Stuff I watched in...October, 2024 (oops, all scaries!)

Regular readers know that horror is my favorite genre. However, my focus this month was exclusively on horror and thriller ("oops, all scaries") films. And the first one on this list is one of the scariest movies I've seen in a hot minute.

Oddity

I was very impressed by this Irish horror film directed by Damian McCarthy. Not only is it genuinely watch-through-your-fingers terrifying, it's also just a dang good movie!

(Spoilers ahead)

Carolyn Bracken plays Dani Odello-Timmis, a woman renovating an old country house with her psychiatrist husband, Ted (Gwilym Lee). One night, while she is home alone, a man knocks on the door and begs to be let in. He claims he saw another man enter the house while Dani was looking for something in her car. Dani isn't sure what to believe. This man looks deranged, but he is insistent.

We cut to a year later and find out that Dani was murdered--presumably by the man at the door, a patient named Olin Boole (Tadhg Murphy) who was recently released from the psychiatric hospital where Ted works. Ted has moved on. Not only does he live in the house where his wife was murdered, he also has a new girlfriend. When he receives a visit from his wife's twin sister, Darcy (also played by Carolyn Bracken), a blind woman who owns a curiosity shop and claims to have psychic powers, he's more than a little annoyed. But Darcy has a shocking piece of information: Olin Boole is not the man who killed Ted's wife.

Oddity has great acting (especially Bracken playing the twin sisters), a great story, and absolutely terrific scares. No movie has scared me like this one in a very long time. The atmosphere is unsettling, the feeling of dread is thick, and as a bonus, Darcy brings a very, very creepy wooden mannequin with her when she visits Ted. 

Grade: A

***

Caveat

After watching Oddity, I wanted to watch Damian McCarthy's first feature-length film. Caveat has a really interesting premise, but is ultimately a little too boring and slow for my taste (it felt long at 88 minutes). Jonathan French plays Isaac, a down on his luck man who takes a job "babysitting" his old landlord's adult niece, who lives alone on an island and has catatonic spells. The landlord, Moe (Ben Caplan), explains that he's just nervous to leave his niece alone when she's catatonic and he'll give Isaac $200 a day just to hang out with her. Isaac wonders what the catch is.

Well, the catch is that Isaac has to be locked into a vest that is connected to a chain that is staked into the cement floor in the basement. He can wander around the house, but the chain prevents him from going into the niece's bedroom. She's terrified of a man attacking her (so says Moe)...so this is the caveat (ha) that Isaac must accept. He tries to back out, but it's kind of too late.

Of course, there's much more to the story than this, but that central premise is pretty fascinating. And there are some really terrifying scenes that feel like they were downloaded directly from Damian McCarthy's nightmares. The man has a way with disturbing (though not gory) imagery. But even so, Caveat felt too insubstantial to be a feature-length film. It would have been great if it were 20 minutes shorter and had slightly better writing. 

Grade: B-

***

Red Rooms

I have been waiting to watch the French-Canadian psychological thriller Red Rooms for over a year. Directed by Pascal Plante, Red Rooms starts out as a courtroom drama. A man, Ludovic Chevalier (Maxwell McCabe-Lokos), is on trial for the murder of three teenage girls. But he didn't just murder them: he tortured them to death in horrific ways and live streamed it all on the dark web for pay. 

Two women who have no relation to either Chevalier or the families of the murdered girls are sitting in to watch the trial: Clementine, a Chevalier "groupie" who believes the man is innocent (played by Laurie Babin), and Kelly-Anne, a model whose motives for attending the trial are unclear (played by an excellent Juliette Gariepy). 

Red Rooms is a film about obsession with crime. We see Kelly-Anne do alarming things, such as hack into the email account of a mother of one of the murdered girls. We don't know why. Perhaps Kelly-Anne is just a thrill seeker. She enjoys gambling in her spare time, so maybe she just likes to live an edgy life. But we can't help but wonder if she has more sinister motivations.

Go into Red Rooms knowing as little as possible. If you are worried about gore, be assured that we never see anything violent. However, we do hear the screams from the films and they are screams that will haunt your nightmares. Red Rooms is an intense film on many levels: the mystery, the plot, and even the musical score are designed to unsettle you.

Grade: A

***

Sleepaway Camp

Although I know the infamous twist which is revealed at the end of 1983's Sleepaway Camp, I had never seen or had much interest in the film. But there seems to be a bit of a resurgence in interest in the movie (I feel like a number of YouTube videos about it have been posted recently), so I decided to check it out.

Sleepaway Camp is not a good movie, but it is iconic. The movie focuses on cousins Angela (Felissa Rose) and Ricky (Jonathan Tiersten), who are sent to summer camp by Ricky's extremely weird mother, Martha (Desiree Gould). Seriously, I think that 50% of why this movie is remembered today is because of Gould's two scenes in the film. 

Angela is extremely quiet and shy. As a child, she lost the rest of her family in a boating accident, which is why she's being raised by creepy Aunt Martha. The other girls at Camp Arawak mostly ignore her except for Judy (Karen Fields), a snotty bully who begins to resent the quiet girl for attracting the attention of fellow camper Paul (Christopher Collet). 

tl;dr a bunch of gruesome murders take place at the camp, and they seem to happen to the people who torment Angela (including a kiddie-touching cook who gets scalded to death by boiling water)...WHO COULD THE MURDERER BE?? But the real twist of the film isn't the reveal of the killer, it's...something else. And it's what makes Sleepaway Camp an almost guilty pleasure and an iconic film within queer circles. 

Grade: C

***

Woman of the Hour

Anna Kendrick's directorial debut mixes fact and fiction about serial killer Rodney Alcala, aka "The Dating Game Serial Killer". In 1978, Alcala was a contestant on The Dating Game and actually won. The woman who picked him out of three potential bachelors was Cheryl Bradshaw, a woman we hardly have any information about. Kendrick plays Bradshaw and fleshes out the character, imagining her as an aspiring actress who agrees to go on The Dating Game as a last-ditch effort to get exposure.

But that is ALL fictional, as is her behavior on the show (Kendrick imagines Bradshaw as a whip-smart woman who tires of the sexist treatment she receives from the host of the show and she rewrites the questions mid-show to make a fool out of the host, Ed (Tony Hale), and the eligible bachelors). 

What is not fictional are the crimes of Alcala. Alcala is played by Daniel Zovatto in an absolutely stunning performance in Woman of the Hour. Feels weird to praise the guy playing the killer in this feminist film, but praise where praise is due: Zovatto plays Alcala as a charismatic, magnetic, intelligent man who is able to get women alone so that he can rape and kill them. 

But as wily as Alcala is, one of his victims, Amy (Autumn Best), is wilier. She plays a fictional version of the only victim who lived to tell her tale and she survived by beating Alcala psychologically at his own game. She escaped and went to the cops...but he would go on to kill two more women before he was arrested and put on trial. 

Woman of the Hour is good and it blends fact and fiction really well...though, I wonder, to what end? Kendrick skillfully shows how women were already treated like slightly overgrown children--emotional beings not to be trusted--and how that allowed men like Alcala (and Ted Bundy, etc etc) to get away with so many murders. It wasn't that these men were geniuses...it's just that a culture of misogyny allowed for them to carry on with murder and rape sprees. 

But the movie still does make Alcala look like a weirdly attractive killing machine. I think that's just the way Zovatto plays him and I don't think it was Kendrick's intention to play into serial killer awe/worship, but I still have to wonder why we have a movie that focuses on this man. Sure, it focuses on Bradshaw too, but a fictional version of her. 

I might be biased because I am currently reading Jessica Knoll's Bright Young Women, a novel that is entirely from the perspective of the female victims and survivors of a serial killer. The book really makes an effort to take all power and worship away from the fictional killer (simply called "The Defendant" in the book) and refer to him as small, ugly, and stupid. 

Anyway, Woman of the Hour is a solid film and a very good directorial debut. I do hope, though, that we'll continue to see less media that focuses on the supposedly criminal masterminds that are serial killers and more on the victims of those killers--after all, it is the victims who are special, NOT the killers.

