Stuff I watched in...October 2021, part 1

Midnight Mass

Mike Flanagan is quickly becoming a household name. The director of quality horror films, such as Hush and Gerald's Game, and the creator of the incredibly scary The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor, he is well-respected in the horror genre as someone who can fit both heavy emotions and legitimately pants-wetting terror into his work.

Midnight Mass is the latest of his "limited series" shows and, in some ways, is his most ambitious work yet. The show is a meditation on intense topics such as the after life, blind faith, redemption, and forgiveness. However, it suffers from one of Flanagan's signature quirks: LONG-ASS SPEECHES. In every episode of this show, multiple characters talk AT LENGTH about what happens after we die, the nature of God, etc etc. It really handicaps an otherwise very solid TV series.

Riley Flynn (Zach Gilford) is the prodigal son of Crockett Island, a small fishing town somewhere in the Northeast (although, puzzlingly, no one has a Mainer or similar accent). Riley spent four years in prison for killing a woman after driving drunk. His loving mother invites him back into his childhood bedroom so that he can get his feet under him. But his gruff father has a harder time forgiving him.

Meanwhile, the community eagerly awaits the return of Monsignor Pruitt--an elderly priest who has led their local church for decades--from a trip to Israel. Crockett Island is very Catholic, with the exception of Sheriff Hassan, a practicing Muslim, Sarah Gunning, the local doctor and a closeted lesbian, Joe Collie, the town drunk, and Riley, who looked for God in prison and never found him. These four people find themselves not treated cruelly (except for maybe Joe, who is a scapegoat), but constantly pressured to conform and come to church. 

Well, Pruitt doesn't return. A younger priest, Paul Hill (Hamish Linklater, in an electric role), comes to town and explains that Monsignor Pruitt is recovering on the mainland since he fell ill during the trip. Under Father Hill's care, the town begins to see literal miracles happening: poor eyesight is regained, bad backs no longer hurt, and most miraculously of all, a young woman confined to a wheelchair after a terrible accident gets up and walks. All the faithful of Crockett Island are rapturous and become more and more zealous, with their faith rising to a fever pitch on Easter. 

Meanwhile, Riley and the nonbelievers feel that something unexplainable, yet terrible and wrong, is happening. But how can they convince the believers to listen to them when the evidence of "miracles" is all around them? 

Midnight Mass is about the horrors of blind faith. It is critical--though not damning--of Christianity. I have the sense that Flanagan is a man of faith (religion and faith show up in many of his other works) and this is his passion project in criticizing other people of faith who take it too far. But the film still comes down on the side of "it is better to believe in something rather than nothing". At least that's the sense I was left with. Others may disagree. 

If you're wanting to be scared shitless, check out The Haunting of Hill House, which sets the gold standard for haunted house stories, in my opinion. But if you want a little horror mixed in with long conversations about what might happen after we die, whether AA (with its "higher power" talk) is really the best option for those in recovery, and how a parent can forgive a child who disappointed them, etc...Midnight Mass with probably be your bag. I thought it was good, but I think Flanagan needs an editor to help him refine and cut down his florid writing before he can achieve true greatness.

Grade: B 

***

Seance

Directed by Simon Barrett, a longtime collaborator of Adam Wingard, Seance is a mediocre, paint-by-numbers horror film set in a modern day boarding school. 

After a late-night prank leads to the death of student Kerrie, a spot opens up at the Edelvine Academy for Girls. Camille Meadows (Suki Waterhouse) is accepted into the school and immediately makes an enemy of a clique of popular girls. However, spooky happenings lead Camille and the popular girls to work together to try to contact the "Edelvine Ghost". 

One by one, the girls either go missing or are found dead under peculiar circumstances. Is there a vengeful ghost--or ghosts--haunting the school? Or something else? 

Honestly, there are so many lazy and dumb things about this movie. First of all, they don't even conduct a seance--the girls use a makeshift planchette using a phone case and a lipstick tube to talk to the ghost. So the title isn't even accurate! The film is also rife with boarding school cliches including:

• Actresses who look way older than the characters they're playing
• All the students are incredibly gorgeous
• A budding lesbian relationship
• A headmistress who is not only severe and strict, but has an English accent despite this school being located in the United States.
• No one ever goes to class and when they do, the classes are ballet and theatre tech (i.e not boring classes like math). Also, all the main characters are all in the same classes

Despite the pretty cinematography and beautiful musical score, Seance is a snoozer of a horror movie. Feel free to pass this one up. 

Grade: C

***

Ouija: Origin of Evil

This movie, directed by the famous Mike Flanagan (see Midnight Mass, above), is know for being a rare sequel (in this case, a prequel) to a movie that turns out to be better than the original film. While 2014's Ouija is currently sitting at a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, Ouija: Origin of Evil is sitting at a plump 82%. 

Starring Elizabeth Reaser as Alice Zander, a young widow raising two daughters, Lina and Doris, in 1967, Ouija: Origin of Evil has an interesting premise: what if scam artists suddenly discovered their scams were real? Because Alice no longer has a husband, she has to find a way to make ends meet. She performs seances to give grieving loved ones peace of mind that their family members are comfortable in the afterlife. Alice recruits her daughters to help her with the "showmanship"--shaking tables, candles that seem to blow themselves out, and ghostly apparitions. 

But when Alice buys a ouija board to spice up her little shows, all hell literally breaks loose. It seems that youngest daughter Doris is able to communicate with the dead using the board. She is able to talk directly to her dead father. Alice sees this as a miracle where older sister Lina is skeptical...especially when the normally sweet Doris begins to act cruel and distant. 

Though the final third swings for the fences a little TOO hard, Ouija: Origin of Evil has an interesting plot, some genuinely good scares, and decent acting. This is not Flanagan's best work, but given that the man is a genuine talent, his direction takes what could have been a shitty sequel to a shitty movie and elevates it to a decent flick.

Grade: B

***

The Guilty (2021)

Do you like to see pretty men cry? Then this is the movie for you! A nearly word-for-word remake of the 2018 Danish film of the same name (which I reviewed in my "Movies I watched in September" entry), The Guilty stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Joe Baylor, a cop in the LAPD who is benched while awaiting trial for killing a 19 year old man. He is assigned to answer emergency calls, and when a woman named Emily (Riley Keogh) calls one night, Joe becomes increasingly invested in her situation. Emily is in a car with a man she is afraid of. She pretends she is talking to her child while Joe asks her "yes" and "no" questions to determine where the car is headed so that he can send help.

The film hinges on an absolutely devastating twist that, of course, had less impact given that I've seen the original. Still, seeing an actor I love go through a roller coaster of emotions was enjoyable, even though I knew where the film was headed. Because the Danish and American versions of this film are nearly identical, and also because I don't want to give away too much of the plot, there's not a whole lot I can say about this film. If you like thrillers that focus mostly on one actor and take place in one location (think Colin Farrell in Phone Booth, Tom Hardy in Locke, and Ryan Reynolds in Buried), you'll probably enjoy The Guilty. I suppose I slightly enjoyed the American remake a bit more than the Danish original because it stars one of my favorite actors (who can hit it out of the park with a sobbing/whimpering scene, for sure). But since the two films are so, so similar, I'm going to give them the same grade.

