Wicked

I had no intention of seeing Wicked: Part One because I have never seen the stage version and it's just not the kind of film that would normally be on my radar (a fantasy musical). But when the reviews started pouring in--almost all of them positive, even glowing--and my mom expressed interest in seeing the movie, I went ahead and gave it a watch. And I'm so glad I did! Wicked is a delight and quite relevant to our current moment (despite the source material, the novel, being 30 years old). 

Directed by Jon M. Chu, Wicked: Part One is a feast for the senses. Paying homage to the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz, Wicked is absolutely saturated with gorgeous color and packed with detail, from intricate and unique outfits for every extra to easter eggs referencing the L. Frank Baum novel and the 1939 film. It's a film that rewards multiple viewings, including viewings at home where you can pause and examine individual frames.

Ariana Grande-Butera plays Glinda (formerly "Galinda") Upland, whom we are introduced to as she travels in her little bubble to Munchkinland to inform the residents that, indeed, the Wicked Witch of the West is dead. When a Munchkin inquires if the rumors are true that Glinda was friends with the Witch, Glinda ushers us into the story of how the Wicked Witch came to be...

The product of an affair, Elphaba Thropp was rejected by her father, the mayor of Munchkinland, at birth when she came out the womb with green skin. Despite being tormented by children and unloved by her father, Elphaba still had the capability to love others, namely her wheelchair-bound sister Nessarose. When Nessarose begins school at Shiz, a university in Oz (I looked it up and can't figure out why it's named "Shiz"), Elphaba's father demands that Elphaba (played by Cynthia Ervio) stay and look after her sister (who is the apple of her father's eye), despite Nessarose's desire for independence. 

Though Elphaba balks at this, she accidentally reveals incredible power during a moment of anger and a well-respected professor, Madame Morrible (Michelle Yeoh), convinces Elphaba to enroll at Shiz and take private sorcery lessons with her. Oh, and she forces Galinda and Elphaba to room together. 

For a long time, Elphaba is at best ignored and at worst mocked and humiliated by the students of Shiz, including the incredibly beautiful and popular Galinda. But after a moment of public humiliation caused by Galinda, the so-called Good Witch has a change of heart and decides to become friends with Elphaba and take her under her wing.

The friendship (or frenemyship) between Galinda and Elphaba is THE reason to see this movie. First of all, yes there is a ton of sapphic subtext. Or maybe just text. Wicked is a very gay movie, as is to be expected given that it's 1) a musical and 2) about the Wizard of Oz, a famously gay story. But the relationship between the two women isn't pure. There is condescension on Galinda's side and resentment on Elphaba's side. And yet...there really is love between the women even though they are destined to be turned against one another. I loved how complex their relationship was.

Without going into too much detail, there is a conspiracy afoot in Oz. Whereas previously animals could speak and hold jobs, just like humans, a rising tide of bias and hate against animals leads to the firing of all animal professors at Shiz. Most of the students don't care, but Elphaba, who develops a friendship with Professor Dillamond, a goat (voiced by Peter Dinklage), is horrified and disgusted. She knows what it's like to be scorned and treated like garbage. 

Elphaba's quest to meet the Wizard, once motivated by her desire to be seen and accepted, is now motivated by a desire to help the animals. But the pinnacle of Elphaba's triumph, where she discovers just how powerful she is, is poisoned with disappointment when she realizes just who is behind the bigotry against the animals of Oz. And how pathetic the Wizard really is. This brings us to the song which defines the musical--"Defying Gravity"--and the point at which Elphaba is declared to be a wicked woman. She is too powerful, too dangerous, and those already in power must turn the tide of public opinion against her. And that's where part one ends.

Wicked walks this perfect balance of being both light and dark, current and timeless, frilly and serious. I haven't read the Oz books by L. Frank Baum, but I do love The Wizard of Oz, and there are lots of references and homages woven into the story. I enjoyed the musical numbers, particularly "Dancing Through Life", "Popular", and "Defying Gravity"...and both Ervio and Grande-Butera have incredibly powerful singing voices. Unless you genuinely hate musicals or The Wizard of Oz, I feel like you're going to find something to love about Wicked.

Really glad I stepped outside of my comfort zone to see Wicked on the big screen. It's one of the most thrilling movies of the year and I am psyched to see part two in 2025.

Grade: A-

Stuff I watched in...November, 2024

A Different Man

It's best to go into this dark, unsettling comedy knowing as little as possible, but you might need to know something about the movie to be enticed to see it. Written and directed by Aaron Schimberg, A Different Man tells the story of Edward (Sebastian Stan), a man with severe facial deformities (neurofibromatosis, to be specific) who ekes out a living acting in educational videos about how to treat coworkers with deformities. He lives in a small, crappy apartment and endures people taunting him or, weirdly, "recognizing" him and being overly friendly.

Edward partakes in a medical treatment that cures him, giving him a "normal" face. He reinvents his life, going by "Guy" now and working as a real estate agent. But when he discovers that his previous neighbor, a playwright, is working on a production about the deformed man she once lived next door to...he has to get involved.

A Different Man takes some VERY unexpected turns. I won't go into plot detail, but I will say that about halfway through, Oswald, played by an actor with actual facial deformities, Adam Pearson, shows up. Oswald is funny, charismatic, personable, intelligent...all the things that Edward/Guy never was and still isn't, despite his medical treatment. On the one hand, this film seems to suggest that if you have a shitty, boring personality your looks don't matter--you could be ugly or beautiful, but people won't want to be around you because you inherently suck. On the other hand, I don't think the writer/director *actually* believes this (anyone not living under a rock knows that a handsome face can get you nearly anything you want). While not fantasy or science-fiction, A Different Man takes a few liberties with reality, making the film feel like a satirical fairytale. A reverse "Beauty and the Beast" if you will.

Anyway, that's enough information to go on. I highly recommend this uncomfortable, strange film that explores identity in a really unique way. It's a great (although much more low key) companion piece to The Substance.

Grade: A-

***

The Shawshank Redemption

It's unbelievable that it took nearly 39 years for me to watch one of the most beloved films of all time. However, I did read the novella, penned by Stephen King, that the movie is based on so I pretty much knew the entire plot going in. Still, it was well worth the watch. The Shawshank Redemption, directed by Frank Darabont and starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman, lives up to its reputation as a wonderful, heart-wrenching film about an innocent man serving a life sentence in prison who finds not just one reason, but many reasons to keep living and not give up.

I probably don't have to go into the plot since I'm literally the last person on planet Earth to watch this movie. I really appreciate the role that books and libraries play in the film. I truly believe in the power of reading and information, so much so that I dedicated by career to it. It's awesome that Andy Dufresne finds his salvation in a prison library. 

The Shawshank Redemption, similarly to another favorite of mine, It's a Wonderful Life, is a movie that feels old fashioned and nostalgic--conservative, even--but is actually pretty radical at its core. Just as It's a Wonderful Life can be read as a screed against capitalism, The Shawshank Redemption can be read as prison-abolition film. Given Stephen King's politics, I'm not surprised the tale really sticks it to the man (specifically, the greedy and cruel prison warden) in the end. But politics aside, it's just a damn good movie and I'm glad I watched it. 

Grade: A+

***

Dead Poets Society

Dead Poets Society is a very, very nostalgic film for me and one of my all-time favorites. In recent years, the movie has been the subject of some critical opinion pieces that argue that it does not do justice to the humanities and that any English major worth their salt should see it as a sappy and reductionist film.

Good thing I wasn't an English major!

Look, DPL absolutely feels dated, and for many reasons. The argument that John Keating (Robin Williams in one of his most affecting roles) is a reckless and self-important teacher is a legitimate one. He is, of course, the person who encourages Neil Perry (Robert Sean Leonard) to simply tell his hard ass father (played by the excellent Kurtwood Smith) about his passion for acting and OF COURSE dad will magically understand. This leads to Neil playing the role of Puck in a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, deliberately disobeying his father and getting pulled out of Welton Academy by the domineering old man. Which leads to Neil taking his own life. John Keating is indirectly responsible for Neil's death. 