Grade: B+

***

Milk and Serial

This 60 minute found footage film, directed by Curry Barker for $800, is free on YouTube. Barker plays "Milk" and Cooper Tomlinson plays "Seven", two friends who run a prank channel on YouTube. After Seven plans an elaborate prank for Milk's birthday party, the prank war escalates...with devastating consequences.

This is one where you just want to go in blind. I can't say that I was totally surprised by the twists in this film, but it's a very solid and fun short movie, especially given its micro-micro-micro budget. 

If you're into found footage type movies and/or YouTube, you'll probably dig this one. You can watch the film for free here.

Grade: B

***

The Devil's Bath

(spoilers)

The Devil's Bath is an excellent German film directed by Veronika Franz and Severin Fiala, the duo who previously directed The Lodge and Goodnight Mommy. Having seen their other films, this one feels like a big step up for them.

Set in 1750 Austria, Agnes (Anja Plaschg) marries Wolf (David Scheid). It's a tough transition into married life for Agnes, especially when she realizes that 1) her mother in law, Mother Ganglin (Maria Hofstatter), will be heavily involved in her and Wolf's business and that 2) Wolf won't consummate the marriage.

Agnes is a sensitive, dreamy woman who would rather spend time in nature than helping her fisherman husband with his trade, which she is expected to do. She hopes for a baby, but given that Wolf turns over in bed and ignores her every night, that dream fades away. Agnes becomes melancholic and since this is the 18th century, there's not much that can be done about it other than pray and subject oneself to very questionable home remedies. As time goes on, and with almost no support in the community, Agnes seriously considers doing something drastic.

The Devil's Bath is based on a book by Kathy Stuart titled Suicide by Proxy in Early Modern Germany: Crime, Sin and Salvation as well as historical records of two women who engaged in "suicide by proxy"--because their religious beliefs forbade suicide as a sin that would send the person straight to hell, these women committed murder, guaranteeing they would be executed. But they were offered confession and forgiveness before their sentence was carried out, so they had the chance to be cleansed of sin and allowed into heaven by God. Pretty sad and gruesome, but also a fascinating look into how depression and suicidal ideation was dealt with some 250 years ago.

Streaming on Shudder, The Devil's Bath is more of a historical drama than a horror film. It's also the best depiction of severe depression I've seen in a movie since Melancholia. But unlike Melancholia and even Franz and Fiala's previous film, The Lodge, The Devil's Bath has a gentleness and a beauty to it which makes it a bearable--and worthwhile--watch. 

Grade: A-

***

Stuff I watched in...September, 2024

The People's Joker

The People's Joker is a satire of superhero films written, directed by, and starring trans director Vera Drew. Drawing inspiration from her own life as a trans woman, she explores the mythology and themes around the Batman villain Joker. Drew crowdfunded this movie and it very much feels like a DIY passion project where a bunch of creative people came together to put on a show. What's interesting is that even though the film looks low budget, it doesn't feel low budget. Unlike schlocky low budget films like Sharknado, The People's Joker has purpose and heart.

Drew plays a trans woman who grew up in Smallville, Kansas and whose mother was in denial about her child's gender identity. Young Vera is given a medication called Smylex that forces people to "put on a happy face" no matter how they're feeling inside. Vera grows up and moves to Gotham City, where she tries out for the comedy show UCB Live (a reference to Saturday Night Live), but is disillusioned by the legal constraints put on humor (the film takes place in a dystopian future where unapproved comedy is illegal). She and Oswald Cobblepot (Batman fans will recognize this character as a version of the Penguin) start their own comedy troupe, but call it "anti-comedy" to skirt around the law. 

Vera then meets and begins a romance with a trans man, who dresses like the Jared Leto version of the Joker and goes by Mr. J. However, their romance quickly becomes toxic as Mr. J proves to be controlling and manipulative. Still, he supports Vera in her physical transition. Vera, going by Joker the Harlequin now, fights for a spot as the host of UCB Live while also trying to reconnect with her mother.

There's a lot going on in The People's Joker and it's a very personal movie. As a cisgender woman, I still related to the themes of "putting on a happy face" or presenting a certain way to make other people feel comfortable as well as being annoyed when people expect me to act or look at certain way as a woman. In The People's Joker, Vera physically transitions (diving into a vat of estrogen at one point), but retains masculine elements in her looks and demeanor. I really loved that Vera Drew made a movie about how people exist between the binaries and how it can be empowering to refuse to let some parts of yourself fade into the background to make people feel more comfortable. It's a timeless message that feels very timely right now.

I really loved The People's Joker. It's messy and cobbled together, but it's got heart. Big and true heart. Definitely check it out if you're interested. I'm excited to see what Vera Drew does next.

Grade: B+

***

Please Baby Please

Please Baby Please is a very queer, delightful, and weird movie directed by Amanda Kramer. It's about a 1950s couple, Suze (Andrea Riseborough) and Arthur (Harry Melling), who come home to find a leather gang, The Young Gents, beating some people to death outside their apartment. The horrified couple are even more horrified to realize they are attracted to the gang. After their encounter with The Young Gents, Suze starts talking about how she wishes she could be a man so she could wear a leather jacket and act like Marlon Brando. When friends tease Arthur for not being willing to fight like a man, he says, "I won't be terrorized into acting like a savage just because I was born male". The Young Gents have awakened Suze and Arthur's innermost desires, which involve fucking with their gender roles.

Please Baby Please is classified as a musical, but there are no songs. There are fantasy dance sequences filled with leather-clad men and Suze in lingerie. The movie is very kinky, despite having no sex and very few kisses. In fact, the costuming is the kinkiest part of the movie. The film feels like a stage play, with heightened dialogue that no one would use in real life and Andrea Riseborough in a snarling, unhinged performance. It's a strange, strange film that will appeal to specific tastes. I described it as  "if David Lynch directed Cruising and then that movie had a baby with John Waters' Crybaby". If you read that and know what the hell I'm talking about and it appeals to you, you'll probably like this film. 

I mentioned that Andrea Riseborough gives a crazy performance, but Harry Melling (best known for his role as Dudley Dursley in the Harry Potter movies) is also wonderful as the quiet, passive Arthur who longs for the touch--and protection of--Teddy, one of the Young Gents. Yeah, this movie is queer as fuck in multiple different ways. The movie itself resists categorization even as its characters resist being categorized as one gender or another, one sexuality or another, and even one personality or another. It's a kinky celebration of ambiguity and endless possibilities. I loved it. If "queer, BDSM West Side Story" sounds appealing to you, give it a watch. 

Grade: A-

***

Mrs. Doubtfire

Chris Columbus's 1993 family film starring the late, great Robin Williams has only gotten better with age. For a movie that is about a man who dresses in drag to pose as a nanny in order to get closer to his children during a divorce, Mrs. Doubtfire has shockingly few offensive jokes. Furthermore, it's remarkable how divorce is treated in this 30 year old film. No one in this movie is truly a villain. Daniel Hillard (Williams) is a man-child whose antics drive his wife, Miranda (Sally Field), to file for divorce. Despite being a bit of a stereotype as a high-strung career woman, Miranda is not treated as a bad or unreasonable person. Even more remarkable, her potential new love interest, Stu (Pierce Brosnan), is also not a bad guy at all! If anyone in this movie is the bad guy, it's Daniel, who undermines his wife and makes her job as a parent very difficult.

It's interesting that Daniel magically becomes a better parent through the power of drag. After he transforms into the soft-spoken yet firm older woman, Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire, with the help of his makeup artist brother (Harvey Fierstein, always a welcome presence in a movie), Daniel finds it within himself to actually be a parent and not just a friend to his kids. Not only does he get them to finish their homework on time and complete their chores, he also connects with them in a way he couldn't when he was just Dad and not Doubtfire.

In the real world, Daniel's antics would probably land him in jail and would certainly result in less time with his children, not more. But through the magic of Hollywood, Miranda realizes that not only does Daniel need his kids, they need him too, and they end up sharing custody more equitably. That a slapstick comedy involving fake breasts being set on fire in one memorable scene could also have such a generous and humane approach to divorce and co-parenting is really beautiful. 