Grade: B

***

Dolls

Dolls is a horror film from 1987 about, well, dolls. I saw parts of it as a child and it scared the fuck out of me, so I recently rewatched it for funsies to see if it still holds up. The answer: um, actually yes. It's still pretty fucking creepy. However, the humor in the movie is horrendously dated (not in an offensive way, just in a cheesy way) and the acting is atrocious. So, if you're looking for a scary movie to make fun of, but that might still creep you out--Dolls might fill that need.

The film takes place in rural England. An American family--Dad David, Stepmom Rosemary, and daughter Judy--is on vacation in the English countryside when their car breaks down during a thunderstorm. They spy an big, old house nearby and seek shelter with an elderly couple, Gabriel and Hilary, who live there. Gabriel is a doll maker, and so the entire house is filled with the creepy little poppets. But young Judy isn't afraid of the dolls--including a "Punch" doll that Gabriel gives her to hang on to. 

Three other strangers arrive: nice guy Ralph (basically a poor man's John Candy), and two English tarts, Enid and Isabel, who are obnoxious and loud. The movie really makes clear who the good guys and bad guys are from the get-go. 

Throughout the night, the dolls come alive and...well, they don't murder the bad guys per se. It's a little different than that. You'll have to see the movie to get what I'm talking about. But they definitely commit acts of violence on everyone except Judy and Ralph. Even though the movie is super corny overall, the dolls are actually pretty scary. A child watching this would likely have nightmares for weeks. And adult might just shudder at the uncanny valley-ness of it all. 

So do I recommend Dolls? Meh. It's not great. But if you like cheesy 80s horror, or wish there were even more movies in the "Chucky" series, it might provide a night of entertainment. 

Grade: C+

***

Movies I watched in...September 2021

Malignant

The best way to watch James Wan's latest horror film, Malignant, is without knowing anything about it. You may spend the first half of the film thinking it's fairly mediocre, but just wait. So if you're interested in seeing it, stop reading right now and go watch it. Then come back and finish reading the review.

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HAHAHAHAHAHA HOLY FUCK, WASN'T THAT SHIT INSANE??

So, Malignant rests on a bat-shit crazy twist that is hinted at, but only fully revealed in the final third of the movie. The first part of the film follows Madison Mitchell (Annabelle Wallis, a regular in James Wan's films), a pregnant woman married to an abusive man. When hubby goes too far and pushes Maddy into a wall one day, a mysterious black figure shows up later than night and makes quick work of hubs, breaking his neck. The cops have their eye on Maddy as a potential suspect, even though she seems timid and harmless. Things get even more complicated when Maddy begins to have visions of murders. Basically, she's in her own home, but she can see the murder take place in real time. 

It's important to note that Maddy was adopted at age 8. Before the adoption, she can't remember much of what her life was like. However, she would speak to someone named "Gabriel" who would tell her to do bad things. Her adoptive parents always assumed Gabriel was Maddy's invisible friend, and once Maddy's sister, Sydney, was born, Maddy stopped mentioning Gabriel.

Well, the twist is that Gabriel is/was Maddy's parasitic twin. You know how some people are born the like a lump on their neck and when it's removed, there are teeth in the lump? That's basically Gabriel, except WAY more developed, and also happens to have supernatural powers which he uses for evil. Maddy's mother gave her up to a hospital that observed Gabriel and Maddy, and eventually excised Gabriel from Maddy's body. However, since the two shared a brain, they could only "suppress" Gabriel...and when Maddy's husband banged her head against the wall, it awoke the dormant Gabriel. So all those murders were Gabriel's will, using Maddy's body. Gabriel put Maddy into a sleep-like state while murdering people, which is why Maddy could sort of see the murders, but thought she was at home.

Does any of this make any sense, medical or otherwise? Fuck no! Unlike The Human Centipede, this film is NOT medically accurate. But it is fun as hell, especially the final third. If Gabriel had been like, a ghost or demon or something, this movie would be getting a C/C+...but the twist is so bonkers, so hilariously wild, that it bumps it up a whole letter grade. Don't misunderstand: Malignant is not a "good" movie. But it's really, really fun. It recalls cheesy, gruesome movies of the 80s, like Basket Case and Dead Alive. Some critics have also said it's reminiscent of giallo films, but I'm not quite seeing the connection there. It definitely has a vintage feel, for sure. And the poster is great! 

Well, if you have read this far, you either already saw it, or I blew the twist. But here's the thing: I knew the twist going in and it was still fun as fuck! So if you're a horror fan at all, please watch this movie. 

Grade: B+

***

 The Card Counter

Directed by Paul Schrader (writer of Taxi Driver and director/writer of First Reformed), The Card Counter is a bleak meditation on whether or not one can be redeemed after one commits heinous crimes. Specifically, torture.

Oscar Isaacs, in a career-best performance, plays William, a man who spent 10 years in prison where he learned to count cards. He now spends his days pulling in modest winnings at casinos around the country. William is careful to never win so big that he draws attention to himself, and he is always on the move. He stays in cheap motels and he covers all the furniture in sheets. Why does he do this? Is he running from someone or something? 

The reason William was in the clink is because he was convicted of war crimes. He was an interrogator at Abu Ghraib (or a similar facility). We see flashbacks as William tries to sleep at night. These scenes, shot in a distorted fish-eye lens, are the most powerful scenes in the film, and indeed are among the most visceral scenes I have watched in a long time--and they're not even that explicit. Schrader is careful to capture the environment, filled with noise, naked men in stress positions, barking dogs, and feces covering the floors and walls without using violence as entertainment. This film's take on torture, specifically the torture administered by American soldiers on Muslim men in the post-9/11 world, is unflinching and unsparing in its condemnation. William tells a young man, Cirk (Tye Sheridan), whose father was also an interrogator, that even though he is bitter that his superiors were never punished he is not justifying what was done. The camera pushes in on Isaacs deep-set, tired eyes as he says, "Nothing will ever justify what we did." 

William is a man with very little reason to live or to forgive himself. He makes a connection with a woman named La Linda (Tiffany Haddish), who runs a "stable" of gamblers who have outside financial backing. Around the same time, William meets Cirk--a young, troubled man who blames Major John Gordo (Willem Dafoe) for his father's suicide. Gordo is essentially a stand-in for the real life John Bolton--basically one of the bigwigs in charge of "advanced interrogation techniques" for the US military. Cirk's father never forgave himself for what he did during the war and became and alcoholic who abused his wife and young Cirk before taking his own life. Cirk's plan is to capture Gordon, torture him, and kill him. 

William believes that if he can win enough money--using La Linda's backers--to help Cirk pay off his debts, that he can convince Cirk not to go through with this plan. If he can only give Cirk the hope that he himself never had, maybe he can save Cirk from his own hatred and anger. But is William being played for a fool?

I have a few criticisms of this film. Namely, a good amount of the dialogue is clunky and unnatural. I hate to say it, but Tiffany Haddish and Tye Sheridan don't seem to be strong dramatic actors (Haddish is, of course, a gifted comedian). The way they delivered their lines felt like they had simply memorized them and then said them back, with no cadence or anything to help make their delivery feel lifelike. And when compared to Isaacs, who is an incredibly gifted dramatic actor...well, it felt awkward.

However, the overall messages of the film, which are 1) that America sold its soul during the Iraq war and cannot be forgiven, and 2) some individuals who seek redemption may never find it, are so powerful that I can overlook some of the clunkiness. And, again, the scenes in the Abu Ghraib prison are perfection at capturing the literal hell that both the prisoners and their tormentors found themselves in. I recently watched all the Saw movies and as I watched these prison scenes I thought "America basically created its own Saw in these prisons, only worse because at least in Saw you could hope to win the game." 

