Ladies' Choice

Movies: Ghostbusters

Oh, Ghostbusters reboot. If we lived in a fair world, I could easily brush you off as a mild, toothless popcorn flick just as so many male-led reboots are. But we don't live in a fair world and so I have to pay attention to you and what you represent.

Reboots, remakes, sequels, prequels and the like are a dime a dozen these days and I'd say maybe 20% are really, truly excellent (Mad Max: Fury Road; The Dark Knight), 20% are shit (Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice; the Matthew Broderick Godzilla), and the middle 60% range from "fun and forgettable" to "could be worse".

Paul Feig's Ghostbusters reboot is, in my personal opinion, a "could be worse".

I did not find the film particularly funny, aside from a few clever gags. I did not find the action particularly interesting. I did not find the plot particularly compelling. Ghostbusters gets a "C+" rating from me--a little better than average, but not remarkable.

But, as we all know, Ghostbusters isn't allowed to be just a "dumb popcorn flick". Because it's a big summer action movie starring four women in the lead roles, one of whom is a minority, and all of whom remain fully clothed and minimally sexualized (apart from Kristen Wiig's thirst for Chris Hemsworth's hot, stupid secretary and Kate McKinnon's ambiguous sexuality), Ghostbusters is holding so much more on its lady-shoulders. What it represents is much bigger and more important than the film itself.

And from my perch as a film snob, I can look at Ghostbusters and say "why bother?" If you want feminist-friendly action, watch Mad Max: Fury Road instead. If you want a hilarious film with an all-female cast, watch Bridesmaids instead. If you want movies directed by women, starring women, come to me and I can create a list for you.

But here's the thing. Ghostbusters is bigger than me. Ghostbusters is a PG-13 movie, which means that young people can watch it. Nine year old girls (and boys) aren't gonna be watching Bridesmaids and Mad Max and fuckin' If These Walls Could Talk. Nine year olds don't want to appreciate a film for its intersectional feminism...nine year olds want to watch people get slimed, act silly, and fall down. They want to buy action figures and toys--and wouldn't it be cool if, for once, those actions figures were 1) female and 2) not princesses? What happens if they see women wielding (non-violent, except to ghosts) weapons and dressed in jumpsuits? What happens if the goal for all of these women is to save New York City rather than find love? What if their relationship with one another as friends was the real love story?

So, no, I was not all that into Ghostbusters as a movie lover, but I was into it as a feminist.

As a movie lover, I can say that the jokes in Ghostbusters stuck the landing maybe 1/3 of the time. Ironically, the funniest scenes (to me) involved a man--Chris Hemsworth playing Kevin, a dumb, hunky secretary for the ghost busting gals. And each of the ladies has her memorable moments. Kristen Wiig plays uptight, intellectual Erin Gilbert, who wrote a book about ghosts with her colleague Abby Yates (Melissa McCarthy) years ago that she has tried to leave buried in the past as she works toward tenure at a respectable university. But, just like with the mafia, as soon as she thinks she's out, ghost busting pulls her back in. After investigating a haunted mansion with Abby and Abby's zany, engineering-whiz colleague, Jillian Holtzmann (Kate McKinnon), Erin once again believes in ghosts...and just in time, as New York City seems to be absolutely crawling with the suckers.

The ladies pull in Patty Tolan (Leslie Jones), an MTA worker with an encyclopedic knowledge of New York. Thus, the Ghostbusters are born.

There's a requisite baddie--Rowan North (funny character actor Neil Casey), a nerd who wants to take revenge on a world that tormented him by opening a portal to the afterlife and unleashing a slew of the undead on the Big Apple.

Comparisons to the original 1984 Ghostbusters are kind of beside the point but inevitable. The original is better, hands down. It's much, much funnier (particularly with Bill Murray at peak deadpan humor). I do wonder if the 2016 Ghostbusters would have been much funnier if it was rated R. Melissa McCarthy is especially hilarious when delivering filthy jokes and insults. An R-rated Ghostbusters would likely be closer to a vulgar Judd Apatow film but with ghosts. I would have enjoyed watching Kate McKinnon smoke a bong and Kristen Wiig have crazy gymnastic sex with all brawn and no brains Chris Hemsworth. But...but...but...think of those nine year old girls!! A toned down version of the bawdy humor that could have been (for what it's worth, there is a queef joke they managed to sneak into this one) is what lets those young ladies (and gentlemen) see four strong women kicking ghost-ass.