Grade: A

***

Rebel Ridge

The latest film by Jeremy Saulnier (best known for his punks vs. Nazis thriller Green Room) is a tight, action-packed movie that's also wickedly smart. Aaron Pierre plays Terry, a Black man who gets pulled over by the cops in a small town in Louisiana while biking to the court house with a backpack full of bail money to get his cousin out of jail. When the cops realize he has $36,000 cash in his backpack, they seize it, claiming that it might be drug money. This is all legal, by the way. So now Terry can't bail his cousin out and his cousin is being transported to the state prison where he is in danger because he informed on a powerful gang leader.

Terry tries to make a deal with the police chief to get the bail money (10k from the 36k), and he'll let them keep the rest--he won't go through the appeal process to repossess his own (legally acquired) assets. The chief, Sandy Burnne (played by Don Johnson), says no deal. The police see Terry as an easily swatted-away nuisance and the cash as funds they can use for their department. Turns out, Terry was in the Marines and is specially trained in close-quarters combat and if he can't ask nicely or bargain for the money back, he'll fight for it. This leads to some sick fight scenes where Terry easily disarms cops. 

I won't go into more detail because there is a lot more plot, but suffice it to say that Rebel Ridge is consistently thrilling and smart (if a bit over-the-top at times). It feels like Saulnier wanted to educate viewers about injustices in our legal system as much as he wanted to entertain them, and he strikes a good balance between dialogue explaining all the legal stuff and heart-pounding fight scenes and chase scenes. It's not as entertaining as Green Room, but it's a very solid action-thriller. 

Grade: B

***

Ingrid Goes West

Directed by Matt Spicer, Ingrid Goes West is a disturbing black comedy about a woman, the titular Ingrid (Aubrey Plaza), who has a habit of obsessing over and stalking women she doesn't know on social media. The film opens with her storming into a woman's wedding reception, screaming at her for not being invited, and pepper-spraying the woman in the face. The kicker? Ingrid was never friends with this woman--she only knew her from Instagram.

After being released from a mental health facility, Ingrid, flush with cash inherited upon her mother's death, begins stalking a new victim: Taylor Sloane (Elizabeth Olsen), an LA-based influencer. Ingrid moves to LA and begins her machinations to worm her way into Taylor's life, which involve kidnapping Taylor's dog and then returning it, much to the relief and gratitude of Taylor and her husband, Ezra (Wyatt Russell). 

At first, it seems like things are working out for Ingrid. Taylor is also a bit crazy and reckless, as well as fake (she's a social media influencer, after all), so she's a good match for Ingrid's unstable personality. But when Taylor's sociopathic brother, Nicky (Billy Magnussen), comes to town, he sniffs Ingrid out for the bullshit artist she is immediately.

Y'all, this is a dark movie. It's delightfully nasty, and actually fairly sympathetic towards Ingrid even though she is legit terrifying. Ingrid Goes West skewers the Instagrammable lives that influencers live and shows that even though she's more mentally stable and socially acceptable, Taylor is, in many ways, just as big of a liar and a fraud as Ingrid is. A very dark and uncomfortable movie, Ingrid Goes West hurts so good.

Grade: B+

***

Speak No Evil (2024)

James Watkins' Speak No Evil is a remake of a Danish film that came out only two years ago (which I reviewed here). Understandably, cinephiles were confused and bemused about why a remake of an already solid film was necessary at all, let alone within such a short time period. Some wrote it off as a cynical cash grab.

I do agree that it was not strictly "necessary" to remake Speak No Evil...but, honestly, the remake is pretty fun. It makes some massive changes to the final third that will possibly infuriate people who loved the bleakness of the original, but it still makes for a fun thriller. 

The film follows an American couple, Louise (Mackenzie Davis) and Ben (Scoot McNairy) Dalton, who move to London with their 12 year old daughter, Agnes (Alix West Lefler). The family meets another family while on vacation. Paddy (James McAvoy) is a bit of a macho boor, but his wife Ciara (Aisling Franciosi) is sweet and their son Ant (Dan Hough) gets along with Agnes so the two families spend a good amount of time together while on vacation. Paddy and Ciara invite the Daltons to their farmhouse for a long weekend and, despite some trepidation, they decide to go.

To make a long story short, once they arrive, Paddy and Ciara (especially Paddy) begin pushing the Daltons' boundaries. First, in small(ish) ways, like encouraging vegetarian Louise to eat a bite of the prize goose Paddy butchered and cooked for dinner. But soon, the boundary-punishing moves from odd to irritating to dangerous and the otherwise accommodating Daltons are forced to fight back.

The premise at the core of both the original and remake is that some people (or some cultures, as the original was a specific commentary on Danish politeness) prize politeness and not wanting to cause a scene over their own comfort and even their own lives. The original took this premise to an extreme (and, in my opinion, more realistic) conclusion whereas the remake suggests that there is a breaking point where people will fight back. 

The original is the better horror film because it truly leans into horror in a way the more "Americanized" remake does not. The remake is the better thriller because it's more, well, thrilling, to see victims fight back. So, both films are good, it just depends on what you're in the mood to watch: a bleak, nihilistic fable about the dangers of having weak boundaries, or a popcorn thriller about people overcoming their own fear to fight back against their enemies?

Grade: B

***

Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father

I had heard that this documentary, directed by Kurt Kuenne, is one of the most heartbreaking movies of all time. I'm not sure whether it's better to go in knowing the whole story or not, but either way, Dear Zachary will absolutely break your heart. The rumors are indeed true. This is a difficult movie. 

The elevator pitch is that the director's longtime friend, Andrew Bagby, was found murdered in Keystone State Park in Pennsylvania. The most obvious suspect was Andrew's on-again, off-again girlfriend, Shirley Turner, who fled to Newfoundland after the murder. Due to various failures in the Canadian justice system, Shirley was released on bail and not immediately extradited to the United States. But it gets worse...Shirley was pregnant with Andrew's baby.

So, you have a very likely murderer living free and raising a helpless child. Kuenne began the documentary as a gift to Zachary, the child. He interviews numerous friends and family about Andrew, who was deeply beloved. He also documents Andrew's parents' agony at having to share custody of their grandson with their son's likely murderer...a woman who is also deeply disturbed. The fear and rage are unimaginable.

But that's not the end of the story. You'll have to watch this excellent documentary (or read spoilers) to find out what happens. Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father is one of the rawest, most emotional docs I've seen. The good news is that the film lead to some reform of Canada's justice system so that others will be more protected in the future.

Grade: A

***

The Road to Wellville

I recently revisited this very bizarre and poop-filled sex comedy (you heard that right), which I was kind of obsessed with as a young teen. I was obsessed with it because I had a crush on Matthew Broderick, who has a lead role in the movie, but the film's wacky horniness was also...intriguing...to me at that age. 

The movie, based on the novel by T.C. Boyle, is a fictionalized take on the life and work of John Harvey Kellogg (Anthony Hopkins). Kellogg was a real person and he was obsessed with clean living. He ran a health clinic in Battle Creek, Michigan and was a Seventh-Day Adventist Christian who was a vegetarian long before it was a common thing to be. He was also extremely anti-masturbation to the point where he recommended genital mutilation as a way of deterring children from masturbating. That part is thankfully not in the movie.

The movie centers around a couple, Will and Eleanor Lightbody (Broderick and Bridget Fonda), who arrive at the good doctor's clinic to help Will fix his stomach troubles. The prescription is abstinence from sex (including with one's spouse), a wholesome diet of grains and produce, and enemas. Lots and lots and lots of enemas. The Lightbody's are separated and make the acquaintances of several people who tempt them into extramarital activities. The thesis of the film seems to be that the repression of sex leads to obsession, a belief I can get behind.

Behind? Get it? Hahahah

The Road to Wellville is a movie that is both kinky and wacky. A strange, though not unprecedented, combination (check out Exit to Eden for another kinky/wacky movie). I personally really like it, especially Anthony Hopkins as Kellogg. It reminds me a bit of one of my favorite movies, Quills. Both movies take a real historical figure who was abusive and sick (Kellogg in Wellville and the Maquis de Sade in Quills) and clean them up for the screen, making them seem relatively harmless.

