Stuff I watched in...July, 2025

The Gilded Age 

For a show that focuses on the kinds of people we joke about guillotining, The Gilded Age is pretty damn compelling. Created by Julian Fellowes, who also created Downton Abbey (and there are a LOT of similarities between the two shows, including very similar plot twists), The Gilded Age follows the ambitious Russell family as they try to integrate into the elite world of fashionable New York City in the 1880s. 

George Russell (Morgan Spector) is new money--he made his fortune through his own hard work (and on the backbreaking labor of many others, of course!). Old Money New York hates "new people" and excludes them at every turn. However, George's wife, Bertha (Carrie Coon, a force to be reckoned with), is viciously ambitious and will stop at nothing to not only force her way into society, but to dominate it completely. 

Like Downton Abbey, The Gilded Age follows a huge cast of characters, including both "downstairs" and "upstairs" people, as they navigate a period in United States history where a tiny percentage of stupidly wealthy people owned everything and everyone else worked their asses off for scraps. Sounds a bit familiar, eh? The acting is top notch, with talent such as Christine Baranski, Cynthia Nixon, Audra McDonald, and Nathan Lane among the cast. It's also, of course, gorgeous to look at (the clothing, especially). And it's amazing how quickly I got sucked into the drama. Even the wealthy cry bitter tears at night, and I'm here for it.

Grade: A

***

The Assessment

I wanted more out of this dystopian film about a future in which couples must apply to become parents. In the (not too distant?) future, Mia (Elizabeth Olsen) and Aaryan (Himesh Patel) are a successful couple living on the "new world" where resources are extremely scarce and raising a child is a luxury and a privilege. The couple applies for parenthood and an assessor, Virginia (Alicia Vikander), comes to live with them for a week to assess their parental worthiness. Things get weird real fast.

The Assessment feels like an extra long Black Mirror episode and, frankly, not one of the better episodes. The film is intriguing and certainly tense as hell, but I don't really think it says anything new about parenting or society--though it seems to want to say something new. I was left feeling pretty empty by the end of the film--not out of depression or sadness, but more in a "well, that was certainly a movie" type of way. Great acting by Olsen and Vikander. Check it out if you enjoy dystopian stories.

Grade: B

***

You'll Never Find Me

This single-location horror film fell flat. Brendan Rock plays Patrick, a man living alone in a trailer park. During a horrible storm a woman--named only "The Visitor" (played by Jordan Cowan)--knocks on his door asking to use his phone. Patrick lets her in but explains that he doesn't have a phone and she'll need to wait until the storm dies down so that he can take her to the pay phone at the edge of the park.

Scary, tense shit ensues. The audience wonders if Patrick is going to hurt the woman. Sure seems that way when he practically demands that she take a shower to "warm up". But then we wonder if she is going to hurt him. After all, wouldn't it be too obvious if the big scary man hurt the poor, soaking wet lady?

You'll Never Find Me is a straight-to-Shudder horror film and it shows. The single location suggests that it was made on a shoestring budget, which is admirable, but doesn't make for a compelling film. It starts off slow and ends up not going to a particularly interesting place. I'd say skip it and make room for a better film. 

Grade: C-

***

The Mothman Prophecies

I hadn't seen this 2002 film since it was in theatres and the only thing I remembered was "chapstick" (IYKYK). An online friend mentioned watching it and, as coincidence (or Mothman interference) would have it, I found the DVD for a buck at a thrift store not long after. I watched it with my mom and we agreed: pretty ok movie! I didn't love the frenetic, choppy editing, but the story of John Klein (Richard Gere), a man grieving the loss of his wife (Debra Messing), and then mysteriously drawn to Point Pleasant, West Virginia and beset with disturbing visions, is compelling. 

The Mothman is a cryptid that was spotted numerous times in 1966 and 1967 in Point Pleasant. In December of 1967, the Silver Bridge, connecting Ohio and West Virginia, collapsed, killing 46 people. Many folks believed there was a connection between the Mothman sightings and the bridge collapse. In 1975, journalist John Keel wrote a book about the sightings and what they could mean. That book became the basis for this film (even though the film takes place in the early 2000s). Got all that?

