Oh my lord, it's been a while. But rest assured, I have been steadily consuming media to review for your enjoyment. Since I have such a hefty backlog, I'm sticking to very short reviews. Enjoy!
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Beauty and the Beast
I was pleasantly surprised by the live remake of Beauty and the Beast. It probably helped that my expectations were pretty low going in. The film hits on all the nostalgia factors when the characters break into songs like "Belle", "Be Our Guest", and "Something There" (I didn't particularly care for the new songs written for the movie). Also: Luke Evans as Gaston is all that.
Grade: B
Glorious.
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Loving
Loving is understated biopic about the Loving v. Virginia Supreme Court decision of 1967 that overturned anti-miscegenation laws in the United States. The love story of taciturn Richard Loving and quietly strong Mildred Loving is a subtle one. These humble, hard-working people are the definition of "salt of the earth" all-Americans. Mildred just happened to be black and Richard white. The film is, to be honest, not particularly exciting or memorable, but it is powerful and reveals how foolish and unjust the anti-interracial marriage laws were back in the day...and also reminds us how attitudes still haven't changed enough.
Grade: B
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Death Bed: The Bed That Eats
Death Bed: The Bed That Eats is exactly what you think it is. It's a MST3K-worthy, hilariously awful mid-1970s "horror" film (I use the term loosely, since the film inspires more laughter than horror) about a bed that is alive and eats people by digesting them in a yellow liquid that looks suspiciously like urine. The movie looks smelly, if that makes sense. Perhaps because it stars a bunch of long-haired hippie types who look like they could use a bath. There are gratuitous boobies, a scene where the bed eats just a guy's hands so that he ends up with skeleton hands, and a backstory about a sleeping demon. In other words: I *highly* recommend this movie.
Grade: F+
ugh, I hate it when a bed eats my hands!
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The Gift
Not to be confused with the sleeper 2015 thriller directed by Joel Edgerton, The Gift is a 2000 film that just OOZES late 1990s atmosphere. I mean, it has all your favorite actors of the late 90s: Cate Blanchett, Keanu Reeves, Hilary Swank, Katie Holmes, Giovanni Ribisi you guys!!!
Blanchett stars as Annie, a single mom living in Georgia who reads fortunes for extra money. She has "a gift" (get it). But when a character is murdered, she has to testify about how she was able to lead the cops to the site of the dead body.
Despite being directed by Sam Raimi, The Gift isn't very good. But if you're looking for a random trip down memory lane, you could do worse (for example, by watching Disturbing Behavior).
Grade: C+
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The D Train
The D Train stars Jack Black as the overly eager chair of his high school's reunion committee who discovers that a fellow alumnus, James Mardsen, went on to "become famous" by being in a Banana Boat commercial. Black's wildly uncool character thinks that if he can convince Mardsen's character to attend the reunion, everyone will see Black as a hero and super cool guy.
Sounds like a dumb Jack Black movie, right? Well, there's one plot point that makes The D Train both unique and just...fucking bizarre...and to reveal it might mean spoiling what's sure to be a shock to many viewers. So stop reading now and skip to the next review if you don't want to know...
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Black and Mardsen get super high and drunk and fuck about 1/3 into the movie. Even though Black's character isn't gay and is married.
Surprisingly, The D Train isn't homophobic, like one might assume given its twist. Black's character is so in awe of Mardsen's that you kind of get why an otherwise hetero guy, pumped full of liquor and coke, might end up in bed with another man. And his confusion about why he did it and what it means leads to a confrontation at the reunion (Mardsen ends up...coming [see what I did there]) that will leave you squirming in the awkwardness of it all.
I'm not sure I can fully recommend The D Train, but I can say that was weird as hell.
Grade: B-
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The People Vs. OJ Simpson
The People Vs. OJ Simpson: An American Crime Story is absolute fucking perfection in every way. I binged all 10 episodes in two days and enjoyed each one. I would pause the show to Google things like "Mark Furhman racist?" and "Marcia Clark Christopher Darden hook up?" in order to learn more as I watched (the answers, respectively, are "hell yes" and "probably not, but it's fun to imagine").
The best thing about the series is how it deals with race issue at the heart of Simpson trial. It comes down to this: yes, the LAPD was/is hella racist and a disproportionate number of black men were/are in prison for minor crimes and ALSO yes, OJ was guilty as hell. Chris Darden, in a confrontation with Johnny Cochran in the last episode sums it up by explaining that "they" (the cops and the justice system) will continue to put black people in prison...unless said black person owns a home in Brentwood. Wealth and fame overcome race.
Just watch it. It's truly a work of art.
Grade: A+
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Until next time, adieu!
