Stuff I watched in...August, 2025

The Naked Gun

It's been a REALLY long time since I watched the original (1988) The Naked Gun, but I remember thinking it was hilarious. When the positive reviews started coming out about this (sequel? reboot?) version, I figured it would be a great movie to watch with my dad--and it was!

Liam Neeson is perfect actor to take on the role of Frank Drebin Jr. (supposed to be Leslie Nielsen's son). Neeson has made his bread and butter playing straight man roles in movies both excellent and not-so-excellent. The Naked Gun is one of those movies where you need a dramatic actor playing it straight in order for the humor to work, and Neeson is up to the task.

Likewise, Pamela Anderson is wonderful as Beth Davenport, the sister of a murder victim and Frank's love interest. 

Danny Huston rounds out the cast as Richard Cane, a tech mogul with a sinister plan. Huston is always good as a villain and he's perfect as Cane.

There's not much to say about The Naked Gun except that it's one of those movies where you're laughing so much, you actually end up missing jokes. The humor runs from the absurd to potty humor to Mitch Hedberg-esque one-liners to slapstick. There's a little something for everyone. 

Grade: B

***

Final Destination: Bloodlines

Final Destination is one of my favorite horror franchises. The premise is inherently interesting and, unlike many other horror franchises, the sequels meet (or exceed) the excellence of the original film. For me, the first Final Destination film, which came out in 2000 and stars Devon Sawa, will always be the best of the franchise. However, the latest of the series, Final Destination: Bloodlines, gives the original a run for its money. 

The film starts out in the past: 1969, to be exact. Iris and Paul are a couple who have a dinner reservation during the opening night of the Sky View--a high-rise restaurant with a dance floor made of glass. After Iris has a vision of the dance floor breaking and everyone in the restaurant falling to their death, she screams at everyone to get off the dance floor and ends up saving the lives of everyone in the restaurant.

But as we know from the series, you can't cheat death. 

In 2024, Stefani Reyes keeps having dreams about the Sky View and identifies the woman in her dreams as her estranged grandmother, Iris. She begins asking the family about Iris and is told to leave well enough alone: Iris ruined her children's lives due to her obsession with safety and now lives alone as a recluse. Of course, Stefani goes to visit Iris and learns about the whole "death with find you" thing. Iris explains that because there were so many people who survived the Sky View, death has been taking years to snuff them all out. Many of those people had children. And if you're part of the bloodline of someone who was meant to die that night--you're on death's list too.

So, Stefani has to convince her family to find a way to circumvent death's plan. Which will be damned hard since no one believes her.

Final Destination: Bloodlines has some excellent kills. It's also Tony Todd's final film before his death. If you're a fan of the franchise, don't miss this one, and even if you're not, you might enjoy the movie regardless.

Grade: B

***

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

It's kind of wild that I hadn't seen this "ultimate dad movie" until now, but I really hated Russell Crowe in the early 2000s. However, time heals all wounds and I've forgiven Crowe for being a dick 20+ years ago (he wasn't a dick to me, just a dick in general).

Master and Commander is an epic sea adventure that takes place in 1805. Crowe plays "Lucky" Jack Aubrey, captain of the HMS Surprise, who is tasked with taking down the French privateer ship Acheron. The film is basically a cat-and-mouse game between the two ships and we see the various strategies Aubrey and his crew use to foil, escape from, and ultimately take over Acheron. 

This movie is based on the first in a series of novels by Patrick O'Brien. The novels focus on the relationship between Aubrey and Stephen Maturin (played in the film by Paul Bettany), a surgeon and naturalist. These two men compliment each other in strengths and weaknesses: where Aubrey is optimistic, energetic, and arrogant, Maturin is cautious, introverted, and realistic. 

