Unorthodox Desires

Movies: Disobedience

In the opening scene of Sebastian Lelio's film Disobedience (based on the novel by Naomi Alderman), an elderly rabbi speaks to a congregation of Orthodox Jews about how God created the angels to have no will of their own, the beasts of the earth to be driven by instinct, and mankind to have the "privilege and burden" of choice. Man alone, the rabbi stresses, can choose to disobey. In the middle of his speech, the rabbi collapses and the film's title fills the screen.

This "privilege and burden" of free will is at the crux of many world religions. The idea that if one is faithful to God, one will obey...but that obedience will never be easy. Temptations and trials fill the path of the righteous and even if one's religious beliefs include complete forgiveness of all sin, the expectation is that one will at least try to obey. But what happens when religious expectations crash up against not just human desire but human identity?

The elderly rabbi who collapses at the beginning of the film is Rav Krushka, a giant of the local Orthodox community (the film takes place in London). Although the obituary in the newspaper says the rabbi left no children, this is not true. He left an estranged daughter, Ronit (Rachel Weisz), who left the faith a decade before and moved to New York to become a photographer. Ronit receives a phone call letting her know of the death and when she returns to London she is greeted coldly by old friends and family who are suspicious of her. A childhood friend and successor to the rabbi, Dovid Kuperman (Alessandro Nivola), begrudgingly allows her to stay at his house and it turns out he is married to another childhood friend of Ronit's--Esti (Rachel McAdams, about as far from Regina George as she'll even get).

It's revealed that when Esti and Ronit were younger, they engaged in a romance until they were discovered by Ronit's father. Ronit left the faith and Esti quickly married Dovid. This affair was an open secret in the community so now that Ronit has returned, there are whispers about how she'll be a "distraction" to Esti.

Spoiler alert: she ends up being a distraction to Esti.

Disobedience is what we might call an "intimate drama". It focuses less on plot and more on relationships and emotions. Much of the film is shot in tight close-ups, capturing the incredibly subtle emotions of people like Esti and Dovid who have been raised to not express passionate feelings, whether they are sexual feelings or feelings of anger and rage. The women in the film wear the traditional wigs of Orthdox wives: long, silky black or brown hair that in Esti's case covers half her face. Esti and the other Orthodox women also where layers and layers of black or dark clothing so that nothing but their faces and hands are exposed. Even Ronit who is no longer part of their community has long black hair and wears the black layers of a chic New Yorker.

The conservative clothes and tights close-ups make the film feel simultaneously cozy and suffocating--mirroring what a strict religious community would feel like. There's the intimacy and safety of being surrounded by people who support and love you, while also knowing that every misstep will be observed and commented on.

Disobedience doesn't offer any easy answers and doesn't really have any good guys or bad guys. Dovid, Esti's husband, for example, is not abusive. He's also not that great. Despite being childhood friends, their marriage is lukewarm at best. Director Leilo makes sure to hammer this home by showing a scene where Esti and Dovid make love and then later a scene where Ronit and Esti make love in a hotel room and one of the scenes is not just hotter, but way more vital. If you compare sex to food, Esti's sex with her husband is like a cup of watery gruel whereas her sex with Ronit is a Thanksgiving feast.

I found Disobedience to be a tad cliche in some parts, especially the final third. Esti and Dovid's complacency and passivity came off as if they were in the throughs of deep depression where nothing mattered (maybe that's the point? If so, is the director suggesting that Orthodox Jews are by nature deeply depressed? Or just Orthodox Jews in loveless marriages?) Unfortunately, the way the characters were written--even the rebellious Ronit to an extent--gave the film a lethargy and the sense that the stakes were actually pretty low.

Something that I enjoyed about Disobedience is that it drops you into the Orthodox Jewish community and doesn't over explain anything. It expects YOU to figure out what "frum" means and to understand when Esti takes off her wig the first time. I have a passing knowledge of Jewish culture, but I certainly felt like there were things I wasn't picking up on--and that was fine by me because it made the whole thing feel *real* and more, well, voyeuristic to be honest.