But unlike Quills, I can't in good conscience call The Road to Wellville a "good" movie. Which makes it hard to grade because I like it, but it's objectively a pretty bad film. So we'll leave it at a C+. 

Grade: C+

***

Apartment 7A

Oh, man, what a disappointing movie. Perhaps even more so because I had a feeling it would be disappointing. Directed by Natalie Erika James and going straight to streaming on Paramount, Apartment 7A is a prequel to Rosemary's Baby. Before Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse moved into the Bramford apartment building and were drawn into the machinations of a coven of witches, there was Terry Gionoffrio. There's a scene in Rosemary's Baby where Rosemary briefly speaks to Terry, a dancer who lives with kooky older couple, Minnie and Roman Castevet, in the laundry room. Terry mentions that the older couple were kind enough to help her get off the street and off of drugs. A day later, the Woodhouse's come home to see that Terry has jumped out of a window of the Bramford to her death. 

Apartment 7A is Terry's story. And I apologize if the above is a spoiler, but Rosemary's Baby came out 55 years ago, so the statue of limitations on spoilers is up. I LOVE Rosemary's Baby, so I was curious to watch Apartment 7A and see how it expanded on the story. The result is very meh. The acting and production are good, but the story is just mediocre and rushes headlong into a very anti-climactic ending. The one thing I enjoyed about the film was Dianne Wiest as Minnie Castevet. The incomparable Ruth Gordon played Minnie in the original film and it was delightful to see Wiest try her hand at the iconic role. She gets the accent, the mannerisms, and the ability to switch from slightly nosy but sweet old lady to dismissive, cruel, and calculating old lady down pat. Kevin McNally as Roman Castevet was very good too. 

But unlike Rosemary's Baby, where Rosemary slowly puts the pieces together about a conspiracy to have her give birth to the antichrist, Apartment 7A has Terry find out because a nun tells her what's going on like 10 minutes before the movie ends. She puts a few clues together, but there isn't that sense of creeping dread and paranoia that infused the original film. Rosemary's Baby has no jump scares and no gore...just endless dread (and misogyny). Apartment 7A has nothing. Skip it unless you're a huge fan of the original and want to see another gifted actress step into the shoes of Minnie Castevet.

Grade: C

The Substance

I knew going into Coralie Fargeat's The Substance that I would be in for a wild ride. However, nothing could prepare me for the bat-shit insane, delightfully disgusting movie I would experience over the next 2.5 hours.

The Substance stars Demi Moore as Elisabeth Sparkle, a once wildly popular fitness star/award-winning actress (think Jane Fonda) who is now 50 years old. She still has her own fitness TV show, but the head of the channel, Harvey (Dennis Quaid), wants a new, hot, and--especially important--young star to replace Elisabeth. He fires Elisabeth, who is devastated. 

But Elisabeth learns about a mysterious "substance" from a young, eerily attractive doctor who slips her a USB stick after a hospital visit. The Substance promises that if you take it, a new, younger, better you will be created. The only catch is that the old you and the new you have to switch bodies every 7 days "without exception". Elisabeth calls the hotline on the USB device and places her order.

What follows is some of the most disgusting, evocative, and weirdly sexy body horror you could possibly imagine. Elisabeth takes the Substance and creates a devastatingly gorgeous version of herself (Margaret Qualley). This new version goes by the name "Sue" and applies for the role of Elisabeth's replacement. She is immediately hired. Sue receives fawning attention due to her looks and the new fitness show she heads up ("Pump It Up...with Sue") quickly becomes the most popular show on the channel.

Despite the fact that Sue/Elisabeth are supposed to switch bodies every 7 days, Sue begins "stealing" time from Elisabeth. This results in Elisabeth looking a little more old and gnarled each time Sue finally allows Elisabeth to wake up and take her turn. Keep in mind that Sue and Elisabeth are the same person--they share the same brain and same memories, so Sue fucking over Elisabeth is really just Elisabeth fucking over Elisabeth. But even both Sue and Elisabeth have to be reminded that they are the same goddamned person by the guy on the other end of the Substance hotline every time they call to complain about the other one. 

If the themes explored in The Substance sound a bit "on the nose", well, yes. This is the kind of movie that blows past subtly to make its point. It reminded me of a fairytale. A very modern, very gross fairytale. And the movie leans HARD into body horror, in ways both large and small. The entire film is gross and unsettling, From a scene of Harvey eating shrimp in glorious closeup near the beginning of the movie, to the many, many, MANY scenes of needles being injected into infected skin, The Substance is truly not for the faint of heart. And the climax of the film is basically if Cronenberg's The Fly had a very disgusting baby with Peter Jackson's Dead Alive. 

In addition to being gross, The Substance is also very funny and very sad. It's so over the top, that it's often hilarious even at its grossest parts. But the core of the film, which is that women are taught that the only "lovable" thing about them is their youth and beauty, is devastating. There's a scene where Elisabeth is asked out by an old classmate of hers, Fred, who believes her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and is struck speechless when she agrees to go to dinner with him. But as she tries to leave her apartment to meet him, she sees a billboard of Sue and becomes disgusted by her current state of being old and ugly (obviously, this is Demi Moore, who is gorgeous...but you have to understand that this perception is from the character's warped viewpoint). She furiously wipes her makeup off and stands up poor Fred.

As over-the-top as the gore and body horror is, The Substance is dead-on in its portrayal of how women are treated as they age, particularly women in show business. The core of hurt at the center of the film is so honest and I can't imagine a woman alive who wouldn't recognize those feelings of external and internal shame at not being pretty or sexy or youthful enough. We intellectually know it's bullshit, but the forces of capitalism, misogyny, and media are so strong that it's hard not to judge ourselves and judge other women.

In addition to being about beauty standards, The Substance is also about addiction. Even though Sue is only hurting herself each time she steal extra time from Elisabeth, she cannot help herself. She is addicted to her beauty and the power and attention that comes with it. When Elisabeth, now a gnarled old woman with white hair and age spots, calls the Substance hotline to complain about Sue, they tell her that she can stop, but her body will remain in its current state. She says, dejectedly, that she can't stop. She can't imagine life as herself now without the benefit of being able to spend time as Sue. The sunk-cost fallacy of her own damaging behavior and the bone-deep fear of living without her drug of youth and beauty is familiar to anyone who has been addicted to, well, a substance. Even the name of the film brings to mind terms like "substance abuse" and "substance use disorder"...and, in fact, Elisabeth has the option to moderate her intake. If she follows the protocol to switch bodies every week, the balance will be maintained and she will be able to enjoy the benefits of being Sue. Any alcoholic or drug user that tells themselves "just 2 beers tonight" will understand how laughable it is to be limited to "just a little" of the drug of our choice. Oh, and those scenes of injections into infected skin definitely reminded me of Requiem for a Dream.

All three leads--Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, and Dennis Quaid--are SO incredibly good here. Dennis Quaid leans into being a misogynist who is both nasty and pathetic. The joke is that he is over 50 and gross (way grosser than Elisabeth), but since he has all the power he can do what he wants. Margaret Qualley is not only drop-dead gorgeous, she's also able to play mean and selfish really well. She is simply a younger Elisabeth stealing time from herself and feeling disgust at her older self. Who among us hasn't felt that internal prick of self-loathing as we get older and see those wrinkles and sags form? It's only human! And Demi Moore is heartbreakingly vulnerable as a woman who has built her career and wealth with her body, only for time to do its thing and decrease her value (in the eyes of society/the media) even as she remains fit and beautiful beyond her years. This is the definition of a vanity-free role for Moore as the camera lingers on her wrinkles and less-than-perfect butt (only in comparison to Qualley's supernaturally perfect butt), but also as she gets more and more desperate as she begins borrowing time from herself, thus causing herself to become even older and even uglier. 

The Substance is a hell of a movie. When I say it's gross, I am not kidding. If you have issues with needles in particular, or just a weak stomach in general, probably best to skip this one. But if body horror appeals to you or you're just willing to take a risk on a movie that will probably make your jaw drop in horror and astonishment, it's worth checking out. It will very likely be on my top 10 of the year.