Bleak, unrelenting, and deeply emotional, I recommend The Card Counter.

Grade: B

***

The Guilty

I watched this 2018 Danish film in preparation for the 2021 remake starring Jake Gyllenhaal. Jakob Cedergren stars in a nearly one-man movie as Asger Holm, a police officer awaiting trial for killing a 19-year-old. He is taken off his usual beat and assigned to work an emergency hotline. One evening, he receives a call from a woman named Iben (voiced by Jessica Dinnage) who at first talks to Asger as if she's talking to her child. Asger figures out that Iben is in a car with a man she does not feel safe with, and the two devise a code so Iben can give Asger clues as to where the car is going. 

To say much more would spoil the plot, which slowly reveals additional details (I'll give you one detail: the man she's in the car with is her ex-husband) and the tension ramps up and up, as Asger becomes fully invested in the woman's situation. 

It will be interesting to see how the American remake takes on the issue of police brutality. One could possibly see this film (and maybe it's remake? I haven't watched it yet) as "copaganda" since a supposedly bad cop does a good thing for the woman on the phone...but the film ends on such an ambiguous note that I don't really think it's trying to be like the movie Crash (where the bad guys are good and the good guys are bad and moral lessons are spoon-fed to us!). 

Overall, it's pretty good. Not great, but good, Jakob Cedergren "gives good face" in this movie, which is important since 90% of the movie is just...his face. In one INCREDIBLY tense scene, his eyes well up just a tiny bit, and damn if that's not some good acting. Check it out!

Grade: B

Singin' in the Pain

Movies: Annette

So, I was going to include Leos Carax's rock opera, Annette, in with my "Movies I watched in September" blog post, but I realized that this film deserves its own entry.

I watched Annette two days ago and I can't stop thinking about it. I've gone back and rewatched a few scenes, as well as downloaded the soundtrack. It's a film that is mesmerizing and strange, at times cringey and at other times absolutely gut-wrenching.

The film, as well as the music, was written by Ron and Russell Mael, who are also known as the musical duo Sparks. Sparks is having a hell of a year--in addition to releasing Annette in 2021, they were also the subject of a documentary by filmmaker Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Baby Driver). Indeed, the soundtrack to Annette is one of its strongest features.

Another strong feature of the film is the acting. Adam Driver who just cannot stop being so fucking talented plays Henry McHenry, a comedian who falls in love with Ann Defransnoux (Marion Cotillard), an opera singer. Rounding out the cast is Simon Helberg (best know for his role as Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory) who plays a character named only "The Accompanist", who is a musical accompanist for Ann and is also in love with her. 

Ann and Henry's relationship is an opposite-attracts one, which they sing about in "We Love Each Other So Much", which is both my favorite song in the movie and also my favorite sequence in the film. For those of you who pay attention to movie news and/or are Adam Driver stans, like myself, this is the part of the movie where Driver sings while performing cunnilingus. Well, I mean, technically he lifts his head to sing a line...he doesn't actually sing into Marion Cotillard's pussy. 

The problem is...Henry isn't a nice guy. He is aggressive, volatile, an alcoholic, and physically dominating. There's a scene immediately after the infamous cunt-singing scene where Henry holds Ann down and aggressively tickles her. Even though the implication is that it's consensual, it's an interesting contrast to the previous scene because it shows how easily such fun and games could slip into non-consent given Henry's size and unstable personality. 

We don't see just how volatile Henry is until later, after the couple has a child, Annette (played by a marionette, which only adds to the dreamlike and bizarre quality of the film) and Ann gains international fame while Henry's career starts to fizzle out. He becomes resentful for having to "babysit" Annette (YOU'RE THE DAD, MY DUDE) while Ann travels the world, singing to an adoring audience. Henry hits the bottle more and more often, and eventually has a breakdown during one of his performances where he claims he killed his wife by "tickling her to death", and then pantomimes this event. It's a hell of scene for Driver and, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's almost Shakespearean--just this intense, bizarre, funny-but-not-funny monologue that has the audience booing him off the stage by the end of it. I love it when an actor is willing to just be a combination of nuts and vulnerable. Sorry, I'm trying to not let my horniness for Driver effect this review, but uh, it's my blog and I'm going to be horny if I want to be.

Well, he doesn't actually kill Ann by tickling her to death....but, uh....spoilers spoilers spoilers...

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SPOILER SECTION

The couple take a trip on their yacht to heal their relationship, but during a storm, Henry forces Ann to dance with him while he is blind drunk. She falls overboard and dies. After her death, Henry discovers that baby Annette can sing in Ann's voice. Knowing that his career is over, Henry immediately ropes the Accompanist into his scheme to exploit baby Annette's talent for commercial gain. The Accompanist makes a great contrast to Henry: he is short where Henry is tall, patient where Henry is impatient, and gentle where Henry is rough. I'm really happy to see Helberg getting interesting roles, post-TBBT because he is one hell of a talented dude, both in terms of acting and singing. His character, the Accompanist, was in love with Ann and also suspects that he might be the actual father of Annette, so even though he finds Henry loathsome, he is willing to become involved for Annette's sake.

Well, it's only a matter of time before Henry on-purpose drowns the Accompanist, an act which Annette reveals to the entire world during a performance. The final scene is Henry in prison and Annette--no longer played by a puppet, but a little girl--telling him that he can't love her, "not really". It's a devastating ending which nearly had me in tears. 

END SPOILERS

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You might be wondering why the hell you'd want to watch a movie about a shitty, resentful dude who throws away all the gifts he was given in life and then refuses to take responsibility for his actions. But remember that this is a rock opera, and operas are meant to be over-the-top and, often, incredibly tragic. If Annette were an indie drama, it would indeed probably be a pretty annoying film. But the medium allows it to turn the emotions up to 11, embrace concepts like star-crossed lovers, and pile tragedy upon tragedy--it's an opera for God's sake! You want your operas to feel like TOO MUCH.

Annette is the kind of movie where you'll read about it and either think "yeah, no fucking way I'm watching that" or "hell yes, this is right up my alley". From reviews I've read, people either think it's the most ridiculous, embarrassing movie of the year or the best movie of the year. I'm not quite willing to label it "best of the year", but I will say that it really hit me hard and I think I will be thinking about it and listening to the music for quite a while. So if you're on the fence, I'd highly recommend checking it out--and be prepared to have some strong opinions about it!

Grade: A- 

At the very least, watch the opening sequence, which slaps:

Sweets to the Sweet

 Movies: Candyman (1992) and Candyman (2021)

I am the writing on the wall. The sweet smell of blood. Be my victim.

***

Ok, so I watched Bernard Rose's 1992 Candyman sometime in 2020 or 2019, but I can't for the life of me find a review of it on this blog. Which is odd because it made a huge impact on me. So I apologize if I did review it and it's buried somewhere.

In any case, I figured this would be a great opportunity to do a double-review with Nia DaCosta's 2021 Candyman, which is being referred to as a "spiritual sequel" even though it's...a straight up sequel. I had been waiting over a year to see DaCosta's Candyman and I was not disappointed! It is not a flawless film, and neither is Rose's. When I compare the two side by side, each one has unique strengths and weaknesses. But they are undoubtedly both excellent, powerful horror films with one hell of a villain.