Mothmen have famously chapped lips

I really enjoy movies where a person becomes obsessed with something spooky--either a crime or something supernatural--and has to do a bunch of research to put all the clues together. While The Mothman Prophecies is nowhere near as good as, for example, Zodiac, it still pushes a lot of those buttons for me. It also weaves in a message about grief. John Klein is extra vulnerable to becoming obsessed with the Mothman because he is still grieving the loss of his wife (who saw and drew pictures of the Mothman before she died) and the search for answers provides both a distraction from difficult emotions and a reason for his wife's death. If he can save others, maybe his wife's death meant something.

Overall, a solid movie but not an all-timer for me, apologies to Mr. Mothman.

Grade: B-

***

The Human Centipede

I did it, y'all. I watched Tom Six's masterpiece, The Human Centipede. I have been avoiding this movie since I heard about it in 2009. I had nightmares about this movie from simply hearing the premise of it. Not even watching the trailer, which I avoided. 

Time went on, I got more into horror movies, I listened to a bunch of podcasts about The Human Centipede, and finally I realized that the movie will not scare me or even gross me out too much. So I girded my anus and sat down to watch the film. 

And you guys will be so shocked at what I found out: the movie fucking sucks.

The Human Centipede is poorly acted (with somewhat of an exception for Dieter Laser, who plays the mad Dr. Heiter with maximum camp), boring, not scary, and honestly not even that gross. The idea of people stitched ass-to-mouth is gross, but you don't really see anything. Not that I'm complaining.

Extreme horror fans will tell you that The Human Centipede 2 is really the one to watch out for and that it is absolutely disgusting and stomach churning. I had a notion that I might watch the sequels, but I somehow feel like my time might be better spent scrubbing my toilet with a toothbrush.

The Human Centipede is more of a gimmick than an actual movie. At 90 minutes, the film feels way too long. When I tell you that almost nothing happens in this movie, I'm not exaggerating. The movie is basically this: "Hey, man, I had this crazy thought! What if some crazy doctor kidnapped people and stitched them ass-to-mouth so that they were forced to eat each other's poop?! Wouldn't that be insane??" That's the movie. It's a drunken thought expressed in a bar after one too many beers. In fact, director Tom Six came up with the premise of the film after talking with a friend about the worst possible punishment for a pedophile (being stitched via mouth to an overweight trucker's asshole, apparently). Ironically, there are no pedophiles in this movie as far as I can tell, only innocent victims. Now, a movie about pedophiles being stitched ass-to-mouth might actually be interesting. But sadly, all we have is this movie, which ain't much more than a fart in the wind.

Grade: D

Stuff I watched in...June, 2025

The Girl with the Needle

(spoilers)

Filmed in luscious black and white, The Girl with the Needle is based on the true story of Dagmar Overbye, a Danish serial killer who murdered unwanted children. The movie's protagonist is Karoline (Vic Cameron Sonne), a young woman trying to eke out an existence in post-WWI Denmark. Her husband is assumed to be dead, but with no death certificate, she cannot apply for widow's assistance. She begins an affair with her boss, who gets her pregnant, but she is abandoned by him when his mother refuses to let the two marry.

Karoline tries to perform and abortion on herself with a knitting needle in a public bath, but is stopped by Dagmar (Trine Dyrholm), who tells her there is another way: have the baby and give it to her. She will find a good family for it. After Karoline gives birth, she does just that and she asks to be a wet nurse for Dagmar so that the babies left in Dagmar's care can have something to eat before Dagmar finds families for them.

Of course, if you read the first sentence of this review, you know that there are no good families taking these babies in. Just Dagmar "doing what has to be done". 

The Girl with the Needle has been described by its director, Magnus von Horn, as a "fairy tale for grown-ups"...but I don't see anything fantastical about the film. I just see a movie about women helping other women survive. Dagmar's actions are immoral. She lies to the women who are trusting her with their babies even if they are unable to raise the children themselves. But the society these women live in isn't making it easy, or even possible at all, for them to raise their children. The monster of the film isn't Dagmar, it's the patriarchy! Or society. Or Christianity. All the same boogeymen who pretend to care about women while fucking them and then fucking them over.