But, with age and experience, I appreciate how Dead Poets Society sits in moral ambiguity, with John Keating as both a hero *and* a villain. Or, not exactly a villain, but in many ways just as hard-headed as the stuffy old men who run Welton Academy. Keating has his agenda which works on many of the young men in the movie, namely Todd Anderson (Ethan Hawke), a shy boy trying to get out from under the shadow of his older brother, a well-known alum of Welton. But Keating's agenda fails Neil Perry. The whole system fails Neil Perry. Keating, his father, his mother, and Welton itself. 

Art and poetry do not save Neil Perry. But art and poetry absolutely do save lives and make life worth living. These two facts sit at the center of a film that is both a tragedy and a triumph. And while the boys of Welton focus on the many well-known Dead (White, Male) Poets--Whitman, Thoreau, Frost, and Herrick among others--if you substitute an artist who changed YOUR life when you were 16 or 17 years old, the scenes of mirth, joy, secrecy, and danger we see when the young men gather in the cave to hold their meetings can feel very familiar and very personal.

Dead Poets Society, like Welton Academy, can feel stodgy through a modern lens. But if you let it, it can also allow you to access those feelings of wonder and excitement you found in discovering Radiohead or Godard or Anais Nin or whatever the fuck turned your mental and emotional crank as a teenager. I love this movie and I will sound my barbaric yawp to defend it to the death.

Grade: A+

***

Schindler's List

Good lord, this is a tough one. The last (and only) time I watched Schindler's List was when it aired unedited on TV in 1997. I think. I mean, I definitely watched it was when I was young-ish and have not watched it since because it seems masochistic and sick to revisit such a heartrending film. 

But I did revisit it, and what is there to say? It's a masterpiece. To say that Steven Spielberg's Oscar-winning film is about "the Holocaust" is accurate...but it's really a movie that focuses on the moral arc of, well, a member of the Nazi Party, Oskar Schindler. Played by Liam Neeson, Schindler is more into money and women than anything else. At least as he is portrayed in the movie, he doesn't really care about Jewish people or their plight in Nazi-dominated Poland. But he doesn't really hate them either. If he can use them for cheap labor in his factory, he's cool with that. There's a darkly funny scene where Schindler's Jewish accountant, Itzhak Stern (played beautifully by Ben Kingsley), nearly gets put on a train going god knows where because he forgot his papers before heading to work one day. Schindler figures it out in the nick of time and gets him off this train. Schindler says to him, "What if I had been 5 minutes later? Then where would I be!?" to Stern. 

As the war goes on, and particularly after witnessing a massacre at the Krakow Ghetto, Schindler realizes that his own Nazi Party might be a little...fucked up. Using his connections and his power of persuasion, he is able to build a factory at Plaszow concentration camp, hiring many of the people who previously worked for him who were sent to the camp. By the end of the war, Schindler was basically subverting the Nazis as much as he could and he spent all his money doing so. The film has that famous scene where Schindler agonizes that he "could have saved more" if he had been even more savvy or brave. Don't judge me, because this is the most stereotypical movie scene of all time to get teary-eyed over, BUT I GOT FUCKING TEARY-EYED. That haunting score by John Williams just kicks in and the waterworks start. 

Schindler's List is a movie about genocide through the eyes and experience of a member of the genocidal party. This cannot be denied. And there are many other films and documentaries that capture the experience of survivors themselves and those are so important. But for what Schindler's List is, it does it so well. It's a movie about a man who moves from a privileged position of not caring to a position of caring to a position of active political sabotage that could cost him his life. I think that's a worthy story to tell. Movies about historical atrocities are so fucking difficult because how can you possibly capture the enormity of human evil in a two hour film? But I think Spielberg does an excellent job here and it's a film worth revisiting.

Grade: A+

***

Conclave

I saw this film, about Catholic Cardinals being messy, dramatic bitches, the day after the election and it held my attention long enough to briefly forget the shitshow that our country has become. 

Starring all your absolute favorite old white men--Ralph Fiennes, John Lithgow, and Stanley Tucci--Conclave is about the process of electing the next Pope when the previous Pope has died. And all the wheelings and dealing that go into this supposedly divine process. 

I'm not Catholic...or religious...so it all seems like a bunch of hooey and hokum to me. But damn, it makes for compelling watching. "Real Housewives of the Vatican". Fiennes plays Cardinal Thomas Lawrence, the convener of the conclave, in which a bunch of Cardinals lock themselves in a building until they have a majority vote on the next Pope. Lawrence is friends with Cardinal Bellini (Tucci), a very liberal potential Pope who would in theory guide the Church towards a more open mind towards women and gays. He is up against a more traditionalist Italian Cardinal, Tedesco (Sergio Castellitto) and a very socially conservative Nigerian Cardinal, Adeyemi (Lucian Msamati). There is a lot of bitching and backstabbing, uncovering of secrets and indiscretions, scheming and strategizing. 

There is a "twist" at the end which I found pretty unnecessary and I think probably took away from the movie more than it added to it, but overall Conclave is a fun, gossipy thriller of a movie. It's also a reminder of how many people in the world allow a small group of egotistical, vain men decide how to live their lives under the guise of "God's will", which is really sad. 

Grade: B+

***

Face/Off

I don't know what I expected from this John Woo joint starring Nicholas Cage and John Travolta, but wow. Just wow. I was flabbergasted by what I witnessed. I knew the premise of the film and assumed it would be a little more scientific...but no. There are so many plot holes and improbabilities in the film that it may as well be a fantasy movie. And once you accept what it is, you're in for a good time.

Face/Off is an objectively terrible movie...but it's SO fun. Seeing John Travolta "do" Nic Cage and Cage "do" John Travolta is really enjoyable (and proves that Cage is the superior actor, in my opinion). It's also so sleazy, with Cage's bad-guy character, Castor Troy, sleeping with the wife of his nemesis, Sean Archer (John Travolta), as well as ogling Archer's teenager daughter. It's all the weirder since it's John Travolta acting as Castor acting as Sean (after Castor steals Sean's face). This movie is a fucking M.C. Escher painting. 

This is a difficult movie to grade because it's a "so bad it's good" viewing experience. The movie itself is like a D+, but the viewing experience is an A-....so we'll go with a nice, middle-of-the-road B-. But trust, Face/Off is well worth seeing if you want to watch a ridiculous mindfuck of a film.

Grade: B-

***

Moonstruck

Directed by Norman Jewison, this classic romance starring Cher as a widow and Nicolas Cage as her lover (and the younger brother of her fiance), fell really flat for me. I mean, it's fine. I don't think it's particularly romantic or particularly funny. Most of the humor rests on Italian stereotypes of loud families and hot-blooded romance...but, frankly, My Big Fat Greek Wedding did is better with a couple you actually want to root for. Loretta (Cher) and Ronny (Cage) don't have that much chemistry and their relationship is kind of icky. Not offensively so (even though Loretta is cheating on her boring-ass fiance), just in a "I'm not that into it" kind of way. They fuck like 10 minutes after meeting, and I 100% didn't buy it.

I'm gonna say it: Moonstruck is hugely overrated! 

Grade: C+

***

My Old Ass

Directed by Megan Park and starring Maisey Stella in a wonderful film debut, My Old Ass is a comforting, yet bittersweet film that begs the question: if your older self and younger self met, what advice would they give each other?

Elliott (Stella) has just turned 18 and is spending her last summer working on her family's cranberry farm before she leaves for bigger and better things. To celebrate her bday, she and her friends take a camping trip and do mushrooms. While under the influence of the shrooms, Elliott meets her 39 year old self (played by Aubrey Plaza). Older Elliott puts her phone number in younger Elliott's phone and even after the shrooms wear off, young Elliott finds she can call and text old Elliott!