Rose's 1992 film is based on a short story by Clive Barker titled "The Forbidden". But what's truly fascinating is how Rose uses Barker's story, but also some real-life shit that went down in the Cabrini-Green projects in Chicago in 1987, as inspiration. Specifically, an incident where a woman, Ruthie Mae McCoy, was murdered by a man who literally came through her bathroom mirror. Read the story here. Ruthie's story is explicitly referenced in the 1992 Candyman and one of the characters, Anne-Marie McCoy (played by Vanessa A. Williams, who also has a role in the 2021 film playing the same character) is named after the real-life murder victim. The fact that Candyman weaves this true story into the overarching fictional plot is brilliant, given that the film is about an urban legend, and urban legends are often a blend of fiction and facts. 

Virginia Madsen plays Helen Lyle, a graduate student working on her thesis with fellow student and friend Bernadette (Kasi Lemmons, who went on to direct films herself). The thesis is on urban legends and so, living in Chicago, Helen naturally learns of Candyman, a story originating from the Cabrini-Green projects. The story of Candyman is that he was the son of a former slave who was a well-educated and talented artist. He ended up falling in love with the daughter of a wealthy white man after being commissioned to paint her portrait. After discovering that his daughter was pregnant, the wealthy man had a mob brutalize Candyman (real name: Daniel Robitaille) by sawing his right hand off, sticking a hook into the stump, slathering him with honey, and letting thousands of bees sting him to death. This torture and murder took place the area that would become Cabrini-Green. 

Helen's search for the truth of Candyman shows how urban legends spread: she talks to a single mom who lives in the Cabrini-Green projects, Anne-Marie McCoy, who tells her about how Candyman came through her neighbor Ruthie Jean's bathroom mirror and sliced her to death. Later, a young boy, Jake, shows Helen a public restroom and says that he heard that Candyman lives there...and Helen has a run in with some gang members who tell her she "found Candyman" while they beat the crap out of her. Not to mention the fact that she actually, you know, summons Candyman for real. The mixture of rumor, ghost story, and the simple horrors of poverty and violence blend into a sad, beautiful, and violent story about race, class, and how people mentally process the unfairness and brutality of life.

My main issue with the 1992 Candyman is that it tells a story of Black pain through the eyes of a white woman. It's not so much that the film is racist, it's just that by focusing on Helen Lyle, the film relegates Black suffering to the background. There are many wonderful, interesting characters of color in this film: the vulnerable, protective Anne-Marie McCoy, the skeptical, level-headed Bernadette, and the man himself--Candyman, played by the elegant and very sexy Tony Todd--but they are all just supporting characters in Helen's story. 

However, if we're willing to accept that Candyman is what it is: a product of its times, and a product of a white-centered society, it is a truly unique, even beautiful story. I keep saying "beautiful" because the story of Candyman is a story of forbidden love which transforms into a story of brutality and revenge. There's something unique about Candyman himself. He is indeed a villain, and he murders without hesitation, but he's closer to a Hannibal Lecter than a Freddy or Jason: Candyman is elegant, intelligent, driven by a desire to reclaim the love he lost and take revenge on those who do not fear him enough to leave well enough along and avoid saying his name five times into a mirror. He's not a mindless psychopath, but a poet, an artist. He's also very clearly a Clive Barker creation in the way he mixes pain and pleasure, beckoning Helen to "be my victim" and promising her "the pain will be exquisite" There is indeed a touch of the ol' sadomasochism in the heart of this bee-ridden ghost. 

Bee my victim.

Now, Nia DaCosta's Candyman takes the legend and expands on it. In this story, there are Candymen, if you will: men who have suffered at the hands of white people over the decades. The film opens in Cabrini-Green in 1977. Young William is doing his laundry when an older gentleman, with a hook for a hand, steps through a hole in the wall and offers William a piece of candy. William screams, alerting police officers who beat the man to death. This man is Sherman Fields, a harmless old man who is disabled and mentally not all there, but is beaten to death all the same. 

Cut to present day. Anthony McCoy (Yahya Mateen-Abdul II) is a visual artist living in a gentrified area of Chicago. In his quest for artistic inspiration, he comes upon the story of Candyman. Not unlike Helen Lyle, Anthony learns about Candyman by wandering through Cabrini-Green taking photos. William Burke (Colman Domingo), the owner of a laundromat and, yes, the same William whose scream inadvertently led to Sherman Fields' death, tells Anthony what he knows of Candyman--and Anthony is inspired to create a piece of artwork that involves a mirror. The piece is titled "say his name" (which is a not so subtle, but still powerful, reference to the victims of police brutality) and Anthony's girlfriend, Brianna (Teyonah Parris), displays it in an art gallery she runs. Of course, later that night, the gallery owner and the piece of tail he happens to be fucking that evening summon Candyman in Anthony's mirror and are found brutally murdered in a puddle of blood the next morning. 

In DaCosta's Candyman, the murderous ghost is mostly played by Michael Hargrove (who also plays Sherman Fields), until the very end when we see a glimpse of Tony Todd behind a face-full of bees (the crowd in the theatre cheered at this). This is fitting, as William Burke explains to Anthony, "Candyman ain't a "he"; Candyman's the whole damn hive". DaCosta makes what was subtle in the 1992 film much more explicit in this film: the lore around Candyman isn't so much about one scary ghost...it's about how people process the unthinkable. Burke reveals to Anthony a whole history, starting with Daniel Robitaille in the 1890s, of white people brutalizing and murdering Black people on Black people's own turf (i.e. Cabrini-Green). From the mob that slathered Robitaille in honey to the cops who beat Fields to death, Candyman is not a singular entity, but a symbol of Black suffering transformed into Black vengeance.

Indeed, this Candyman (with one exception) only kills white people. The movie aficionado Facebook group I'm in had some questions about this; namely: does DaCosta stick to the lore created in the Rose version? Well...sort of! Candyman's MAIN motivation for killing is two-fold: to punish those who summon him for not "being content with the stories". Basically, if they believed strongly enough, they wouldn't summon him. In doing so, they prove their disbelief and must be punished. Secondly, Candyman kills so that his story lives on. Each kill means more rumors and more fear. And Candyman's greatest desire is to be remembered. His final line in the 2021 film is "Tell everyone." So, in the original, Helen Lyle summons him, but he doesn't kill her right away--instead, he wants her to sacrifice herself to him so they can be together in eternity (Helen apparently reminds Candyman of his lost love, the white woman he was murdered over). There is a touch of Bram Stoker's Dracula here with the whole "I have crossed oceans of time to find you" thing, which makes sense, given that Candyman is supposed to be a Black Dracula of sorts: he is debonair, handsome, and has the ability to hypnotize his victims, making them desire their own demise. 

Likewise, in the 2021 version, Anthony summons Candyman and isn't killed immediately, unlike the gallery owner and, hilariously, a bunch of white teen girls who summon him in a high school bathroom. Instead, Candyman begins inhabiting Anthony, leading to a scene of pretty intense grossness--stay away from this film if you suffer from trypophobia. While Candyman wanted Helen as an eternal lover, he wants to possess and embody Anthony,

Detail-oriented readers might also notice that Anthony's last name is McCoy. And in the 1992 version, single mom Anne-Marie McCoy nearly lost her baby boy when Candyman (or Helen, depending on your interpretation), stole him and put him in a bonfire to be burned to death, only to be saved by Helen, who dies in the process of saving the baby. 