The Girl with the Needle is a gorgeous, brutal movie that can be a bit slow at times. I loved its defiant spirit.  

Grade: A-

***

Friendship

Confession: I have not yet watched Tim Robinson's by all accounts hilarious show I Think You Should Leave even though I know I would like it. It's just one of dozens of shows I haven't gotten around to yet. However, now that I've seen the mega-cringe movie Friendship, starring Robinson as Craig Waterman and Paul Rudd as Austin Carmichael, I feel that I've gotten a taste of I Think You Should Leave.

Directed by Andrew DeYoung, Friendship is about Craig, a suburban dad who befriends newcomer to the neighborhood, Austin. Austin is much cooler than Craig and has a group of guy friends, is in a band, and is a weatherman on a local news channel: essentially royalty in Craig's eyes. After Craig alienates Austin's friends at a guy's night in, he is friend-dumped by Austin and becomes increasingly desperate to get back into Austin's good graces. 

Friendship is often described as a "cringe comedy"--and it is, indeed, massively cringe--however, it is not cringe in the way that The Office is, where there are "normal" people like Pam and Jim who understand the rules of society and there are weirdos like Dwight and Michael Scott, who break those rules. In the world of Friendship, everyone is a little off. Austin's guy friends randomly start singing "My Boo" during their hangout, freaking out Craig. Similarly, Craig's wife, Tami (Kate Mara), has a habit of kissing their teenage son, Steven (Jack Dylan Glazer) on the lips. Although Austin, Tami, and Steven represent "normal" people...they're fuckin weird too! So while the movie is cringe comedy, it's also surreal comedy. And it walks the very fine line between being so weird it almost feels menacing and being straight up hilarious.

Friendship is not for everyone. If you're not into Tim Robinson's unique brand of unhinged humor, you'll probably feel your teeth grinding and your muscles seizing up while watching it. For a lot of people, embarrassing and awkward comedy is worse than horror. But for those who crack up at people saying absurd shit with a straight face and making fools of themselves, you're in for a treat. 

Grade: B+

***

The Exorcism 

Weirdly enough, actor Russell Crowe has been in two movies involving exorcisms within the past couple years. In one movie, The Pope's Exorcist, he plays a priest called in to perform an exorcism on a young boy. In this movie, The Exorcism, he plays a washed up, alcoholic actor who takes the role as a priest called in to perform an exorcism on a young girl in a movie. Got it? 

I was surprised to see how poorly the film is rated on Rotten Tomatoes, especially since it has this kind of interesting meta thing to it: Crowe's washed up actor is Anthony Miller. Jason Miller, an actual actor who struggled with alcoholism, played Father Karras in The Exorcist. So I assumed it would be a kind of tribute to him.

The movie starts out not too bad, but gives way to predictability and tropes by the end. This movie wants to be The Exorcist so badly. It leans into nasty language in a very performative and faux-edgy way (while Crowe is possessed, he tells his daughter "she'll never eat your pussy like I can" about said daughter's girlfriend). I was not impressed.

The Exorcism is boring and not scary. Crowe gives a good performance, but the material is beneath him. 

Grade: C-

***

Presence

Steven Soderbergh's Presence is a ghost story from the POV of the ghost. Literally. The Payne family moves into a house and daughter Chloe (Callina Liang) can feel the presence immediately. She notices things moving around on their own and feels like she's being watched all the time. Having lost a close friend recently to a drug overdose, Chloe believe the presence is her friend Nadia.

The Payne family is a dysfunctional one. Mom Rebekah (Lucy Liu) is, frankly, a bitch. She openly favors her son Tyler (Eddy Maday), a popular jock, to her introverted daughter. Her husband Chris (Chris Payne), sees how fucked up this is and tries to intervene, but is a bit of a doormat. However, he is seriously thinking about divorce.