She asks old Elliott for life advice, but all that old Elliott can do is warn her to avoid a guy named Chad. Well, it just so happens that Chad (Percy Hynes White) is working at the cranberry farm that summer...and he's a lovely guy. Young Elliott doesn't understand why old Elliott is warning her off of this guy, and the audience spends most of the movie waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But My Old Ass is about much more than the Chad plot line. It's about how your older self only knows the "right" and "wrong" way to live your life because your younger self made mistakes. It's about the bittersweet truth that life can only be lived in one direction, which is exactly what makes life meaningful: you CAN'T go back and correct so-called "mistakes". You can learn from them, but you can't relive the past.

Old Elliott is 39 years old. I will be 39 in a few weeks. This movie is aimed at people my age because the point of being young is that you never think you'll get old. And before you know it, you are your own old ass. But that's not a bad thing because you need both your young ass and your old ass in order to be your full self. And young Elliott has words of wisdom for old Elliott too, because young asses can be very wise.

Grade: B+

***

Heretic

This much anticipated psychological horror film starring Hugh Grant in a villain role started strong, but got progressively less interesting as the film went on. Still, it was a very entertaining watch. Sophie Thatcher and Chloe East play Sister Barnes and Sister Paxton, Mormon missionaries who arrive at the home of Mr. Reed (Grant), a harmless looking man who invites them in and tells them that his wife is in the kitchen baking a pie.

Reed initially seems interested and knowledgeable about the Church of Latter Day Saints, but eventually begins to ask the young women challenging questions about their faith. The turning point in their conversation is when he asks them about polygamy. Sister Barnes explains that the belief in polygamy served the early church when there was a need for population growth but that now the LDS knows better. Reed counters that Joseph Smith wanted to have consequence free sex with a lot of women and used his power to take advantage.

Barnes, the more worldly of the two women, starts to realize that something is wrong when she sees a scented candle and deduces that there is no pie...and probably no Mrs. Reed, either. But when she and Paxton attempt to leave, they find that they are locked in and that their phones don't work. Reed pulls out the big (intellectual) guns and forces the women to listen to his lengthy explanation that religions are just iterations of one another--copying and stealing from previous beliefs, much like Radiohead copied The Hollies and Lana Del Ray copied Radiohead. He then forces the women to choose between a door labeled "Belief" and a door labeled "Disbelief".

I think many people will go into Heretic thinking that it's a different kind of movie and will therefore be disappointed and annoyed that the first half of the film is essentially a older man lecturing two younger women about why their religious beliefs are bullshit. I actually enjoyed this half of the movie more, mostly due to Grant's performance as a genteel, mansplaining villain. It was interesting to both agree (mostly) with Reed's intellectual argument while also disavowing how he makes his argument. I do believe that religions are iterations of one another, which begs the question: how do you know that your religious beliefs are the "right" ones? But I also think trapping women in a house to force them to reckon with this is, uh, shitty.

Heretic loses me in the final act when the film morphs into something we've seen in a million movies before. I won't give it away here, but let me just say that I think the final revelations blew it for me. However, the experience of watching the movie was very entertaining. I can't see myself watching it again, but I am hype to watch a YouTube video essay about it from the POV of a former Mormon missionary!

Grade: B

***

Say Nothing (TV series)

Based on the critically acclaimed book by Patrick Radden Keefe, this show (streaming on Hulu) is about the Troubles in Northern Ireland and specifically about two sisters, Dolours and Marian Price, who worked for the Irish Republican Army in the 1970s and 1980s. 

There is a LOT to cover in 9 episodes and I feel that the show didn't spend enough time helping the audience understand why the IRA engaged in so much violence for decades. I know a little about the Troubles, but not a lot, and I know there is a lot of nuance to the situation in Northern Ireland, but for someone who knows nothing, I think it's going to be difficult for them to empathize with the sisters who are willing to harm and even kill anyone and everyone in service to "the cause". 

One aspect of the Troubles Say Nothing explores is how easily a just cause can turn into a cult of personality with the head honchos directing people to kill without ever pulling the trigger themselves. The man who orders the execution never drops the blade, does he? The show explores the role Gerry Adams played in the IRA and his eventual disavowal and denial that he had any involvement as he goes into politics. You know, in many ways Say Nothing is less about the Troubles and more about human psychology and what drives people to completely rearrange their moral and ethical values if they believe (or are convinced by others) that the end justifies the means. 

I'm not a pacifist, but I also think that violence should be the nuclear option on the path to civil rights mostly because I believe that humans tend to develop a taste for it once they cross that line. If we look at examples of violent revolutions throughout history, we can see that the violence doesn't just end when the agreed upon "bad guys" are dead...people tend to move the goal posts to find new victims once they experience the power that a gun in their hand gives them. Call me a misanthrope, but I do believe that power and violence rot the soul, even (maybe especially) when the cause is just. 

Just some food for thought!

Grade: B

Stuff I watched in...October, 2024 (oops, all scaries!)

Regular readers know that horror is my favorite genre. However, my focus this month was exclusively on horror and thriller ("oops, all scaries") films. And the first one on this list is one of the scariest movies I've seen in a hot minute.

Oddity

I was very impressed by this Irish horror film directed by Damian McCarthy. Not only is it genuinely watch-through-your-fingers terrifying, it's also just a dang good movie!

(Spoilers ahead)

Carolyn Bracken plays Dani Odello-Timmis, a woman renovating an old country house with her psychiatrist husband, Ted (Gwilym Lee). One night, while she is home alone, a man knocks on the door and begs to be let in. He claims he saw another man enter the house while Dani was looking for something in her car. Dani isn't sure what to believe. This man looks deranged, but he is insistent.

We cut to a year later and find out that Dani was murdered--presumably by the man at the door, a patient named Olin Boole (Tadhg Murphy) who was recently released from the psychiatric hospital where Ted works. Ted has moved on. Not only does he live in the house where his wife was murdered, he also has a new girlfriend. When he receives a visit from his wife's twin sister, Darcy (also played by Carolyn Bracken), a blind woman who owns a curiosity shop and claims to have psychic powers, he's more than a little annoyed. But Darcy has a shocking piece of information: Olin Boole is not the man who killed Ted's wife.

Oddity has great acting (especially Bracken playing the twin sisters), a great story, and absolutely terrific scares. No movie has scared me like this one in a very long time. The atmosphere is unsettling, the feeling of dread is thick, and as a bonus, Darcy brings a very, very creepy wooden mannequin with her when she visits Ted. 

Grade: A

***

Caveat

After watching Oddity, I wanted to watch Damian McCarthy's first feature-length film. Caveat has a really interesting premise, but is ultimately a little too boring and slow for my taste (it felt long at 88 minutes). Jonathan French plays Isaac, a down on his luck man who takes a job "babysitting" his old landlord's adult niece, who lives alone on an island and has catatonic spells. The landlord, Moe (Ben Caplan), explains that he's just nervous to leave his niece alone when she's catatonic and he'll give Isaac $200 a day just to hang out with her. Isaac wonders what the catch is.

Well, the catch is that Isaac has to be locked into a vest that is connected to a chain that is staked into the cement floor in the basement. He can wander around the house, but the chain prevents him from going into the niece's bedroom. She's terrified of a man attacking her (so says Moe)...so this is the caveat (ha) that Isaac must accept. He tries to back out, but it's kind of too late.

Of course, there's much more to the story than this, but that central premise is pretty fascinating. And there are some really terrifying scenes that feel like they were downloaded directly from Damian McCarthy's nightmares. The man has a way with disturbing (though not gory) imagery. But even so, Caveat felt too insubstantial to be a feature-length film. It would have been great if it were 20 minutes shorter and had slightly better writing. 

Grade: B-

***

Red Rooms

I have been waiting to watch the French-Canadian psychological thriller Red Rooms for over a year. Directed by Pascal Plante, Red Rooms starts out as a courtroom drama. A man, Ludovic Chevalier (Maxwell McCabe-Lokos), is on trial for the murder of three teenage girls. But he didn't just murder them: he tortured them to death in horrific ways and live streamed it all on the dark web for pay. 