Grade: A

Stuff I watched in...July and August, 2024

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched is a 3+ hour documentary directed by Kier-La Janisse about the history of folk horror (particularly in film, TV, and books). It took me two days to watch it and I LOVED it. The doc is broken into chapters and covers the "Unholy Trinity" of classic folk horror films (The Wicker Man, Witchfinder General, and The Blood on Satan's Claw) before delving into folk horror from the British Isles, the United States, and around the world.

If you're at all interested in folk horror, folklore, or witchy things, this documentary will be right up your alley. It features interviews with academics, directors, and actors and gave me a huge list of films to check out. It inspired me to rewatch The Wicker Man, and I feel like I had a deeper appreciation for the film the second time around.

It also has a gorgeous poster. It's streaming on Shudder and Amazon Prime, so check it out if you are able!

Grade: A

***

Hacks (TV series)

After hearing over and over how amazing this comedy (streaming on HBO/Max) is, I had to check it out. I was not disappointed. Hacks is a beautiful mix of drama and comedy, centered on the relationship between young comedy writer Ava (Hannah Einbinder), and veteran comedian Deborah Vance (Jean Smart). Ava is looking for work after getting in trouble for some political tweets and Deborah is (whether she admits it or not) stuck in a rut in a Las Vegas residency doing tired Boomer-humor type jokes about men not putting the toilet seat down. Their shared agent, Jimmy (Paul W. Downs), pairs them together and of course they fight like cats and dogs even as they bring out the best in each other.

Hacks is often hilarious, but also occasionally devastating. Covering topics as wide-ranging as addiction, suicide, narcissism, familial alienation, and sexual assault, Hacks delivers serious gut-punches along with belly laughs. Jean Smart is phenomenal as Deborah Vance (a character inspired by comedians like Joan Rivers), a truly selfish woman who HAD to be selfish and ruthless to be taken seriously in cut-throat show business. Just when you think she's gone too far and you genuinely hate her, she'll do or say something to remind you that she's a human who has gone through an incredible amount of heartbreak. 

Hacks is a top-notch show that puts women front and center. I definitely recommend it.

Grade: A

***

Night of the Living Dead

What a disappointment. George Romero's first film and the granddaddy of the "slow zombies" genre, Night of the Living Dead is a historically important film (though it's important to point out that it is not the first film to feature zombies. Movies with zombies date back to the early 1930s). It's also a film that features an African-American lead (Duane Jones, the best thing about the movie) in a cast of white actors, which was still not very common in 1968. 

However, Night of the Living Dead is boring. It's very slow and not much happens. The majority of the movie takes place in a house where a group of people gather to avoid the cannibalistic, slow-walking undead ghouls outside. The group inside the house--two sets of couples, a daughter, Ben (Jones), and Barbara (Judith O'Dea)--listen to radio reports about the "ghouls" (the word "zombie" is never mentioned in the movie), bicker, and try to figure out a way to escape and drive to a rescue center. What can I say? It's a slow movie, the acting isn't very good (again, except for Jones who at least brings some emotion to his role), and the characters are mostly unlikeable and annoying.

Again, the movie is historically important and I don't regret watching it...but I doubt I'll watch it again. 

Grade: C

***

Hannibal

Ugh. I heard that Hannibal, the ill-advised sequel to The Silence of the Lambs, was bad. But this bad? 

Hannibal is a rare film that manages to be both campy and boring. Taking place 10 years after the events of The Silence of the Lambs, Clarice Starling (played by Julianne Moore) is an FBI Special Agent. After taking the blame for a botched drug raid, Starling is contacted by Mason Verger (Gary Oldman, under 30 pounds of makeup), a disfigured man who is the only surviving victim of Hannibal Lecter. Lecter is still on the lam after escaping police custody a decade prior and Verger wants to use Starling to lure Lecter out of hiding. So he can torture Lecter to death by being eaten alive by hogs. Just normal things. 

Upon hearing about the botched drug raid, Lecter does indeed reach out to Starling and the two engage in a cat-and-mouse game, which also feels very much like flirting. Hannibal really wants to be a fucked up romance and it falls flat because...gross (also, we know that Hannibal Lecter's truest love is Will Graham, not Clarice Starling). 

Hannibal features some truly disgusting things, such as self-cannibalism, death by wild hog, and disembowelment. But what it doesn't feature is a compelling story. It also makes a mockery of the feminist empowerment of The Silence of the Lambs. It reduces Clarice Starling to a failure who is mocked and manipulated by men. Watching Starling reduced to a damsel in distress in Hannibal is 10 times more sickening than watching Ray Liotta eat a piece of his own brain. 

Skip this one and watch literally any other piece of media featuring Hannibal Lecter instead. Especially the show Hannibal.

Grade: C-

***

The Mummy (1999)

Of course this wasn't the first time I watched the movie that launched a million bisexuals. I actually saw The Mummy in theaters when it first came out in 1999 and had two intense feelings about it: 1) Goddamn, Brendan Fraser is hot, and 2) Fuck those flesh-eating scarabs. 

I probably watched it a few more times in the early 2000s, but it's definitely been at least a decade and a half since I last saw it. Rewatching it now, 25 years after its initial release, I can safely say that it still fucks. It's thrilling, funny, and just a fun time in general. It's not particularly scary, but I think The Mummy was always advertised as more of an action movie than a horror movie. Brenda Fraser is still extremely hot, as is Rachel Weisz as the charming librarian Evelyn. 

There's really nothing else to say. If you haven't seen The Mummy, you definitely should. However, you really needed to be a 15 year old seeing The Mummy in theaters (or at a sleepover) in 1999-2000 to actually "get it". It's lightning in a bottle in that way, and anyone outside of those parameters will never experience The Mummy the way that Millennials of a certain age experienced it.

Grade: B+

***

The Inspection

Directed by Elegance Bratton and based on his experience of being kicked out of his home as a teenager for coming out as gay and joining the Marines a decade later, The Inspection is a deeply personal film. 

Jeremy Pope plays Ellis French, a homeless young man who joins the Marines during the height of the Iraq War. While Ellis is physically able to get through bootcamp, he is unable to hide his homosexuality and becomes the object of torment from the other recruits and one particularly nasty training instructor, Leland Laws (Bokeem Woodbine). 

Ellis' doggedness to make it through bootcamp, no matter the physical and mental cost, is fueled by a desire to be held in high esteem by his mother, Inez (Gabrielle Union), a women who truly meets the definition of the word "cunt". Inez seems to take deep, personal offense to the fact that Ellis is gay. She kicked him out of the house, leading Ellis to be homeless for years. Even after Ellis completes bootcamp, Inez throws a fit after finding out that the Marines didn't make him straight. Union is GREAT in this role because she really, really makes you hate her.

What's interesting is that Bratton dedicated The Inspection to his mother, whom he calls out by name and with a family photo at the end of the movie. I truly do not know if this is a genuine act of love or an enormous "fuck you" to his mom because we just watched a woman reject her child in ways both cruel and stupid. The viewer is primed to think of this woman as lower than a worm crushed under a boot, and here Bratton is dedicating a movie to her. I kinda think this is a back-handed slap to his mother and I'm very ok with that. 

In terms of how the actual movie is, it's good! Just very, very difficult to watch. Ellis nearly dies as a result of hazing, but ultimately comes to earn the respect of his fellow recruits by both handling his torment with grace, and by beating up the biggest bully. The Inspection ends on an emotionally ambiguous note. Ellis is accepted (at least publicly) by his fellow recruits and even the cruelest training instructor, but is rejected by the one person whose opinion he cares about. I think there is a message in here about self-acceptance, but honestly the movie is just very sad and shows how people might end up in the Marines not because they care about serving their country, but because they don't have other options. 

Grade: B+

*** 

Storm of the Century

This made for TV miniseries was written by Stephen King and contains some classic King tropes: it's set on a small, close-knit island in Maine and has this general feeling of Boomer nostalgia: everyone knows everyone's business, but also people look out for one another. But then, King turns this nostalgia on its head when a stranger--Andre Linoge (Colm Feore)--shows up and murders an old woman right before the island is hit with...you guessed it...the (snow) storm of the century.