We view the Payne family drama from the perspective of the presence, who floats around the house, peeking in on personal conversations. I went into this movie expecting it to be boring and not scary. Well, I have half right. Presence is not scary. That doesn't mean it's not a horror movie in its own way. It's also not boring. The family drama is juicy AF, even though I wanted to strangle Rebekah. 

I won't say anything further as to not spoil anything, but it's a movie worth checking out, especially if you're a fan of Soderbergh. His movies don't always hit, but he's willing to try out a lot of interesting filmmaking methods (or "gimmicks", to be less generous) and I appreciate his creativity.

Grade: B

***

The Wrath of Khan

I'm not a huge Star Trek fan, but my partner is and he suggested we watch this film. To my surprise, I really enjoyed it. It's basically a two-hour long episode of the original Star Trek and it brings back a villain from a 1967 episode of the original series. 

I'm not going to describe the plot. It's Star Trek. I will say I was surprised at the emotional ending of the film and was...almost crying?? What?? Let's just say that Leonard Nimoy is the GOAT and Spock is (obviously) the best character on the show. 

Grade: B

***

Skincare

This movie annoyed the hell out of me. Starring Elizabeth Banks as Hope Goldman, a celebrity aesthetician, Skincare is a sort of satirical thriller about the beauty industry in LA. Hope has her own skincare studio and her skincare line is about to be released into stores, when a new kid of the block, Angel Vergara (Luis Gerardo Mendez), opens his own skincare studio right across the street from her! The nerve!

Mysteriously fucked up things begin to happen to Hope. For example, "she" sends out what appears to be a drunken, confessional email to all her contacts one evening, humiliating her on a huge scale. Or course, Hope didn't actually send it--she was hacked. But no one seems to believe her (which, side note, I thought was weird. People get hacked all the time. Why wouldn't people--especially those close to her--believe her?). Hope blames Angel, thinking that he is trying to sabotage her.

Skincare is a deeply unpleasant film that ultimately feels pointless. Although Hope is a self-absorbed "Karen" type woman, it's upsetting to watch her be terrorized, nearly sexually assaulted, and not believed. And it's sad to watch her blame it on the Hispanic gay man next door. This movie really feels like it was written by a man (the screenplay is actually by three people, only one of whom I can confirm is a man). The movie seems to say: wow, aren't people in the LA  beauty industry shallow? Which...um, yes? What exactly is being satirized here? All I'm seeing is a woman and a man of color being tortured. 

Skip this one and rewatch The Substance instead.

Grade: C

***

Dune Prophecy 

After rewatching Dune: Part Two recently, I was like "I need more Dune content!". So I watched the HBO series Dune Prophecy, which takes place about 10,000 years before the events of Dune and follows the rise of the Bene Gesserit--the sisterhood of women who are able to tell if people are lying and influence leaders on their decision-making. 

Although I wouldn't consider Dune Prophecy to be an all-timer TV show for me, it was very enjoyable. Starring Emily Watson and Olivia Coleman as sisters Valya and Tula Harkonnen who run a school for young women in the arts of truth-saying, the show provides insight about the history of the Bene Gesserit and their multi-millennia plans to steer the direction of, well, the universe, using every tool at their disposal--ethical or not.

Dune Prophecy is like Game of Thrones in space. There are warring families and political intrigue and betrayal. There's a lot less incest and rape, however! If you like TV with strong, complicated women, this is one for you!

Grade: B+

28 Days/Weeks/Years Later

I've never been a huge fan of zombie movies. In fact, I only recently watched George Romero's Night of the Living Dead, often considered one of the most important and seminal zombie flicks (though there were zombie movies that came decades before it)...and found it a total snooze of a movie.

But when 28 Days Later came out in 2002, it was something different. Directed by Danny Boyle and written by Alex Garland, 28 Days Later was gnarly and cool. It introduced me to an Irish actor with pretty boy looks who could also kick major ass. It's a movie that is brutal and also filled with moments of love. And although the rage zombies are pretty scary...it's the human beings who are the true brutes.