Two women who have no relation to either Chevalier or the families of the murdered girls are sitting in to watch the trial: Clementine, a Chevalier "groupie" who believes the man is innocent (played by Laurie Babin), and Kelly-Anne, a model whose motives for attending the trial are unclear (played by an excellent Juliette Gariepy). 

Red Rooms is a film about obsession with crime. We see Kelly-Anne do alarming things, such as hack into the email account of a mother of one of the murdered girls. We don't know why. Perhaps Kelly-Anne is just a thrill seeker. She enjoys gambling in her spare time, so maybe she just likes to live an edgy life. But we can't help but wonder if she has more sinister motivations.

Go into Red Rooms knowing as little as possible. If you are worried about gore, be assured that we never see anything violent. However, we do hear the screams from the films and they are screams that will haunt your nightmares. Red Rooms is an intense film on many levels: the mystery, the plot, and even the musical score are designed to unsettle you.

Grade: A

***

Sleepaway Camp

Although I know the infamous twist which is revealed at the end of 1983's Sleepaway Camp, I had never seen or had much interest in the film. But there seems to be a bit of a resurgence in interest in the movie (I feel like a number of YouTube videos about it have been posted recently), so I decided to check it out.

Sleepaway Camp is not a good movie, but it is iconic. The movie focuses on cousins Angela (Felissa Rose) and Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten), who are sent to summer camp by Ricky's extremely weird mother, Martha (Desiree Gould). Seriously, I think that 50% of why this movie is remembered today is because of Gould's two scenes in the film. 

Angela is extremely quiet and shy. As a child, she lost the rest of her family in a boating accident, which is why she's being raised by creepy Aunt Martha. The other girls at Camp Arawak mostly ignore her except for Judy (Karen Fields), a snotty bully who begins to resent the quiet girl for attracting the attention of fellow camper Paul (Christopher Collet). 

tl;dr a bunch of gruesome murders take place at the camp, and they seem to happen to the people who torment Angela (including a kiddie-touching cook who gets scalded to death by boiling water)...WHO COULD THE MURDERER BE?? But the real twist of the film isn't the reveal of the killer, it's...something else. And it's what makes Sleepaway Camp an almost guilty pleasure and an iconic film within queer circles. 

Grade: C

***

Woman of the Hour

Anna Kendrick's directorial debut mixes fact and fiction about serial killer Rodney Alcala, aka "The Dating Game Serial Killer". In 1978, Alcala was a contestant on The Dating Game and actually won. The woman who picked him out of three potential bachelors was Cheryl Bradshaw, a woman we hardly have any information about. Kendrick plays Bradshaw and fleshes out the character, imagining her as an aspiring actress who agrees to go on The Dating Game as a last-ditch effort to get exposure.

But that is ALL fictional, as is her behavior on the show (Kendrick imagines Bradshaw as a whip-smart woman who tires of the sexist treatment she receives from the host of the show and she rewrites the questions mid-show to make a fool out of the host, Ed (Tony Hale), and the eligible bachelors). 

What is not fictional are the crimes of Alcala. Alcala is played by Daniel Zovatto in an absolutely stunning performance in Woman of the Hour. Feels weird to praise the guy playing the killer in this feminist film, but praise where praise is due: Zovatto plays Alcala as a charismatic, magnetic, intelligent man who is able to get women alone so that he can rape and kill them. 

But as wily as Alcala is, one of his victims, Amy (Autumn Best), is wilier. She plays a fictional version of the only victim who lived to tell her tale and she survived by beating Alcala psychologically at his own game. She escaped and went to the cops...but he would go on to kill two more women before he was arrested and put on trial. 

Woman of the Hour is good and it blends fact and fiction really well...though, I wonder, to what end? Kendrick skillfully shows how women were already treated like slightly overgrown children--emotional beings not to be trusted--and how that allowed men like Alcala (and Ted Bundy, etc etc) to get away with so many murders. It wasn't that these men were geniuses...it's just that a culture of misogyny allowed for them to carry on with murder and rape sprees. 

But the movie still does make Alcala look like a weirdly attractive killing machine. I think that's just the way Zovatto plays him and I don't think it was Kendrick's intention to play into serial killer awe/worship, but I still have to wonder why we have a movie that focuses on this man. Sure, it focuses on Bradshaw too, but a fictional version of her. 

I might be biased because I am currently reading Jessica Knoll's Bright Young Women, a novel that is entirely from the perspective of the female victims and survivors of a serial killer. The book really makes an effort to take all power and worship away from the fictional killer (simply called "The Defendant" in the book) and refer to him as small, ugly, and stupid. 

Anyway, Woman of the Hour is a solid film and a very good directorial debut. I do hope, though, that we'll continue to see less media that focuses on the supposedly criminal masterminds that are serial killers and more on the victims of those killers--after all, it is the victims who are special, NOT the killers.

Grade: B+

***

Milk and Serial

This 60 minute found footage film, directed by Curry Barker for $800, is free on YouTube. Barker plays "Milk" and Cooper Tomlinson plays "Seven", two friends who run a prank channel on YouTube. After Seven plans an elaborate prank for Milk's birthday party, the prank war escalates...with devastating consequences.

This is one where you just want to go in blind. I can't say that I was totally surprised by the twists in this film, but it's a very solid and fun short movie, especially given its micro-micro-micro budget. 

If you're into found footage type movies and/or YouTube, you'll probably dig this one. You can watch the film for free here.

Grade: B

***

The Devil's Bath

(spoilers)

The Devil's Bath is an excellent German film directed by Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala, the duo who previously directed The Lodge and Goodnight Mommy. Having seen their other films, this one feels like a big step up for them.

Set in 1750 Austria, Agnes (Anja Plaschg) marries Wolf (David Scheid). It's a tough transition into married life for Agnes, especially when she realizes that 1) her mother in law, Mother Ganglin (Maria Hofstatter), will be heavily involved in her and Wolf's business and that 2) Wolf won't consummate the marriage.

Agnes is a sensitive, dreamy woman who would rather spend time in nature than helping her fisherman husband with his trade, which she is expected to do. She hopes for a baby, but given that Wolf turns over in bed and ignores her every night, that dream fades away. Agnes becomes melancholic and since this is the 18th century, there's not much that can be done about it other than pray and subject oneself to very questionable home remedies. As time goes on, and with almost no support in the community, Agnes seriously considers doing something drastic.

The Devil's Bath is based on a book by Kathy Stuart titled Suicide by Proxy in Early Modern Germany: Crime, Sin and Salvation as well as historical records of two women who engaged in "suicide by proxy"--because their religious beliefs forbade suicide as a sin that would send the person straight to hell, these women committed murder, guaranteeing they would be executed. But they were offered confession and forgiveness before their sentence was carried out, so they had the chance to be cleansed of sin and allowed into heaven by God. Pretty sad and gruesome, but also a fascinating look into how depression and suicidal ideation was dealt with some 250 years ago.

Streaming on Shudder, The Devil's Bath is more of a historical drama than a horror film. It's also the best depiction of severe depression I've seen in a movie since Melancholia. But unlike Melancholia and even Franz and Fiala's previous film, The Lodge, The Devil's Bath has a gentleness and a beauty to it which makes it a bearable--and worthwhile--watch. 

Grade: A-

***

Stuff I watched in...September, 2024

The People's Joker

The People's Joker is a satire of superhero films written, directed by, and starring trans director Vera Drew. Drawing inspiration from her own life as a trans woman, she explores the mythology and themes around the Batman villain Joker. Drew crowdfunded this movie and it very much feels like a DIY passion project where a bunch of creative people came together to put on a show. What's interesting is that even though the film looks low budget, it doesn't feel low budget. Unlike schlocky low budget films like Sharknado, The People's Joker has purpose and heart.