So, to summarize: strictly going on its merits as a film, Ghostbusters is pretty meh. At least to me--I have many friends who really loved it. But as a glass-ceiling buster, it's pretty cool. And hey, this is 2016--shouldn't four women be allowed to headline a mediocre summer popcorn flick? After all, men have been doing it for decades.

Grade: C+

Manic Pixie Dream Corpse

Movies: Swiss Army Man

Man, I don't even know where to begin with Swiss Army Man. The film, colloquially known as "that movie where Daniel Radcliffe plays a farting corpse" is so incredibly bizarre that it's hard to pin down what co-writers and co-directors Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert intended to say with this film.

I can tell that there is a "message" hidden under the endless montages of Paul Dano, a man stranded on an island and prepared to hang himself, using the body of Daniel Radcliffe to find his way home (more details on this below), but I'll be damned if I can figure out exactly what it is. At times, the message seems almost pathetically childish (a corpse teaches a sad sack of a man how to live!) and other times it seems weirdly beautiful (there's some interesting play with the characters' gender and sexuality that is only briefly explored before being dropped like a lead balloon).

Swiss Army Man has some very good moments, but overall it's an unfocused mess. It's like a garbage dump: hey, you might find a vintage Playboy or a cool lampshade in there, but mostly you'll find rotten banana peels and old coffee grounds.

Let's see if I can tease out the knot of this movie further.

It starts with Hank (Dano), preparing to kill himself after being stranded on an island for months. But the sight of a body (Radcliffe) washed up on shore stops him. He rushes to the body, hoping the man is alive. Sadly, he is not. But before Hank goes back to his noose, he realizes that the flatulence emitted by the corpse is actually propelling the body into the ocean. Hank seizes on an idea--he gets on the body's back and rides the farting corpse to dry land. So, basically magical realism meets fart humor.

But the journey doesn't end there. Hank ends up on the coast somewhere, but facing a labyrinth of of woodlands without a person or car in sight. He should leave the body behind and make his way back to civilization, but he can't seem to do so. He's bonded with the man who "saved his life". And he bonds even further when this man, named Manny, actually begins speaking to him.

Hank discovers that Manny's body has many uses. His lungs fill with water after a rainstorm, letting Hank drink from Manny like a fountain. The discovery of an old Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition with titillating images leads Hank to discover that Manny's erection always points north (I am not even fucking kidding. How is this a movie? I actually am impressed with the sheer balls on this film). Thus, we have a title: like a Swiss Army knife, Hank uses Manny for survival purposes while also tutoring Manny in how to be a person again. Conversations about love, life, masturbation, and farting ensue. The message at this point seems to be 1) bodies and all of their functions are beautiful and natural and 2) we shouldn't hide things (like farts) or be ashamed of things (like masturbation) that make us happy.

I'm sorry, but no. I love movies that celebrate what it means to be human, but this movie is so sophomoric.

Despite the crude and unrefined message, Swiss Army Man has some lovely moments. When Manny sees a photo on Hank's phone of a beautiful woman, he becomes convinced that he knows this woman and she is meant to be his true love. He asks Hank to dress up as her and recreate how they might have met in order to spark Manny's memory (none of this makes sense, btw). The two men embark on elaborate sessions of dress up in order to teach Manny what it meant to be human and alive. Now, they could have just kept walking north until they found a road or something, but that's apparently not the point of the movie. So we have the above mentioned montages of Dano and Radcliffe engaging in world-building using the junk available in the woods. They use sticks and branches to create a bus and Hank dresses as the girl in the picture and encourages Manny to talk to "her" (Hank is obviously working through his own issues of shyness since, after all, the picture of the girl was on *his* phone and the woman in question is a girl *he* saw on the bus and was too scared to talk to). And this gender play leads to some interesting potential where you're like, are Hank and Manny gonna...hook up? Boy, I don't know how the fuck I feel about gay necrophilia, but at least it was interesting.