I won't go into the whole plot of 28 Days Later because I want to dedicate most of this blog post to 28 Years Later, but essentially a group of four survivors of the "rage virus", which turns humans into mindless, violent monsters, hear a recording on the radio that promises protection and a cure for the virus. When they find the men who made the recording, they realize they've entered an entirely different kind of trap. 

28 Days Later reflects on different types of masculinity that emerge when society crumbles: men who protect and men who take advantage. 28 Days Later juxtaposes the instincts of Jim (Cillian Murphy) and Frank (Brendan Gleeson) with the group of soldiers they come across in their journey, especially when it comes to their relationships with women. Even if you haven't seen the movie you can probably guess at what I'm getting at.

28 Weeks Later came out in 2007 and is so boring and nothingburger that I'm going to skip over it. It has a different director and writer and is a very generic action/zombie movie. 

28 Years Later is out in theatres now and pairs Danny Boyle and Alex Garland up again. Once more, they capture the brutal magic of 28 Days Later...and then some. I'd venture to say that Years surpasses Days in both sheer entertainment and in emotional depth.

The film takes place, you guessed it, 28 years after the initial outbreak of the rage virus. Continental Europe has eradicated the virus, but the British Isles are still on quarantine. A community lives on the island of Lindisfarne, which is connected to the mainland by a causeway that people are able to walk across when the tide is low.

Jaime (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) takes his 12 year old son Spike (a wonderful Alfie Williams) onto the mainland to get his first "kill". The boys of Lindisfarne are taught how to use a bow and arrow, and hunting zombies is a rite of passage. However, Spike's mother, Isla (Jodie Comer), is horrified at the thought of her baby going to the zombie-infested mainland. The thing is, Isla is very ill and since there are no doctors on Lindisfarne, no one can diagnose her. When Spike finds out that a man named Dr. Kelson (Ralph Fiennes, MVP of this film) lives on the mainland, he is determined to bring his mother to him in hopes that the doctor can help her.

28 Years Later will break your fucking heart. I don't want to go into plot spoilers, but I will reveal that Dr. Kelson is considered an eccentric (and possibly dangerous) loon by the Islanders. It turns out that he has dedicated his life to building a bone graveyard--a memento mori monument, if you will--to honoring the dead. Both those who were killed by rage zombies and the victims of the rage virus itself. 

Weirdly enough, days before I saw this film I got into a debate on Discord about whether or not death is an inherently bad thing or something to be eliminated. It's a long story, but I was on the side that believes that a lack of acceptance of death is the enemy, not death itself. And, to paraphrase the words of Nate Fisher of Six Feet Under, "people have to die to make life important". Hell, I'll just let him tell you himself:

28 Years Later agrees with me and with Nate Fisher. Dr. Kelson, rather than joining a community fighting to survive, dedicates whatever is left of his life to honoring the countless deaths of others. In many ways, Kelson is the sane one while the Islanders are the deluded, eccentric ones.

28 Days Later explores masculinity in a world where society has crumbled and 28 Years Later builds on this exploration and adds more layers, such as how people fall back on old ways of thinking and living in order to rebuild society and take comfort in the familiar. For example, the Islanders have portraits of Queen Elizabeth II in their houses and pubs. The Monarchy has certainly crumbled at this point in time, but they still cling onto the familiarity of that tradition. We see young boys being trained in archery and young girls working in the kitchen with older women. Again, when society crumbles, people fall back on "the ways things were". 

A central question that comes up in both 28 Days Later and 28 Years Later is: it it worth surviving if you lose your humanity in the process? I don't think there is a correct answer to this. Survival is an instinct and some of us have it more strongly than others. The Islanders of Lindisfarne are not wrong to survive and rebuild their community. But neither is Dr. Kelson wrong to dedicate his life in a different way. And both movies show that survival is only meaningful if you have something (or more specifically, someone) to live for...and that there are fates worse than death, such as losing your soul.

One more thing: 28 Years Later uses the Rudyard Kipling poem "Boots" to great effect. The poem and the way it is read captures the creepiness, the madness, and the monotony of constantly fighting an enemy you haven't been able to defeat in decades. 

Grades:

28 Days Later: A-

28 Weeks Later: C-

28 Years Later: A