I think what struck me about Master and Commander is what a perfect example of "positive masculinity" the film is: for the most part, the men of HMS Surprise help each other and lead each other. Jack Aubrey actually learns from his mistakes with the help of his friend Maturin, and Maturin likewise puts his own interests aside to help others. There are definitely some negative consequences of "groupthink" on the Surprise (the fate of Hollom), but there is also a lot of camaraderie and care. 

Master and Commander is a comfort film of sorts: there are stakes, and high ones, but at the end of the day it's about a bunch of competent people coming together for the greater good. Well, the greater good of Britain, of course. Really glad I watched it and I'm looking forward to revisiting it.

Grade: A-

***

The Blood on Satan's Claw

1971's The Blood on Satan's Claw is one of three films in the "Unholy Trinity" of original folk horror (at least British folk horror) films. The other two are Witchfinder General and The Wicker Man. In watching this one, I have now seen all three.

I don't consider The Blood on Satan's Claw to be a particularly "good" film, but it's definitely got vibes that a lot of people will fuck with. The movie, which takes place in the early 18th century, is about Pagan vs. Christian, young vs. old, sex vs. chastity, and chaos vs. order. A group of children (teenagers, really), lead by blonde popular girl Angel Blake, begin worshipping a demonic god and making sacrifices to him. The elders of the village try to stop them before the whole village descends into satanic violence.

The acting and editing of the film are not great in my opinion. It has a very low budget, cheesy 1970s feel to it. Also, it's incredibly psychosexual. What I mean by that is that there are scenes of assault and violence that are heavily sexualized. I didn't mind this and was actually pretty amused by it, but it added to the old-fashioned feeling of the movie.

I'm glad I watched The Blood on Satan's Claw, but I would consider it my least favorite of the unholy trinity (The Wicker Man is by far the best). That said, it's a must-watch for anyone into folk horror. If you don't mind a little cheesiness (and, er, significant sexual violence), it's a fun movie.

Grade: C+

***

Little Miss Sunshine

It's been a while since I've seen this iconic mid-aughts indie dramedy. Little Miss Sunshine is a movie that got lumped in with all the other "twee"/"manic pixie dream girl" movies that were so abundant from 2004-2012. Other examples of the twee genre include Garden State, Elizabethtown, 500 Days of Summer, Juno, etc. 

This type of movie is a bit maligned now that we've entered a more cynical era and, indeed, some of these movies are just plain bad and others don't hold up well. But Little Miss Sunshine rises above the rest, in my humble opinion. It still has a lot of problems (namely: what is up with the whole "grandpa teaches young granddaughter how to strip to the song "Superfreak"" thing?...we'll get to that below)...but it also has a lot of genuine emotion and sincerity that is missing from other twee movies. The problems these characters face are real ones: drug addiction, suicide, money issues, failure, and depression. I never felt like any of these characters were caricatures, but, rather, real and imperfect people.

I think there are a few standouts here: Alan Arkin as Ed Hoover (aka grandpa), who brings a lot of laughs with his crude sense of humor...but also brings tears as he assures young Olive (Abigail Breslin) that she's not a "loser". I also think there is a reason we all paid attention to this kid named Paul Dano (playing disaffected teenager Dwayne)... he went on the very next year to play Eli Sunday in There Will Be Blood. Dano is really good as Dwayne, a character who is both deeply angry and deeply sensitive. 

The film climaxes at the Little Miss Sunshine child beauty pageant which no one in the Hoover family understood was, well, a child beauty pageant. Oliver Hoover is very much not prepared to go on stage alongside 6 year olds with the same makeup and hair as Tammy Faye Baker...and that is the point of the film, which is that being yourself is more important than being a fake. But it's also just a weird choice to have Olive strip (granted, down to a bodysuit) to "Superfreak". On the one hand, it muddies the message that child beauty pageants sexualize little girls. On the other hand, the whole situation is so weird that is still kind of fits in with the movie overall. I do think the directors (Valerie Faris and Jonathan Dayton) wanted to say "Ironically, this young girl doing stripper moves to a sexual song is LESS SEXUAL than the more conventional children in this pageant. IS YOUR MIND BLOWN YET??" Well, message received, directors. 

