health declines rapidly and Lib figures out how Anna was surviving for so long while supposedly not eating.
I won't spoil anything, but I will warn that this movie is more tragic than I thought going in. It's a story about how people cling to stories and beliefs to give their lives meaning and purpose. It's also a film about the dangers of religion and how religious beliefs, such as the concept of eternal damnation, can make people do seriously fucked up shit in this life.
The Wonder is good and I'm sure the book is even better. There are so many things that are touched on but not fully explored in the film, such as how the Irish Famine still haunts the characters, the history of young women starving themselves for religious reasons, and how misogyny lays the blame of the world's ills at the feet of women. I bet the book goes more in depth into those concepts. But the movie is a fine place to start.
Grade: B
***
Bram Stoker's Dracula
Another rewatch for me. It had been a few years since I watched this Francis Ford Coppola directed interpretation of the Dracula story, and I realized that I forgot everything that happened after Gary Oldman tells Winona Ryder he "crossed oceans of time" to find her. Probably because everything that happens after that scene is more boring than all the scenes that came before it.
Oldman plays Vlad the Impaler/Count Dracula, who rejects God in the 15th century after his wife, Elisabeta (Ryder), commits suicide after she is tricked into thinking her husband is dead. The Church says that Elisabeta is damned because of her act of suicide, so Vlad says "fuck the Church, imma be a vampire" and he...does.
Cut to 1897. Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves, just straight up BAD in this movie) is a solicitor selling a number of properties in London to the Transylvanian Count Dracula (Oldman, in heavy makeup). But when the Count sees a picture of Mina (Ryder), Harker's fiancee, he traps Harker in his castle and travels to London in search of the woman he believes to be the reincarnated Elisabeta.
Bram Stoker's Dracula is lush, romantic, campy, and filled with mostly good performances. Oldman is great as Count Dracula, playing the part of nasty old man and slick seducer with equal talent. Reeves is a weak link here, but it's almost endearing how terrible he is. Tom Waits even has a role as Renfield, Harker's colleague who goes insane after dealing with the Count.
Overall, a very fun--yet flawed--movie. But I think I might get that "oceans of time" quote tattooed on at some point. Truly one of the greatest lines in movie history.
Grade: A-
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