As you can probably tell, the purpose of all this is unclear and it's hard to tell where it's all going. And then the end of the film really just throws the whole thing to shit, in my opinion. Everything the movie seems to believe in ("don't be scared to be open with people", "be your authentic self", "you are loved more than you know") goes flying out the window during the final act of the movie which was, again, in my opinion, incredibly embarrassing and disheartening. All of the baggage the movie brings up--the girl in the photo and Hank and Manny's "love" for her, Hank's relationship with his father, Manny's worth and humanity, are all just flushed down the fucking toilet in the final scenes with no resolution. When the lights came up in the theatre, I was embarrassed for myself, the movie, and the audience. What had we just watched? What was the point? Was it a practical joke?

I titled this review "Manic Pixie Dream Corpse" because Swiss Army Man has a lot of similarities to movies where a whimsical woman (the trope of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl) teaches a sad sack man how to live. It also inhabits the same kind of universe as films like Little Miss Sunshine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Garden State: films known for whimsy, magical realism, and simplistic morals and lessons. The problem is, it represents the worst of these types of movies. It could get away with being so bizarre if it were more subtle, or if it had a clearer focus. It wouldn't commit to being a straightforward comedy, a la Weekend at Bernie's or a straightforward fantasy film. But it wasn't a wonderful, intriguing mix of genres: it was a mess.

That said, the movie has to be seen to be believed, so I don't regret watching it per se. I just feel like the directors took the kernel of an interesting idea and completely blew it.

Grade: C-

Peer Pressure

Movies: The Invitation

Well, it seems that there is a surfeit of movies about creepy-ass dinner parties lately. Right after watching Coherence (see my previous review), I sought out another film about a dinner party where something just isn't right: The Invitation. Directed by Kayrn Kusama, this little creeper of a film is being listed as among the "best of 2016 so far". It's currently streaming on Netflix (I'm pissed at myself because I paid 5 bucks to rent it on Amazon streaming literally less than a week before I saw it was added to Netflix), so I really, really recommend you watch it with zero context. Go ahead, I'll wait...

Spoilers! 

Ok, now that you watched the movie, I think you'll agree with me that the one flaw of The Invitation (and it might not even really be a flaw) is that you *know* what's going to happen in the end. I remember reading the tiniest blurb about it, something to the effect of "A man goes to a party at his ex-wife's house and realizes his ex and her new husband have joined a group for people in mourning". And I was like, "group, you say? That means cult. And when people join a cult, there's one thing you can bank on: a bunch of people will die". Ok, and then when they show them that video of that woman dying and the other people "breathing in her soul", I was like, "Yup. All these motherfuckers gon' die".

But here's the thing: even if we feel the inevitability of the ending, The Invitation still manages to shock and surprise us. It's still a really excellent "locked room" style film that starts off tense and ratchets up their fear and feelings of wrongness to 11 before all hell breaks loose.

But let's rewind. The Invitation follows Will (Logan-Marshall Green), a long-haired hipster type who has been invited to a party thrown by his ex-wife Eden (Tammy Blanchard) and her new husband David (Michiel Huisman). This party is in fact taking place at the home Will and Eden shared when they were married with a young son who died in a freak accident. Along for the ride is Will's girlfriend, Kira (Emayatzy Corinealdi). And the guests are all old friends of Eden and Will's, plus some weirdos Eden and David got acquainted with when they spent time in Mexico.

One unbelievable aspect of the film is how calm everyone remains during increasingly bizarre situations at Eden and David's. For example, David keeps all the doors locked from the inside to "prevent burglary". Also, there are bars on the windows. Also, David's offering people insanely expensive wine. While Will finds the whole situation freaky, everyone else seems happy to be reunited after years of estrangement.

And then, of course, David and Eden start talking about "The Invitation"--a group (cult!) for people who have experienced tremendous loss. They show a video about the group where a so-called "Dr. Joseph" (played by character actor Toby Huss) explains "The Invitation" in the way that woo-woos and religious people attempt to "explain" their beliefs by saying nothing concrete about them at all. Also, this video is basically snuff because a person dies in it while people gather at her bedside. Will, of course, is horrified, and a couple folks at the party are disturbed but no seems able to actually say "that's it, I'm out" except for one woman who politely asks to leave. Watching this movie, I'm really glad I've read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, a classic you all should read (especially you women reading this blog) about honoring your instincts when you feel that something is wrong. Those of you who know me IRL know I'd be like "get me the fuck out of here, and fuck being polite. These motherfuckers are going to kill everyone!".