Overall, I have to hand it to Little Miss Sunshine: I was impressed with how well it held up. It's funny, it's emotional, it's a bit manipulative and cheesy, but it's also weird and kinda fucked up, which balances out the cheesiness. It's not for everyone, but it is for me.

Grade: A-

Weapons

In 2022, director Zach Cregger, who was best known for being a cofounder of The Whitest Kids U Know, created a masterful horror film titled Barbarian. Everything about this film from how it was marketed to the way it slowly revealed its cards to its mix of humor and dread came together so perfectly. I've watched Barbarian 4 or 5 times at this point and even though I know all the twists, I still love it.

So, the question is, can lightning strike twice? After seeing Cregger's latest film, Weapons, I gotta say...yes. This dude knows how to direct a horror film. And even though I like Barbarian more on the whole, Weapons is a tense, disturbing, and very funny nightmare of a movie.

As with Barbarian, the marketing of Weapons only allows us a peek at the first part of the movie. It opens with a child narrator explaining that two years ago a class of 17 third graders all left their homes at 2:17am and "never came back". Only one child in the class, Alex Lilly (Cary Christopher), comes into school the next morning. Of course, suspicion falls on the teacher, Justine Gandy (Julia Garner), who is as baffled and horrified as anyone else.

Weapons takes place in chapters that each focus on one character's point of view. It starts with Justine's story, then Archer Graff's (Josh Brolin), a grieving and angry father who wants answers. We also see the perspective of the school principal, Marcus (Benedict Wong), a cop named Paul (Alden Ehrenreich), a homeless addict named James (Austin Abrams), and finally Alex Lilly himself. 

Each chapter builds on the previous one, answering questions that came up earlier and showing different angles of the mystery. But in the latter half of the film, Weapons shows us what exactly is going on. I'll get into spoilers below after a warning. 

For those who don't want to be spoiled, I'll just say that I was on the edge of my seat for most of the film, but especially the second half. I also laughed a lot. Cregger is really good at getting that balance of terror and levity. If anything, he leans perhaps a little too much into the levity, giving Weapons the feel of being a horror comedy at times. But despite the humor, there is a horrific and sad story at the center of Weapons. The film is absolutely worth watching--especially in a theatre filled with people--and is one of my favorites of the year so far.

Grade: A-

***

SPOILERS!!!!!

Throughout the film we see glimpses of a red-haired woman. Eventually, we find out that this is Alex's Aunt Gladys (Amy Madigan, in a wonderful performance). The tl;dr is that Gladys is a witch. She is old and sick and invited by Alex's parents to stay with them (even though they don't really like her) and she immediately begins using a holly tree and personal items to create binding spells, allowing her total control over Alex's parents. With her spells, she can take control of and weaponize (ah!) people--causing them to come to her, as she does with the children, or to hurt themselves or hurt others. 

It's never fully explained why Gladys needs to do this, other than vague allusions to the fact that she's old and sick and using her powers seems to make her more healthy and energetic. I'm sure there are breakdowns of the movie that explain exactly how Gladys uses black magic (and I plan to read some), but I'm guessing that by controlling people's souls and bodies, she takes some of their energy. Perhaps children's souls are especially potent, which is why she compels Alex to bring her an item from every one of his classmates, allowing her to call to the children and get them to come running to Alex's house that fateful night.

The film reaches its climax when Justine and Archer enter Alex's home, only to be attacked by Paul and James, who have been "bound" by Gladys's magic. Meanwhile, Alex steps over a protective line of salt and is attacked by his own parents. Alex manages to grab a strand of hair from Gladys's wig and quickly do the binding spell himself, which turns all 17 children on Gladys. They chase her down and rip her apart, breaking the binding spells for all involved. However, it's not a very happy ending. The narrator explains that Alex's parents never recovered and they are basically comatose in an assisted living home somewhere. The children are reunited with their parents and, as the final line of the film states, "some have even started talking again".