Drew plays a trans woman who grew up in Smallville, Kansas and whose mother was in denial about her child's gender identity. Young Vera is given a medication called Smylex that forces people to "put on a happy face" no matter how they're feeling inside. Vera grows up and moves to Gotham City, where she tries out for the comedy show UCB Live (a reference to Saturday Night Live), but is disillusioned by the legal constraints put on humor (the film takes place in a dystopian future where unapproved comedy is illegal). She and Oswald Cobblepot (Batman fans will recognize this character as a version of the Penguin) start their own comedy troupe, but call it "anti-comedy" to skirt around the law. 

Vera then meets and begins a romance with a trans man, who dresses like the Jared Leto version of the Joker and goes by Mr. J. However, their romance quickly becomes toxic as Mr. J proves to be controlling and manipulative. Still, he supports Vera in her physical transition. Vera, going by Joker the Harlequin now, fights for a spot as the host of UCB Live while also trying to reconnect with her mother.

There's a lot going on in The People's Joker and it's a very personal movie. As a cisgender woman, I still related to the themes of "putting on a happy face" or presenting a certain way to make other people feel comfortable as well as being annoyed when people expect me to act or look at certain way as a woman. In The People's Joker, Vera physically transitions (diving into a vat of estrogen at one point), but retains masculine elements in her looks and demeanor. I really loved that Vera Drew made a movie about how people exist between the binaries and how it can be empowering to refuse to let some parts of yourself fade into the background to make people feel more comfortable. It's a timeless message that feels very timely right now.

I really loved The People's Joker. It's messy and cobbled together, but it's got heart. Big and true heart. Definitely check it out if you're interested. I'm excited to see what Vera Drew does next.

Grade: B+

***

Please Baby Please

Please Baby Please is a very queer, delightful, and weird movie directed by Amanda Kramer. It's about a 1950s couple, Suze (Andrea Riseborough) and Arthur (Harry Melling), who come home to find a leather gang, The Young Gents, beating some people to death outside their apartment. The horrified couple are even more horrified to realize they are attracted to the gang. After their encounter with The Young Gents, Suze starts talking about how she wishes she could be a man so she could wear a leather jacket and act like Marlon Brando. When friends tease Arthur for not being willing to fight like a man, he says, "I won't be terrorized into acting like a savage just because I was born male". The Young Gents have awakened Suze and Arthur's innermost desires, which involve fucking with their gender roles.

Please Baby Please is classified as a musical, but there are no songs. There are fantasy dance sequences filled with leather-clad men and Suze in lingerie. The movie is very kinky, despite having no sex and very few kisses. In fact, the costuming is the kinkiest part of the movie. The film feels like a stage play, with heightened dialogue that no one would use in real life and Andrea Riseborough in a snarling, unhinged performance. It's a strange, strange film that will appeal to specific tastes. I described it as  "if David Lynch directed Cruising and then that movie had a baby with John Waters' Crybaby". If you read that and know what the hell I'm talking about and it appeals to you, you'll probably like this film. 

I mentioned that Andrea Riseborough gives a crazy performance, but Harry Melling (best known for his role as Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter movies) is also wonderful as the quiet, passive Arthur who longs for the touch--and protection of--Teddy, one of the Young Gents. Yeah, this movie is queer as fuck in multiple different ways. The movie itself resists categorization even as its characters resist being categorized as one gender or another, one sexuality or another, and even one personality or another. It's a kinky celebration of ambiguity and endless possibilities. I loved it. If "queer, BDSM West Side Story" sounds appealing to you, give it a watch. 

Grade: A-

***

Mrs. Doubtfire

Chris Columbus's 1993 family film starring the late, great Robin Williams has only gotten better with age. For a movie that is about a man who dresses in drag to pose as a nanny in order to get closer to his children during a divorce, Mrs. Doubtfire has shockingly few offensive jokes. Furthermore, it's remarkable how divorce is treated in this 30 year old film. No one in this movie is truly a villain. Daniel Hillard (Williams) is a man-child whose antics drive his wife, Miranda (Sally Field), to file for divorce. Despite being a bit of a stereotype as a high-strung career woman, Miranda is not treated as a bad or unreasonable person. Even more remarkable, her potential new love interest, Stu (Pierce Brosnan), is also not a bad guy at all! If anyone in this movie is the bad guy, it's Daniel, who undermines his wife and makes her job as a parent very difficult.

It's interesting that Daniel magically becomes a better parent through the power of drag. After he transforms into the soft-spoken yet firm older woman, Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire, with the help of his makeup artist brother (Harvey Fierstein, always a welcome presence in a movie), Daniel finds it within himself to actually be a parent and not just a friend to his kids. Not only does he get them to finish their homework on time and complete their chores, he also connects with them in a way he couldn't when he was just Dad and not Doubtfire.

In the real world, Daniel's antics would probably land him in jail and would certainly result in less time with his children, not more. But through the magic of Hollywood, Miranda realizes that not only does Daniel need his kids, they need him too, and they end up sharing custody more equitably. That a slapstick comedy involving fake breasts being set on fire in one memorable scene could also have such a generous and humane approach to divorce and co-parenting is really beautiful. 

Grade: A

***

Rebel Ridge

The latest film by Jeremy Saulnier (best known for his punks vs. Nazis thriller Green Room) is a tight, action-packed movie that's also wickedly smart. Aaron Pierre plays Terry, a Black man who gets pulled over by the cops in a small town in Louisiana while biking to the court house with a backpack full of bail money to get his cousin out of jail. When the cops realize he has $36,000 cash in his backpack, they seize it, claiming that it might be drug money. This is all legal, by the way. So now Terry can't bail his cousin out and his cousin is being transported to the state prison where he is in danger because he informed on a powerful gang leader.

Terry tries to make a deal with the police chief to get the bail money (10k from the 36k), and he'll let them keep the rest--he won't go through the appeal process to repossess his own (legally acquired) assets. The chief, Sandy Burnne (played by Don Johnson), says no deal. The police see Terry as an easily swatted-away nuisance and the cash as funds they can use for their department. Turns out, Terry was in the Marines and is specially trained in close-quarters combat and if he can't ask nicely or bargain for the money back, he'll fight for it. This leads to some sick fight scenes where Terry easily disarms cops. 

I won't go into more detail because there is a lot more plot, but suffice it to say that Rebel Ridge is consistently thrilling and smart (if a bit over-the-top at times). It feels like Saulnier wanted to educate viewers about injustices in our legal system as much as he wanted to entertain them, and he strikes a good balance between dialogue explaining all the legal stuff and heart-pounding fight scenes and chase scenes. It's not as entertaining as Green Room, but it's a very solid action-thriller. 

Grade: B

***

Ingrid Goes West

Directed by Matt Spicer, Ingrid Goes West is a disturbing black comedy about a woman, the titular Ingrid (Aubrey Plaza), who has a habit of obsessing over and stalking women she doesn't know on social media. The film opens with her storming into a woman's wedding reception, screaming at her for not being invited, and pepper-spraying the woman in the face. The kicker? Ingrid was never friends with this woman--she only knew her from Instagram.

After being released from a mental health facility, Ingrid, flush with cash inherited upon her mother's death, begins stalking a new victim: Taylor Sloane (Elizabeth Olsen), an LA-based influencer. Ingrid moves to LA and begins her machinations to worm her way into Taylor's life, which involve kidnapping Taylor's dog and then returning it, much to the relief and gratitude of Taylor and her husband, Ezra (Wyatt Russell). 

At first, it seems like things are working out for Ingrid. Taylor is also a bit crazy and reckless, as well as fake (she's a social media influencer, after all), so she's a good match for Ingrid's unstable personality. But when Taylor's sociopathic brother, Nicky (Billy Magnussen), comes to town, he sniffs Ingrid out for the bullshit artist she is immediately.

Y'all, this is a dark movie. It's delightfully nasty, and actually fairly sympathetic towards Ingrid even though she is legit terrifying. Ingrid Goes West skewers the Instagrammable lives that influencers live and shows that even though she's more mentally stable and socially acceptable, Taylor is, in many ways, just as big of a liar and a fraud as Ingrid is. A very dark and uncomfortable movie, Ingrid Goes West hurts so good.