But of course the movie can't end yet. Will continues exploring the house he once shared with Eden and becoming more and more paranoid, resulting in an epic freak-out. But he sticks around until after dinner...when his hosts pour everyone an "after dinner drink" for a toast. And that's when all hell breaks loose--and maybe not entirely in the way you expect it to. The final 15 minutes of the film take all the tension and fear that has been slowly collected and built up and blows it up in a fireworks display of violence and panic. And then the final shot gives the viewer one last creepy thrill to leave on.

While some reviews have pointed out that The Invitation doesn't have a "twist", it has a "confirming what we already strongly suspected", I think that's ok. Not every film has to end in a surprise. The movie is just as strong with a foregone conclusion than without. And, honestly, there were times where I thought it *was* all in Will's head. There really is no reliable narrator here, meaning that we don't know who to trust.

The Invitation is the definition of a well-crafted indie film: it's small, with a mostly unknown cast; it's well-acted and uses character interactions to build up tension until it explodes in a (I think) satisfying payoff. Lovers of psychological horror/suspense films will definitely want to accept this Invitation.

Grade: A-

Schrodinger's Dinner Party

Movies: Coherence

Coherence, a 2013 film that is the quintessence of mindfuckery, is very hard to review without giving away the plot. So I'll give a brief review followed by a spoiler alert and a more in-depth review below that.

Coherence is the first feature-length film by director James Ward Byrkit, and it is a doozy of a first movie. Starring a cast of mostly unknowns, save Nicholas Brendon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), and shot with a handheld camera, Coherence feels both intimate and unnerving.

Eight friends gather for a dinner party on the same night that a comet is passing by overhead. The first hint that something is amiss is when Em's (Emily Baldoni) phone cracks as she's holding it and in the middle of a conversation with her boyfriend, Kevin (Maury Sterling). As the rest of the gang gathers at hosts Lee (Lorene Scafaria) and Mike's (Nicholas Brendan) house, they notice that their phones also have no service. A few people mention that the comet can supposedly interfere with cell service, but no one seems overly alarmed.

Instead, the dinner party is tense enough with sensitive group dynamics at play. Kevin's ex-girlfriend, the sultry Laurie (Lauren Maher), is in attendance, which pisses off Em and her woo-woo spiritualist friend Beth (Elizabeth Gracen). Beth also annoys the hosts by bringing a homemade party drug to the event and then criticizing Lee and Mike's home feng shui.

So imagine, if you will, a slightly tense dinner party among old friends that gets interrupted by a neighborhood blackout (after phone and Internet service go down). Some of the friends are understandably freaked out, while others are enjoying the unusual turn of events. When all the lights in the house go out, the gang ventures outside and realizes that one single house in the distance is fully lit up, as if the owners have access to a generator. A couple of the men in the group decide to head over there to see what's up and ask to use their landline. And that's where shit gets craaaaazzzzzyyyy.

I'll stop here before moving on to the spoiler-y part of the review and say that 1) Coherence creeped me out in the most fun, enjoyable way possible and 2) it's a really good, creative film. It's on Amazon Prime and I highly recommend it. Grade: A-

Now, onto the SPOILERS!


***

Hugh (Hugo Armstrong) and Amir (Manugian) decide to head over to the lit up house and see what's up. When they come back, Hugo has a head wound and seems thoroughly freaked out. He also has a locked box with him. They open the box to find pictures of each of the themselves with a number written on the back...and a ping pong paddle. What? Hugh also says he "saw something". When they finally convince him to tell them what he saw, he reveals that when he peaked in the window of the lit up house, he saw a table, just like the one they're sitting at, set for eight...and he also saw some of them at that table...in that other house...