Linoge happens to know everyone's secrets, from illegal marijuana trade to an undisclosed abortion. He freaks out the whole town as Constable Mike Anderson (Tim Daly) takes Linoge on a perp walk to the one jail cell on the island. From this cell, Linoge is able to control the minds and actions of people on the island, causing them to commit atrocities they would never even contemplate under normal circumstances. Linoge says repeatedly "Give me what I want and I will go away". When he reveals what it is that he wants, it's an absolutely devastating request that threatens to tear the community apart...or bring them together to get rid of this supernatural man who has come to torment them.

Storm of the Century is...fine. It's got a cozy feeling to it, but it didn't need to be 4 hours long. It could have easily been 2 hours and gotten the same message across. Interestingly, director Mike Flanagan (a HUGE Stephen King fan) said that this series inspired his own series Midnight Mass, which, in my opinion, is superior to Storm of the Century.

Grade: B-

***

Drive-Away Dolls

Directed by Ethan Cohen and co-written by Cohen and his wife, Tricia Cooke, Drive-Away Dolls is a delightful, if not very substantial, wisp of a film. Clocking in at 84 minutes, the film feels like it was edited down from a longer cut. But despite the fact that there's not much "there" there, Drive-Away Dolls is sweet, funny, and an easy watch.

The year is 1999. Jamie (Margaret Qualley) and Marian (Geraldine Viswanathan) are friends even though it seems like the only thing they have in common is that they're both lesbians. Jamie is outgoing, party-hearty, and very sexual whereas Marian is introverted, bookish, and hasn't slept with anyone since she broke up with her girlfriend 3 years ago.

After Jamie gets dumped by her girlfriend, Sukie (Beanie Feldstein), she convinces Marian to take her to Tallahassee, Florida since Marian is traveling there anyway to visit her aunt. Jamie thinks that a road trip and change of scenery will do both of them good. They decide to travel using a drive-away car (basically, a one-way car rental where you're delivering the car to a specific location). It just so happens that there is a car that needs to be in Tallahassee pronto at the drive-away service Marian and Jamie patronize. But what they DON'T know is that two goons were supposed to pick up the car because it contains precious goods in the trunk. 

So now they are on the road from Philadelphia to Tallahassee with two goons on their tail. They're carrying something in the trunk that powerful people will pay good money for and they don't even know it...until they find the briefcase in the spare tire well after getting a flat tire. And what is inside will shock you.

I think Drive-Away Dolls disappointed some folks who were expecting a much better movie. I went in with low expectations and was delighted at this light, lesbian, comic caper. It's a goofy little film that's perfect to watch if you're feeling down or don't want to think too hard. And Qualley and Viswanathan are both delightful.

Grade: B

Girls Chase Boys and Boys Chase Girls

Two movies about gender and violence...

Spoiler warnings for entire review.

Blink Twice

Blink Twice, directed by actress Zoe Kravitz in her directorial debut, is the first movie I've seen that comes with a trigger warning before it begins. And not a "flashing lights" warning, which I've seen at the start of another movie, but a content warning. Specifically, a content warning for sexual assault. 

The film follows Frida (Naomi Ackie), a waitress who, along with her roommate and best friend, Jess (Alia Shawkat), works the reception for an event held by tech billionaire Slater King (Channing Tatum). Frida has a huge crush on Slater, in spite of the fact that Slater has been accused of some unspecified "inappropriate behavior" of the "Me Too" variety, which forced him to step down as CEO of his own company. In order to "heal" and "learn" from this experience, Slater...bought a private island. He also goes to therapy! But mostly he throws parties on the private island.

After catching Frida's eye and flirting with her the entire night, Slater invites her and Jess to the island along with his group of friends which include aspiring tech moguls, D-list celebrities, and various hangers-on. Frida and Jess jump at the chance to party on a billionaire's private island, so they say yes and hop on Slater's jet.

Once on the island, they find that it was totally cool that they didn't pack anything because there are clothes and toiletries provided for them. However, they are asked to give up their phones. But Slater assures them "you won't have to do anything you don't want to do". Sure, buddy.

What follows is an absolute orgy of drugs, drinks, pool-lounging, and haute cuisine. Slater has an army of people working on the island, including landscapers, cooks, security, and cleaners. The days and nights pass by in a blur to the point where Jess and Frida don't even know what day it is...and they don't really care. Or do they? 

Jess confides in Frida that something feels wrong, but she just can't put her finger on what. It feels like she's forgetting something. Or more like everyone is forgetting something. She wants to go home. Frida tries to console her, but Frida is really starting to like Slater and they're spending a lot of time together on the island...she doesn't want to leave.

The next morning, Jess is gone. And no one remembers her except for Frida who promptly starts freaking out. One of the other women, Sarah (Adria Arjona), comes by Frida's room with Jess's lighter, the one everyone has been sharing during the entire trip. The name "Jess" is written on it. Sarah points to a bruise she has that she can't explain. Frida says that every morning she wakes up and there is dirt under her fingernails but she doesn't know why. They realize that something horrible is happening on the island and somehow they don't remember it.

It's rape, you guys. The men rape the women every night. And they use this perfume made of flowers that are cultivated on the island to erase the women's memories. In flashbacks we see some pretty graphic depictions of the men chasing down the women, tying them to various pieces of furniture in the house, and raping them while they scream and cry. So, yeah, that trigger warning was a good idea!

So how do the ladies end up remembering these events? Snake venom, obviously! There are snakes on the island and if you drink their venom or get bitten by one it reverses the effects of the perfume. Jess got bitten by a snake the night she had her freakout and so Slater murders her since she won't be able to forget all the...rape. 

So....ok, here's the thing. The whole perfume for forgetting/snake venom for remembering shit is not necessary and is really confusing. It leads to a bunch of questions about how exactly it would work. It's really dumb, in my opinion. It's unneeded. Slater King is a tech mogul billionaire. He could just create a designer roofie to slip the women every night that would have the same effect. I feel that the whole perfume/venom stuff took away from the movie big time, especially since so much time was spent on figuring it all out. Like...why? The time spent on Frida and Sarah discovering HOW Slater is doing this could have been spent on character and plot development. 

Blink Twice is a rape-revenge movie and I love rape-revenge movies. Sure enough, there is a reckoning when all the women, after doing snake venom-infused tequila shots, remember what the men do to them every night and...well, they try to murder all the men but it doesn't quite work and the only women left alive at the end of the night are Sarah and Frida. For a rape-revenge movie, Blink Twice kinda disappoints when it comes to the revenge. Yes, a bunch of the men die. It's basically a bloodbath which culminates in Slater's mansion burning to the ground. But it doesn't really feel like justice. It just feels sloppy and anti-climatic.

I think there were some good ideas in this movie, but ultimately Kravitz goes in for too much style and not enough substance. It seems that Kravitz intended Blink Twice to be both a fun thriller but also a message movie about abuse of power, and it doesn't fully succeed as either. It's too upsetting and intense to be a fun thriller, but it's too...goofy with the perfume/venom shit to be serious. 

I will say that the ensemble cast, which includes (besides Ackie, Shawkat, Tatum, and Arjona) Simon Rex, Geena Davis, Haley Joel Osment, Christian Slater, and Kyle MacLachlan, is great. These are are phenomenal actors (and all very funny, too) and they work well together. There's a lot to enjoy about Blink Twice even if it's a bit disappointing in the end.

Grade: B

***

Strange Darling

I didn't know about Strange Darling until about a week ago and all I heard was "it's great" and "don't read anything about it. Go in cold". So I did! And while it has some flaws, I'd say overall it was a really fun experience.

If you think you might want to see it, stop reading now and go see it! This review will give the entire plot away.

The film, which stars Willa Fitzgerald as "The Lady" and Kyle Gallner as "The Demon", is presented in six chapters, starting with chapter 3, titled "Somebody Please Help Me". It opens on the Lady running desperately through a field trying to avoid the Demon, who is chasing her with a rifle. They end up in a car chase that results in the Lady crashing her car and running into the woods. She stumbles across and house and begs to be let inside.