Weapons is a good, old-fashioned fairy tale about a witch preying on children. It's also a commentary on paranoia and hysteria, especially when children are involved. The parents initially (and understandably) demand answers from Justine. They assume that she, being the teacher of the class that went missing, had something to do with it. The hound her and harass her, especially Archer (whom it is revealed never managed to say "I love you" to his kid). But it's also about addiction. Cregger has said in interviews that he grew up in an alcoholic home and had to take care of himself and his parents, as we see Alex do in the movie. "I lived that chapter as a kid", he says. There are also multiple addicts in the movie: James, the meth addict who steals and pawns items to get quick cash; Paul is in recovery and relapses during a night with his ex, Justine; and Justine herself enjoys a nice, tall glass of vodka even when she should be sober and alert. 

In summary, there's a lot going on in Weapons and I look forward to rewatching it and catching more details I missed the first time. I also look forward to seeing what horrors Cregger has in store for us next time.

Grade: B+

Together

Relationships are hard, particularly if you're a naturally independent and/or introverted person. Yet the desire for connection and love with another human being is a feeling many, many of us experience. This paradox, this push-and-pull of desire and repulsion, of love and annoyance, is familiar to anyone who has been close to anyone else. Regardless of how much you love someone, sometimes you just don't want to deal with their shit--and they feel the same about you!

You can probably tell what a romantic I am by the above statement. And Michael Shanks' body horror comedy Together is a horror film for all the realist romantics out there because it captures that mixture of lust and disgust that is so common in long term relationships.

And if you're like, "what are you talking about? I feel nothing but pure, sweet love for my partner of many years" then whoop-de-doo for you, you liar! Hahaha, just kidding...

Together stars actual real life married couple Alison Brie and Dave Franco, who also happen to be perfect for their roles. Brie is Millie, a smart and slightly high-strung go-getter of a woman who is offered a teaching job in a rural area that will take her away from life in the city. Her boyfriend, Tim (Franco), moves with her but clearly is not so happy about leaving the city and all his friends. Tim is an aspiring musician and although he is offered a touring gig with his old band, he knows that living a train ride away from the city will probably put a significant damper on his career.

Tim is also mourning the death of his parents and has been sexually and emotionally distant from Millie. 

Millie and Tim go for a hike on the trails near their home one day and fall into a cave. They end up spending the night in there and Tim drinks water from a pool in the cave (Millie, understandably, refuses). Although they get out safely the next day, strange things begin to happen. Tim is inexplicably pulled towards Millie as if by supernatural means. After she drops him off at the train station so that he can travel to a gig with his band, Tim abandons his luggage and instruments at the station and walks miles to Millie's school and then fucks her in the boy's restroom, nearly getting caught by Millie's coworker, Jamie (Damon Herriman). 

Whatever Tim has inside himself, he apparently fucked it into Millie as she begins to experience the pull towards Tim. And when I say "pull", I don't mean like they really want to snuggle on the couch while watching Love Island, I mean like their bodies are becoming stuck together...and then fused together.

Together has some really gnarly body horror that is both disgusting, but also really funny. Franco and Brie have excellent chemistry and it's believable that Millie and Tim would be a couple who love each other but are also struggling in their relationship. The movie serves as a metaphor for enmeshment and codependency, but also for that feelings of both wanting to be close to your partner, but also wanting space. As an introvert, what happens to Tim and Millie is my worst nightmare...but as a romantic, I found Together to be sweet in a fucked up way.

It's hard to grade this film because I think it's stronger than a B+, but not quite an "A" level movie because I think there could have been more to it...either it could have gone harder or been less predictable. I'm going to give Together the benefit of the doubt and rate it an A- for the chemistry between the leads, the body horror, and the very appropriate use of a Spice Girls song during a critical moment. 

Grade: B+

Eye see you!