Meanwhile, Mike and Lee get their generator up and running so that they, too, have a fully lit house. The gang is skeptical of Hugh and Amir's little adventure. Hugh decides to write a note and go back to the other house and post it on their door. As he's writing it, there is a sound at the door...sure enough, a note saying the exact same thing in Hugh's handwriting is taped to their door...

At this point, the group realizes something insanely fucked is going on. Have they entered a wormhole? Does the comet have anything (or everything?) to do with it? Did Beth slip some of that woo-woo homemade drug into their food causing a mass hallucination?

What I loved about Coherence was that is was not a tease. It examines and explores the implications of what turns out to be a Sliding Doors situation (the film Sliding Doors is actually discussed in the film): somehow this comet has created a universe in which there are an infinite number of houses with an infinite number of Ems, Kevins, Lauries, Lees, Mikes, Beths, Hughs, and Amirs. And all of these groups are simultaneously freaking out...sneaking around and looking into each others' houses...and trying to make sense of it all.

The locked box with the pictures and ping pong paddle are explained--they're a marker for the house so that when people leave the house to explore the neighborhood, they'll know which house is the original one they're from. The numbers were chosen by the roll of a die and the ping pong paddle is an object chosen at random to doubly-identify the house--much like a two-step identification to get access to your email or bank account.

What was perhaps most interesting about Coherence is the divide between the members of the group who see the other versions of themselves out there in the neighborhood as enemies or "others", and the people who see the other versions as identical to themselves and not a threat. Mike, for example, is terrified that another Mike might get drunk and try to come to their house and kill everyone...so his plan is to drink and then go try to kill the people in the other house...genius, right? Similarly, Em, who is experiencing jealousy by seeing her boyfriend Kevin interact with his ex, Laurie, starts poking into windows to see which version of herself and Kevin seem the most genuinely committed and in love.

Instead of shrouding the plot in mystery, Byrkit takes his time in exploring the implications of such an improbable situation...and leads to an interesting payoff.

With naturalistic acting and camerawork, the audience feels like a fly on the wall to the most fucked up, fascinating dinner party in history. We all love to watch bitchy friend drama unfold--but with the added element of theoretical physics thrown in, it's all the better.

Grade: A-

The Devil to Pay

Movies: The Conjuring 2

Three years ago, I went to see James Wan's The Conjuring and it sparked in me a renewed interest in the horror genre of film. Ever since seeing The Ring in theatres when I was in high school (a genuinely terrifying experience), I've had a love/hate relationship with horror movies: I was morbidly curious to watch them, but so afraid of my own fear than I rarely watched any beyond some of the older horror classics like Rosemary's Baby.

The Conjuring got me to face down my fear. The film is a masterpiece of psychological horror and suspense. It's controlled, atmospheric, extremely well-acted, and just...interesting. Whether or not you believe the "facts" behind the case of the Perron family haunting, or whether or not you see ghost hunters Ed and Lorraine Warren as agents of the Catholic Church or masters of hoax, The Conjuring is intellectually stimulating to watch--a rare descriptor for a horror movie.

So I was a little disappointed (though not surprised) that The Conjuring 2 did not live up to the greatness of its predecessor. Don't get me wrong: The Conjuring 2 is scary as hell. Watching the film (especially on the big screen) is like riding a roller coaster for 2 hours--my heart was pounding and I was watching through my fingers. In terms of "scares per minute", The Conjuring 2 bests the original Conjuring.

But the movie itself is not as good. It's not as subtle as the first film, which allowed tension to build for long periods of time, where the sequel just gets right to the point. Additionally, it throws a whole lot of supernatural ghouls and ghosties at the wall to see what sticks, and the whole thing feels over the top, especially considering it's "based on a true story"--the well-documented case of the Enfield poltergeist.

Basically, a family of five (single mom Peggy Hodgson plus two daughters and two sons) were terrorized by a violent entity from 1977-1979. They couldn't just leave their home because they lived in government subsidized housing. This entity appeared to possess Janet Hodgson, the 11 year old daughter of Peggy. The local Church contacted famous ghost hunters and devout Catholics Ed and Lorraine Warren (played by Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson) to simply observe and see if the situation is a demonic possession. The Church didn't want to get caught up in a hoax, so they refused to exorcise the Hodgson's home until they saw concrete proof that it was the real deal.