Grade: B+

***

Speak No Evil (2024)

James Watkins' Speak No Evil is a remake of a Danish film that came out only two years ago (which I reviewed here). Understandably, cinephiles were confused and bemused about why a remake of an already solid film was necessary at all, let alone within such a short time period. Some wrote it off as a cynical cash grab.

I do agree that it was not strictly "necessary" to remake Speak No Evil...but, honestly, the remake is pretty fun. It makes some massive changes to the final third that will possibly infuriate people who loved the bleakness of the original, but it still makes for a fun thriller. 

The film follows an American couple, Louise (Mackenzie Davis) and Ben (Scoot McNairy) Dalton, who move to London with their 12 year old daughter, Agnes (Alix West Lefler). The family meets another family while on vacation. Paddy (James McAvoy) is a bit of a macho boor, but his wife Ciara (Aisling Franciosi) is sweet and their son Ant (Dan Hough) gets along with Agnes so the two families spend a good amount of time together while on vacation. Paddy and Ciara invite the Daltons to their farmhouse for a long weekend and, despite some trepidation, they decide to go.

To make a long story short, once they arrive, Paddy and Ciara (especially Paddy) begin pushing the Daltons' boundaries. First, in small(ish) ways, like encouraging vegetarian Louise to eat a bite of the prize goose Paddy butchered and cooked for dinner. But soon, the boundary-punishing moves from odd to irritating to dangerous and the otherwise accommodating Daltons are forced to fight back.

The premise at the core of both the original and remake is that some people (or some cultures, as the original was a specific commentary on Danish politeness) prize politeness and not wanting to cause a scene over their own comfort and even their own lives. The original took this premise to an extreme (and, in my opinion, more realistic) conclusion whereas the remake suggests that there is a breaking point where people will fight back. 

The original is the better horror film because it truly leans into horror in a way the more "Americanized" remake does not. The remake is the better thriller because it's more, well, thrilling, to see victims fight back. So, both films are good, it just depends on what you're in the mood to watch: a bleak, nihilistic fable about the dangers of having weak boundaries, or a popcorn thriller about people overcoming their own fear to fight back against their enemies?

Grade: B

***

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father

I had heard that this documentary, directed by Kurt Kuenne, is one of the most heartbreaking movies of all time. I'm not sure whether it's better to go in knowing the whole story or not, but either way, Dear Zachary will absolutely break your heart. The rumors are indeed true. This is a difficult movie. 

The elevator pitch is that the director's longtime friend, Andrew Bagby, was found murdered in Keystone State Park in Pennsylvania. The most obvious suspect was Andrew's on-again, off-again girlfriend, Shirley Turner, who fled to Newfoundland after the murder. Due to various failures in the Canadian justice system, Shirley was released on bail and not immediately extradited to the United States. But it gets worse...Shirley was pregnant with Andrew's baby.

So, you have a very likely murderer living free and raising a helpless child. Kuenne began the documentary as a gift to Zachary, the child. He interviews numerous friends and family about Andrew, who was deeply beloved. He also documents Andrew's parents' agony at having to share custody of their grandson with their son's likely murderer...a woman who is also deeply disturbed. The fear and rage are unimaginable.

But that's not the end of the story. You'll have to watch this excellent documentary (or read spoilers) to find out what happens. Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father is one of the rawest, most emotional docs I've seen. The good news is that the film lead to some reform of Canada's justice system so that others will be more protected in the future.

Grade: A

***

The Road to Wellville

I recently revisited this very bizarre and poop-filled sex comedy (you heard that right), which I was kind of obsessed with as a young teen. I was obsessed with it because I had a crush on Matthew Broderick, who has a lead role in the movie, but the film's wacky horniness was also...intriguing...to me at that age. 

The movie, based on the novel by T.C. Boyle, is a fictionalized take on the life and work of John Harvey Kellogg (Anthony Hopkins). Kellogg was a real person and he was obsessed with clean living. He ran a health clinic in Battle Creek, Michigan and was a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian who was a vegetarian long before it was a common thing to be. He was also extremely anti-masturbation to the point where he recommended genital mutilation as a way of deterring children from masturbating. That part is thankfully not in the movie.

The movie centers around a couple, Will and Eleanor Lightbody (Broderick and Bridget Fonda), who arrive at the good doctor's clinic to help Will fix his stomach troubles. The prescription is abstinence from sex (including with one's spouse), a wholesome diet of grains and produce, and enemas. Lots and lots and lots of enemas. The Lightbody's are separated and make the acquaintances of several people who tempt them into extramarital activities. The thesis of the film seems to be that the repression of sex leads to obsession, a belief I can get behind.

Behind? Get it? Hahahah

The Road to Wellville is a movie that is both kinky and wacky. A strange, though not unprecedented, combination (check out Exit to Eden for another kinky/wacky movie). I personally really like it, especially Anthony Hopkins as Kellogg. It reminds me a bit of one of my favorite movies, Quills. Both movies take a real historical figure who was abusive and sick (Kellogg in Wellville and the Maquis de Sade in Quills) and clean them up for the screen, making them seem relatively harmless.

But unlike Quills, I can't in good conscience call The Road to Wellville a "good" movie. Which makes it hard to grade because I like it, but it's objectively a pretty bad film. So we'll leave it at a C+. 

Grade: C+

***

Apartment 7A

Oh, man, what a disappointing movie. Perhaps even more so because I had a feeling it would be disappointing. Directed by Natalie Erika James and going straight to streaming on Paramount, Apartment 7A is a prequel to Rosemary's Baby. Before Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse moved into the Bramford apartment building and were drawn into the machinations of a coven of witches, there was Terry Gionoffrio. There's a scene in Rosemary's Baby where Rosemary briefly speaks to Terry, a dancer who lives with kooky older couple, Minnie and Roman Castevet, in the laundry room. Terry mentions that the older couple were kind enough to help her get off the street and off of drugs. A day later, the Woodhouse's come home to see that Terry has jumped out of a window of the Bramford to her death. 

Apartment 7A is Terry's story. And I apologize if the above is a spoiler, but Rosemary's Baby came out 55 years ago, so the statue of limitations on spoilers is up. I LOVE Rosemary's Baby, so I was curious to watch Apartment 7A and see how it expanded on the story. The result is very meh. The acting and production are good, but the story is just mediocre and rushes headlong into a very anti-climactic ending. The one thing I enjoyed about the film was Dianne Wiest as Minnie Castevet. The incomparable Ruth Gordon played Minnie in the original film and it was delightful to see Wiest try her hand at the iconic role. She gets the accent, the mannerisms, and the ability to switch from slightly nosy but sweet old lady to dismissive, cruel, and calculating old lady down pat. Kevin McNally as Roman Castevet was very good too. 

But unlike Rosemary's Baby, where Rosemary slowly puts the pieces together about a conspiracy to have her give birth to the antichrist, Apartment 7A has Terry find out because a nun tells her what's going on like 10 minutes before the movie ends. She puts a few clues together, but there isn't that sense of creeping dread and paranoia that infused the original film. Rosemary's Baby has no jump scares and no gore...just endless dread (and misogyny). Apartment 7A has nothing. Skip it unless you're a huge fan of the original and want to see another gifted actress step into the shoes of Minnie Castevet.

Grade: C

The Substance

I knew going into Coralie Fargeat's The Substance that I would be in for a wild ride. However, nothing could prepare me for the bat-shit insane, delightfully disgusting movie I would experience over the next 2.5 hours.

The Substance stars Demi Moore as Elisabeth Sparkle, a once wildly popular fitness star/award-winning actress (think Jane Fonda) who is now 50 years old. She still has her own fitness TV show, but the head of the channel, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), wants a new, hot, and--especially important--young star to replace Elisabeth. He fires Elisabeth, who is devastated. 

But Elisabeth learns about a mysterious "substance" from a young, eerily attractive doctor who slips her a USB stick after a hospital visit. The Substance promises that if you take it, a new, younger, better you will be created. The only catch is that the old you and the new you have to switch bodies every 7 days "without exception". Elisabeth calls the hotline on the USB device and places her order.