So, anyone familiar with the first film will quickly figure out that grown man Anthony McCoy was that little baby. And Candyman's possession of him is a way for the ghost to reclaim what is his. In doing so, Anthony is added to the lineage of Black men who embody Candyman...and the legend continues. 

My biggest criticism with DaCosta's Candyman is that there are just too many ideas crammed into a 90 minute film. There is an entire subplot about Brianna's father, an artist who took his own life, that is brought up multiple times but goes nowhere. There is also a lot left unsaid about gentrification, art, police brutality, and more. I would be very interested to see a director's cut of this movie, if one exists. The film's insides are bigger than its outsides, if that makes sense.

The 1992 film and the 2021 film make great companion pieces, not unlike Magic Mike and Magic Mike XXL. They both have their strengths and weakness, and they both add to the lore of Candyman. I highly recommend both films.

Grades:

Candyman 1992: A

Candyman 2021: B+

Movies I watched in...August 2021

 The Night House

If you want to watch a movie that will scare you shitless, The Night House (especially seen in a threatre) is your movie. Following a newly widowed woman, Beth (Rebecca Hall, whom I will rave about below), The Night House is a horror film about grief, depression, and coming to terms with the secrets our closest loved ones keep from us.

The very night of her husband's funeral, Beth starts hearing things in her house at night. She also begins having incredibly realistic--and disturbing--dreams. Beth is a hardcore skeptic, but clearly something is going on. So she begins to look through Owen's laptop and workshop (he was an architect who built the lake house they lived in...that Beth must live in alone now). She discovers some unnerving things, such as a floor plan for a house identical to theirs, but the floor plan is backwards, and images of dark-haired women who look very similar to her in Owen's phone.

The dreams begin to get real weird: one night Beth dreams that she find the reverse-house across the lake and sees her husband with another woman in it. The next day, she treks through the woods...only to discover that, indeed, Owen WAS building a house. It's incomplete and spooky as fuck, made only spookier by the discovery of a voodoo doll-type thing in it. The film teases us: was Owen having an affair? Was he killing these women? Is he now a ghost, haunting his wife and driving her to the edge of insanity? You'll have to watch to find out!

Although I felt there was something lacking in the conclusion of the film, I have to give The Night House two things: 1) it scared the crap out of me, making me jump and watch through my hands for half the film and 2) Rebecca Hall takes what could be a very average role and elevates it. Hall is a very intelligent and gifted actor, and she makes full use of her withering glare and pithy insults in this film. Her portrayal of a woman in grieving was so very, very honest: she hides her deep hurt and loneliness with irreverence and "jokes" that come off as mean. But that's what a lot of people in grieving do--they lash out, they make jokes to hide the pain (even hiding it from themselves), and they do crazy shit. Hall single-handedly takes what could have been a mediocre haunted house movie and elevates in to a meditation on grief and existentialism.

Grade: B+

***

Pray Away

This documentary, directed by Kristine Stolakis, follows former leaders of Exodus, a ministry focused on conversion therapy. The majority of the people in the film left Exodus and are now fully out as gay or bisexual. If you grew up in or around fundamentalist Christianity, you might be familiar with such names as Randy Thomas and John Paulk, who were huge figures in the so-called "ex-gay" community. These individuals engaged in religious "therapies" meant to root out the "reasons" they were gay, confront those reasons, and get back on the God-approved path of being straight. Many of them lived lies, including getting married to a spouse of the opposite sex and having children, for decades before the truth caught up with them. Even though the were acting straight, deep inside they were still gay.

Pray Away is a solid and harrowing documentary. It is important to show that people CAN change (and by "change" I mean...leave the church and live their actual truth, not the false truth the church wanted them to live) and they can get out of the cult mentality of fundamentalist religion. However, the film has received backlash since it focuses on people who, although victims of the larger culture themselves, victimized many, many others. One reviewer pointed out that as a queer person who grew up facing hostility in her religious community, it was hurtful to see the very people who allowed such hostility to flourish living their best lives now. While I understand why the film focused on the leaders of this "movement" (seeing the most rabid believers turn away from their previous beliefs is undeniably interesting), I can imagine and understand the bitterness of queer people raised in the church seeing the faces of the movement that tormented them get to say their piece and explain themselves.

For me, a heterosexual person who was indirectly influenced by conservative teachings about homosexuality (essentially, such teachings lead me to reject dogmatic religion), Pray Away just reminded me of how much I truly despise people like Jerry Falwell, James Dobson, and other leaders of the 80s-90s era fundamentalist Christian culture who profited off the suffering of so many people. Like many people, I have extended family members who still believe bullshit like this and it means I can't have a close relationship with them because their "values" are sickening to me (and, quite likely, my opinions of sexuality are sickening to them). 

It's not just Christianity--there are other religions, including Islam, that consider homosexuality to be sinful. But Christianity is what I grew up with, and is the dominant religion in the United States. So I'm more comfortable shitting on Christianity than a religion I have no connection to and much less knowledge of. In any case, I do recommend Pray Away despite its imperfections. Although some people will feel hurt that the leaders of a ministry that harmed many people get a chance to explain themselves and are living happier lives, I do think seeing them publicly reckon with the damage they caused and admit that their sexuality was not a sin and was never wrong will help a great many others. 

Grade: B

***

Southland Tales

Southland Tales is Richard Kelly's follow-up to his masterpiece, Donnie Darko. And it is a hot mess. The film is a genuine work of passion, but it is overly long, rarely makes sense, is nearly impossible to follow, and is just plain bizarre.

So Kelly apparently wrote three comic books that take place in America in the not-too-distant future. The dropping of nuclear bombs on El Paso and Abilene, Texas lead America into World War III. This leads to the return of the draft, a fuel shortage, and mass surveillance of United States citizens. The government is heavily Republican, so groups of Neo-Marxists start cropping up and committing acts of terrorism against the government. Southland Tales opens on "Chapter 4". So basically, you're supposed to read the comics first and then see the movie. But most people don't even know the movie exists, let alone the comics.

The main plot revolves around the disappearance and reappearance of Boxer Santaros (Dwayne Johnson), the son-in-law of a powerful Republican senator. Santaros disappeared in the desert and then reappeared, but now has amnesia. He crosses paths with Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar), an ex-porn star. The two start a romantic relationship and write a script called "Southland Tales" which takes place in the not-too-distant future. Only it so happens that their script actually predicts the actual future. Because when Santaros disappeared, it was actually a rip in the time-space continuum, so the Santaros who reappeared was his future self who, of course, knows what happens in the future.

Confused yet? I sure was! It's funny because the Wikipedia synopsis of Southland Tales is surprisingly short, despite the film's many layers and complexities. I think it's because whoever wrote it was like "gahhhh, fuck this!" and couldn't deal with writing a detailed synopsis. That said, Southland Tales is just so fucking unique and so clearly a passion project for Kelly that I can't bear to give it the grade it "technically" deserves (a D). I'm going to bump it up a whole letter grade for a few reasons: 1) it has some genuinely funny, and genuinely moving moments; 2) Dwayne Johnson is actually pretty good in it, or at least very fun to watch; 3) you can see Kelly's vision underneath the layers of insanity--this film is a mess, but at least it's authentic and earnest.

I really hope that Kelly has another good movie in him. Donnie Darko, while certainly not a perfect film, is fucking great and truly holds up as a cult midnight movie. Kelly has talent...but whether or not he will learn how to refine that talent into a intelligible film...only time will tell. 