In the film, Lorraine isn't too hot to become involved after she has a premonition of her husband's death and is convinced that if they keep ghost and demon hunting, he'll be killed. Ed persuades her that they need to help this vulnerable family.

Throughout the film, we encounter ghouls in many forms: a demonic nun haunting Lorraine, a creepy old dead guy who possesses the body of Janet Hodgson, and even a computer animated ghoul known as "the Crooked Man" from a children's song. It's all too much. If the film had stuck to the facts of the case rather than cramming ghosts into every crevice, I think it would have been much scarier and, like the first Conjuring, more interesting. The central mystery of the plot--is Janet (and, indeed, the whole Hodgson family) faking this ghost?--is enough plot to drive the movie. We don't need an entire B plot dedicated to the Warren's marriage and religious beliefs.

I want to spend a minute talking about the very interesting fact that both The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 are rated R--despite no sex or nudity, no overly gory violence, and very mild language. The films are rated R simply because they're too scary to be PG-13. Isn't that crazy!? In fact, the plots are very family-friendly and religion-friendly, especially the overly sentimental Conjuring 2 in which Ed Warren encourages the kids to think of the ghost as a "bully" and stick up for their possessed sister. If you took out most of the scares, The Conjuring 2 would basically be a PG rated film.

The R rating really says it all about the allure of The Conjuring 2--if you like to be scared out of your wits, it's a thrill ride of a movie. Many of the scares are cheap jump scares, but just as in the original film, there's also a good amount of tension-building and power in NOT showing the ghost right away. But if you're looking for a movie that is of equal film quality to the original Conjuring or other recent films in the arthouse horror genre, such as It Follows, you won't find it here.

Grade: C+

Flopstar

Movies: Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

This review contains spoilers in the sense that I reveal jokes and plot gags that occur throughout the film. If you want a blank slate, don't read the review. 

As part of the comedy-musical act The Lonely Island, Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, and Jorma Taccone have been successfully creating music that is both hilarious and actually pretty catchy for over a decade. From "Lazy Sunday" to "Dick in a Box" to "I'm On a Boat", The Lonely Island aren't just three goofballs singing about fucking mermaids and getting high--they're talented musicians who understand the rhythms of various subgenres of pop (for example, "Dick in a Box"' is a tribute to 90's era R&B). They create music that both perfectly captures pop while also lovingly mocking it.

So it's fitting that Samberg, Schaffer, and Taccone would be the ones to write and star in the funniest "Rock-mockumentary" since This Is Spinal Tap. That's not to say Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping is *as good as* This Is Spinal Tap, which is undoubtedly an unrivaled classic in both the comedy genre and mockumentary genre, but it's pretty freakin' funny.

In Popstar, Samberg plays Conner 4 Real, a solo act who was once part of boy band The Style Boyz with buddies Lawrence (Schaffer) and Owen (Taccone). After splitting up, Conner's star exploded, with Owen serving as his DJ and sycophant while estranged Lawrence went off the grid to live on a farm and do (very poor) woodworking projects.

The film opens right before Conner's latest album, ConnQuest, drops. Mocking the real life U2 fiasco where the band foolishly decided to foist its 2014 album Songs of Innocence upon everyone with an iTunes account whether they wanted it or not (they didn't), Conner decides to have his album automatically upload to all Aquaspin (a fake company) appliances the day it drops so that people will open their refrigerator doors and be "graced" with Conner's music. Causing mass blackouts across the United States, the album release is an unmitigated failure (a TV screen shows President Obama calling Conner a "dumbfuck").

Additionally, the album is a critical failure, receiving a negative score on Pitchfork and no stars, but simply the shit emoji, in Rolling Stone. 

With ticket sales to his concerts plummeting, Conner's manager Harry (Tim Meadows) suggests touring with an opening act--Hunter the Hungry (Chris Redd), a Tyler, the Creator-esque hip hop artist who ends up battling Conner for dominance when it becomes clear that the only reason people are coming to see Conner's shows is to see Hunter perform.