What follows is some of the most disgusting, evocative, and weirdly sexy body horror you could possibly imagine. Elisabeth takes the Substance and creates a devastatingly gorgeous version of herself (Margaret Qualley). This new version goes by the name "Sue" and applies for the role of Elisabeth's replacement. She is immediately hired. Sue receives fawning attention due to her looks and the new fitness show she heads up ("Pump It Up...with Sue") quickly becomes the most popular show on the channel.

Despite the fact that Sue/Elisabeth are supposed to switch bodies every 7 days, Sue begins "stealing" time from Elisabeth. This results in Elisabeth looking a little more old and gnarled each time Sue finally allows Elisabeth to wake up and take her turn. Keep in mind that Sue and Elisabeth are the same person--they share the same brain and same memories, so Sue fucking over Elisabeth is really just Elisabeth fucking over Elisabeth. But even both Sue and Elisabeth have to be reminded that they are the same goddamned person by the guy on the other end of the Substance hotline every time they call to complain about the other one. 

If the themes explored in The Substance sound a bit "on the nose", well, yes. This is the kind of movie that blows past subtly to make its point. It reminded me of a fairytale. A very modern, very gross fairytale. And the movie leans HARD into body horror, in ways both large and small. The entire film is gross and unsettling, From a scene of Harvey eating shrimp in glorious closeup near the beginning of the movie, to the many, many, MANY scenes of needles being injected into infected skin, The Substance is truly not for the faint of heart. And the climax of the film is basically if Cronenberg's The Fly had a very disgusting baby with Peter Jackson's Dead Alive. 

In addition to being gross, The Substance is also very funny and very sad. It's so over the top, that it's often hilarious even at its grossest parts. But the core of the film, which is that women are taught that the only "lovable" thing about them is their youth and beauty, is devastating. There's a scene where Elisabeth is asked out by an old classmate of hers, Fred, who believes her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and is struck speechless when she agrees to go to dinner with him. But as she tries to leave her apartment to meet him, she sees a billboard of Sue and becomes disgusted by her current state of being old and ugly (obviously, this is Demi Moore, who is gorgeous...but you have to understand that this perception is from the character's warped viewpoint). She furiously wipes her makeup off and stands up poor Fred.

As over-the-top as the gore and body horror is, The Substance is dead-on in its portrayal of how women are treated as they age, particularly women in show business. The core of hurt at the center of the film is so honest and I can't imagine a woman alive who wouldn't recognize those feelings of external and internal shame at not being pretty or sexy or youthful enough. We intellectually know it's bullshit, but the forces of capitalism, misogyny, and media are so strong that it's hard not to judge ourselves and judge other women.

In addition to being about beauty standards, The Substance is also about addiction. Even though Sue is only hurting herself each time she steal extra time from Elisabeth, she cannot help herself. She is addicted to her beauty and the power and attention that comes with it. When Elisabeth, now a gnarled old woman with white hair and age spots, calls the Substance hotline to complain about Sue, they tell her that she can stop, but her body will remain in its current state. She says, dejectedly, that she can't stop. She can't imagine life as herself now without the benefit of being able to spend time as Sue. The sunk-cost fallacy of her own damaging behavior and the bone-deep fear of living without her drug of youth and beauty is familiar to anyone who has been addicted to, well, a substance. Even the name of the film brings to mind terms like "substance abuse" and "substance use disorder"...and, in fact, Elisabeth has the option to moderate her intake. If she follows the protocol to switch bodies every week, the balance will be maintained and she will be able to enjoy the benefits of being Sue. Any alcoholic or drug user that tells themselves "just 2 beers tonight" will understand how laughable it is to be limited to "just a little" of the drug of our choice. Oh, and those scenes of injections into infected skin definitely reminded me of Requiem for a Dream.

All three leads--Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, and Dennis Quaid--are SO incredibly good here. Dennis Quaid leans into being a misogynist who is both nasty and pathetic. The joke is that he is over 50 and gross (way grosser than Elisabeth), but since he has all the power he can do what he wants. Margaret Qualley is not only drop-dead gorgeous, she's also able to play mean and selfish really well. She is simply a younger Elisabeth stealing time from herself and feeling disgust at her older self. Who among us hasn't felt that internal prick of self-loathing as we get older and see those wrinkles and sags form? It's only human! And Demi Moore is heartbreakingly vulnerable as a woman who has built her career and wealth with her body, only for time to do its thing and decrease her value (in the eyes of society/the media) even as she remains fit and beautiful beyond her years. This is the definition of a vanity-free role for Moore as the camera lingers on her wrinkles and less-than-perfect butt (only in comparison to Qualley's supernaturally perfect butt), but also as she gets more and more desperate as she begins borrowing time from herself, thus causing herself to become even older and even uglier. 

The Substance is a hell of a movie. When I say it's gross, I am not kidding. If you have issues with needles in particular, or just a weak stomach in general, probably best to skip this one. But if body horror appeals to you or you're just willing to take a risk on a movie that will probably make your jaw drop in horror and astonishment, it's worth checking out. It will very likely be on my top 10 of the year.

Grade: A

Stuff I watched in...July and August, 2024

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched is a 3+ hour documentary directed by Kier-La Janisse about the history of folk horror (particularly in film, TV, and books). It took me two days to watch it and I LOVED it. The doc is broken into chapters and covers the "Unholy Trinity" of classic folk horror films (The Wicker Man, Witchfinder General, and The Blood on Satan's Claw) before delving into folk horror from the British Isles, the United States, and around the world.

If you're at all interested in folk horror, folklore, or witchy things, this documentary will be right up your alley. It features interviews with academics, directors, and actors and gave me a huge list of films to check out. It inspired me to rewatch The Wicker Man, and I feel like I had a deeper appreciation for the film the second time around.

It also has a gorgeous poster. It's streaming on Shudder and Amazon Prime, so check it out if you are able!

Grade: A

***

Hacks (TV series)

After hearing over and over how amazing this comedy (streaming on HBO/Max) is, I had to check it out. I was not disappointed. Hacks is a beautiful mix of drama and comedy, centered on the relationship between young comedy writer Ava (Hannah Einbinder), and veteran comedian Deborah Vance (Jean Smart). Ava is looking for work after getting in trouble for some political tweets and Deborah is (whether she admits it or not) stuck in a rut in a Las Vegas residency doing tired Boomer-humor type jokes about men not putting the toilet seat down. Their shared agent, Jimmy (Paul W. Downs), pairs them together and of course they fight like cats and dogs even as they bring out the best in each other.

Hacks is often hilarious, but also occasionally devastating. Covering topics as wide-ranging as addiction, suicide, narcissism, familial alienation, and sexual assault, Hacks delivers serious gut-punches along with belly laughs. Jean Smart is phenomenal as Deborah Vance (a character inspired by comedians like Joan Rivers), a truly selfish woman who HAD to be selfish and ruthless to be taken seriously in cut-throat show business. Just when you think she's gone too far and you genuinely hate her, she'll do or say something to remind you that she's a human who has gone through an incredible amount of heartbreak. 

Hacks is a top-notch show that puts women front and center. I definitely recommend it.

Grade: A

***

Night of the Living Dead

What a disappointment. George Romero's first film and the granddaddy of the "slow zombies" genre, Night of the Living Dead is a historically important film (though it's important to point out that it is not the first film to feature zombies. Movies with zombies date back to the early 1930s). It's also a film that features an African-American lead (Duane Jones, the best thing about the movie) in a cast of white actors, which was still not very common in 1968. 

However, Night of the Living Dead is boring. It's very slow and not much happens. The majority of the movie takes place in a house where a group of people gather to avoid the cannibalistic, slow-walking undead ghouls outside. The group inside the house--two sets of couples, a daughter, Ben (Jones), and Barbara (Judith O'Dea)--listen to radio reports about the "ghouls" (the word "zombie" is never mentioned in the movie), bicker, and try to figure out a way to escape and drive to a rescue center. What can I say? It's a slow movie, the acting isn't very good (again, except for Jones who at least brings some emotion to his role), and the characters are mostly unlikeable and annoying.