As the movie progresses, we start to put the plot together. The woman and the man (I can't just keep calling them the Lady and the Demon, because that sounds fucking weird) meet in a bar, drive to a motel, and discuss getting a room. The woman straight up asks the man if he's a serial killer (he says he is not) and says that men have no idea the risks women take to "have a little fun". After he assures her that he's not going to kill her, she reveals what she wants him to do to her and we cut to him choking her while she's handcuffed to the bed. She keeps begging him to choke her harder and harder and finally tells him to stop out of frustration. "This isn't working" she says. "It was your idea" he says. After she insults him a bit more, he recuffs her to the bed and slaps her, and genuinely chokes her and berates her. She begs him to stop, but he tells her she asked for this and she tearfully agrees...

...before saying the safeword, "Mister Snuffleupagus". He stops and unties her, comforting her while she cries. After recovering a bit, she asks if he wants to do coke with her. "It makes me very horny" she says and he reluctantly agrees. After they do their bumps, she begins acting cold and rude to him again, pissing him off. But when he says "coke doesn't seem to make you horny, it just puts you in a bad mood", she reveals that while indeed she did coke, what he took (from a separate bottle she hid from him) is ketamine...and he's about to fall deep into that k-hole, baby!

Well, it turns out that little Miss Snuffleupagus is a serial killer known as "The Electric Lady". We don't know all the details except that she favors using a knife and a taser to torture her victims. She spends some time carving her initials into his chest and torturing him and then goes to stab him in the throat, but he happens to have a gun hidden in his ankle holster and he shoots her ear off with it. She runs out of the room, steals a car, and the chase is on. Oh, by the way, the guy is a cop. Not that it saves him in the end. 

Strange Darling owes a lot to the movies of Quentin Tarantino. The out of order plot, the ultraviolence, the retro feel of the movie--all markers of Tarantino. And the way Tarantino approaches female characters is mirrored in Strange Darling as well. Basically, exploitative sexism dressed up as feminism (don't get me wrong, I love Tarantino movies, but they are very much NOT feminist movies, even when they feature kickass women). Similarly, Strange Darling shows the ways in which people can be easily fooled by feminine wiles. Our Electric Lady here is a psychopath...she is able to manipulate the various people she encounters using sex appeal or tears depending on what she wants and who the "mark" is. Willa Fitzgerald is a revelation in this movie. Her performance is genuinely unnerving. We watch her turn on the tears and beg for help, only to cut the throat of the people who help her minutes later.

There's one scene that brings the movie down from an A to an B+ for me. When the already very clear message about how easy it is for this woman to get people to underestimate her is made so explicit and on the nose, that it felt like we got dropped into a Daily Wire movie for a minute. The man is able to handcuff the woman to a chest freezer after overpowering her. He calls for backup. She is able to grab him and bite his jugular and he bleeds out. When the cops arrive, she is whimpering and has pulled her pants down. A young, female cop looks at the scene and assumes that the man she killed was trying to rape her. The older, male cop points out that they don't know what happened and need to call for more backup. The young, female cop says "Just because I have a VAGINA doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing!" 

Well, of course, after they uncuff her and put her in the squad car, she ends up holding them at gunpoint because she grabbed the gun off the guy she killed. Turns out the dumb lady cop was wrong and the older male cop was right!! Who would have thunk it? It's a really tone deaf scene that feels like it would make sense in a conservative movie making fun of those wacky liberals and feminists who just assume that all women are victims and all men are rapists! It really made me wonder about what director JT Mollner intended to say here. Because it sounds like he's saying "feminists are stupid and gullible". 

So yeah, that scene aside, Strange Darling is a pretty fun and unique film. It's unhinged, it's perverse, it's sleazy, and it's a wild-ass ride. Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald are great as the leads. Strange Darling kept me guessing throughout the movie...although now that I know all the plot twists I'm not sure it would be a fun movie to revisit. 

Grade: B+

Meh Horror Summer

Last summer, I was surprised at how underwhelmed I was with three extremely hyped movies: Barbie, Oppenheimer, and Killers of the Flower Moon. Don't get me wrong--none of these films were bad. But I expected them to be great and then thought they were just ok. Having rewatched both Barbie and Oppenheimer (I don't think I'll bother rewatching the 206 minute Killers of the Flower Moon for a while)...I stand by my initial underwhelmed-ness. Both of those films have their charms and their moments, but overall I find them just ok. "B" movies on my rating scale, which means not bad but not great.

This summer I am facing a similar situation with my most anticipated horror movies. I've already reviewed MaXXXine and Longlegs, neither of which are "bad", but also neither of which are particularly good. MaXXXine was the third in a trilogy where the first two movies I thought were wonderful. To have the trilogy end on a dud is pretty disappointing. And Longlegs had brilliant marketing, leading many viewers to believe the claims that is was going to be incredibly disturbing and terrifying. It had some jump scenes for the history books, but that doesn't translate into "a great movie" for me.

In this review I have two more disappointing horror/thrillers as well as a horror movie that surprised me. I think it's important to keep in mind that horror is very personal. Not just in the sense that different things scare different people, but also that the circumstances under which you watch a movie and the headspace you're in can really impact how you feel about a movie. 

***

Cuckoo

Hunter Schafer is one of the breakout stars of the, er, problematic (yet addictive) show Euphoria. I was excited to see that she would be the lead actress in what appeared to be (going by the preview) a truly terrifying and bonkers horror movie. Directed by Tilman Singer and also starring Dan Stevens, Cuckoo is about a family that moves to a resort town in the Bavarian Alps for the summer. Gretchen (Schafer) is the extremely moody eldest daughter who is grieving the death of her mother. After her mother's death, she was forced to move to England to live with her dad, Luis (Martin Csokas), stepmom Beth (Jessica Fenwick), and stepsister Alma (Mila Lieu). And now she's being forced to spend the summer in a boring resort town while her parents help design the new hotel for Mr. Konig (Dan Stevens, putting his bilingualism to good use playing the very creepy Herr Konig). 

Basically, creepy shit starts going down from day one. Konig gives Gretchen a job at the reception desk of the main hotel (the resort consists of a hotel with little bungalows nearby) and people randomly come in and throw up at night. Alma starts having seizures, which take Luis and Beth's full attention, leaving Gretchen to her own devices. When she is chased by a terrifying woman while she rides her bike home after a late night shift at the hotel, she realizes that something very bad is happening at the resort.

And you'll never guess what it is because it's so batshit insane that I really couldn't take Cuckoo seriously. The movie feels very incoherent and half-baked. The acting and cinematography are excellent, but they cannot make up for a plot that feels both silly and stupid. By the end of the movie, I was thinking "When will this be over? I want this movie to be over." which is not what you want to feel when watching a movie! 

I was reminded of the movie A Cure for Wellness while watching Cuckoo, which is similar in that there is a kernel of a really interesting idea buried deep in the movie, but the execution is just bad. It's almost more disappointing to watch a film that has unrecognized potential than a movie that is just plain bad. I'll bump up Cuckoo's grade for the above-mentioned acting and cinematography, as well as some truly terrifying imagery, but overall this is one to skip.

Grade: C+

***

Trap

M. Night Shyamalan is a divisive filmmaker and more often than not I find myself on the "yeah, no" side with regards to his films. In my mind, he made one truly great film (The Sixth Sense), a bunch of mid-level films, and some absolute stinkers. Having only seen six of his movies, I'm not the best judge of his overall oeuvre, but I'd say that Trap falls somewhere in the middle.

More of a thriller than a horror film, the main "twist" of Trap isn't a twist at all since the marketing revealed the premise of the film: Cooper (Josh Hartnett), takes his daughter, Riley (Ariel Donoghue), to a concert. Upon seeing the huge numbers of police at the concert, Cooper asks a guy selling merchandise what's going on. The guy says that the police know that an infamous serial killer, the Butcher, is at this concert and so they've set a trap for him. They'll be detaining every male leaving the concert until they catch the guy. Problem is, Cooper is the Butcher.