Combine this with an epic wardrobe malfunction (ironically, too little of Conner's private parts are revealed, prompting tabloids and gossip sites to inquire "Conner 4 Real has no dick?"), a marriage proposal to his girlfriend Ashley (Imogen Poots) gone awry, and miscellaneous drunken shenanigans, and Conner is in danger of becoming a complete has-been.

Meanwhile, Owen is desperately scheming to get The Style Boyz back together by encouraging Conner and Lawrence to end their estrangement and apologize to one another for former wrongs. Owen is convinced that getting the Boyz back together is what the public actually wants and will result in money and acclaim for all of them.

Popstar is filled to the brim with celebrity and musician cameos who are interviewed documentary style about their experiences with The Style Boyz and Conner 4 Real. The film is also interspersed with music videos and performances of Conner's music, which is--no surprise--goddamn hilarious. Conner releases a song called "Equal Rights" (clearly riffing on Macklemore's "Same Love") where he expresses his acceptance for gay marriage while repeating over and over that he himself is not gay. Another song, "Finest Girl (The Bin Laden Song)", which actually premiered in digital short format on Saturday Night Live a week before the movie came out, is about a woman who asks Conner to fuck her like the US military "fucked Bin Laden". The song is incredibly catchy (and profane) and was in my brain for a week after I heard it.

Finally, the Style Boyz release a new song, "Incredible Thoughts", which sounds like a send up of Insane Clown Posse's ridiculous song "Miracles". "Incredible Thoughts" contains lyrical gems such as:

What if a garbage man was actually smart?
A common misconception that we're tearing apart
And to a dog, dog food is just food
And to a sock, a mansion's just a big shoe
A milk dud, sitting in the acid rain
A house cat addicted to the cocaine
No teeth, unlimited floss
These are just a few of our incredible thoughts
 
 Popstar (which was written my Taccone and Schaffer) is full of both dumb humor and smart riffing on the pop music industry. Again, it's not quite at the level of This Is Spinal Tap, but it's a consistently funny and cheerful comedy. Samberg, as always, excels at playing a doofus with a heart of gold. Popstar is an enjoyable summer popcorn flick that will leave you smiling and singing:

She said "Invade my cave with your special unit"
I said "He wasn't in a cave", but there was no stopping
She demanded that I fuck her like we

Fucked Bin Laden
Fuck Bin Laden
Fuck Bin Laden

She wanted to fuck me harder then the US government
Fucked Bin Laden

Grade: B

Jane's Addiction

Movies and Books: Love & Friendship; Eligible

Ah, Jane Austen. Although she never married and had children, her legacy has stayed strong for two centuries. There have been countless adaptations and remediations based on her beloved novels and stories.

I'm not much of a Janeite myself. Here's how my knowledge of Jane's work stacks up:

I read Pride & Prejudice

I listened to part of Emma and part of Sense & Sensibility on audio, but finished neither.

I've seen screen adaptations of Pride & Prejudice (Colin Firth version and Keira Knightley version), Sense & Sensibility (Emma Thompson version), Persuasion (Ciaran Hinds version...and maybe the Sally Hawkins version?), and Northanger Abbey (Felicity Jones version)...plus Clueless, if that counts.

That's about it. So I'm familiar with her works, but not intimately and extensively so. However, this weekend I was immersed in Austen adaptations--I saw Whit Stillman's Love & Friendship, based on Austen's unfinished novella, Lady Susan; and I finished reading Eligible by (one of my favorite authors) Curtis Sittenfeld--a modern retelling of Pride & Prejudice. Both were delightful.

Love & Friendship

Director Whit Stillman may as well be the modern Austen of filmmaking. His movies focus a lot on manners and social class. I confess I've only seen one of his other movies, Damsels in Distress, but I've heard a lot about Metropolitan, which is based on Austen's Mansfield Park.

In any case, Stillman instinctively understands the witty and subtle language of Austen. In Love & Friendship, the tongue is sharper than the sword and a woman's cunning is her main protection against destitution. The story concerns one Lady Susan Vernon (Kate Beckinsale, lovely and perfectly suited to the role), lately a widow who is seeking a wealthy man to marry her daughter, Frederica (Morfydd Clark, all peaches and cream). Along the way, Lady Susan manages to break up a marriage by tempting Lord Manwaring to go astray from his vow of fidelity to his wife.