Grade: C

***

V/H/S

I was very surprised to find that I did not like V/H/S. Like, at all. Shit, I'm giving it a lower score than Southland Tales, which is an objectively bad film. But V/H/S was VERY boring and a huge disappointment. 

This found footage horror anthology horror film came out in 2012 and contains five short scary movies within a frame story. The directors of these short stories are all top-notch talent: David Bruckner (who directed The Night House [see above] as well as The Ritual), Ti West (The Innkeepers, House of the Devil), Joe Swanberg (better known for his acting work, but he has directed some good films, including Drinking Buddies), Adam Wingard (You're Next, The Guest) and Radio Silence (a team of three directors who most recently directed the excellent Ready or Not). 

I think the fact that the movie was so chock-full of talent is why it was such a disappointment to me. I was genuinely bored during the entire movie. I was not scared, like, at all. Horror anthologies are tricky and I would say that, in general, I don't care for them (although I love scary short stories). Perhaps that's because what I love about horror movies is that build-up of suspense. Short horror films are like the hitachi vibrator of movies: you blow your wad so quickly you can't even enjoy it. But that's not a great analogy because there was nothing even remotely orgasmic about this film.

I feel like V/H/S is a basically a classic at this point, especially in the found footage sub-genre, but I can't recommend it. You're better off seeking out the feature-length films of any one of its directors than you are wasting time and/or money on this sad, boring anthology.

Grade: D

***

The White Lotus

Created by Mike White, The White Lotus is an acidic, well-written show that both criticizes the self-absorbed nature of rich, white people...while ironically falling prey to the "white gaze" itself. 

The show takes place at the titular resort in Hawai'i, run by the incredibly charming Armond (Murray Bartlett, excellent here). Armond welcomes a new crop of guests: a family traveling with their two kids plus the daughter's friend, a newlywed couple, and a single woman traveling on her own. All of the guests, barring the daughter's friend, are very, very wealthy white people. The White Lotus shows how rich, white people use and abuse the people whose job it is to serve them, and leave a trail of destruction in their wake all while truly believing they are good people who earned their success in life.

The acting on this show is INCREDIBLE. Jake Lacy and Alexandra Daddario play the newly married couple, Shane and Rachel Patton. Jake Lacy risks us all hating him by playing an absolute entitled asshole who, upon finding that he and Rachel are not in the room his mother booked for them, makes it his mission to make Armond as miserable as humanly possible. 

Jennifer Coolidge leans into type by playing an alcoholic, aging woman who has come to the island to lay her mother's ashes to rest in the ocean. Along the way, she forms a connection with the spa manager, Belinda (Nastasha Rothwell), a Black woman who is so used to performing emotional labor for the guests of the resort, it is second nature to her--at her own peril.

The Mossbacher family consists of mom Nicole (Connie Britton, just so fucking good here), the CFO of a search engine and all-around type A girlboss; dad Mark (Steve Zahn, a wonderful surprise), who is desperate to regain some of the masculinity he felt he has surrendered in life, especially in regards to feeling having the respect of his wife and son; daughter Olivia (Sydney Sweeney) and her friend Paula (Brittany O'Grady) who are sophomores in college and are at that point in life where they love to lecture adults about the dangers of neoliberalism while refusing to look at their own flaws; and son Quinn (Fred Hechinger), a 16 year old on the autism spectrum who is one of the only decent people on the show. 

On a technical level, the show is brilliant: the writing, acting, and cinematography are all top-notch. The only problem is that in telling us this story, The White Lotus doesn't add much to the conversation about class and race in America. In fact, two of the characters of color come off as foolish and gullible despite the fact that in real life they almost certainly would not be as naive as they are portrayed in the show. When Tanya suggests to Belinda that she would be willing to fund Belinda starting her own wellness resort, Belinda believes it and goes so far as to write up a business proposal. I'm sorry Mike White, but you're a fucking idiot if you actually think a character like Belinda, who is explicitly written to be very intelligent, intuitive, and self-aware, would take Tanya, a self-described "alcoholic lunatic", seriously. There's just no fucking way, and this subplot actually reveals Mike White's white-blindness, so to speak. The other character is Kai, a native islander who starts a relationship with Paula. When Paula suggests a truly harebrained scheme for Kai to "take back" what was stolen from his people by the government, he actually goes along with it, and ends up paying dearly for his mistake. I could *kind of* see Kai making this very foolish choice because he's young and because he trusts Paula (a person of color herself), but both Kai and Belinda losing their common sense seems a bit insulting.

So, the show's strengths mirror its weaknesses: in portraying the destruction white/rich entitlement and white/rich self-absorption causes, Mike White falls prey to his OWN white self-absorption by writing the very few characters of color to be naive and helpless victims to the white characters. It's a very good show, and I do recommend it, but if you're looking for a show that says something brave, insightful, and/or unique about race and class, you won't find it at The White Lotus.

Grade: A-

Movies I watched in...July 2021

Zola

Zola is the first movie I saw in a movie theatre since 2020's Emma! And while it's not a film that *needs* to be seen on a big screen, it was a good movie to welcome me back to theatres (for now). 

Based on a epic Twitter thread that became a Rolling Stone investigative journalism piece, Zola is "mostly" based on a true story. Please note that I have not read the Twitter thread nor the Rolling Stone piece, but my friend told me that all but one scene in the movie are, for all intents and purposes, accurate to how it went down IRL.

Aziah "Zola" King (played by Taylour Paige, master of the stink eye) is a Detroit waitress who occasionally strips for some extra dough. She meets Stefani (Riley Keogh, always a delight) while serving her one day and the two fall into deep girl-love. Stefani is...not a person I would want to be acquainted with. She's a white girl who basically appropriates Black culture in so many ways, from having her hair in dreads to her use of AAVE. But Zola develops a girl crush on her, and when Stefani invites Zola on a road trip (or "hoe trip") to Florida to go to a strip club where they can earn thousands in one night, Zola agrees immediately, even though she barely knows the woman.

Along for the ride is Stefani's pathetic and very stupid boyfriend, Derrick (Nicolaus Braun, in what we would call a "vanity-free role") and Stef's supposed roommate, whom we don't learn the name of until halfway through the movie (Colman Domingo, just absolutely terrifying and fantastic). Turns out, the "roommate" is actually a pimp and after the two ladies spend the evening stripping, he puts their picture on Backpage.com and books a hotel room for them to provide their, ahem, "services" to any man who shows up.

This was when I realized, shit, Zola might be a horror movie! Any woman watching this film will probably experience that queasy feeling of thinking it's not a matter of if, but when someone will experience assault. However, Zola holds her own in this situation and serves as Stef's handler--she refuses to fuck the men who show up, but she helps Stef increase her asking price and also does things like help remake the bed after each man. 

There's much more to the story, which is an absolute roller coaster ride, but that's basically the gist: road trip goes horribly awry and Zola realizes that Stefani sold her out. But don't worry...this is a dark comedy, and Zola, despite being put in multiple terrifying situations, manages to hold her own and, obviously, survives to tell the tale.