So the rest of the movie is "How is Cooper gonna get out of this?". Well, and also a lot of time spent lingering on the concert of fictional pop singer Lady Raven, played by...M. Night Shyamalan's daughter Saleka Night Shyamalan. And I'm not going to lie: she's a pretty good pop singer! But also, this is really taking the nepo baby thing to the next level.

In any case, Trap has the two things you can always expect in a Shyamalan movie: crazy plot twists and schmaltzy pap. I've called Shyamalan a "hack" before, and I'm not sure if that's fair. I think he is actually a decent director whose directorial style and values as a storyteller are just not for me. The guy wants to direct movies about horrific things but he is unwilling to go all the way to the dark side. And because of this unwillingness to get dark and dirty, his movies come off as phony and cheesy (to me). In the case of Trap it's the fact that this so-called "Butcher" seems like a real stand-up guy for a serial killer. The way he kills people, or at least the specific victim he has hidden away in a basement somewhere at the time of the concert, is the most humane and non-painful way to kill someone. Also, he's a good father and he has Mommy issues, which water down his inherent evil.

I hate shit like this. The Butcher supposedly has killed 12 people at the time of the concert. If you kill 12 people in cold blood, you're a psychopath. It doesn't matter if Mommy didn't love you enough. Something is wrong with your brain if you kill 12 people. So don't give me this "serial killer with a heart of gold" bullshit. They tried to do the same thing with the show Dexter and I couldn't buy it: there is no such thing as a "moral" serial killer. But in M. Night's wholesome worldview, even serial killers aren't that bad. M. Night is a soft director and that softness is too soft for me. 

Credit where credit is due, though: Josh Hartnett is great in this movie,

Grade: C+

***

In a Violent Nature

Directed by Chris Nash, In a Violent Nature was a pleasant surprise. It's meditative, ambient, and slow. The killer, Johnny (Ry Barrett), is awakened from death by a some 20-somethings who take a locket from a fire tower where Johnny is buried. This was Johnny's mother's necklace, so he awakens and goes on a killing spree. A lot of the movie, which follows Johnny's perspective, is just him tromping through the woods. It's the most relaxing slasher you'll ever watch. Filled with the crunching of leaves underfoot and birdsong, a significant portion of In a Violent Nature feels like an ASMR video. Only peppered with insanely violent murders.

I watched this movie with a friend and there was one kill in particular (IYKYK) where we exclaimed, "whoa. Whoa!! WHOA!!!" as we watched--just absolutely disgusting, graphic, and probably impossible to actually do to a human body. 

There's not much else to say about In a Violent Nature. It's not a movie with a ton of symbolism or a deeper meaning. It's just an undead guy killing a bunch of annoying 20-somethings in the woods. Simple and surprisingly satisfying.

Grade: B+

I Saw the TV Glow

Spoiler warning for entire review.

Director Jane Schoenbrun's film I Saw the TV Glow is, in a word, captivating. I was nervous I wouldn't like it because I didn't care for Schoenbrun's previous film, We're All Going to the World's Fair, which I found incredibly boring. While I Saw the TV Glow is slow and meditative, it isn't boring (in my opinion). It's deeply emotional, devastating, and gut-wrenching.

In 1996, Owen (played by Ian Foreman as a 7th grader and by Justice Smith as a 9th grader and beyond) is a lonely kid who meets Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine), an older girl who is obsessed with a TV show called The Pink Opaque, which airs at 10:30pm on Saturdays. Owen isn't allowed to stay up that late, so Maddy encourages him to lie to his mom about going to a sleepover and instead come over to her place to watch.

Two years later, Owen and Maddy aren't quite friends, but Maddy records video tapes of The Pink Opaque and gives them to Owen since, despite being a 9th grader now, he still isn't allowed to stay up and watch the show. While Owen is fascinated by the show, which features two teen girls--Isabelle and Tara--who communicate psychically and fight off monsters sent by the big bad, "Mr. Melancholy", Maddy is obsessed with it. She says that it seems like the show is more real than real life. Maddy also hates the small town she and Owen live in and tries to convince Owen to run away with her, but Owen chickens out the night they're supposed to go.

Not long after, Maddy disappears without a trace...and The Pink Opaque is canceled after a cliffhanger of a season finale in which the evil Mr. Melancholy buries Tara and Isabelle alive. 

Eight years later, Owen's mom has passed away from cancer. He lives with his deeply unfriendly dad (played by Fred Durst!) and works at a movie theatre. Owen leads a life of quiet desperation and Justice Smith plays him so well, with big eyes that seem both empty and filled with sadness. 

Maddy suddenly appears one day and while Owen is initially overjoyed to reunite with her, he quickly becomes concerned when Maddy tells him that The Pink Opaque is real and that after years of trying to live a normal life and feeling like time was slipping away, Maddy paid a coworker to bury her alive and she woke up in the show. She is Tara and Owen is Isabelle. What's more, the show ended with Isabelle also buried and alive and she's running out of oxygen. Maddy wants to bury Owen alive in this world so that he'll wake up as his true self, Isabelle, and he and Maddy/Tara can continue to show and battle Mr. Melancholy.

Maddy almost convinces Owen to go through with it, but he pushes her down and runs away, never to see her again. Decades later, Owen is a grown man with a family of his own, working at the "Fun Center" (basically a Dave & Busters), with crippling asthma and and even sadder look in his eye. During a kid's birthday party at the Fun Center, he freaks out, screaming that he is dying and calling for his mommy, while everyone around him freezes in place and doesn't hear him. In the bathroom, he tears his belly open with a box cutter to find a glowing TV inside. Owen doesn't die, he simply leaves the bathroom and apologizes to the partygoers, who don't even acknowledge his existence. This is where the movie ends.

So what is I Saw the TV Glow about? Well, it's most clearly a metaphor for being transgender. According to Maddy, Owen is "really" Isabelle. There's even a scene, remembered in flashbacks, where he dresses as Isabelle--in a pink dress--and Maddy dresses as Tara. His unsupportive dad remarks that The Pink Opaque is a show "for girls". And by denying who he truly is, Owen leads a sad life that never feels really real. He also makes a comment to the effect of, "If I don't think about it, it's not real". 

Schoenbrun is nonbinary and queer, and I Saw the TV Glow just feels very, very queer. But I think that straight, cisgender people can relate to it too because it's also about growing up and growing into someone you didn't think you'd be. Not living true to yourself and wondering what could have been. It's also about nostalgia. As an adult, Owen rewatches The Pink Opaque and finds it ridiculously juvenile and even embarrassing. Who among us hasn't gone back and watched a favorite childhood movie or show and realized that it...wasn't good. Or feels much "younger" than it felt when we were kids? 

But the thing about nostalgia is that it can be a tool for us to see how far we've come and how much we've matured. Personally, I don't deify my childhood at all. I didn't have a bad childhood, but I feel much more "me" as an adult. Aging suits me. Watching childhood faves makes me feel warm and fuzzy, not sad. I Saw the TV Glow has a much darker view of nostalgia. It suggests that maybe some of us were our truest selves when we were kids before, you know, life got to us. For Owen and Maddy, The Pink Opaque represents adventure, purpose, and true friendship whereas real life served up disappointment, conformity, and settling for something you tell yourself is happiness. Maddy chose a life of adventure, Owen chose to settle for less and lie to himself everyday, and now it's literally killing him. Suffocating him, as his alter ego suffocates in her shallow grave within The Pink Opaque.

Whether you feel the trans metaphor or the "life of quiet desperation" metaphor more, I Saw the TV Glow will devastate you in the end, and a lot of that has to do with the deeply embodied performance by Justice Smith. He doesn't not have to overact to express how the years of denial, repression, and boredom have turned him into a shadow by the end of the movie. I felt that achy-hot feeling behind my eyes in the last scene, wanting to cry for poor Owen. I Saw the TV Glow is a movie that aches. 

I'm so glad I gave this movie a chance. It's one of my favorites of the year so far, though I don't know if it will be an easily rewatchable film. But it is fascinating and deeply moving piece of art and I'll definitely be looking out for Schoenbrun's next film.

Grade: A