Fans of queer cinema should check out Disobedience (and also Leilo's film from last year, A Fantastic Woman, which is supposed to be great but I haven't seen it yet). Additionally, anyone who likes the Rachels McAdams and Weisz will be in for a treat since these two women are excellent. But my general impression with this film is that while it was beautiful and intimate, it was underwhelming.

Grade: B

Mother Nature

Movies: Tully

Motherhood often seems like a rigged game, doesn't it? Women who become mothers do the lion's share of the work of raising a child: everything from pushing the baby out their vagina (or undergoing major surgery to get it out) and feeding it with their bodies to cooking, cleaning, and chauffeuring. Yet mothers are judged so harshly. Take a sip of alcohol while pregnant or breastfeeding? You're a selfish monster. Don't have time to cook fresh, organic meals? Clearly you don't care about Junior's health. Yell at your kid? You're obviously an abusive bitch. And all of this work and judgement with very little support. The United States is one of the worst first-world countries for paternal leave.

And then if you don't decide to have kids? Well, you're also a selfish bitch. Your choice to not reproduce is a direct challenge to all those overworked mothers everywhere.

Written by Diablo Cody and directed by Jason Reitman, the team behind the overrated Juno and the underrated Young Adult comes the perfectly rated Tully. A funny, dark, surprising, and often devastating film about motherhood.

Charlize Theron stars as Marlo, a mom of two with a third on the way at the movie's start. Her husband, Drew (Ron Livingston) is well-meaning, but often absent: he works long hours, takes frequent business trips, and then zones out playing first-person shooter video games with headphones on at night. He's not a bad husband or father, he's just...not present.

So Marlo's rich brother, Craig (Mark Duplass in a small and very Duplassian role) offers to gift the couple a night nanny to help when the baby arrives. At first, Marlo resists, thinking that night nannies are creepy and bougie. But a few weeks after her baby girl is born, Marlo is desperate for help. Tully (Mackenzie Davis, who is great in everything) shows up and Marlo's world changes overnight--literally. She wakes up from her first restful night in forever to a clean house.

Although Marlo is skeptical of the very young and very Manic Pixie Dream Girl-ish Tully, the two quickly become close. Weirdly close, one might say. The movie takes some surprising turns that I already knew about going in--it was fun listening to the audience I was with react to some of the scenes. (Which I won't spoil in this review).

Tully isn't perfect--the resolution seemed to come too quickly and was tied up a little too neatly. And the character of Tully really *is* kind of a Manic Pixie cliche, although the nature of the relationship (mom and nanny, as opposed to boyfriend and girlfriend) really fucked with that trope nicely.

But my general impression was that Tully is a rare film to show motherhood for what it really is: exhausting, often thankless work. Yes, you experience the joy of raising children, but honestly...joy doesn't get up at night and feed the baby. Joy doesn't change diapers. Joy doesn't soothe chafed nipples. The idea that mothers should be paid in "joy" is absurd. The idea that a mother can and should shoulder so many emotional and physical burdens alone is absurd. The idea that if a mother isn't happy all the time, she's clearly a callous, unnatural woman is utterly absurd and dehumanizing to women. Women are people first. We're not baby machines.

You know what else our culture of motherhood in the US does? It pits women against each other. It pits moms against non-moms and moms against other moms. It suggests that one's life choices are a judgement on another's. And women are already fucked over more than men as it is.

I don't want kids. I never have and, despite people saying my biological clock will start ticking any day now, the older I get the *less* I want children. But I see a place for myself as a childfree adult in a culture that works moms to death. Children aren't raised just by their parents--they need other adults in their lives that they can look to and trust. Overworked moms and dads *need* a support system, and childfree adults can help build that net of support. Just because we're childfree (not child-less, mind you) doesn't mean we don't understand the fulfillment children bring to not just their parents, but to their communities. And on the flip side, just because someone is a parent doesn't mean that the don't have an identity of their own anymore.

Tully celebrates that interdependence we've been told we don't need when it comes to raising kids. It challenges the lie that parents and especially moms should be able to do all the work of raising kids AND STILL go to work, have a social life, have great sex, have a bangin' body. Fuck that. We need each other to lean on. We're human beings, for chrissakes. Don't let our fucked up culture of parenthood tear us apart rather than bring us together. If not for ourselves, then for our children.

Grade: A