Grade: B+

***

Old

This was the second movie I saw in theatres since 2020! Look, it's an M. Night Shyamalan movie so you know what you're going to get: a fascinating concept, terrible dialogue, surprisingly talented actors slumming it, and ableism! Old has all the M. Night tropes: precocious children who talk like adults, a mentally ill man who turns out to be violent, and a pretty high-concept twist (that you can guess at, given some clues at the beginning of the film). Is it a "good" movie? Not really. Is it entertaining? Yes!

A family of four arrive at a tropical resort. Mom Prisca (Vicky Krieps) and Dad Guy (Gael Garcia Bernal) are planning to divorce and are treating this family vacation as one last hurrah for their kids, 11 year old Maddox and 6 year old Trent. 

The director of the resort tells their family about a secret, secluded beach and they agree that it would be fun to spend the day there. So they head out with another family, younger trophy wife and mom Chrystal (Abbey Lee), older, asshole surgeon dad Charles (Rufus Sewell), their 6 year old daughter Kara, Charles' mother, and their dog. Additionally, another couple, Patricia and Jarin (Nikki Amuka-Bird and Ken Leung) and famous rapper who goes by the name "Mid-Sized Sedan"* (Aaron Pierre) are also on the beach. 

If you saw the preview, you know the main "twist", which is that this beach causes people to age rapidly. At one point, they calculate the aging process to be two years per hour. They sort of figure this out in bits and spurts, such as when Charles' mother, as well as Charles and Chrystal's dog, die within a couple hours. And then Prisca finds that her children look like teenagers all of a sudden. 

Clearly, the resort is "in on it", because they provided each family with HUGE picnic baskets filled with tons of food, knowing that the three children will need to eat constantly while they grow since they are increasing in mass very rapidly. But why? Why would the resort drop them in a place that will kill them in one day's time? And they can't leave because any attempts to walk back the way they came makes them get dizzy and pass out. 

Old is wild and entertaining. We get to see the consequences of rapid aging in some pretty nutty scenes including an attempt at surgery where the wound keeps closing up every time the surgeon makes a cut, as well as two "children" developing into teens who play doctor a little too intensely and end up, you guessed it, making a baby. 

This movie isn't going to win any awards, but it was a fun popcorn movie. Although, seriously, Shyamalan needs to get his shit together and stop being ableist. This is like the fourth movie of his where mental illness is treated as something scary and people with it as violent. I wouldn't blame anyone who wanted to skip it because of those reasons, or just simply don't want to pay premium theatre prices to watch it. But I had a good time, though I doubt I will be revisiting this movie.

*Fuck you, M. Night, you fucking dork.

Grade: B

***

The Sound of Metal

Damn. Every once in a while you see a movie that just blows your socks off. The Sound of Metal is such a film. Starring the wildly talented Riz Ahmed as a drummer in a two-person metal band who begins to lose his hearing, The Sound of Metal tackles some heavy, philosophical topics.

Ahmed plays Reuben. Reuben and his girlfriend, Lou (Olivia Cooke) are in a metal band and they drive around the USA in their RV performing gigs. Over the course of just a couple days, Reuben realizes he can't really hear anymore: it sounds like he's underwater. A visit to the doctor reveals that he only has something like 28% of his original hearing capacity left. The doctor advises him to stop playing music to preserve what little hearing he has left. But Reuben is in complete denial. 

Additionally, Reuben is a recovering drug addict. Reuben's sponsor hooks him up with a community of deaf sober people, where they combine the principles of sober living with the principles of living in a deaf community. Basically: deafness is seen not as a disability, but as a culture, and even as a strength in many ways. Reuben reluctantly joins the community and begins to learn ASL and accept his new life. Lou travels back to her family in France.

The Sound of Metal is just so good on so many levels. The acting is excellent, but it's really the message that makes the film truly great. I am a recovering alcoholic myself and going into the movie I didn't realize recovery would be part of the plot. Reuben is an interesting character because even though he hasn't done drugs in 4 years, he's what some people call a "dry drunk"--i.e. he is abstinent from the drugs of his choice, but he is not embracing sobriety as a lifestyle. He still acts like an addict in many ways, namely not being able to accept his deafness and doing whatever it takes to get a cochlear implant, which he thinks will solve all his problems. 

The Sound of Metal is about acceptance more than anything else. It's about mindfulness and being able to sit with oneself in a world of noise and chaos. Joe (Paul Raci), who runs the sober house, tells Reuben that if he practices mindfulness, he can return to a state of peace and quiet within himself whenever he wants. Joe refers to this state as "the Kingdom of God". 

This is a truly profound film, and I highly, highly recommend it. 

Grade: A+

***

Freaks

This wasn't my first time watching Tod Browning's classic and controversial film. I've seen Freaks at least three times at this point and I gotta say that it is a stone cold classic. There are people today who would be absolutely horrified at this film, and there were A LOT of people when the film came out in 1932 that were horrified--but for very different reasons. 

I come down on the side that believes that this film humanizes those with deformities and disabilities. The film is a tight 60 minutes (a chunk of it was cut after protests back in the 30s) and 45 minutes just shows circus performers living their normal lives. We see all manner of so-called "freaks"--mostly little people, and people born without limbs, as well as some folks with mental disabilities--doing things like washing their clothes, enjoying meals together, and even having babies and living in harmony with people who love them. 

The message, of course, is that so-called "normal" people, in this case a strong man named Hercules and a trapeze artist named Cleopatra, are the real monsters. Hercules and Cleopatra hatch a plan for Cleo to marry Hans, a little person who is clearly in love with her, and is filthy rich. They will be married, then Cleo will poison Hans and collect his inheritance and she and Herc will leave the circus together. But Hans and the other "freaks" discover Cleo and Herc's deception and take revenge on them. 

The most iconic scenes from Freaks is the "one of us" scene which holds up even today. The "freaks" welcome Cleo into their family by chanting "one of us! one of us!" and Cleo is disgusted and outraged. Their show of acceptance disgusts her because she thinks she's better than them. The other iconic scene is the one of the "freaks" crawling through the mud to chase after Cleo in order to mutilate her. What is still a scary scene in 2021 would have been absolutely mind-boggling in 1932, and it's what led this movie to be so hated and basically tanked Tod Browning's career.

But I think that Freaks is very misunderstood. It was and is still seen to this day as an exploitation film. But I do want to point out that many of the so-called "freaks" were legit circus performers (one of the few professions available to disabled folks at that time). All Browning did was film them doing their thing...and really, just living life. While the final scenes of the "freaks" chasing after Cleopatra and Hercules and mutilating them can still be seen as controversial for suggesting that the "freaks" are murderous monsters...well, is it really any different than a movie where an able-bodied person takes revenge against a bad guy? I think people who find it *extra* horrifying because these are disabled people taking revenge are telling on themselves a bit. Maybe they still believe that disabled people don't have the same emotions and motives as able-bodied people.

Freaks is a classic and it's getting an A+ from me. Anyone who loves film, especially horror, should watch this movie and, if possible, go into it with no preconceived notions. It's a movie that shows that people with different bodies and abilities are no different from anyone else: they feel pain, betrayal, and anger just as anyone would in a similar situation. And maybe you shouldn't fuck with such a tight-knit group of people who will do anything to protect the ones the love.