Again, the movie is historically important and I don't regret watching it...but I doubt I'll watch it again. 

Grade: C

***

Hannibal

Ugh. I heard that Hannibal, the ill-advised sequel to The Silence of the Lambs, was bad. But this bad? 

Hannibal is a rare film that manages to be both campy and boring. Taking place 10 years after the events of The Silence of the Lambs, Clarice Starling (played by Julianne Moore) is an FBI Special Agent. After taking the blame for a botched drug raid, Starling is contacted by Mason Verger (Gary Oldman, under 30 pounds of makeup), a disfigured man who is the only surviving victim of Hannibal Lecter. Lecter is still on the lam after escaping police custody a decade prior and Verger wants to use Starling to lure Lecter out of hiding. So he can torture Lecter to death by being eaten alive by hogs. Just normal things. 

Upon hearing about the botched drug raid, Lecter does indeed reach out to Starling and the two engage in a cat-and-mouse game, which also feels very much like flirting. Hannibal really wants to be a fucked up romance and it falls flat because...gross (also, we know that Hannibal Lecter's truest love is Will Graham, not Clarice Starling). 

Hannibal features some truly disgusting things, such as self-cannibalism, death by wild hog, and disembowelment. But what it doesn't feature is a compelling story. It also makes a mockery of the feminist empowerment of The Silence of the Lambs. It reduces Clarice Starling to a failure who is mocked and manipulated by men. Watching Starling reduced to a damsel in distress in Hannibal is 10 times more sickening than watching Ray Liotta eat a piece of his own brain. 

Skip this one and watch literally any other piece of media featuring Hannibal Lecter instead. Especially the show Hannibal.

Grade: C-

***

The Mummy (1999)

Of course this wasn't the first time I watched the movie that launched a million bisexuals. I actually saw The Mummy in theaters when it first came out in 1999 and had two intense feelings about it: 1) Goddamn, Brendan Fraser is hot, and 2) Fuck those flesh-eating scarabs. 

I probably watched it a few more times in the early 2000s, but it's definitely been at least a decade and a half since I last saw it. Rewatching it now, 25 years after its initial release, I can safely say that it still fucks. It's thrilling, funny, and just a fun time in general. It's not particularly scary, but I think The Mummy was always advertised as more of an action movie than a horror movie. Brenda Fraser is still extremely hot, as is Rachel Weisz as the charming librarian Evelyn. 

There's really nothing else to say. If you haven't seen The Mummy, you definitely should. However, you really needed to be a 15 year old seeing The Mummy in theaters (or at a sleepover) in 1999-2000 to actually "get it". It's lightning in a bottle in that way, and anyone outside of those parameters will never experience The Mummy the way that Millennials of a certain age experienced it.

Grade: B+

***

The Inspection

Directed by Elegance Bratton and based on his experience of being kicked out of his home as a teenager for coming out as gay and joining the Marines a decade later, The Inspection is a deeply personal film. 

Jeremy Pope plays Ellis French, a homeless young man who joins the Marines during the height of the Iraq War. While Ellis is physically able to get through bootcamp, he is unable to hide his homosexuality and becomes the object of torment from the other recruits and one particularly nasty training instructor, Leland Laws (Bokeem Woodbine). 

Ellis' doggedness to make it through bootcamp, no matter the physical and mental cost, is fueled by a desire to be held in high esteem by his mother, Inez (Gabrielle Union), a women who truly meets the definition of the word "cunt". Inez seems to take deep, personal offense to the fact that Ellis is gay. She kicked him out of the house, leading Ellis to be homeless for years. Even after Ellis completes bootcamp, Inez throws a fit after finding out that the Marines didn't make him straight. Union is GREAT in this role because she really, really makes you hate her.

What's interesting is that Bratton dedicated The Inspection to his mother, whom he calls out by name and with a family photo at the end of the movie. I truly do not know if this is a genuine act of love or an enormous "fuck you" to his mom because we just watched a woman reject her child in ways both cruel and stupid. The viewer is primed to think of this woman as lower than a worm crushed under a boot, and here Bratton is dedicating a movie to her. I kinda think this is a back-handed slap to his mother and I'm very ok with that. 

In terms of how the actual movie is, it's good! Just very, very difficult to watch. Ellis nearly dies as a result of hazing, but ultimately comes to earn the respect of his fellow recruits by both handling his torment with grace, and by beating up the biggest bully. The Inspection ends on an emotionally ambiguous note. Ellis is accepted (at least publicly) by his fellow recruits and even the cruelest training instructor, but is rejected by the one person whose opinion he cares about. I think there is a message in here about self-acceptance, but honestly the movie is just very sad and shows how people might end up in the Marines not because they care about serving their country, but because they don't have other options. 

Grade: B+

*** 

Storm of the Century

This made for TV miniseries was written by Stephen King and contains some classic King tropes: it's set on a small, close-knit island in Maine and has this general feeling of Boomer nostalgia: everyone knows everyone's business, but also people look out for one another. But then, King turns this nostalgia on its head when a stranger--Andre Linoge (Colm Feore)--shows up and murders an old woman right before the island is hit with...you guessed it...the (snow) storm of the century.

Linoge happens to know everyone's secrets, from illegal marijuana trade to an undisclosed abortion. He freaks out the whole town as Constable Mike Anderson (Tim Daly) takes Linoge on a perp walk to the one jail cell on the island. From this cell, Linoge is able to control the minds and actions of people on the island, causing them to commit atrocities they would never even contemplate under normal circumstances. Linoge says repeatedly "Give me what I want and I will go away". When he reveals what it is that he wants, it's an absolutely devastating request that threatens to tear the community apart...or bring them together to get rid of this supernatural man who has come to torment them.

Storm of the Century is...fine. It's got a cozy feeling to it, but it didn't need to be 4 hours long. It could have easily been 2 hours and gotten the same message across. Interestingly, director Mike Flanagan (a HUGE Stephen King fan) said that this series inspired his own series Midnight Mass, which, in my opinion, is superior to Storm of the Century.

Grade: B-

***

Drive-Away Dolls

Directed by Ethan Cohen and co-written by Cohen and his wife, Tricia Cooke, Drive-Away Dolls is a delightful, if not very substantial, wisp of a film. Clocking in at 84 minutes, the film feels like it was edited down from a longer cut. But despite the fact that there's not much "there" there, Drive-Away Dolls is sweet, funny, and an easy watch.

The year is 1999. Jamie (Margaret Qualley) and Marian (Geraldine Viswanathan) are friends even though it seems like the only thing they have in common is that they're both lesbians. Jamie is outgoing, party-hearty, and very sexual whereas Marian is introverted, bookish, and hasn't slept with anyone since she broke up with her girlfriend 3 years ago.

After Jamie gets dumped by her girlfriend, Sukie (Beanie Feldstein), she convinces Marian to take her to Tallahassee, Florida since Marian is traveling there anyway to visit her aunt. Jamie thinks that a road trip and change of scenery will do both of them good. They decide to travel using a drive-away car (basically, a one-way car rental where you're delivering the car to a specific location). It just so happens that there is a car that needs to be in Tallahassee pronto at the drive-away service Marian and Jamie patronize. But what they DON'T know is that two goons were supposed to pick up the car because it contains precious goods in the trunk. 

So now they are on the road from Philadelphia to Tallahassee with two goons on their tail. They're carrying something in the trunk that powerful people will pay good money for and they don't even know it...until they find the briefcase in the spare tire well after getting a flat tire. And what is inside will shock you.

I think Drive-Away Dolls disappointed some folks who were expecting a much better movie. I went in with low expectations and was delighted at this light, lesbian, comic caper. It's a goofy little film that's perfect to watch if you're feeling down or don't want to think too hard. And Qualley and Viswanathan are both delightful.

Grade: B