Lady Susan is very different than many of Austen's heroines. Like them, she is highly intelligent and witty. Unlike them, she is shows no remorse in her self-serving, narcissistic ways. I suppose Emma Woodhouse is her closest cousin in the Austenverse--but with a touch more sociopathy. She is described as "the most accomplished flirt in England".

Her best friend is American ex-pat Alicia Johnson, played by a sadly miscast Chloe Sevigny (her acting is too modern for this movie). The two scheme together to find both Lady Susan and her daughter suitably rich husbands. Susan believes she's found a match for her daughter in Sir James Martin (Tom Bennett, who steals the show), a complete idiot with incredible wealth. Frederica is horrified at the prospect of marrying a man described as both a "blockhead" and a "pea brain", although her mother insists that he is a kind man who only wishes to make Frederica's life easy. Meanwhile, Susan herself spends her days flirting with Reginald DeCourcy--her sister-in-law's younger brother, which horrifies the entire DeCourcy family, both because of the fact that Lady Susan is about a decade and a half older than Reginald and because she's, you know, a heartless bitch.

The plot is pretty thin, but the jokes fly fast and furious, especially in regards to Sir Martin's idiocy. Although Stillman adapted the story from Austen's unfinished novella, he likely had to write most of the dialogue. Additionally, some of the plot points seem pretty suggestive for Austen (fornication, adultery, etc), so I assume Stillman had a hand in that.

The costumes are lovely, the acting is mostly good (Beckinsale and Bennett especially) and the film feels like a tasty petit four--delicious and sugary, but not all that filling.

Grade: B

***

Eligible

*this review contains spoilers*

I'm a big fan of Curtis Sittenfeld's. I've read her (yes, Curtis is a woman) novels Prep, American Wife, and the less successful and less well known The Man of My Dreams. When I heard she was writing a modern day retelling of Pride & Prejudice where Liz Bennet is a magazine writer in her late 30's, Jane Bennet is a yoga instructor trying to get pregnant using donor sperm, Darcy is an arrogant neurosurgeon, and Bingley is a former contestant of a "Bachelor"-like reality series (titled Eligible), I was like "sign me the fuck up!"

I was not disappointed. Though Eligible is less poignant and serious than Sittenfeld's earlier works (American Wife is her best novel, for my money), it is far more witty. Many of the characters' personalities and motivations remain intact from Austen's classic: Mr. Bennet is wry and dismissive; Mrs. Bennet is politically incorrect to a horrific degree and concerned that none of her daughters is married; Caroline Bingley is an enormous bitch; Lydia and Kitty are shallow (they're obsessed with both Crossfit and texting); and there's even an appearance of Willie Collins--a step-cousin to the Bennet sisters who is a self-centered dork made wealthy from his tech start-up and in want of a wife.


However, Sittenfeld makes some delightful changes from the original text. For example, Kathy De Bourgh is not the imperious meddler she is in Pride & Prejudice; instead, she's a famous feminist (think Gloria Steinem) whom Liz interviews for the magazine she works at. Additionally, the plot twist with Lydia Bennet is significantly different than in the original. It was not at all what I was expecting, and I think it will upset more conservative readers, but I loved it!

Speaking of conservative readers--many will not like various aspects of this book. Liz and Jane have sex lives. Liz, especially, has an active sex life with both the Wickham character (a married man who strings Liz along for years) and Darcy. Yep, Lizzy Bennet fucks Darcy outside of marriage in this version of P&P. You wanted a modern retelling, you got it!

But for people with open minds, Eligible is a delight. It's not the deepest book in the world, but it captures the feeling of Austen's prose perfectly--the witty banter, the (sometimes willful) miscommunications between Liz and Darcy, the realities of how money changes one's life. It, however, is more lackadaisical on issues of social status. While Mrs. Bennet cares just as much as she does in the original about social standing, the Bennet sisters don't care at all. In Eligible, getting married is not the chief concern of any of the sisters--although, certainly, they are affected by romantic love, as we all are.

Eligible is not a Pulitzer Prize winning work of fiction, but it's a delicious treat that is also satisfying.

Grade: B+