Grade: A+

***

The American Astronaut

I had never heard of this film, but it happens to be one of my boyfriend's favorite movies. Filmed in a pitch-dark black and white palette reminiscent of Eraserhead, The American Astronaut is a science-fiction musical about an astronaut traveling to multiple planets to basically trade people for people. In this version of the universe, planets tend to be gender-segregated. So, Venus is filled with beautiful women and, traditionally, a single male who acts as a stud. The previous stud has died and his parents want to bury his body, but the women of Venus are not ready to let him go. So Samuel Curtis (Cory McAbee, also the director) takes a fetal girl to Jupiter (a planet of all men) in exchange for a young man, known as The Boy Who Actually Saw a Woman's Breast. Then, he will take that young man to Venus and exchange him to the women there for the dead body of Johnny R. (the stud), which he will take back to earth for a handsome fee.

Does the movie sound really weird? Well, keep in mind that it's also A MUTHAFUCKIN MUSICAL. I honestly don't think I've seen a movie as unique as The American Astronaut. It is a wholly unique vision and although you can find movies that it got inspiration from (such as rickety science-fiction movies from the 50s), it is unlike anything I have seen before.

I did have to laugh at the fact that the women of Venus were all dressed as antebellum ladies, in huge skirts and tight corsets. I told my BF that it was unrealistic because if a planet entirely inhabited with women existed, everyone would be wearing yoga pants. But I can let it slide because, well, this *isn't* a realistic movie...it's a dreamlike fantasy from the verdant mind of Cory McAbee. And for that creativity, I salute it. 

Grade: B+

A Knight's Tale/Tail

 "Red is the color of lust, but green is the color of what lust leaves behind...in heart and in womb."

***

I'm going to start this review by pointing out that I am not a Medievalist or an English Lit major. I did read part of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight either in high school or possibly college, but in any case it was so long ago that I don't remember anything about it. I'm also generally not that interested in Arthurian legends. I don't even like Monty Python and the Holy Grail that much! 

That said, I went into this movie as someone who likes pretty movies and pretty boys, and I'm reviewing it from that perspective and not from the perspective of someone who actually knows anything about the legend or the time period. But as far as prettiness goes, David Lowery's The Green Knight has it in spades. The cinematography is breathtaking, the costume and sets are a feast for the eyes, and Dev Patel has never been more boneable as the young Gawain, nephew to the King (Sean Harris). There's a lot of pretty stuff to look at...and to listen to, as the soundtrack is luscious and haunting as well. 

The plot of the film, like the legend, is pretty simple: on Christmas Day, a strange figure known as The Green Knight shows up at the King's feast. The dude basically looks like Groot, but scarier. He issues a challenge to the King's knights: any man among them can try to land a blow on the Knight, but only under the condition that the Knight is allowed to land the same blow exactly one year from that day. Gawain, who is basically a fuckboy who loves getting drunk and getting it on with the ladies (and one lady in particular, Essel, played by Alicia Vikander) immediately steps up to the challenge. The Green Knight lays down his ax, and bows his head. Gawain, apparently too dumb to see that this is a trap, cleanly slices the Knight's head off. But the Knight stands up, picks up his decapitated head, and says "one year hence" and then bounces.

One year later, Gawain sets out to travel 6 days to the north to meet his appointment. Along the way, he encounters thieves, a lonely lady ghost, a talking fox, a group of giants, and a Lord and Lady (played by Joel Edgerton and, again, Alicia Vikander) who invite Gawain into their home, only to try and seduce him. Yes, both of them. 

(Side note: I was not expecting to see jizz in this movie. But...you see jizz in this movie. I wonder what they used for the effect. Dishwashing soap?)

When Gawain finally sees the Green Knight face-to-face, we get a little bit of The Last Temptation of Christ: basically, a fast-forward into the future of what life would be like for Gawain if he were to run away from the Knight and attempt to live life without honoring his side of the bargain. Then, boom, we're back in the room with Gawain and the Knight. Gawain accepts his fate by removing a green girdle that the Lady of the manor gave him, which would protect him from harm. The Knight says "Good job, my brave Knight. Now, off with your head." End of movie.

So, the movie ends on a very confusing and ambiguous note. Those who are familiar with the legend know that after flinching a few times, Gawain bravely holds still to endure the life-ending blow of the the Green Knight...only for the Green Knight to give him a tiny nick on his neck. Basically, the Knight just wanted to fuck with Gawain to prove a point. Since the movie ends without the Knight making his final move, we just don't know what happens (although apparently there was a scene after the credits that I didn't know about, so feel free to let me know if there is more to the story that I didn't see).

I'm going to give you my interpretation of the message of the film, which may be radically different from others' interpretations. I believe that the film was trying to say that man's hubris and foolish pride lead only to violence and death. Although honor and bravery were HUGE in Arthurian legends and the Chivalric code, I think this version of the legend is trying to reveal that honor and bravery for no other reason than to be seen by others as honorable and brave is folly.

I have a couple points that back up my interpretation:

• The Green Knight's game is dumb and pointless. Whoever accepts the Knight on his terms is literally asking to be harmed or killed, unless they deal the Knight a harmless blow (which would make them look foolish to their fellow knights). Basically, it's an unwinnable proposition: either you deal the Knight a mild blow and look like a scaredy-cat, but live...or you deal the Knight a serious or deadly blow, which the Green Knight will survive because, well, look at him, but YOU will not survive when it's your turn to get the same blow back. Unless the Knight is merciful, as he is in the legend. But Gawain doesn't know that.

Does this look like a guy who'd let you off easy?

• Gawain wants respect and admiration, but he doesn't want to do anything to earn it. He thinks that by accepting the Green Knight's challenge, he can take a shortcut to honor. But wouldn't it be more honorable to say, fight in a war defending your king, or spend your life being a good and protective husband to your wife? But those are REAL challenges. The Green Knight's game is, well, just a game--as the King whispers to Gawain before he deals the fateful blow against the Green Knight. 
• When Gawain is at the Lord and Lady's manor, the Lord basically says to Gawain, "So, you're going to meet up with this Green Knight guy and defeat him and then you'll return home, a changed man and full of honor?" and Gawain says "Yes" and the Lord just sort of looks at him and is like "Haha, ok buddy." I mean, I'm giving you the gist, not the actual dialogue, but you get the point: the Lord is skeptical. Now, some people could interpret this exchange as simply another obstacle in the way of Gawain's quest to become a brave, strong man. Just as the Lord's wife tempts Gawain with the world's most awkward hand job, the Lord is tempting him to give up because...uh, the quest is like...dumb. But *I* took the Lord's skepticism to be more in line with what the movie itself is trying to say: that Gawain has the mentality of a young man who just wants to look badass in front of his fellow knights, but isn't actually doing anything inherently brave or honorable.
• Finally, before the Green Knight returns his (presumably lethal) blow, Gawain says "Wait! Is this...all there is?" and the Knight says "What else would there be?" I take this to be Gawain finally seeing his own folly: that he fucked around and is about to find out. If we are to believe that the Green Knight is actually going to decapitate him, Gawain came to the end of his short life not through defending his king, or his lady, or for any REAL reason to die...but because he took up a foolish and unwinnable challenge to look cool in front of da boys.

However, maybe the Green Knight doesn't decapitate him. Maybe he only nicks him, like in the legend. If that's the case, then Gawain can return to Camelot with his dignity--and head--intact. However, the film ends before we see what happens, so it is up for interpretation. 

The Green Knight is a good movie and worth watching for its visuals alone. Dev Patel turns in a career-best performance as the Fuckboy Gawain. I honestly think I need to watch the movie a second time AND read some interpretations of the film to better understand it. But as of right now, I'm left with a lot of questions. 

Grade: B+